Richardo stared at the swirling brown liquid and floating clear ice cubes inside of the glass.  Mind numb as he tried to forget his heartbreak, the liquid fire was going down easier and easier as minutes turned into hours.  He sat at the end of the bar, facing straight forward, collar of his trench coat pulled up like a barrier against the world.  While not known for being a violent or mean man, tonight he gave off a vibe that he should simply be left alone.

He needed more whiskey if he was going to forget…..alot more.  But his mind kept going back and replaying the events of the evening over and over.  Taking a large drink of the mind numbing alcohol, his thoughts drifted once again back to the phone call that had virtually destroyed his world.  Then the remorseful feelings returned as he could have prevented her death.  She would still be alive if I had just gone with her was the thought that kept coming back, over and over.

Ava had planned to take the train to see her parents.  She had begged him to go, but he could not leave his duties to the Family at this time.  He didn’t want her to know, but if he completed this assignment, the Godfather himself had promised a promotion within the family which would secure their future.  Ava, incredibly disappointed, had agreed to make the journey alone as she hadn’t seen her parents in months.  Oh how he loved his Ava.  She was everything to him and now she was gone.

His mind drifted to his last image of her, climbing the steps of the train earlier that morning, her ever present book in one hand and her infectious smile as she waved to him goodbye and blew one final kiss in his direction.  Why did I put the Family business first?  None of it matters without Ava, none of it!  Why wasn’t I there to save her?  were the words that quietly came from his lips.

Then the phone call.  Part of him wished he had never picked up the receiver.  Then the voice of Florence.  The voice of Ava’s younger sister who he had adored over the years.  The voice that always was so full of life and happiness.  When he picked up the receiver, the adored voice was replaced with sobs as Ava shared the news.  Without a response, shaking hands hung up the receiver.  He had no idea how long he stood, staring at the phone, in complete disbelief.  And he didn’t even remember how he had made it to this seat at the bar as the liquid was doing the job he so desperately wanted and needed.  But the guilt would not subside.

Signaling to the bartender for another glass of whiskey, Richardo felt tears running down his face as he heart continued to break farther and farther.  If I had been there, she would be alive.  It’s your fault and you know it.  You’re the only one to blame were the thoughts the pummeled at his soul.  Looking up to see a pained look in the bartenders eyes as he poured another glass full of the brown alcohol, he said “Ricardo, I don’t know what’s happened, but I think this needs to be your last.  Consider it on the house.  Go home to Ava…it’s time”.

Ricardo just glared at the bartender as the kind words of the man crushed the last flame within his heart.  Richardo pushed the glass away and slightly stumbled as he stood from the stool.  Using the edge of the bar to steady himself, he pulled the trench coat firmly around himself and began walking toward the door.  Stepping outside into the cool Seattle air, he walked across the street to the park that he and Ava would frequent on their way home from the diner.  He walked over to a bench that they had shared both coffee and long conversations.  And as he sat, he remembered her excitement of a new book she had picked up just before leaving on her last trip to see her parents.  And as he pulled the gun from his coat pocket and raised it to the side of his head, his final words were “Ava, I’m coming home”.

As he started to pull the trigger something made him ease off his index finger.  A strange warm feeling came over him and he lowered the gun to his lap.   A heavenly light appeared in front of him and then he heard the voice of an angel.  It was Ava's voice.

I am gone, release me, let me go.
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.
I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me in happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I traveled on alone.

Richardo started to sob uncontrollably but manages to say, Ava, I can’t live without you. I am so sorry I wasn’t there.  Why, why didn’t I go with you?

Richardo watched the light glow brighter, then dimmer, brighter then dimmer.

Don’t fret my sweet, loving Richardo. God just wasn’t ready for you.

Don't grieve for me, for now, I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid, you see.
I took His hand when I heard His call.
I turned my back and left it all. 

Richardo understood exactly what Ava’s words meant but couldn’t explain it to his breaking heart. His sobbing eased up.  How am I going to live without you?

The beautiful voice said.

I won't be far away for life goes on.
And if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near.

The light started fading and moving toward the sky. Richardo's voice grew louder.  Please, please Ava don’t leave me.

I will always love you and I will always be with you.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am diamonds that glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

Richardo stood up and watch the light completely disappeared.  Although the hurt was still in his heart he felt a calmness.  He placed the gun back in his trenchcoat and made his way back to the bar.

As in walked into the bar the same barstool where he was sitting was vacant and he sat down.

The bartender came over Oh you are back.  Would you like another one, are you having the same?

No Richardo said just a black coffee, please. 

When the bartender returned with his coffee he notices Richardo’s whole demeanor had changed.

Wow man, you sure look much better, then when you left.

Richardo took a sip of his coffee, looked up and smiled at the bartender. 

Yeah man, I saw the light.