Gavin looked at the letter in his hand, reading it through three times.

Sir or Madam,

I regret to inform you of the untimely passing of Father Patrick Hannigan.  We are, at this time, in the process of making the arrangements for his funeral which will take place in three days time - likely before you receive this response, as you are overseas. 

If you wish to visit his final resting place, he will be laid to rest near his father's grave in St. Mary's Cemetery here in Belfast, Ireland.  If you are a relative and wish to inquire further, I encourage you to reach out to the Archbishop as these delicate matters are handled through his office.

I am sorry for your loss and will continue to pray for Father Hannigan's soul and those who knew and loved him best.

Kindest Regards,

Father Thomas Fitzpatrick
St. Mary's Catholic Church
Belfast, Ireland

Gavin placed the letter down on the table carefully and closed his eyes, forcing himself to think. The memory came back to him, unbidden.

***

It was hard to be a thirteen year old boy. Too old to cry, but too young to have any real power. Some boys had grown almost to their full height, but although their forms approached manhood, their hearts, minds, and spirits were still largely empty. Each boy possessed the seeds of the man they would become, but most had them buried deep inside themselves. Many had parents lovingly tend to these seeds, nurturing the young saplings with rich soil, water, and sunlight. Some did not.

Gavin Byrne had slept outside for four days. His father had forbidden him to return to the family's cabin until he'd killed a deer and brought it home himself. George Byrne called it "self-sufficiency"; his mother and sister called it savagery- especially since it was winter. His mother had blocked the door with her body, a rare show of defiance, but it didn't work. Nothing ever did. Tara had squirreled away as much food as possible and hid it in Gavin's pockets. 

But it ran out after two days- which was two days ago.

It wasn't actively snowing, but the cold could easily kill by itself. Every night he stoked a fire large enough to last the night, and he prayed it would last until he awoke.

Sometimes, he wondered if it wouldn't be better for him to just stay asleep.

He was half-wild and half-alive by the time he saw the town: a scattered handful of houses and a small peasant church. The boy sniffed the air like an animal, rubbing his arms to keep them from freezing. He bared his teeth as he smelled food and he half-ran, half-stumbled toward one of the small houses near the church. He was as still as death as he listened and heard no sounds. He readied his rifle as he pushed gently against the door: unlocked, it swung inside with a creak. His footsteps were silent, except for the occasional protestation of a wooden board. He turned the corner and, seeing someone staring at him, raised his gun.

It was an older man- forties or fifties- that calmly looked and Gavin Byrne and chuckled. Grey hair. A coarse beard. Weathered skin. Green Eyes.

"No need for that, young man. You're invited, if you'd like, although unless you've low expectations you'll be disappointed."

Gavin didn't move.

"But young man... close the fucking door. It's freezing."

The faintest shade of a smirk crossed Gavin's face, and he closed the door before returning to the "dining room", one of the three small rooms in the cottage. The man had already set out another plate.

"Beef stew. And some..."

Gavin had already seen the bread, and his hand hand darted for it immediately; he was ready to run if needed, but the man chuckled and pointed at the chair.

"What's your name, son?"

It was a long time before Gavin's mouth was empty enough to say anything.

"Gavin."

"My name is Thomas, but most people here call me Father McKenna."

The man indicated the collar hanging up near the black shirt on the rack on the wall. Gavin stared at it for a while, before filling his bowl with beef stew and devouring it. Once his initial ravenous appetite had been sated, Gavin ate slowly, constantly glancing up as he expected the man to start a conversation. Instead, they both simply dined in silence. Neither said anything for twenty minutes, until Gavin stood and picked up his rifle. The boy was in the middle of formulating his thoughts when the Father seemed to wave them aside with his hand.

"You're staying for the night, of course. Far too cold out for you to start any journey soon."

Gavin looked at the chair and the blanket strewn over it with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, the chair is yours. I'd offer you the bed, but your back is probably in better shape than mine. I'm a priest, not a saint."

With a chuckle, the man stoked the fire. Gavin sat in the chair with his gun balanced across him on the arms; he was asleep within ten minutes of sitting down.

The next moment, he awoke in a panic before he remembered where he was.

Thus began his four days with Father McKenna, which each followed the same basic format. An egg and a slice of bread for breakfast, followed by the chopping of firewood. Then daily mass, during which Gavin silently sat in the back of the church. After that, they made the rounds, visiting those who lived away from the town. It was on those long walks through the woods that Gavin's silence finally broke. He told Father McKenna about his mother and his sister, his life... finally, he told him about his father. Thomas McKenna, who'd essentially performed a monologue during their first twenty four hours together, found himself listening more than talking the second day, as a lifetime of swallowed words and emotions poured out of the young man.

