William should have been happy to hear himself placed above his rivals, but holding Isabella so close he couldn't help but feel her worry about the others. He wanted nothing more than to overcome them, but somehow it felt like it wasn't a complete picture as she'd described it.

"If and when that step might happen for me it'll mean so much more if I have someone to share in my success." He squeezed her tightly and nuzzled into her hair, indulging in the scent of her. "And there's no one I'd want to share that moment with more than you."

William took a deep breath, steeling his courage. "But as much as I wish there was a guarantee for us, there isn't. If there was, then we wouldn't be talking about Gavin and Elias right now because there wouldn't be a choice to make. As much as I want to feel good about having an advantage over them it feels like their troubles are a challenge for you too and you might find that your heart takes you a different way from me regardless of what I want. They both have challenges to overcome, but it's plain to see that all three of us care enough about you to put ourselves at risk to overcome whatever gets in our way. We've already done it." Admitting it ached, but she'd opened her heart and been honest in spite of how tough it had been. He owed it to her to do the same. He might seem like the choice that made the most sense right now, but as she'd said by the river the heart doesn't always choose the rational way. William wanted his Angel to be happy, no matter what that meant.

"What if...what if you realize that what you really want isn't here with me? How would things look then? It sounds like you've thought a lot about what it would mean with the others, but the truth is that I shouldn't be left out of that. Believe me when I say that it's the last thing that I would want to happen, but like I've told you before I want to do this right. That means that I don't try to paint a rosier picture than we really have. It means that I want you to be happy, whatever that means." Even as he spoke William held Isabella tightly to himself almost as if he were afraid she would fly away the moment his hold on her eased away.

Isabella listened and considered Will's words carefully before replying, "If I'm being honest, I hadn't thought much about you and me NOT being together.  Ever since I met you... I'd been plotting how I'd seduce you and convince you to ask me to marry you."

"Even when I was with Gavin, at least at the beginning, I always told myself he was something I was doing for fun because he makes me laugh and forget my pain.  He knows how to make me put down my burdens with a word and smile.  So, I told myself I was just letting my hair down and forgetting my troubles for a while.  I didn't see the harm to anyone because I hadn't won you yet and Gavin knew what I was doing with you... I've never kept it from him."

She drew a breath and admitted out loud, "I figured you had to know that... at least from the standpoint of any respectable woman, that Gavin Bryne couldn't hold a candle to you and the life we might share if things went the right way."

William kissed her lips softly and as he pulled back from her she could see his barely restrained smile, even in the dark of the room. 

"Go on."  Urged.  "Try."

"I suppose if I were to think about it..."  She closed her eyes.  "I see you.  You're boarding a plane back to Philly.  You're sad.  I've hurt you.  Maybe you feel a bit of anger at the situation, but not me.  I think you're probably kicking yourself.  A boxer tells himself that if he lost a fight, he needs to train harder.  He doesn't bemoan his opponent."

"You're sad for a time... and we don't talk for a bit, so that's hard, but you need the space and I don't have the words to make your ache go away without betraying my own decisions."  She sighs.  "It's one day at a time.  You go through the motions, you meet your obligations but things seem... hollow because you've lost what you thought was going to be a happy future.  You aren't looking to replace me - at least not seriously... maybe there's a fling, or side girl, but it's to make the nights seem not so dark."

"Then, in time, a woman who you hadn't seen for what she is ... she's suddenly there like the dawn coming over the sea and you wonder why you never saw her this way before.  You wonder how you could have cast her any other role but the center of the universe.  You call me... because it doesn't hurt now, you have wings of your own and don't need an angel to fly."

"You tell me how she's all the things you loved about me... and maybe some things you didn't know to look for.  You ask my advice, my help... I owe you that, because a fighter doesn't go into a championship match without revisiting the bout he lost.  I'm so glad you've come back into my life... that I help you get the girl."

"Jack Mezzo comes to his senses and makes you a Don.  You win the girl.  I attend the wedding and toast the bride and groom with a smile.  I love her for being your everything... and I secretly hate her because I'll never be her.  No matter what choice I made... no matter who... I'll always remember when it was us and I'll probably always question if I made the right choice.  It's my burden and I never tell you for fear I lose you in my life utterly... but it's there."

She opens her doe-like eyes, shimmering with unshed tears and she smiles.  "My pain... about you... it's never about the pain I cause you like it is with the other two.  My pain, my fears about not choosing you, it's utterly selfish.  I fear that I'll walk away from you and live to regret it all my days.  I fear that if I choose Elias that I'm choosing to hang onto a memory that isn't real anymore.  That we'll do our best to be the people we use to be... and in doing so, lose everything we are."

She drew a breath, "I fear that if I choose Gavin that I'll find this intense passion we have will burn bright, but die in time... that he'll wake up one day in my bed and realize I've caged and collared him; and that he won't just suffer silently, that he'll grow to hate me.  And that which I loved best in him... I will have killed with my own hands trying to never let it go."

She shakes her head, "I live in fear so much now.  I use to be so brave... so strong... but Agent Garrett's actions have turned me into something soft.  This whole thing has brought back a little girl I thought was long dead.  As impossible thing as Elias coming back to me... but it's happened.  What I want doesn't matter.  What is... I must endure."

"You're stronger than you know Angel. You're standing strong against a force that could give a Godfather pause. You stood up to Tyler Durden and saved my life. You're standing up and saying your heart even when it might have cost you people you care about. On top of all that you've supported a family in the Tower. Sometimes being an angel means swinging a flaming sword to protect the things that are worthwhile. Sometimes being afraid doesn't mean you're weak, it means you have something worth keeping. " William's hand brushed back the hair from the side of her face and caressed her cheek.

