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Regman and the pretenders assemble Started by: RegMan on Nov 15, '18 21:33

Ner ner ner regmannn, Regmannnn, Regmannnn Ner

 

On a cold and shifty night eyes lit up the darkness around every corner, peering out of trash cans and unsuspecting windows, two shitty makeshift losers passing themselves off as superheros prowl the city looking for a legend but no one dared mutter his name. The skinless Cat and Bandy legs had been searching for months to no avail, though a hot tip had just crossed their lips, In a shit dry desert town  A heavily bearded man lies in the gutter stinking of piss and liquor only to be known by the locals as ‘shit lips’ who would frequently offer his specialty ‘Rusty Trombone’ to the locals for little as $4 and a special deal on Tuesdays which would see two for the price of one, get yourself down to the alley behind the dixy chicken.

 

The two heroes look for shit lips in the location provided by the locals, as suggested there was a stinky old washed up degenerate, hugging a bottle of whiskeys finest. Bandy legs proceeds to nudge the man with his wonky foot, the rotting shell of what was once a man rolled over onto his back and murmured a few words “Money up front” The skinless cat held up a photo of the once well respected, well loved and admired by all REGMAN, could this be? could it be him? Is that a dirty sanchez?

 

It had been a long time since regman had fought crime, about 10 years to be exact too much tragedy forced the caped gimp into retirement watching the city crumble to a fucking crack head called Piss Bag  and his crew of high school jocks thinking they’re so rad but are actually just so stupid. The world was once again in peril but what had caused the collapse

of a man loved by so many,..

 

Announcer: You’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

 

The skinless cat grabs hold of Regman and yells What happened to you man, Reg man just stares into the eyes of the man holding him so aggressively and whispers, go get some fur you bitch.. Alright I’ll tell you, I killed Winston. Who the fuck is winston the confused pair call out, you know winston.. Regman casually replies, my pet box I left him out in the rain he got all soggy and now he's dead a distraught Regman weeps over the memories of Winston the pet box.

 

RIP Winston

 

A flabbergasted skinless cat and Bandy legs start laying into Regman, you fucking twat you've let the city turn to shit over a fucking box, he wasn't just a box cried Regman you could put things in it and hide in it during thunderstorms you pair of idiots you just don't know anything. After Regman finished his alcoholic babbling the matter turned serious, The rooster is dying Regman he's on his last legs. Regman gasped thinking about when he was just a Regboy and his mentor teaching him everything he knew about the superhero business, okay fine, Regman reluctantly agrees to return.

 

Fast Forward to a dying fat, bald, dying rooster..

 

What do you want you chicken fucker, The old rooster clucks up some feathers Regboy you cheeky little fart I have a proposal for you, I need you to form a super group to take down that shit head Piss bag and his sidekick dickhead dan, so far we've gathered the best up and coming talent around. Regmans mind goes wild hoping The rooster is talking about Kandi from babestation what a piece of talent she is, The rooster claps Regman with a cane stop thinking out loud he yells it's not Kandi its this bunch of heroes that stand before you. These fools are not heroes smirked Regman, Stop wasting my time and tell my why I’m really here. The Rooster sighed, just hear me out and let me introduce you..

 

The skinless Cat

Well, he's a cat like man, but he has no fur, looks like a rubber glove, no idea why he's called the skinless cat, but due to the lack of fur his super power is slipping into tight places. That's what she said!

 

The Pigeon

He’s basically just here to kiss The roosters arse, that's his special skill kissing arse, If the police ever wanted to find him they’d have to knock on the Roosters arse cheeks to ask him to come out.

 

Bandy Legs

Bandy legs just walks with a limp, special powers are unknown but after watching the usual suspects, you have to keep one eye on the limpy guy.

 

Pat Butcher

A character in the much loved british soap Eastenders, Super powers even though shes a crusty old slag, she could get anyone into bed.

 

As the rooster wraps up the introductions, Regman literally falls off his chair you expect me to take Piss bag on with these clowns, wheres PosionDani, just get her here we can do it together, we’ll put a nail in him and drain him till hes just an empty bag of piss stains. Regman the rooster coughs, we don’t know where PoisonDani is last we heard she was herding Llamas in south america and she disappeared without a trace, BorkGirl too gone we’ve no idea what happened to them. So what do you say Regman? Will you do this? Will you save the city from Piss bag? No really, can you it's starting to smell like an old people's home.

 

Regman takes a deep breath..

 

ANNOUNCER: Will Regman accepted the Roosters offer and rid the city of Piss bag and his sidekick Dickhead Dan, Or will Regman go Inactive for another few months and writing this was a whole waste of time..Find out next time on the next episode of REGMAN

 

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