Isabella slipped out of the bed, careful not to disrupt Gavin as he slept still tangled in the blankets from a very long and pleasurable night.  All around the Atlantic City hotel room piles of cash were thrown recklessly about.  Isabella stepped over a few empty bottles and their discarded clothes.  She caught sight of her lithe body in a mirror as she passed, the smile on her face was as bright as the sun.  

She'd won at the tables, in an absolutely stunning upset that wasn't completely Gavin's doing (though his advice had helped a great deal) instead, she'd won in a rushed and foolish all-in bet placed blindly before the turn.  She'd had two aces in her hand... it was stupid, but twice Gavin had given her a look that made her care less and less about the game she'd only got a seat at to give to him as a gift.  When he insisted she play to practice, she was a bit put out, but she'd obeyed.  She'd no idea he'd take such delight in watching her and flirting with her as she worked... truth was, her poker face was probably perfect because the only expression she probably wore was amusement and lust.  It was as if she didn't care about the game at all - aside from getting free of it so she could be with Gavin longer.

And then, she won.  Impossibly she won a terrible amount of wealth and the two of them celebrated in typical Gavin and Bella fashion.  All around the room were signs of their shared debauchery and now, they were mere hours away from her needing to fly back to Detroit.  It made her a little sad, but there was no avoiding it.  

So, as silently as possible, she went into the bathroom to relieve herself and turned on the shower.  Steam began to fill the bathroom as she slid in and began a routine of relaxing to be followed later by washing.  Quietly, at first, she began singing to herself .  She'd sang the song to Gavin while he slept off his surgery and the song had come to be something of an anthem, in her mind, that she couldn't help but hum or sing in those quiet moments when she thought about him.  

Taking soap in hand, she lathered up the wash clothe and began covering her body in bubbles, belting out the song louder and louder.  Happy and carefree to her very core.

Gavin checked his M1911 one last time before glancing at Bella. He looked at her for a while, holding back his words, before winking and sprinting toward the stairs, just like he'd done a thousand times. He had ducked low before turning the corner, popping up the steps amidst the sound of gunfire from both sides, invincibly running to the top of the stairway. One shot hit the railing as he ran, ducking underneath the spray of splinters. 

One man looks over the bookshelf barricade and Gavin immediately puts a bullet in his head. Desperately, he hopes that the second man will do the same- but he doesn't. He never does.

As always, Gavin plants his foot on the edge of the bookshelf, launching himself in the air toward his final target- the only man standing in between Bella and Garrett. Gavin moves through the air in slow motion, unable to do anything about the gun pointed at his chest. They fire at the same time, and the world goes black. He gasps for breath, and his struggles eventually cease as he fades away. Then a pair of brown eyes leers at him as an intense pain hits his chest again.

Gavin, sweating, gasps for breath as he lurches to a sitting position in the hotel bed. After a few frantic moments ascertaining his surroundings, he leans back on the pillow and takes a series of deep breaths before opening his eyes. Normally, he'd chase this away by throwing himself into a job or a bottle, but today he had something much more pleasant to chase his ghosts away. 

Gavin stood up and stretched, glad their window didn't face anyone else's, or else he may have just shown enough to get arrested. He took the bed sheet and wiped away his sweat, tossing it on the floor when he was finished, before lightly padding his way toward the sound of falling water and singing. If he'd wanted to, he could have almost certainly snuck quietly into the shower... but Bella was a dangerous woman as well. Instead, he jiggled the doorknob and rinsed his mouth out with water to announce his presence before slipping into the shower behind her, letting his arms reach up around her chest as he pulled her close against him and kissed her neck.

Isabella finished her song and bent her head to the side, arching her back like a cat languishing in the sun.  His desire was apparent and so she rushed her washing.  Certain she should get it done quickly or not at all.

"Maybe it is a good thing we don't actually live in the same city.  I would never get a proper shower..."  A smile grew on her lips.  "... they'd always devolve into the most amazing sex and I'd forever smell of you and my own sweat."

She turned around to wrap her arms around him and looked him in the eyes.  For a moment she was sure she knew his mood by how his body betrayed him, but something wasn't right.  It was in his eyes, they weren't looking at her as they usually did.  There was something different there.  There was something there she remembered from the Carribean, painful and dark... and unspoken.

She reached up and touched his cheek gently, water pouring down between them.  "Talk to me."  She urged him and kissed his chest before resting her cheek against it, closing her eyes to stop water from getting into them.  "Show me yours... I'll show you mine from fight night."  Her hands ran about his body, promising much more pleasant distractions to come.

