"Want my apple?"  Aurora offered her friend John with a smile.

"You sure?"  The boy in threadbare flannel asked.

"Yep.  I got ham today."  She showed off her thick sandwich and passed the apple to her friend who greedily took one large bite followed by another.  

"Maybe Santa will bring you a new coat for Christmas?"  Aurora looked at John's old coat that was barely worthy of the name.  Everyone knew John's daddy hadn't worked on the docks in a while and some said John wouldn't be going to this school anymore very soon, Aurora hoped that wasn't true.  

John shrugged.  "It's not too cold out."

Aurora knew that was a lie.  It was cold, bitter cold, and it had been for several weeks now.  Aurora didn't like lies almost as much as she didn't like onions, maybe more.  Lies never lead anywhere good, that's what her momma said and while her daddy didn't say a lot about the matter (mom often talked a lot more than daddy) it was very clear where he stood on the matter.  She wished John wouldn't lie, but she knew why he was doing it.  Sometimes truth was hard, that's what mamma would say, and sometimes it even hurt.  She supposed the truth didn't make John feel none to good so that was probably why he lied.  

"Wanna play tag?"  John asked finishing his apple.  "When you're done?"

Aurora excitedly nodded with a mouth full of ham that made her cheeks slightly resemble a chipmunk.

John swung his legs as he waited patiently for Aurora to finished and in the silence, he asked, "What will you ask Santa for?"

Aurora shrugged and with a mouth full of food she spoke, "There's a baby doll in Mr. Spencer's window that I like.  Eugenia has one, she told me so.  It comes with a bib, diapers you can change, and even a bottle that has milk in it that disappears."

"Disappears?"  John said somewhat incredulous.

Aurora nodded.  "It does.  I saw it when Uncle William took me shopping last week.  We got to play with the train there too, the big one that circles under the tree.  I put twenty-two cars on it and Uncle William talked like a train driver when he pushed it.  It was so much fun!"

"Maybe you should ask Santa for a train so your Uncle can visit and play with it with you?"

Aurora shook her head, "Uncle William is a businessman, he's very busy.  He doesn't come to play often and besides, trains aren't that much fun.  All you do is push them."

"All you do with a baby is change their diaper and no one likes that."

"I do."  Aurora said with a smile.  "Babies are sweet.  Santa brought me a very fancy one last year that sits on a shelf, but I can't play with her.  I want one I can play with.  I think Santa will understand."

"SANTA!"  Gus roared with laughter. 

Gus was the tallest kid in class and as wide as any two other kids.  No one liked Gus much on account of how he took milk money from some of the littlest kids and called some kids the very worst names.  Aurora had hit him in the nose at the start of the year when he called her a 'wop' which she'd figured had to be the absolute worst thing to call someone from how much her momma hated the word, and for the most part he'd left her alone after that so she was content to ignore him.   

Gus looked around the lunchroom where the Kindergarteners through third graders milled about eating their lunches.  "Hey everyone!  Rora believes in Santa Claus!"

"Of course I do."  Aurora said defiantly.  "You best not make him angry or you get nothin' but coal for Christmas, my Grandpa Jack told me and Grandpa Jack knows everything!"

"You're such a baby - there ain't no Santa Claus!  Your grandpappy is lying to you."

Aurora put her sandwich down and lept off the bench, looking up at the bully with her hands on her hips.  "You'll take that back if you know what's good for ya, Gus Brooks.  You take it back, RIGHT NOW!"

"Oooo is wittle baby upset?  Give it up Byrne.  You got a lucky shot once.  Don't make me hit a baby and make her cry."

"Go away Gus."  John said quietly, clearly not wanting to draw the bully's attention but wanting to back up his only real friend.

"See!"  Gus said pointing a finger at John and looked back to Aurora.  "There, there's your proof!  I bet you a quarter that come Christmas morning John and all the other bums are only going to be eating at the soup kitchen and they won't have toys.  If there was a Santa Claus they'd have food and toys like the rest of us, but they won't!  You'll see and then everyone will know what a stupid baby you really are."

Aurora looked to John who looked defeated.  She lowered her voice, "I'll ask my parents.  They won't lie to me.  And John will get gifts, you'll see Gus."  She flipped her hand over and spit into her palm offering it to Gus to shake.

