Gavin was certainly not an oblivious man.  For all the flaws one could attribute to him, failing to notice details wasn't probably one of them.  He'd likely noted her lack of make-up after returning from her visit to her & Will's business.  He probably also noted she arranged for an in-flight meal - despite having planned to eat with William. 

One might assume she and William had chosen to spend their time on pleasurable pursuits... but then there was that absolute quiet emanating from her.  The lack of a glow which all women seemed to have after such ecstasy... none of the usual signs were present to indicate she'd been making love.  In fact, she was behaving just shy of depressed despite preparing to board a plane to somewhere warm and sunny.

After checking on the baby squirrel in her new/proper travel house, Isabella dismissed the majority of her bodyguard team.  Her words were terse, orders really - not friendly goodbyes, sending them back to Detroit to help her Right Hand Man Jewel to keep the Tower standing in her absence.  Only Neil, who had been promoted to her number-one spot (as attested to by his shiny new gun, new suit, and wing-tipped shoes), was coming along.

Neil carried her bags as they boarded the plane and he settled in a good distance away from Gavin and Bella.  Almost immediately, Isabella pulled out a small flask from her purse and poured some into a plastic cup for herself.  "Something to calm your nerves and steel you for the change in pressure that's about to come?"

Gavin showed up at the airport feeling like something the cat dragged in. Physically, he was still recovering, and he didn't feel like his old self. Part of it, he supposed, was a result of that he was preparing to act very, very unlike his old self.

When he'd been with Bella in Chicago in the Chippewa Woods, something had happened to him that had change the way he thought. Suddenly, things that he never would have considered became things that he could imagine. In Detroit, taking down Garrett, he couldn't help but feel like he should have died. He'd tried to fight it, once he'd been shot. Three times, he'd tried to force himself to open his eyes, sit up, and keep fighting. He'd lost every time. 

Then he'd given up, stopped fighting for one of the only times in his life, as he felt himself drifting away to... whatever came next. And Bella had forced him to come back. Moments like that change a person, and Gavin wasn't sure how much was different. But he intended to talk with Bella sometime during this trip. 

And so Gavin arrived at the airport both emotionally and physically frayed in a way that he could really recall. He still had his familiar grin as he greeted Bella and Neil and they made their way to the plane. Bella seemed. off. She looked more serious than he had expected. Something had happened with William. As Gavin sank into the seat, he wondered whether he should ask immediately. But he was so tired, he decided to let sleeping dogs lie. If he was going to have a giant discussion with Bella, he wanted it to be on a beach on not trapped in a plane like sardines in a can.

Still, he accepted the flask gratefully and took a swig before glancing at her with a smirk.

"Will there be more pressure? Or less?"

"Going up you're gonna feel it... it will probably hurt a bit, but once we're cruising it should be okay."  She took his hand in hers. 

"The trip home will be a lot better though.  Just stay focused on where we're going and how wonderful you're going to feel this afternoon when I'm giving you a rubdown with coconut sunscreen on a beach of pure white sand.  A place with water so clear you can see all the way to the bottom and pick out all the brightly colored fish darting in and out of the coral."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek.  "If you want to catch a little sleep, I'll keep an eye on ... you know, we do need to name her soon."  She nodded to the squirrel's home.  "I can't keep calling her - her, forever."

Gavin smiled as the warmth spread through his chest.

"That does sound pretty wonderful. And yea, squirrel will have a name by the time we're headed back. Guaranteed."

Gavin leaned back, trying to get comfortable.

"And sleep might be a good idea. It's been a long couple of days. I'll tell you more about them when we get there."

"I like that plan."  She said leaning back in her seat, giving his hand another squeeze.  Maybe by the time they got to where they were going, she'd know what she was going to say about her visit with Will, if anything.  For now, she needed the travel time to get her head back in the game.  She wanted to be here, present in the moment with Gavin... not still reliving William's final words to her on repeat in her head.

The flight wasn't terribly long.  Three hours from Philly to Montego Bay, Jamaica.  At the airport, she rented two cars.  One for Neil and one for her and Gavin to drive in.  Negril was to the west of Montego Bay, along the coastline.  Nearly two hours by car.  Gavin, again, slept most of the way - driving with the windows down, the sun shining on him.