But on the fourth day, Father McKenna asked the question that sent the boy running: he asked him to stay. Not directly, of course; instead, he simply mentioned that Gavin was free to stay as long as he wanted to and that he'd be able to find work in the village. Or even a girl, McKenna had joked. The word "girl" seemed to hit the boy like a freight train, and his meager belongings were packed within an hour.

McKenna was pacing, inwardly cursing himself.

"You can stay, son. You're handy as hell, and you'd easily earn your..."

"I've got to go. My mother. My sister. If I'm not there then..."

"Your father?"

Gavin just nodded. Father McKenna clapped his hand on the boy's shoulder and helped organize some new supplies: enough food to last him the week or until he hopefully caught a deer, even if it meant the priest would go to bed hungry. A man with a lumber company was heading through some of the main towns, and Gavin figured he could hitch a ride until he found one that looked familiar.

He said goodbye to the priest, awkwardly handing him the rudimentary figurine of a wolf that the boy had been carving by the fireside. It was unfinished, but the priest accepted it like it was priceless.

***

Gavin looked down at the letter and folded it, thinking about the four days he'd spent with the priest as a boy. This priest had saved him as well. He exhaled slowly. Now wasn't the time for an emotional response- but a response was nevertheless required. He packed his things: three changes of clothing, a couple stacks of cash, his M1911 with extra ammunition, his knife, and his disassembled rifle in its case. Tara's pilot would get him to Belfast... and then he'd find Quinn. There was no question who was responsible here, and he'd pay with his life. Brian too, if needed.

He left the letter about Father Patrick's death on the table, along with a short note for Bella.

Mrs. Byrne,

Gone to handle some business. Should only take a few hours or a few days. Sorry to leave so soon, but this needs to be handled personally.

G

***

Tara walked into her office and flicked on the light, screaming and reaching for her gun as she saw a man sitting behind her desk. Her revolver was almost in her hand before-

"SHIT! Gavin! I told you not to-"

"I would have shot you so many times by now. And reloaded. And shot you again."

His gun was in his hand; he seemed to be in the process of cleaning it, but he wasn't smiling. Tara recognized the mood of her brother and inwardly steeled herself.

"What happened?"

"Did you have Patrick Hannigan killed?"

"No."

"Really?"

Gavin stared at his sister intently, trusting her face and her eyes more than her words. She shook her head and, after a pause, he nodded.

"Someone did."

"I'm sorry."

"He saved me. Well, helped me."

"It must have been Brian McLaughlin. Or Quinn Murphy."

Gavin nodded, staring at her desk until Tara spoke again.

"Are you going to Ireland, then? Or would you like me to make some calls?"

"Yes. Make your calls. Get the info, then have someone pick me up in Belfast and fill me in."

Tara nodded quietly, then rested her hand on her brother's shoulder.

"I'm sorry this happened so close to the wedding and-"

Gavin shrugged off her hand, but smirked.

"It'll be fine. I just need to handle this. I promised I would."

***

The town of St. Mary's had been ravaged by the Spanish Flu; due to the lack of medical treatment, a quarter of the town was wiped out, including the three people most responsible for the care of those who initially fell ill: two older women whose children had moved away and one Catholic priest. He was buried in the churchyard, marked only with a small, hand-carved grave of flat stone. 

Years after its initial placement, a coarse-skinned index finger traced the letters and knelt at the foot of the grave. A young man had returned to the site of one of his only good memories and he took back only two things: a smooth pebble from the grave site and an oath to keep an eye out for any priests who crossed his way.

"I got a nice fat chicken for dinner.  I'm going to make a gravy and then stuff this ugly little thing with bread, butter, onions, and..."  Bella put her grocery bag down and narrowed her eyes at the empty room. 

"Gavin?"  She walked through the apartment to the bathroom, but as she expected, it was empty.  He'd gone out.  It was disappointing, but not a total shock.  Gavin wasn't one to sit still long, though she had hoped to have a few more nights as man and wife at home canoodling on the couch before he went off finding mischief again.

It was when she spotted the notes on the table.  She walked over and picked up the one from Gavin first.  His handwriting really was getting a lot better!  She smiled at the greeting, ... 'Mrs. Byrne' ... she did like that a lot.  The rest of it, however, was deeply troubling.  When she picked up the second note her heart skipped a beat.  

