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An angered not so fat man who is generally sexy but in a foul mood approaches the mic
"Too much Dick for you to handle is it? Well I'll tell you this. For those of you who have been muttering under your breathe about my recent active presence in the streets, I have one thing to say. Grow some and make it known. If you have the nerve to utter negative comments, then you should have the nerve to make a public announcement of such."
Dick straightens up
"So instead of me badgering said people, because it's really not my place to do so, I do have a few tips for you to follow that may assist you whenever you see a six foot Dick walking the streets causing you to have the impulse to speak your mind."
Lotions: Dicks best friend
"Not only does it make your skin soft, but it helps soothe the soul. Next time you feel the urge to mock Dicks inability to excite you, grab lotion and apply."
Tears: Let em out
"Just because some people are attracted to Dicks ability to please, and help them relieve stress with his actions, doesn't mean you must get so upset. Dick's solution? Let those tears flow, nothing like a good weeping session in your closet to ease the pain."
Vanity: Lose it
"Yes, this is the Mafia. Yes the only person you can trust is yourself, but if you continue to not allow yourself from thinking outside the box, then claustrophobia sets in and eventually will get the best of you. Your not as sexy as you think"
Rooster: Get one
"A good solution to curing your inability to be socially acceptable is by getting a pet. If that pet survives for more then six months, then I would say your clear to take that next step forward. Dicks solution? Get a pet rooster, there is no better cure then owning a cock. If your going to be one, you might as well own one."
"In no manner is this a threat, it is simply a tool for you to use if you really have that hard of a time handling the Dick. You see, I actually am a really nice guy. Who else would go out of there way to give you tools to help overcome your obstacles and finally give you the ability to release all that negative energy?"
"To those who have been very positive and open with opinions, I thank you."
"To those who have been nothing but negative and haven't had the nerve to hide behind closet doors... Well I would tell you, but I don't feel like being eaten."
The fat man stumbles off stage. does a dance he created called the funky chicken, wiggles his ass in the air, and then lights a joint while entering the alley |