"Let's talk... then I'll take you back to the bed and we can forget for a while."

Gavin closed his eyes for a moment as Bella ran her hand down his cheek and then rested her head against his chest. What she said made sense... but he was too far gone now. He leaned forward into her, applying light pressure as her back hit the wall; the showerhead opposite her sent water cascading down at them. As they made eye contact, Gavin was practically panting- and his eyes were afire with need.

"We'll talk after. I promise."

At the moment, even if she wouldn't let him forget- he still wanted distance between himself and the stairway of his dreams. 

Gavin backed her up against the tile.  A shiver ran through her, jolting her body tight against his, desperate for his heat to fight off the icy chill.  She opened her mouth to gasp, but before she could speak his lips seized hers.  Pounding heart, her mind struggled to decide which direction to go - so many thoughts still unresolved, but sensations threatening to overwhelm them.  

As his mouth moved down to her breasts she found her voice again, "I like your promises... almost as much as your kisses."  She looked down on him kissing across her scars, dropping lower and lower until he found the place where the war between reason and lust was finally decided.  Closing her eyes and looking up towards the ceiling, Isabella softly moaned out Gavin's name - the last logical sound she'd utter for an impressive amount of time.

Gasping for air she reached out and turned off the shower which had begun to run cold.  She held on, trying to keep balance as Gavin stood up and kissed her face and neck again.  Her knees were locked and balance weak, she was seeing stars still.  Gooseflesh covered her entire body.  She wasn't sure she could walk without falling. 

Gavin stepped out quickly toweled himself lightly and held it out for her to step into.  He wrapped her into a towel that could have gone about her twice and kissed her lips again. 

She still trembled as she nodded yes in response to his question, "Better?" 

The moment she'd indicated that she was fine, he picked her up, ignoring her protests that he might hurt himself.  She was placed up onto the bathroom vanity. Frenzied he opened her towel.  Isabella, not consumed by lust any longer, found a state where she was floating outside of her body.  She watched.  She took in the way his muscles tensed - even the ones in his face, and the stunning & near desperate way his body claimed her own.  There was a hunger and a sort of primal violence about it - a mindless savagery that was more than lust ... as if he might pull himself into her utterly and disappear there forever.  

She'd never taken the time to experience it like this before, she'd never been sated enough that when he'd reached this point she hadn't thrown herself back into the undertow of passion right alongside him.  And so she did something in contrast to the zealous fervor that her lover displayed - Isabella leaned towards him and ever so gently kissed his face.  Once, twice, and a third time, her every motion gentle and purposeful.  

Gavin's tongue moved down Bella's body with all the force of gravity, catlike as it ran against the water streaming down her. He let his hands explore as his tongue traced every one of her scars before continuing to fall. He turned away from the staircase, and instead focused his entire consciousness on her reactions, her voice, and her unspoken desires. He gave himself over to her and time slipped away from him, until she eventually rested both hands on his hair and he noticed the water had run cold.

She nearly stumbled as she exited the shower, and Gavin tried to ignore his desire and instead help her into a towel, kissing her. But as she indicated she was fine, Gavin stopped holding himself in check. He lifted her in a heartbeat to the vanity. As she leaned back, stretching her arms behind her against the mirror, he lost himself again, this time not with selflessness, but the opposite. She was quiet, mostly, which threw him for a moment, until he realized just how much she'd enjoyed herself in the shower. Holding tightly onto her hips, he allowed the rest of the world- and hopefully his thoughts- to fade away.

Eventually, she tightened her legs around him and leaned forward, resting her hands on his broad, scarred shoulders. She kissed his face three times- and Gavin found himself frozen- as if the kisses had bewitched him. He kissed her back, simply and gently, before reaching his arms around her and lifting her. She was still kissing his face as they reached the bed, and he lay her down gently before following her. For a moment, he just kissed her, then he felt her legs snake around him again and draw him into her.

Gavin, in a rare act, kept his eyes closed as he moved toward her. He lost track of time, then he lost track of space. Finally, blissfully, he lost track of himself.

Isabella held Gavin to her body as his heart rate slowed.  She let her fingers play in his hair as they lay there a long while, the sound of nothing ringing in her ears.  There was always a need to say things, always thoughts in her head which she always feared she might forget forever if she didn't give them the breath of life, but at this moment she just was.  There was no urge.  There was no desire.  No fear.  No unspoken words pressing relentlessly on her tongue.