The priest?  Oh God, that fucking priest!

Bella couldn't get to the phone fast enough, she kept going over the words in his letter again and again. 

Hours or days?  He wouldn't go to Ireland, would he?  Gavin shaking down IRA and Protestants will NOT go well for him on their home turf.  Damn it!  

She dialed the number for the hanger where her plane was kept at the airport and nervously waited for a response. 

"Hey, Gary, it's Bella Byrne... oh thank you, yes it was lovely!  Listen, can you tell me if that husband of mine has departed yet?"

She held her breath for half a heartbeat. 

"You don't?  He must be going on his sister's... look, I need you to write something down and run it over to the hanger where Tara Byrne's plane is being kept.  Tell the guy or gal there that Gavin needs to see this message before wheels up, okay?  He doesn't have to try and hold him there, we both know how that would go, just give him this message and tell him that his wife is on her way with a full explanation."

A moment later she said the word "Rawr." 

She paused and then rolled her eyes.  "No not roar like a lion, but rawr like a Dragon.  Just... look just give him that and tell him I will explain everything when I get there, and that I really don't want him getting on that plane.  Thanks Gary.  I'll be there in ten ... just do what you can to make sure he gets the message."

Hanging up the phone she tensed, glancing towards the dresser where her wedding gift from William still lay hidden.  She was bitter but it had been weeks, he'd been a good sport at the wedding and he'd helped her with this - she couldn't leave him in the dark to be ambushed later.  Drawing a breath she picked up the phone and dialed Dante's.

"Kinzie, I need to talk to Will."  

There was a long silence and then she heard his greeting.  

"I can't talk long ... I found a note on the table from a father working at a church in Belfast, Ireland."  She didn't need to explain more.  Since the letter wasn't to her, it was to Gavin.  The only father they'd be hearing from in Belfast Ireland would be one telling what happened to Father Patrick, which meant that he knew.  There wasn't any reason to spell all that out.

"Gavin left me a short note, I think he's flying out and I'm going to stop him.  I wanted you to have a heads up, I may need to tell him and I don't know how things are going to go I just didn't want you caught off guard if he shows up at your bar pissed off at me.  Under no circumstances should you come to the airport... or our apartment.  I gotta handle this, okay?  But... now you know so if you wanna take a vacation to Cuba, now's the time to book a flight."  she chuckled at her poorly timed joke.

"I gotta go."

After hanging up the phone she grabbed her coat and the notes and ran out the door, forgetting all about the raw chicken and dinner making supplies still on the counter in the grocery sack.

Gavin had his bag slung over his shoulder as he approached Tara's plane. A man ran up to him, and Gavin loosened his hand on his gun when he recognized the man's face. The man yelled close to his ear to be heard over the engine.

"YOUR WIFE SAYS TO WAIT SHE WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING IN TEN MINUTES."

Gavin's eyes grew confused as he read the note before flashing with fire at the phrase "explain everything", but he nodded and motioned for the pilot to cut the engine and wait. Gavin dropped his bag and paced near the plane in the hangar, eventually forcing himself to sit on a stack of tires.

Bella's car approached at a good clip, she wasn't sparing the rubber on her wheels as she came toward the hanger.  She was utterly relieved to see the plane still out on the runway, not yet having taken off and got out of the car with all the enthusiasm of a woman going to meet someone returning from a long trip.

"I'm so glad I caught you!"  She called out to him even before she'd reached friendly conversation distance. 

She could see by his countenance that he was in no mood for shit, but still, she smiled.  Bella was beyond grateful that she was catching up to him here as opposed to one-quarter of the way around the damn planet surrounded by angry Irishmen with guns.  

As she got into conversation distance from him she shook her head, her brown eyes softening.  She was trying to empathize with what he must be feeling, but it was hard because it made no sense to her.  These people had hurt him, they could have done to him what Garrett had done to Elias, or worse - hell they'd tried to do worse! 

She knew she had nothing to apologize for, but apparently, Gavin felt some sense of debt to the Priest and she supposed she could understand that - a little.  The man had, as she understood it, stepped in to help Gavin in the final moments of his captivity, but in Bella's book the time to have found his conscience was before kidnapping and beating a man to near death!  To say nothing of keeping him where a maniac could kill him at any time.

"We should talk."  She began, hoping he wouldn't be angry with her, though she supposed it was a foregone conclusion that he probably would be by the look on his face.  "Maybe somewhere quiet and not so public..."