"One quarter?"  Gus asked.

"Let's make it interesting... a quarter and if I win you don't pick on no one for the rest of the year."

Gus narrowed his eyes, "And if I win?"

Aurora thought about it a long moment, seeming to get very serious before saying, "If you win I'll bring you an honest to goodness knife.  My dad has a lot of them and I know you like them."

"You can't get a knife."  Gus said doubtfully.

"Can so."  Aurora said firmly.

"Alright, but if you can't, I'm gonna make your face into a pancake."  He punched his own palm.  "Got it?"

Aurora nodded and watched as Gus spit on his own hand and shook hers.  

It was done. 

"You shouldn't have done that."  John said as Gus walked off.

"I believe in Santa."  She said.  "He won't let you down."

"Still... you can't steal one of your Dad's knives.  You know how mad he'd be if he knew?"

She sighed.  She DID know, but someone had to shut that bully up and he wouldn't have shook on it if she didn't offer something big!  "Doesn't matter, I won't have to steal a knife.  I'm right."

"How can you be sure?"

"My mom and dad don't lie.  There's a Santa.  I know just know it and Gus Brooks is going to answer to me for the rest of the year when you come to school with a new coat and toys.  You'll see."

Bella tucked the comforter tight around the freshly bathed little girl and leaned down to kiss her forehead.   "All snug?"

"Like a bug!"  She giggled.

Bella sat on the edge of her bed and picked up a copy of 'A Visit From Saint Nicholas' from the nightstand not noticing her daughter get sullen seemingly out of nowhere.  She cracked open the book and began to read aloud.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads..."

Bella turned and looked at Aurora, thinking to touch the tip of her nose playfully when she spoke of children snug in their beds and this was when she noticed the young girl's brow furrowed.

"Sweetie... what's wrong?"  She closed the book on her lap and turned her attention fully to the little girl.  Outside the door she could hear Gavin creeping up to sneak a peak of their bedtime ritual, as he sometimes did.  He'd come in and kiss her goodnight at the end, though on rare occasions, he'd come in and sit on the rocking chair and listen to Bella read.  He was fond of being read to and liked books almost as much as Tara, sadly his struggles with reading made him a less enthusiastic consumer of literature than even she herself was.

"Mama?" Her troubled look devolved into one of sadness.  

At the sound of sadness in her voice, Bella melted and slipped under the covers beside the girl and pulled her tight to her body, chasing off the chill and kissing her brow as she pet the girl's still wet hair.  "It's okay, Baby Girl, what is it?  Whatever it is... your Dad and I will take care of it."

"Is... is Santa a real person?"

Bella was shocked to hear the question.  All children asked it eventually but Aurora was so small!  It seemed unfathomable that she'd have such thoughts now even with her very grim origins.  "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Gus Brooks,"  Rory began.

Bella hated that damn kid.

"He says that there is no such thing as Santa and that I'm a baby because I believe in him.  He says that all the kids in the neighborhood who are poor won't get gifts or food on Christmas and that proves there is no Santa because if there was a Santa then we all should have presents."

Bella hated the kid even more now.  Brooks' family had money, plenty of it. His father was a union leader down on the docks and he had a job that wasn't going anywhere soon to say nothing of the profits he made off other men's dues.  Gavin had looked into Brooks after Aurora had socked his nose at school, despite giving him every toy under the sun the fellow was an unreasonable ass to his son.  In fact, the Gavin of old might have shot the man... but these days Gavin could see the gray areas of life a lot better (though she suspected he hated them utterly.)  The man provided for his family, he never hurt his wife, he fought for the dock workers and in that he was an utter pitbull and because of him people there were safer and happier.  They were also making a living wage while bringing in a lot of cash for the businesses of Race Street Pier.  Sadly, he was hard on his kid, as some fathers were... as her own father had been and might have been to Aurora if she'd grown up with him.  

"What do you think?"  Bella asked the little girl.

"You and Dad don't lie."  She said sniffling back tears.  

"Well,"  Bella chuckled.  "We have on occasion... but we do try not to."

Aurora sat up, "But you said lies hurt people.  You said what you have to do to keep a secret hurts people."

Bella sat up and took the little girl's hands.  "I wish I could tell you that we never hurt people, but I think you know the truth regarding that?"