Isabella had booked two places to stay in Jamacia, just in case they wanted to have a change of pace at some point during the week.  The first was in Montego Bay, the Sands hotel, casino and resort.  The second was a private rental, a small cottage in Negril right on the beach.  She felt like, for the majority of his healing, Gavin might enjoy a more rural setting.  The owners told her that Negril was a fishing town that was slowly becoming more tourist-oriented, but not like Montego Bay in the slightest.

The setting was like something from a postcard.  She pulled down a long drive off the main road to find the small wooden shack.  It wasn't much to look at, but it was brightly painted and pretty in a rustic sort of way.  The cabin was surrounded by sporadic palm trees and low brush, leading out to a beach decorated with coral rocks.  The boat she'd paid extra for was in the dock, a small fishing boat really, but she thought Gavin might enjoy a small adventure on the water.  Two green hammocks swung on a covered porch.  And a small bar was just down the coast, a relaxing walkway... from what she understood it served lobster and a wide variety of rums.

The key was hidden just where she was told it would be and she opened the two bedroom cottage up for them to begin settling in.  Neil did most of the work while she went to the bathroom and changed out of her clothing which was better suited to the northern autumn than the warm weather that she'd found here.  When she emerged she was wearing a white cotton sundress, he hair hanging long and unadorned.  Barefoot she went outside to find Gavin starring out on the impossibly blue waves.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his back.  She drew a deep breath and listened to the waves against the rocks.  "This..."  She said after a long quiet moment, "... may be the very best plan you've ever had Gavin Byrne."

Gavin slept during the flight, but it was a restless sleep. In fact, he slept during the car ride immediately after, too. Maybe he had pushed himself too hard in the last few days. Well, at least he was there now.

Still, by the time he stepped out of the car, he looked better than he had all day. Perhaps it was the sleep, perhaps it was the recuperative power of the sun, which he seemed to absorb since they landed. The setting seemed idyllic- not touristy in the slightest. The cabin seemed simple, but its placement right on the beach was all he needed to know. 

His eyes ran over the cabin, the palm trees, the boat, the hammocks, and the bar... and he grinned, perhaps wider than ever.

"This is amazing- no, perfect."

As Bella was changing, Gavin quickly stepped over the outdoor shower. The water was cool, and he quickly toweled off and threw on a pair of pants and a dress shirt, which he left even more open than usual. It seemed to fit, considering the setting. He glanced over his shoulder and saw her approaching him, her long raven hair contrasting sharply with the simple white dress, and he once again felt like he'd been knocked off his axis. 

Chicago, in the Chippewa Woods. Detroit, as he was bleeding out. And here in Jamaica. Well, one of those things didn't seem to belong. This time, he felt the universe hit him and he simply turned with the blow, not trying to fight in the least. Instead, he just smiled as he looked out at the water.

"Well, I think plan is putting it generously. More like a pipe dream. But I'm glad it happened."

Taking her hand, he led her onto the beach and slowly lowered himself onto the sand. The end of the day was fast approaching, and he could see the hints of red already appearing in the sky.

"Pipe dream?"  She lowered herself down to the sand beside him, digging her toes in to absorb the warmth that still lingered there from the long day of sun.  "From here on out there isn't any more pipe dreams.  Certainly nothing as simple as hopping a plane and coming here.  You could have done it years ago if you really had wanted to, at least from the sound of things."

She looked at him and considered for a moment, "Unless the company was the pipe dream?"  she chuckled and shook her head looking out at the sunset.  "I'm pretty sure that I'd follow you to Hell if you asked it of me, Gavin."

"Don't think we need to go anywhere THAT warm."

"And about the pipe dream, maybe it's a little of both. I guess I had the money to come earlier. I just didn't really want to, I guess. But you're right, I guess you and I were also kind of a pipe dream. I'm still glad we're here though."

Gavin shifted slightly on the sand.

"I actually kind of wanted to talk to you about that. About us. But if you'd really rather wait, I'm content to just sit here and enjoy this."

"Let's talk."  She said softly.  "I think I'm ready and I think we have a lot on our minds.  We've been through a lot in a very short period of time.  It seems to me that we might have a bit to unpack."

She lays back on the sand and looks up at the sky growing darker.  "Why don't you start."