Gavin nodded and led her inside the office of the hangar. He succeeded in keeping his mind clear and focused, not imagining possibilities but content to react to them. He looked at her thoughtfully as they entered and closed the door.

"What do we need to talk about?"

“When we went downstairs at Garretts home…”

Gavin was carrying all the right gear and dressed in such a way as to indicate he was definitely on his way to work. If she had any doubts about what his purpose in flying out... seeing him like this certainly relived her of them.   He was going to find answers and unfortunately the only person you had those answers was right here in the room with him.

“And we found that son of a bitch tied up, all I could think about when I saw him was how much I wanted to cut him free. In my head all I could think about was how much Elias has suffered and how this man had saved his life and brought him back to me.   Consequently, I felt like I had a debt that I could never repay.   I was fully prepared, after we handled the people upstairs, to set him free into a life of luxury, out of gratitude.“

”Even after he started yelling at me and saying all those terrible things, I kept telling myself it was only because he was scared and rightly so.  I didn’t even want to be mad at him, I was willing to forgive anything at that moment.  I ignored all my better instincts which were telling me I needed to shoot him because… I thought he was the good guy.”

With a sympathetic look in her eyes she walked towards Gavin slowly, “But, I was wrong. Yes, he made a merciful decision but only after he had done such a grievous wrong against Elias he could never be forgiven. My reward for pitying him, for trying to empathize with the position he must’ve been in, ended with him nearly killing you and locking me away in Hell’s own prison.”

“In the end he revealed his true colors, he was as wicked as Garrett maybe more so ... who knows what he would’ve done to us if he could’ve gotten off the island with us in his possession.”

“I know how angry you were at him, I know the lengths you went to to make him pay for what he did to us... And I have never been more in love with you than I was the day you burst through those doors to rescue me.”

“But Darling... as I watched you lay in the casino parking lot - sure it was the end for us both...  I made myself a vow which I later made to him when he visited me in prison, I would never again make that mistake. I would never suffer anyone to live who crossed me and my family.”

“He wasn’t a good guy and if I had thought about it I would’ve realized That son of a bitch allied with a monster who he knew was capable of murder to kidnap an innocent man and torture him for months.  I foolishly allowed myself to believe the lie that he was good... It’s understandable why I did it but I was wrong and I am so thankful that we survived that mistake. I swear to you, Gavin, I will never put us in that kind of danger again. If anyone hurts you or Elie or Tara...   so long as I draw breath that person will not be safe. I will hunt them to the ends of the earth to make sure they never come back to hurt us again or finish the job.“

”I don’t know why you wrote that Priest, my gut tells me that you must feel something like I did in that basement, that you think he was a good guy… But he wasn’t. He was the sort of man who traveled with murderers to kidnap a person he’d never met... and for crimes you didn’t commit.”

“He was willing to hurt you, to beat you ...  you could’ve died from injuries they couldn’t see inside your body!  And despite all of that combined with what should have been the teachings of his faith, he still went ahead with this madness against us.”

“In the end he may have made the decision that I agree with and I’m thankful for, but it does not undo all the wrong he did.”

“You don’t need to go to Ireland find out why the priest is dead. All of the men who hurt you are dead. I know this because I hired the man who did it.”  She wasn’t bragging, merely stating facts. Her eyes held empathy for him, but no shame or regret.

Gavin was quiet. Pensive.

"Who knew? Just you? Will?"

His eyes narrowed.

"Tara?"

He was quiet again, but before Isabella broke the silence he spoke.

"Who did you hire?"

 Bella shook her head, “Your sister doesn’t know.  She didn’t want me anywhere near your rescue because she was afraid my temper would get the better of me and get you killed.  So I went home and I thought about what I could do without being insubordinate, and I was getting increasingly angry at my absolute inability to save you when you were so fucking near me…“

 She sighed.  “I want to be a good soldier  for Jack but where you were concerned I’m afraid I don’t follow rules so well.  And based on my past behavior Will decided to stop me from doing something arguabally stupid. So yes, William was involved. He served as the fixer, he took my money and found me A guy capable of doing the work.  I knew Tara would be watching me so I couldn’t call any of my regular people and do the hiring myself, I had to use Will, which makes me feel bad because he’s the last person who should’ve been involved with this but I didn’t have a lot of other options of the time.”

“I just knew if we failed and if you died, hell if we all did, I wanted to make sure that these fuckers got what was coming to them.  And if Tara let them walk away without putting bullets in their heads for what you went through then I would make sure they got what was coming to them after the fact.”