Aurora merely nodded.

"All anyone in this life can do is their best.  You make choices and sometimes they're going to be the wrong ones.  I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and some of them I deeply regret and wish I could take back even now."  Bella brushed a hair off Aurora's tiny face.  "So, you must try to hold to the things you value and when you can not, when you ... mess up and make mistakes ... you must face the consequences of your actions with strength.  Accept what you've done, endure what you must, and then commit to a course of action that will help you avoid making the same mistakes again."

"Does that mean you told a lie about Santa?"  Aurora's voice sounded pained, it was a terrible sound.  Bella stood up from the bed and walked to the bookshelf in the little girl's room and glanced out the door to meet Gavin's blue gaze looking at her expectantly.  She pulled a thick book from the shelf and walked back to the bed without a word.

"What's that?"

"These aren't stories like I usually read to you.  I bought these from a traveling salesman a year after you came to live with us.  I thought these books would be helpful to you as you get older and learn more in school  They are called Encyclopedias.  They are books of collected knowledge about nearly everything in the world... including famous people."

"Like Santa?"  Aurora said excitedly.

"Like Santa."  Bella said with a smile and she flipped to the article on Catholic Saints and showed the picture to the little girl.  

Aurora wrinkled her nose.  "Why is he dressed so funny?"

Bella chuckled.  "Well, Saint Nicholas of Myra or Bari isn't exactly as the children think of him today.  Like all the other Saints we learn about at church, he is a man of God first and foremost but... he's known for his generosity and great travels.  And the stories about him are told all over the world and like all stories, somethings are changed with every telling.  Every child in the world, for example, wants to think of Santa as being a man who comes from where they come from.  They like to think of Santa as being ... well, THEIR Santa.  And so, the stories change and grow more elaborate but I can tell you with all honesty two things."

Bella closed her book.  "Firstly, Saint Nicholas most certainly is real.  Without a doubt, we know all about where he lived and grew up when he still walked among men and women just like us, and Churches still teach the lessons of his great generosity to this very day that we can all become better people by learning from his example."

Aurora gave a happy sob and hugged Isabella.

"Secondly, you must know that there are many things in this world we can not see or touch... but feel.  Can anyone tell you what faith looks like?  Or Love?  Both have great power in our world and are as real as the sun and the moon - even if they sometimes feel equally distant from us.  You can choose to not believe in Love or Faith... just as you can choose not to believe in Santa Claus.  There is much proof from the brokenhearted and faithless that neither God nor Love exist... but I would say this to the Gus Brooks' of the world: would you really want to live in a world that had neither faith nor love - both of which are key parts of the man we call Santa?"

Aurora shook her head no.

"You're a smart girl.  I fear smarter than your father or I."  Bella smiled down at the girl who was now crawling back down between her blankets.  "One day... maybe this year, or ten from now, you might decide to not believe in Santa.  Maybe, you will simply forget because you've outgrown toys and are a busy woman with a life of your own.  And on the day you realize that you've left Santa behind... you'll find a new wonder.  Do you know what that is?"

"No."  She whispered.

"Helping others to believe in what they can't see by having faith in them when they have no faith for themselves & by loving them even if they think they don't know what love really is.  You'll make sure they know how important it is to have faith and love in your life and in that way - you will become Santa's helper."

"Maybe you'll marry a wonderful man and become his wife.  Maybe you'll have daughters of your own and have this same conversation I'm having with you now and in that way... your children will always know me.  But, I know one thing for sure, and that's this - no matter how much bullies like Gus hurt you, no matter how much flack they give you for having faith in something you can't see, if you want him there... Santa will be a part of your life and Gus Brooks... well, like toys, you'll leave him behind in time.  So, Aurora Byrne, who do you want have faith in?  Gus Brooks?  Or Santa?"

Aurora smiled.  "Santa.  I want to believe in Santa."

Bella bent down and hugged her tightly.  "And so long as that is true... I and your father will believe right along with you.  In fact, I'm going to turn off your light and go write the old man a letter this very minute."

"You mean it?"  Aurora asked.

Bella nodded.  "You said yourself... I don't lie, right?"  

Aurora laughed.