They comforted each other quietly until their bodies were nearly dry and a remembered hunger in her belly began to become more insistent.  She needed to eat at some point and she was sure he did too.  Rolling onto her side she looked at him.  "I'm going to miss this when I go back to Detroit."  She said sadly.  "I read somewhere that it's supposed to be better when you can't be with your lover whenever you want..."  She chortled.  "I guess that's a silver lining?"

She traced a scar down his arm & shifted gears.  "Are you ready to talk about it now?"

Gavin rested on his back, one arm on his chest while the other was under his head. He had nearly drifted off to sleep again when Bella's voice called him back. His voice was casual when he spoke, as if he were discussing what to order for dinner. Still, he was entirely at peace as he answered.

"Just nightmares, occasionally. Getting shot. I'm sure they'll go away."

She'd left it be the last time he'd told her as much.  She hadn't pressed for details even after sharing her own nightmares about her near-death experience in graphic detail.  Gavin was dodging the issue.  He didn't want to talk about it in depth.  People seldom wanted to talk about things in depth when it hurt them to do so.

"I dream about it sometimes."  She began, hoping that making herself vulnerable would help him open up too.  Sharing about the topic from her point of view might allow him to speak the words he needed to speak.

"I think about why I told you to go up the stairs and not William and if I made the wrong decision.  I think about how selfish I was, or maybe selfless... or that I should have been the one rushing up and over like that."  She shook her head.  "Mostly, I watch you like it's a motion picture show.  I can't stop it.  I can't change it.  I can just, see it all in my mind and know what's going to happen before it happens and I'm helpless."

"I keep staring into your eyes and holding my breath, yelling at you in my head to tell me that you love me, but you say it with your eyes.  That you love me ... that it's okay I picked William and you want me to be happy.  Then you smirk and give me a wink.  That wink starts it all, this blur of motion and fear."  

"I watch you go up over the sight of my gun and I never fast enough.  I'm ever... there when you need me."  She shakes her head.  "Will and I stood there in silence for what felt like forever on the stairs.  I think we both thought you'd just get back up and make fun of us for taking so long.  It was William who ran first.  I couldn't make my feet move.  I just knew in my heart what happened."  Her voice goes to a whisper.  "I knew I lost you."

She swallowed.  "The dream changes in that moment.  Sometimes you're you... sometimes I see Elias.  There's just this raw knowledge of death before I even see you.  I just can feel it... like all the air sucked out of my lungs.  I see all the thick black blood and I think about you telling me if I have a chance to kill Garrett to take it.  I think about your kiss.  I think about your smile... a million thoughts of all the things I wanted to do and didn't.  I can remember hitting you, in desperation, just... being unwilling to let you go.  Refusing to let it end that way and seeing the pain in your eyes.  Wondering if the last thing I'd see on your face, looking at me, was that.  And when I wake up, I'm in a cold sweat... wondering if I'm ever going to find you that way again.  Or worse. "

She wet her lips.  "My mother use to tell me that the only way to kill a nightmare is to shove it into the sun.  That the demons in our heads and hearts, the devil's minions, the only thing they can't stand is truth and light.  That so long as the agents of darkness can work in secret they'll forever keep us their prisoner.  So... I know it's not easy to think about that shit, or to talk about it, and it sounds silly that telling me what you think or feel will help... but it does.  And, I promise not to judge you for whatever it is you fear... or think... even if you're mad at me." 

She sat up to look down on him, "Cause it is okay to be mad at me about this... you know?  You can still love me and be angry that I made you go up those stairs into that hell.  Fuck, I'm mad at me about it... I sure as hell wouldn't blame you for being upset at me and needing to get that out of your head to help get you past it."

She gave a reassuring smile, "Just... try."  She lay back down, "I won't even look at you while you do.  Maybe that would be easier?"

Gavin nodded. Similar experiences, really.

"'Shoving it into the sun' sounds great... but what else am I supposed to say? I got shot. I have dreams where I keep getting shot. And as for not looking at me?"

He grabbed her hips again, rolling until her eyes and his were separated only by inches.

"I've never been mad for you picking me to go up the stairs. You made the right choice. Will's a bigger target; they would have shot him seven times before he got halfway up. And I'm a faster runner than you are. I don't know too many other people who could have done what I did, and I'm glad I did it. I just wish I was faster. Or that that last guy was less ready for me. And I'm not afraid to talk about it. I just don't know what you want me to say. I got shot, and a lot of times when I sleep I relive it. Doesn't seem that weird, all things considered."

He could see her frustration as he looked up at her.

"Look... why don't you just ask me whatever you want to ask me? I promise I'll answer truthfully. If I answer all your questions, you have to come back here to Philly in a week. If I refuse to answer one, I'll come out to you. Deal?"