“I don’t know The name of the guy who did it, Will can tell us, I can tell you how much he was paid and I can tell you that he killed one of the men on the ship and the other two in Ireland.  I also know that he was under strict orders to find out whether the priest knew any of the details about The plan to abduct you and extract information before hand. As a Catholic I’m not particularly fond of killing Priests but as it turned out this Priest knew what you were going to go through and he still took part in the crime and so I don’t exactly feel bad about this. I’m trying to figure out and understand why it seems like you do.”

She reached out to put a hand on the side of his upper arm, “Gavin what’s going on here? Did you know this Priest, do you have some connection to him that I didn’t know about? Was he related to the Byrne family?  Please help me understand what’s going on here, I’m very confused. Normally, you’d be the first person in line to settle the score against someone who hurt us… What am I missing?”

Gavin sat down on the desk behind him, forcing himself to cease pacing. When she rested a hand on his arm, she could feel him tense. He looked at her, and she saw the poker face that she'd seen so many times before. He was quiet for a long time, but it was unclear whether he was thoughtful or trying to control a particular emotion. His arms were crossed, and his eyes bored into Isabella like he was digging for answers.

"He helped me. I have a think about killing priests in general... one helped me once, and I made a promise to look out for priests in the future. I keep my promises. And Patrick helped me. He hurt me, but then he did the right thing, and then you killed him anyway... going behind Tara's back. And mine."

He looked away.

"I was planning on taking out whoever killed him, you know."

Gavin was quiet for a while, flexing his hand. His mouth opened to ask her leave, but it closed immediately. She wouldn't go. And if she did, they'd just have to talk about this later. 

"I don't mind killing people. But I mind more than I did a few years ago. When you met me, I would have killed at the drop of a hat, because I didn't give a shit. About anything. I'm trying to be better. If you're going to kill everyone who hurt me, you're going to run out of bullets..."

He paused, holding back a comment.

"... Patrick didn't try to kill me. He thought he was doing the right thing, the just thing, but he realized he fucked up and worked to fix it. He was a priest trying to do the right thing, and you fucking buried him."

Finally losing his battle of control, Gavin's eyes flashed with anger and, although he never yelled, his voice became increasingly infused with a bitter rage.

"And if someone hurts me, then I'm the person who gets to decide whether or not that person dies. I'm sorry you were worried, but I'm the one who got chained to a fucking pipe and stabbed for two days. I only ate anything that whole time because of the fucking priest.  If you wanted to ice Quinn, I would have donated a bullet. But this happened to me. If you wanted to do this, then you should have fucking talked to me."

"I thought that's what happened with all this marriage shit- that you're on the same team. Shit, you didn't even act like we're in the same city here. This was Tara's operation, and if you think I'm angry she's going to hit the fucking stratosphere when she finds out that you and Will went behind her back."

He stopped abruptly, eyes glaring with an icy blue fire.

Bella withdrew her hand slowly as the fire in his tone and eyes grew.  In her mind she filled in the cut short sentences and pauses with words Gavin didn't say... but she felt might have been there.  The pain and anger ... the hurt ... it was all caused by her.  She was the person who should have been bringing him comfort and right now she was pretty sure, if he didn't love her, he would have killed her. 

How had this gone from an act done out of love to something so horrible?

"I thought that's what happened with all this marriage shit-" Gavin kept talking but Bella's brain stopped so suddenly it was as if she'd hit a brick wall.  Her nostrils flared and her eyes became as sharp as diamonds for a moment.  It took EVERYTHING in her not to scream back at him and instead stand there letting him finish.

Her brain kept spinning on that one detail, one phrase in all of the things he'd said.  She knew she was letting it eat her.  He spoke in anger, hurting her back for hurting him.  He was a wolf cornered lashing out; but it stung, badly.  It was her turn to walk, and she did, away from him.  She had to gather her thoughts.  She had to force herself to be calm.  Gavin wasn't Elias.  If she came at him roaring like a furious Dragon he'd shut down - or worse.  If she was going to make him understand, if they were leaving this room together, she had to fight every instinct in her blood and keep her emotions in check.  She had to stay logical, to not just hear what he said, but listen and understand.  

I can do this... He doesn't mean it the way I heard it.