"Speaking of which, you're right about one thing. I'd be kicking myself if I walked away from you because it'd mean I finally tipped over that pedestal you put me on. I'd go through the motions and someday I might meet someone, but I'd never see them without thinking of you and I'd never be as much as I am now. When I met you I was losing my drive and you lit a fire in me that made me push harder and accomplish more than I ever would have thought possible. If I'm half the things you think of me, it's only because of you." Will pulled Isabella to him and kissed her deeply. It carried none of the lust of their earlier embraces but its passion was if it were the first and last time, as if he could put all of his heart into this one moment and say the things that he couldn't find the words to let out. For a long while, he lay next to her, pressed tightly against her and hoping never to feel her touch leave him.

It was a futile hope, he knew, and in a while he would have to let her go and face a world where he didn't know the next time they'd have this opportunity. A world where he might some day be on the other end of a telephone call hoping that she'd see how much he wished she were next to him instead of another and hoping against hope that there might be a chance he'd change the past.

But that future hadn't come to pass yet. It didn't have to come to pass. He did have to let her go, but it didn't mean she'd be gone.

William finally released his hold and looked the Angel next to him in the eyes.

"No matter what happens, we will see this battle through together. Once that is done, what you want is the only thing that's important. If that ends up being me, then know that you won't have to seduce me to bring that to pass. If it's not...I'll do what I can to let you be happy."

She smiled at Will.  "The sun will be up soon.  So... I'm thinking, why don't we go to my room?  We'll take a shower and head down for breakfast together.  I'll cook!"  She said brightly.

"I saw a big package of bacon when I made sandwiches yesterday... and a few eggs.  I'm not chef, but I use to cook for mom and I.  I do know my way around a good breakfast."  She chuckled, "I'll even make enough for the other guys... but we'll eat together first before I go to wake them.  How's that sound?"

"It sounds like a perfect way to start the new day, particularly the shower. Besides, any time I get to keep you to myself is good time."

William stood up from the bed and stretched out. It took a moment to realize that he was still undressed, but with a grin back at Isabella he gathered up what little clothing he'd worn on his way to the room, dressed, and waited for Isabella to lead the way.

Gavin had just had his best night's sleep in years. Maybe he should sleep outside more often? The rain, the river, and now the early morning sun breaking through the clouds had seemingly recharged him. He was slightly down he remembered why he'd slept outside, but nothing could really get him down this morning. He rolled over and patted the box turtle next to him before rising to a sitting position and looking out at the water for a moment. Eventually, he stood and made his way back toward The Tower. His back was covered in mud and grass stains, his pants were still wet, and he wasn't wearing any shoes. His hair was wildly unkempt.

He'd showed soon, of course. But first, he had to eat something. Moving silently, he made his way to the kitchen and started rustling around for food like a squirrel that got into the bird-feeder. 

The shower was bliss.  She had scrubbed every conceivable inch of William and he had done so for her... this had lead to the need for another shower after a roll around her ACTUAL bed (which was now wet from their first shower) - the second shower, of course, was much quicker and practical.  

Together they smelled like a soap advertisement in a women's magazine, hair freshly coiffed and chattering in well-rested and happy tones as they approached the kitchen planning to cook.  Isabella startled at the sight of a wild man in her kitchen raiding her cupboards like some sort of raccoon someone has accidentally let in the back door... but the moment she realized it was GAVIN who was covered in water, mud and... grass?  It hit her where he'd been... all night.

"Oh my god, Gavin!"  She instantly went to his side.  "I AM SO SORRY!"  She wanted to put her arms around him and help him to a chair, but he was filthy!  

"You'll have caught your death in that storm!  God... I didn't think you'd be out there with the storm that rolled in!  I ... oh God I'm so sorry!"  She insisted.  "Let me get you some warm coffee and a big steak with eggs... I am such a horrible person!  You poor dear!"  Instantly Will was nearly forgotten as she was overwhelmed with guilt and worry for Gavin.

Gavin took a bite of an apple with a smirk on his face- although his eyes did linger slightly longer on William.

"Why are you sorry? I feel amazing... still not going to say no to steak and eggs, I guess... but... I mean I'm not a dog. I chose to go out there. It was great! Would've been better with company, I suppose."

He winked and took another large bite of his apple.

"Weren't you cold?"  She said somewhat stunned, moving towards the fridge for steak and eggs.  "I mean... the rain and the wind - it had to be frigid.  You could ha... wait, do you mean to tell me that you weren't out there in that storm just waiting for me to join you like we discussed?  You WANTED to sleep in that?"

The perfect morning was over just that quick. William shook his head and smirked as he took a seat and waited for this to play out. It was all he could do for the moment considering how quickly Isabella had become obsessed with Gavin's state. Still, Gavin had given an opening he couldn't resist.

"Storms are a great time to spend with company. It's a little like seeing one of those scary motion pictures, you never know how cozy things are going to get by the end."

"Bella, it was fine. I wasn't expecting you to join me. And it really wasn't that bad."

Gavin smirked at Will.

"What an astute observation; storms are great to spend time with company. I had a box turtle with me, actually. One of two new friends I made last night."

Isabella pulled the steak from the fridge.  She arched an eyebrow, "Two friends?"  Had Gavin kept company with one of crew last night?  Her mind raced through the possible meanings of his words as she put a fry pan on the stove.

"Neil. Good good. Great listener."

The image of Neil and Gavin made her laugh in spite of herself.  "I'm glad you kept him company last night.  Don't tell him I told you so, but storms unnerve him pretty badly.  There was a real bad one the night his father died.  He told me about it before..."  She hated thinking about what she'd made him do, especially now.

"He really is a nice guy.  I just wish the other guys would lay off him a bit."  She said cracking eggs into a bowl.