Gavin leaned back, digging his hands into the sands as he looked out at the sun.

"Okay. Well, you know, obviously, we've been seeing other people. I heard you with Will, that night in the tower. And I don't know what's up with Elias, but I know he's still at least technically in the picture."

Gavin sighed.

"And you know I had more than you, too. I had a girl in just about every city. Some of them were purely physical. Some of them I was... friends with. Close with them. Cared about what happened to them after they were gone. There were three I was real close with, other than you. One of them got hurt last month, right before we started this whole Garrett job. She's young.... one of the best people I ever met. She got paralyzed. Fucking horrible. I hope she gets better... but for now, it doesn't look good. She's gone. Overseas. The second one was... well, she's a spitfire. A dancer and a waitress. I tried to tell her I wouldn't be coming around any more and she came at me with a knife. I'm pretty sure she was bluffing. But I think I'm probably going to have to buy the place she works at just to keep her from trying to burn down Jack's HQ. The third is...well, I'm not ready to talk about her. Not sure I ever will. I thought she was just in it for fun, that I didn't mean that much to her, but I was dead wrong. I think I hurt her worse than I've hurt anyone, at least emotionally. And I feel horrible about it. About hurting her."

He sighed again.

"I don't want to put any pressure on you. Make your own choices in your own time. But I just want you to know that it's over with all of them. I know that you and I have always been kind of a pipe dream. But it's one I'd like to focus on- to give it my all and see if we can make it work. Really work."

The only sound for a while was the waves, but she could sense he wasn't finished. 

"I guess a shrink would tell me I'm just reacting to almost dying. But I don't think that's bad. I just keep thinking about that moment, lying on top of that floor at the top of Garrett's staircase. Feeling myself bleed out. I'm stubborn as hell, and at first I tried to fight what happening to me. Fought it three times, telling myself I was going to get up and keep going. Or at least open my eyes and breath. But I couldn't do it. I stopped fighting. I just decided to go, and that it must be my time. Tara would be sad, but she'd be fine. Jack would remember all the shit we've been through, but he'd have 4 guys lined up to replace me by the time I was in the ground. I thought about how you'd cry, maybe get drunk for two weeks straight. But I knew Will would take care of you. And you'd have him, moving forward. My friend in Sicily has her vineyard; she'd be sad, but she has a whole other life now. My friend in New York... well, knowing what I know now, she'd have taken it harder than I thought. But at the time, I figured she'd just dance along, find a new partner out of the willing masses. And the girl in Chicago... well, she's half crazy anyway. Basically, I made peace with my own death. No one needed me, and I gave myself permission to die."

A bittersweet smile crossed his face.

"And then you wouldn't let me. So here I am. I'm not rushing you, but I just want you to know: I'm not interested in being with anyone else."

Isabella sat up.  The sand falling off her body and out of her hair.  Hiking up the hem of her dress she came up onto her knees, turned to face and then straddle Gavin's lap.  Wordlessly she took his face between her hands - fingertips resting on his cheeks and she leaned in to kiss him as only a lover can.

Her heart raced as she reflected upon his words.  As each syllable registered in her mind painting a picture of the life Gavin had which she knew so little about, parts of her flared with jealousy and then with happiness in equal measure.  Her kiss was affected by this roller coaster slowing at moments and becoming sweet and at others, hinting at a desire that was barely contained - a want to make sure he had an easier time saying goodbye to that old life than she was having at bidding her own past farewell.

Will.

She broke her lips away from Gavin's, leaving her forehead touching his, as they had done before entering Garret's home.  The way her hair fell like curtains around their faces made the world seem to disappear and she'd liked how that felt - there was an intimacy to it, not sexual, but a closeness she was very fond of.

"I knew there you had others,"  She breathed, "But I didn't care.  I gave Elias back his ring, after the horrible things he said to me I could never be with him again... and..." 

She hesitated, perhaps she should say she didn't want to talk about Will too?  That it was too soon, too personal?  "I told William that I'd chosen you the instant I told you to take those stairs."

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, "I'm all in Gavin.  There is no one else.  There's only you."  

Gavin looked up at her and simply smiled, although he had a somewhat expression on his face.

We're going to talk about this stairway thing later. But for now...