The sound of her heart thundering in her ears and Gavin's breathing was an odd symphony that was two-parts rage and strangely lust-inducing, a very odd feeling to have at this moment amidst all the thoughts muddled in her mind.  He was as mad as she'd ever seen him and unlike the night of the kiss, this was (in his mind) entirely her doing.  He'd been searching for a way to blame anyone but her, the assassin - William - and even Tara and she'd made all of that impossible. 

He likely didn't know what to do any more than she did.  They could easily become two people spewing out irrational pain, confusion, and disappointment with no hope of resolving things.  Gavin would not be forced to admit the Priest had been a horrible man and deserved his fate, and she could not bring herself to truly regret the demise of a man who had put Gavin's life at risk. So, where did that leave them?  What happened when a married couple stood before something they absolutely disagreed upon? 

She knew only one way forward with Gavin.  Speak the truth. 

"I love you." She exhaled the words, her back still towards him.  And in all this, to her, this was the only fact that really mattered.  So, it had to be where she began.  It wasn't an appology or an excuse, but it was the reason.  

"This marriage shit..." a bit of her pain slipped through.  "Isn't about us being a team."  

She shook her head.  "We're more than that, Gavin."  

She turned back and mustered the courage to meet the daggers cast by his blue eyes.  "You're right that I didn't act like we're just living in the same city..."  

She drew a breath choosing her words carefully, "Our lives are joined together now and that's how I acted.  As if I and you... are one.  It's been that way long before we signed any papers or gave any vows.  You haunt me, utterly, in every waking and sleeping moment you're with me... even when you're not.  So far as I understand, despite all my shortcomings, you feel the same way."

She clenched her teeth before continuing - trying to not to feel indignant that she had to explain this to a man who spoke only a moment ago as if he'd been forced to marry her.  "I wasn't sitting home worrying about you.  Every wrong done to someone you love is felt as keenly, as if it was done to you.  If you hurt, I hurt.  The bruises go away, but the pain I feel for failing to stop or avenge it ... that shit never leaves."

She shook her head, "And when someone you love as dearly as life itself is gone, or you think they are..."  She couldn't help but let out a noise something like a dry, mirthless laugh at the insanity of her own story. 

"It feels like a part of you has died too, only there's no peace in it.  There's no solace.  It's just this unending fucking ache you can't kill with all the drinking and fucking that the world has to offer."  Tears welled up in her eyes.  "And eventually you realize, it doesn't matter if you live or die because nothing in life feels like it has any damn worth."  

She tilted her head to the side and looked at him, wondering if he even realized it - if he ever considered,  "I didn't know you when I got on that plane to Montreal.  You could have been anyone Gavin, you could have taken me anywhere, done anything to me... because I didn't care what happened to me anymore."  

Her words were dark and echoed the hopelessness she felt back then.  "I almost hoped that you would kill me... because I lacked the courage to do it myself.  And if you didn't..."  She shrugged.  "Well, I figured we'd both get what we wanted... a nice distraction.  And that's why it worked.  You and me.  We clicked that night because for as different as we are... we are so much alike.  Two people, almost hoping someone would be good enough to end it all for us, because we see the truth... this world is shit made tolerable only by the presence of you." 

She looked to the floor, "I barely survived the loss of Elias and what I thought I felt for him pales beside what I feel for you."  A pregnant silence hung in the air.  A part of her thought about telling him she would not survive saying goodbye to him... that she could not bury him, but perhaps he knew that?  She hoped he could understand because it felt too much like emotional blackmail to say it in the middle of what might be called a fight.  

She drew a breath and looked back up to meet his gaze again, "You were beaten, chained up, and cut... they tried to kill you - and that is something that happened to US, not just you.  You will never face anything alone, so long as I draw breath, that's what I was trying to tell you with the music.  I wanted you to know that even if they didn't put a damn hand on me, I was there with you.  I was was in pain and it guts me that I didn't come to you faster.  I told myself that you'd want me to be a good Soldato and listen to Tara... but all I kept thinking about was what you were going through, and what might happen if..."  

She stopped herself from saying more.  

"I'm not perfect, Gavin."  She said in a near whisper.  "Once again I've let you down and the fear I'm feeling right now ..."  She visibly winced.  "I can't keep failing to measure up to the dangerously high pedestal you've put me upon." 

"I'm going to mess up - God willing we live long enough for me to mess up a lot, but none of that changes how much you mean to me.  Not ever.  I won't ask you to forgive me.  I hope that will come in time, and that you'll tell me about this Priest in your past who clearly made such an impact on your life, but right now ... I want you to know how sorry I am that you're hurting.  And... I'm miserable that I'm the reason why.  I took these actions out of wrath, and fear, and I don't know how... but, I will find a way to make it right, starting with telling Tara what I did."