Isabella tilted her head to the side a second and thought a moment before speaking, "Alright.  I'll ask questions and you can reply.  Or not."  She smiled kissing his lips and then preparing her words.

"Are you having any other times this is bothering you?  I mean other than when you sleep?  Or is it just nightmares?  And how often do you have them?  You seemed to be getting better before, but maybe I was sleeping through things and it wasn't really getting better at all?"

Gavin frowned.

"Not really. Maybe every now and then, I get a little more nervous than I used to if I'm going into a situation where I could get shot again. But I still do it. I'm not a coward. I think I just think about guns now the way that normal people think about them. Before I just kind of... ignored the possibility, I guess."

"Not every night. Some nights. Things are usually better when you're around. I hadn't had one for a couple nights now... was hoping they were done."

"You're the least cowardly man I've ever known and that's a fact."  She said reassuringly.  "I've never known anyone with your strength, or courage, or capacity to endure things that would make lesser men run in terror.  And if anyone said otherwise I'd punch them in the mouth."  She tried to give him a look or reassurance.  "I say that as a Don with a healthy respect for you as an enforcer, not just as the woman who absolutely adores you.  If you were in my crew, I'd put you in charge of my hitmen and enforcers without a second thought, Gavin, I promise you that."

"As for feeling like things are better with me around,"  She smiled and it touched her eyes.  "I'd like to take credit for that as your lover... but the truth is probably more to do with routine, and a sense of security having someone you trust beside you while you're resting.  There's nothing wrong with those things either.  Hell, maybe some changes to your routines here in Philly wouldn't hurt?  Some changes to make you rest easier at night."  

"And... if you like... maybe you could call me when you find yourself feeling lonely.  You know, from time to time before you sleep.  It's not like I don't keep something of a schedule too.  I'd love to hear your voice at the end of my day too.  I can tell you about my boring paperwork and you'll be asleep before you know it."  She laughed.

"Sweetheart, I know that what you're going through is normal.  It's human to ... react to shit like this.  I just worry about you.  And just because you know something logically doesn't mean your heart has gotten the message yet.  You can know something is wrong in your mind, and tell yourself to behave differently, but the heart has a different master and if I understood the first thing about how to change the heart I'd be the richest woman in the world."

"So, you want me to come back next weekend?"

Gavin just smiled as he listened.

"I'll be fine, really. They're spacing out already. It was bad when they were every night, but now I can rest up in between them. This time, it didn't happen until I was practically awake."

He shrugged.

"That last one is technically a question. Yes, I'd like you to come back next weekend. Or the one after, if this one is too busy. I promised I'd answer all my questions, so you've got me pinned in more ways than one."

He shifted his body slightly underneath her, showing he couldn't possibly escape. 

"So what else do you want to know? More dream stuff? Anything?"

Isabella smirked.  "Oh, there are things I'd like to know, but I don't need to pin you down to get answers to those things."  She kissed his lips again.  "But since I've got you here like this... seems a shame to waste it."

"What did you think of my gift?  Was it out of line?"

Gavin shook his head.

"Not out of line at all. I started reading one of them. It's just slow going. Need to make it more of a habit, I think. In terms of reading, I'm halfway through Treasure Island. But I figured it would take me a thousand years to read one the monte cristo one, so I listened to that while doing other shit. Mostly gun stuff. Drinking."

"Monte Cristo is one of my favorites."  She said with a small bit of delight in her eyes.  "Edmond Dantes is ... well, I won't spoil it for you but I will want your opinion of him and his choices after you finish."

"Did your sister tell you what I gave her for her birthday?"

Gavin nodded, then laughed.

"She almost cried when she told me. And she's usually not a crier. Don't tell her I told you, but that was a good move by you. And... thanks from me too, for that."

She smiled.  "I figured she nearly cried after the reaction I got the other night.  We drank... a lot.  I am sorry about that.  Really, really, really sorry."

She sighed.  "Were you too badly embarrassed by my irrational bouts of ... whatever the hell that was I was doing while we were out the other night?  I think maybe, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, that I've been drinking a bit more than I should be."

Gavin shook his head.

"No. Not embarassed at all. You've had to deal with a lot of shit, and I figured it was rough for you to see me and Will beating the shit out of each other. But we're fine. I like Will. He likes me. I think we're just going to try to avoid talking about you when we're able to. And you don't need to drink if you don't want to. Take it easy for a while, let your system catch up."

He winked.

"I can drink enough for the both of us in the meantime."