"Have faith, sweet girl, more than the muscles your father is training up in that gym ... faith will keep you going when you've got nothing left to give.  I promise you that."  She stands up.  "Get some sleep now.  We'll read this story tomorrow night."

"I love you, Mama."  Bella gave Rory a kiss and felt Gavin come up beside her to kiss the little girl as well.  On their way out of the room, they turned off the light and walked back across the huge apartment.  Bella put away toys as she went, wordlessly.  Only after they got to their own room and she began picking up a pen and paper did she finally say something to Gavin.

"That little thug deserves a red bottom for trying to ruin Rory's holiday.  I can't believe that brat would do something so horrible!"  She sighed and looked at Gavin as she settled into their bed.  "Please tell me you're not upset with me for helping her to believe just a little longer?" 

Gavin shrugged.

Bella thought about it for a moment.  at first she was a little annoyed that Gavin didn’t have more to say about the matter but then she realized how unlikely it was that he had much of a Christmas as a child and the holiday probably didn’t hold the same importance to him as it did to her. No fond memories of waking up early and coming down to the tree in her pajamas and unwrapping presents, enjoying a large meal with friends or family. None of that was ever something he had known before Aurora had come into their lives. To him it was probably apples and oranges whether or not they even told her where the gifts came from or why.

”Some of my very best memories as a child are around this holiday.  It’s important to me that no one spoils this occasion for her and that she has similar happy memories. I just want to make sure that she has a normal childhood and that no one steals any of the experience from her. She’s already had so much taken from her already.”

Bella picked up her pencil and wrote across the top of the page Operation Santa Claus.

”Gus  maybe a little jerk for telling her such things but he’s a jerk with a point… So I think I am going to give our daughter what she really wants for Christmas and I’m not talking about that doll in the window at the toy store. If I can hire men to break into homes to steal things and not get caught, it stands to reason that someone should be able to break into a home and leave things too...  don’t you think? I wonder how many children live in our neighborhood.”

Gavin had always thought a lot more than he spoke. For most of his life, for every one hundred thoughts he had he probably vocalized two or three of them. Since meeting Bella, that number had climbed steadily upward- although he doubted he'd ever catch her when it came to expression.

"Christmas" was an interesting topic for Gavin. It just wasn't a focus of his childhood. If anything, the Christmas of his youth had been more implied than explicit. A small extra something from his more. Exchanging homemade gifts with Tara. 

He sighed, knowing that Bella would be mad if he just left things at a shrug. He flipped onto his back and looked at the ceiling, expression unchanging but inwardly steeling himself for a fight.

"I'm sure you've noticed that I've never said anything at to her about Christmas or any of that stuff. It's all just..."

He squinted, trying and failing to find a better word. Resigned, he continued.

"... bullshit. I'm not going to lie to her. Ever. That's a bigger gift than anything else she could get, isn't it?"

"Bullshit?"  Bella's hackles raised, her brown eyes narrowed to near slits, her words came out sharp and defensive at first, "I am not ..." 

Lying?  Fuck.  Is the nature of Santa Claus an argument I can win if I come at it from a position of claiming I'm NOT lying?!?

She looked at his blue eyes glued to the ceiling, just shy of rolling into his head at the shrill sound of her somewhat less legendary temper tantrums.  She'd become less prideful about her outbursts, and instead of thinking about them as part of her heritage, she'd come to associate them with the reason her father likely killed Marie and likely got himself killed as well.  Viewed in that light, her temper could be called dangerous or embarrassing... perhaps even childish, the way Aurora behaved when she was a toddler.  In this way, Bella had indulged her rage less and less over the last few years, giving over only when she'd become so angry she forgot to keep it in check.

Part of her was very annoyed at him for calling anything important to her 'bullshit' and yet, she told herself that she could understand where he was coming from.  The truth was, she pitied him and if Gavin knew that then HE might be the one angry.  So, she'd keep that part to herself.  Although it was true, it was hard to be angry at Gavin for the suffering his father had inflicted upon him. 

Bella sat up a little taller in the bed and turned herself towards him.  She would try her damnedest not to make this a fight while still holding her ground.  She didn't want to fight with Gavin, and certainly not about something as special as Christmas.  This was something they should be on a page about - sharing joy with a child... their child, the only child they'd ever raise together!  