Gavin shook his head. His voice was still wavering between control and anger. His eyes bored into the back of her head as she walked away and into her eyes when she turned around.

"I'm not saying that you weren't involved and that you didn't have a right to feel however you want. What happened to me hurt you. I get that. I remember being on the other end of that."

"But when you decided to indulge that anger, you didn't say a single word to me. You say you did this for me? Bullshit. You did this for you. If you really did this for me, you would have said something to me. This wasn't your choice to make in the first place... yea, you have the right to have a say, because you were hurt too. Well how is it fair than when someone hurts us, you make a call like this on your own? I thought we were going to be a team. Partners. Instead, I'm like some fucking goomba getting a mail 10 hours after the war ends."

"That priest was my choice. You didn't even fucking know him. Just because you're married doesn't mean you make calls like that on your own. How the hell would you feel, in my shoes? Someone hurts you, but you're ready to give them another chance because it's important to you... and then I stroll up and blow their fucking head off? Without asking you?"

He seethed.

"You said we're more than a team... but we're not even a team right now. You're acting like a Don, and you treated me like I'm fucking furniture when it came to something that directly involved me. Us being 'one' doesn't mean you get to do whatever the hell you want. I would never make a decision like that without talking to you because I respect your opinion to make choices about your own life. To handle your own business. And I thought that went both ways."

Gavin stood, pacing again- control winning out for the moment.

"You cut me out of my own life. You made a decision for me when you easily could have made it with me. Saying that I want to share a life with you is different than turning my life over to you. This wasn't picking out a fucking tablecloth- this was life and death because of something that happened to me, and I didn't even get a phone call."

He paused in front of her, crossing his arms as his anger flared again. As he talked, he began shouting for the first time.

"You didn't. Even. Know him. He was GOOD. Forget the priest thing. He was GOOD! And he probably thought I was the one who had him wacked."

Gavin was as mad as Bella had ever seen him, but he closed his eyes for a moment and regained enough control to speak normally for a moment.

"He earned the right to try to be better. I earned the right to let him. And you killed those both those things without a second thought- or a single word from me."

Suddenly uncomfortable with both his emotions and his thought process, Gavin began to walk out.

"No." 

He'd crossed the line in suggesting that she didn't care about him - that he was some... goomba to her.  She wasn't letting him get the last word when he was throwing out insults like that! 

Bella sprung from her chair, speaking harshly and moving aggressively.  He might be hurting but he was dead wrong!  The harshness of what he was saying to her was totally out of line regardless of how he disapproved of her actions. 

"I have NEVER thought of you as some underling.  NEVER."  She snarled.  "You and me... we do plenty of shit without clearing it with each other because I THOUGHT we trusted each other - that we were equals in all of this!  Business deals... people dead every. damn. day!  I've NEVER ordered you around or told you what to do... or disrespected you intentionally and the ONE TIME I did, I came to you minutes later to beg your forgiveness.  So - NO - you can say all you want about not approving of my actions... but you can't put that on me." 

She threw up her hands,  "If you want us to share and discuss all business going forward ... FINE!  But I won't stand here and be berated for treating you like a subordinate when I have NEVER done such a thing!  I made a call about avenging and protecting our family when you WEREN'T HERE to be consulted!  The decision to kill these fuckers shouldn't have needed a damn vote - THEY KIDNAPPED YOU!  If anyone did that to me you would have GUTTED THEM like a fish and no one would have blinked TWICE!"

"They hurt my family.  I will NOT sit by like some damsel in a FUCKING TOWER while someone attacks us!  And I SURE AS HELL won't let them walk away with their lives to give others the idea that they can do it too!"

Her eyes flashed bright with rage, her chest rose and fell rapidly as she stepped into his personal space - their bodies nearly touching, "I. LOVE. YOU!  You STUPID son of a bitch, I COULDN'T consult you because the man you're giving more forgiveness to than your own WIFE, had you in the hands of a KILLER at the time I made the call!"

She paused.  Breathing, still starring defiantly into his eyes, "Tell me, Gavin..." 

Her words were spoken MUCH quieter now, but with all the same fire she opened up on him with,  "Tell me you wouldn't have taken matters into your own hands.  Tell me you would have sat in the apartment for two days while I suffered.  That you would have done NOTHING while a madman tortured and kept me less than five miles from the place we live... the place you make love to me.  Tell me that you could have let them walk away without retribution.  Tell me, all of that, IF you think you can do it without lying.  Because, if you can, I'll apologize right here and now.  For all of it... because I KNOW you would NEVER lie to me."

