"Lick it, before you stick it! A motto us Dicks should all follow really. After all, there is nothing worse to a female than a dry Dick. Women love the sense of humor, the balls to stand out in a crowd and tell em like it is. The drive it takes for one to succeed and the money it takes to get there. Of course money, we are talking about the ladies right?"

Giggles travel through the crowd

"I love my ladies more then the next guy, but maybe, just maybe, that next guy just don't know how to stick it. By stick it, I mean to really land a move that will impress your possible female partner."

Pulls out a crumbled piece of paper

"First we should go over a few things not to say when trying to impress that lovely lady at dinner."

1) "You have a little extra on your chin there. Does that happen often?"

2) "I'm so full I could pop. Kinda like a schoolgirl blowing bubbles you know?"

3) "I left my wallet at home. No I'd never ask you to pay darling, let me just get one of my working ladies to run by their earnings for the day"

4) "So the priest said to the rabi...."

5) "I use to enjoy the hell out of strawberries, but ever since I injured my tongue rendering it incapable of quick movement, it just hasn't been the same."

"Anything along those lines exit your mouth and your going to have more problems then just being a dry Dick."

Stands firm and upright

"People always ask me., "How you do it dick?", "What makes your a bigger Dick then me?" (generally I would reply with length but sometimes you just don't need to hurt feelings any worse than they are) , "Where did you learn your moves Dick?"

"Honestly, if you want to know the secret then here it is. DON'T BE A HARD DICK ALL THE TIME! Women enjoy the softness when they need it. They need to be comforted, and a hard Dick at the wrong time may just push her away. Especially if your a dry Dick, because then it's just painful. So if you ever fall into a time of need, make sure you wet that noodle of yours, go put your thinking cap on and ask yourself, "What do I need to do to solve this problem?"

Ahhhhs and Ohhhhhs rumble through the crowd

"Simple as this, go into the nearest bathroom, and begin by licking the wounds that may be keeping you from making that push which get's you in. Obtain some privacy! Look into the mirror and tell yourself your the man. Get that confidence rolling before you step back into sight. Lubricate that noodle of yours with a little brain medicine, and no I don't mean coke. I mean positive thinking, don't be such a downer. All it does is cause issues in times of need. For instance, if the time calls for you to harden up at any moment, then you don't need your own self confidence issues being on the brain. You'll remain soft and vulnerable to any attack."

"My friend PatSmear will demonstrate."

At that time all the women in the crowd darted out of sight

"Hmmm wonder what that is all about. Very well, never mind PatSmear, demonstration will not be needed now. Thank you for your assistance."

PatSmear steps off the podium with a tear in his eye

"Well without demonstration I can only say to follow what I have had to say, and I'll make a promise to all of you Dick's out there. Ff you take my advice, and lick it before you stick it, not only will you find yourself happier, your lady will continue to thank you again and again, and well, until you just can't perform your act any longer. In which, it's time to move on before she finds a more suitable Dick. Thank you all for taking the time to listen to my words of wisdom and hope if you do give my tactics a try that they will work for you as they have this Dick. I am now open to any questions that anyone may have! To those departing, see you next time and always remember, Dick isn't a bad guy, he just spits at those who excite him."