I'm all in Gavin.  There is no one else.  There's only you.

He simply kissed her, and then gently- very gently- leaned them back onto the warm sands. 

"I got one!"  She laughed reeling in as fast as she could, shaking as she did so, her pole bent in half.

"Easy now..."  Gavin instructed putting his own pole down.  He turned to help her.  

"It feels like it weighs a ton!"  She was as excited as a child on Christmas and all over a stupid fish!

Gavin's arms wrapped around her and helped her steady the pole.  His face beside hers, "Don't let the line go slack."  He advised, helping her pull up and against the fish.  "He'll swim towards you hoping for that.  If he gets slack, he'll find a way to get off."

"How?  He's got a hook in his lip!"

"Trust me, when a man knows it's over... sometimes impossible shit happens."  He chuckled.

A silverfish, with black stripes, cleared the surface of the water and Isabella gasped.  "OH MY GOD!"  She squealed.

"Hold tight, he's going to run."  

And run the fish did, out far and fast, her reel spun making a terrible noise.  "Should I stop it?"

"You'll snap the line,"  Gavin said matter of factly.  "I think it might be a bass, we could be here for a bit.  If he's like the sort back home, he'll zig-zag a bit.  Your job is to reel up slack when he races back, and let him run when he wants to run.  His whole body is a muscle.  In time he'll get tired and then you'll just bring him to the edge of the boat and it's fish for dinner."

The fish did just as Gavin said, back and forth, over and over.  If he was tiring out, Isabella couldn't see it.  The sun beating down on them, this became a battle of wills.  The bass verses Isabella.  Her hands were sore, who knew such a small thing could have such power?  But Gavin had explained that part of it was the ocean.  She wasn't only fighting the fish - she was fighting the sea too.  

He kept helping her from time to time, allowing her to take a moment to drink and rest her hands but always the pole came back to her - Gavin was still very tired.  It wasn't just the injury, it was his lack of sleep.  He was up before her every day and up later than her each night... no matter how she tried to gently wear him out.

Glancing at him sitting in the boat, staring out at the fish, she could see that it was taking its toll.  How long would this go on?  She couldn't say.  She considered that he might need a doctor, or therapist... someone other than her, a professional... but he would reject it.  She suspected he wasn't the sort to give over to that kind of help.  

Gavin picked up the net.  "This is it.  Bring him home, Bella." 

Isabella hadn't been paying attention, but the fish had slowed and so she reeled in and sure enough, the fish came as if he wanted to.  Resigned to his own demise.  Gavin bent over with the net and said, "It's a bass, striped one."  

"I can't believe it.  I caught a fish!"  She said as Gavin pulled the fish into the boat.  It was as big of a fish as she'd ever seen at the markets.  It wasn't as big as they could have been... but she was proud of her silverfish none the less.

"A nice one too.  This will make one hell of a meal."

"I hope you're planning to cook - I've never made bass."

"I could clean and cook this in my sleep."  He said with a smile.  This was her opening, and she took it.

"Good... cause you really could use some."  she sat down across from him.  "What's going on Gavin?  I know you're not sleeping and I'm starting to worry."

Gavin shrugged.

"Me too. We'll see what happens, I guess. What was it like when you got shot? The bad time, I mean. Not that this last one wasn't a big deal, but you know what I mean."

"I guess my system just needs some time to calm down. Besides, I'm feeling better today."

He lightly tapped his chest with no reaction. 

"We'll celebrate my newfound health in style. For now... more fishing? Or head back?"

Isabella thought about it a moment and let the rocking of the ship help her back into the place she'd been after she'd been shot.  She closed her eyes.  "God that was horrible."  She drew a breath.  "The night before I'd considered running away with Elias.  Instead, we made love for the first time and convinced each other that staying loyal to the family was the only option we had."

She opened her eyes.  "When the war started, we went where we were told.  He to kill men for my father and me to be a decoy... to lure people away from Marie and protect her.  I honestly was starting to think I was going to get away without a single close call when the bullet's ripped into me.  I can remember really only a few details of the incident itself... and most of it really doesn't make a lot of sense to have hung onto.  I guess the brain does some strange things when you're ... dying."