She held his gaze... waiting.

Gavin looked back at her steadily, matching her gaze. He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I thought you ordered this after I was freed, not before. That changes things. I still wish that when I mentioned this person risking his life to save mine you maybe would have asked for my opinion on the matter. Your silence there led to someone dying who didn't deserve it- someone that I wanted to live. But no, that's not as bad as ordering it after I was freed."

One eyebrow arched slightly.

"Although you just added another case of TNT to Tara. I said she'd be pissed when I thought you did this after I was safe. If she finds out that you and Will went around her back during all this shit? That's worse. But we'll deal with that later."

"For us, the truth... yes, I would have taken matters into my own hands. No, I would not have sat in the apartment two days while you suffered. No, I would not have done nothing. And no, I would not have let them walk away. But I would have told you about the hit I placed on them, and if you talked about one of them who saved your life, I'd ask you if you wanted them dead."

Gavin folded his arms again, leaning back against the wall, at least slightly more relaxed, even as she pushed forward toward him. His voice got quieter.

"I thought you did this when I was free. I hope you see how that's different, to me. I'm still frustrated, and I still think you should have asked me after. It's just the idea that he..."

Gavin shook his head, chasing a thought away he didn't want to confront and choosing to engage another.

"You can't tell Tara."

 The rage melted out her toes and all that was left was the analyzation of her words and actions. 

"I'm sorry."  She meant it, her eyes downcast.  "You've been wronged every step of the way.  The past being brought back up, the men hurting you physically and emotionally and God alone knows how much you must have worried about me and Tara - to say nothing of my actions."

"And you're right, I didn't know him, maybe he was a good man... no..."  she looked down again, regretful.  "You're a good judge of character and if you say he was a good man... I believe you."

She drew a long breath.  "I should have told you I hired the hitman and it's not a mistake I'll make twice, you can count on that."

She looked up to his eyes.  "I'm sorry."  She repeated. 

"I do see the difference..."  she paused thinking about all that he said.  "Tara didn't tell me I couldn't make plans for after... she never forbid us from hitting these guys after they left.  Her instructions were very clear Gavin, she didn't want me fucking up the exchange.  I took the bench because I couldn't shake the feeling that you'd be all for following Tara's cool logic... you're always saying how smart she is... but it was a fuck ton harder than I thought it would be once I got back to the apartment and stared at that wedding dress for a few hours."

Her eyes looked distant and sad, "The day I heard that Elias..."  she stopped.  "It's stupid but... it was the same day my wedding dress arrived.  And here I was... walking in the front door with my wedding dress when Tara calls to tell me you've been kidnapped.  I was... a wreck."  She shook her head trying to shelf her emotions.

"If you don't want me to tell Tara, I won't.  This one's your call, she's your sister and you know her best, but... my offer stands about the Priest.  Both of them.  I do want to know about your past - all of it in time I suppose."  A hint of a smile flickered on her lips at the thought of getting closer despite the fight they'd just had.

We just survived our first fight... 

"And the one in Belfast... I want to do something to make this right.  I feel like I have to. I've added to a long list of wrongs, and while that's hard for me to admit because of my anger and fear of losing you, it's none the less sincere.  I don't have to know this priest to know you... and if you believe he was a good man, then he was and I have amends to try and make."

Gavin stared down at his feet, deep in thought.

"We'll talk. For now... let's just go home."

As he stood away from the wall, Bella didn't move back.  Instead, she took his face between her palms and leaned in to rest her forehead on his as they'd done many times in the past.  She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of him, the stale office air, and the faint hint of fuel.  With eyes closed, she listened intently to the sounds through the walls, the hum of the light, and their breath.  This had been an ugly moment and why anyone would want to try and remember this might have seemed utterly unfathomable... to anyone who wasn't Bella Byrne.

This could have gone so much worse, but it hadn't.  They'd faced corrupt agents, cold-blooded killers, and even lovers who couldn't let go of the past ... as well as their own demons from time to time; and every time they came out together.  She had to hang onto moments like this to remind her the next time she faced it - that she didn't have to be afraid.  She and Gavin really could take on anything so long as they had each other.

Gently she kissed his lips once and then stepped back.  

"Alright.  Let's go home."  She said and let him lead the way.