<em>Toby walks up to the Insult-O-Matic™ and drops in his money</em>

Let's see what this baby can do.

Toby shakes his head.

Hopefully it isn't about my obvious speech error.

Gears clunk in to place, the whistle blows somewhat feebly. A voice is heard

If you kids can't shovel that coal any faster I'll have to buy some more who can

Suddenly a great plume of smoke explodes from the machine's funnel and the machine starts shaking slightly. The trumpet-like device is deployed:

Toby, at last we have proof some people descended from the chimpanzee later than others

Crescendo waddles by the mechanical wonder, closely followed by his enormous fat round arse......................."Greetings, Blessings and what a big one you have here then" he says, looking the machine up and down.

Bending to admire the boiler and burner beneath the thing, he fails to retain the blubber gas that`s been giving him pain most of the morning. The release creates a little confusion among the gathered throng who are then subjected to the putrid odour which is duly ignited by the open flame of the boiler.

"Ah, sorry about that" he remarks as the smell passes and is replaced by that of singed facial hair..............."I would like to try said contraption Sir"........... he remarks as considerable coughing and choking errupts around the machine.

"However, I am a little short of funds at the moment, and would appreciate some form of credit based upon the fact that I am .................pausing for a moment as he struggles to combat the itching in his groin...................I am a fellow of the dipping fraternity and good for the sum requested."

Credit? Hahaha, that's a good one!

Is there any way you can just have the machine make eggs? I think you'd make more money that way.