She drew a steadying breath.  "They say I was dead a moment or two, my heart stopped, but the doctor kicked it back into gear again.  I guess when I hit you I was trying to do the same thing to you."  She chuckled dryly.  "I didn't know if it would work - I just knew I couldn't sit there and not try.  It was hardly medical, just me repeating what I was told he'd done to me... hit the place over my heart until I started breathing again."

She finally met Gavin's eyes.  "I didn't sleep well until I was back with Elias.  I told myself it was my worry for him... but it was more than that.  I guess it's stupid to think something like your heart stopping, even for a little while, isn't going to have some impact.  I like life.  I have a family and I had a future with someone I loved."

Her tone became a bit more somber, she looked to her feet,  "For me though, I sometimes still have nightmares about how I've changed, the parts they cut out of me.  I have nightmares about children I'll never have, about how some might look at me - as if I'm less of a woman now, and... about ... the inside parts of me, rotting somewhere."  She shook her head dismissing the memory of nightmares she'd rather never think on at all.

"I'm sorry."  She said looking up at him, trying to gauge his reaction.  "Not the most lovely topic to hear your girlfriend talking about I suppose."  

"No, not a lovely topic. An important one, though. I'll be fine, I think. Just need some time. I've been shot at a lot. Way too much, honestly. I just got used to them missing, I guess."

Changing the subject, Gavin popped his eyebrows.

"Girlfriend, eh?"

Chuckling, he fired out the motor on the boat and headed them back towards the shore. A few minutes later, they were on the shore. As they tied the boat up, Gavin tested himself again, seeing if stretching would hurt him.

Apparently, a few days had done him good.

"Why don't we take a drive today? There's somewhere I wanted to check out. Blue Hole Mineral Spring. Supposed to be good medicine. I guess it's a thirty minute drive, 3-4 hour walk."

He smirked.

"I was thinking driving, myself."

"Hmmm, a mineral spring?  Never been to one of those before... I assume a swimming suit is in order?  Or is this one of those scandalous places I read about in the national geographic?"  She waggled her eyebrows playfully.  "For the right price, any place could be I bet."  She laughed.

"I'll go change."  She looked at the fish and thought for a moment about their discussion.  The last thing she wanted Gavin doing right now was slicing into something and gutting it - she couldn't imagine that being good for his mind and heart. 

"You know I bet Neil knows how to do that... he could clean the fish up for us.  He grew up on Lake Huron a good ol' country boy... something tells me he's familiar.  If you want to freshen up with me before the drive?  You can help me pick out which of my suits I should bring.  I've got two with me... one is the one I've been wearing but the other one I might need some encouragement to try out for the first time.  I'm sure it'll get some looks."

Gavin winked.

"We'll see how many other people are there before we decide on how scandalous we'll be. And as for your second question... definitely the second one. Bring it- and I promise that when you're there, you'll have all the encouragement you need."

He yelled over his shoulder as he packed a few things for the drive.

"And then some!"

***

There were no other cars on the drive out, and they gave strict instructions for the car to return a half hour or so before sunset. The area around the Blue Hole was barely settled. They were, for all intents and purposes, in the middle of the jungle. They saw no other people, but were surrounded by trees. Birds and insects- and hopefully nothing larger- filled the air with their cries. Reaching the Blue Hole, Gavin peered over the edge. If it hadn't been for the rope ladder, he would have felt like the last man on Earth. 

Looking down, he saw the interior. 25 feet of crystal clear mineral water, rumored to have healing properties. The rope ladder looked sturdy, but he'd also heard...

Turning back toward Isabella, he winked- then jumped down into the water. 

Isabella heard the splash and she came to the edge, looking down, her midsection covered by her arms wrapping around her.  She'd wore the two-piece to feel stronger... to show off the scars that were evidence of her strength and the things she'd survived but even in this almost deserted location, she still felt vulnerable.  

Gavin broke the surface far below.  "YOU'RE CRAZY!"  She laughed.  "Is it cold?  How deep is it?"

Shit, that was cold. Still, he was already getting used to it.

"Deep enough to jump! Just aim for the middle, if you're jumping. Or use the ladder."

Arms slicing through the water, Gavin made his way to the side, where one could rest on a rock. The sunlight shining through the hole above was the only light; Gavin closed his eyes, content, as he slid into the shadows and rested on one of the rocks.