Her features softened and she was silent until he clearly couldn't take his own curiosity at her silence any longer and he glanced at her.  As his blue eyes met hers she said meaningfully, "This is important to me."

She lowered her voice and let her eyes drift away from his, "It's no more a lie to laugh over gifts being brought from Santa than it is to pretend we enjoy tea was in the teacups she brings us during play time.  Or that's how I see it, at least.  I mean, you don't throw an empty cup at a child and tell them there's nothing in the glass when they want to share with you and you don't tell them there's no Santa if they want to imagine flying reindeer brought their gifts in a magic sleigh." 

She shakes her head.  "We dream with her for as long as she wants to dream, just like we'll keep drinking pretend tea from empty cups.  This one day a year we can pretend, for just a little while, that the world is a better place than it is and we can do our damnedest to make it so.  And while we do that most every single day of our lives, this one night we can do it with food and gifts instead of bullets and knives.  On Christmas, her dreams of what the world is can be true.  We are encouraged to be our best selves because of her and is that really wrong, Gavin?"

She looks down at him, "I'm going to give gifts to the kids of South Philly this year.  Food too if I can figure the logistics.  I'll be damned if there isn't a Santa in our neighborhood this year and... I understand why if you can't be a part of it... but I won't say that I'm not disappointed because... well, I thought it might be fun."

She shrugged and looked away, patting his arm as if to tell him he was really off the hook.  "But if you really feel like you'd be doing her more harm than good by not being involved in giving kids of the neighborhood toys and gifts... if you really think she'd think less of you for this sort of lie, then I won't push you and whatever comes of it will be on my head alone."

Gavin turned his head and looked at Bella.

"I do enjoy the tea. That is dreaming with her. But it's not lying to her. You said 'pretend, for just a little while, that world is a better place than it is'. How is that preparing her for life? To have her parents lie to her? Santa is important to her now. If we lie, doesn't that set a precedent? Why should she trust us on other things? I don't think that I'm my best self when I'm lying to my kid."

Gavin frowned.

"I'll keep my mouth shut, and I won't go out of my way to spoil things. But if she asks me directly... I'm telling her the truth."

"I'm not saying I wouldn't help deliver things- as long as people know their coming from us. Tara always talks about winning the community over. But I don't want kids to think their problems are all going to solved by magic guys with beards who are always watching them. I don't want her to believe in Santa. Or God. I want her to believe in herself, her family, and her friends."

"I know you're disappointed. But I am who I am. I won't stop you from this, if it's what you really want."

Bella's brow furrowed and she frowned.  She sat silently for a bit and then got up leaving her pad of paper labeled 'Operation Santa Claus' on the bed next to Gavin, forgotten. 

She stood at the window, looking across the city, clearly troubled for a long while in silence - gathering her thoughts. 

"I've always thought of Santa as a symbol."  She said quietly, rubbing her temple.  "One every child embraces and every parent upholds.  The transition from believer to enforcer is as strangely sacred as being Made in most families.  It's a rite of passage.  In many ways, it is a clear statement of a person's transition from a world filled with childish things like toys and games of pretending to something much more adult."

She looks over her shoulder to Gavin, "I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  She's just a little girl." 

She shakes her head.  "She's barely more than a baby, Gavin.  Why should a punk like Gus Brooks determine that her childhood is at an end and why should my fear of being made to be a liar cause us to pull the trigger on her joy?  Are we really better parents for hurting her this way?  For forcing an innocent girl out into the harsh realities of the world before she needs to go?  Isn't it our job to shield her, to guide her towards adulthood - yes, but also to flourish as the child she is right now?" 

Her nostrils flared and her lips were pressed tight, but her eyes were glistening as she stared at his icy blue eyes watching her.  Bella was torn between the philosophies of truth she'd come to uphold and the parts of her life that had built the foundation of the woman she was. 

"I know which path is easier for you and I... but is that really what's right for her?  She isn't a mini-adult.  She's a child and I'm worried this will change her.  And once it's done, there's no undoing it.  Will we really be okay with that?"

She sighed, unsure of the answer to that question herself.  She looked back out to the falling snow.

"Santa may not be a man, but what he does for this terrible world is bring a bit of hope and light where there is too little of it.  That story was a big part of my own childhood and it didn't hurt me.  In fact, I wonder if I'm not better for it.  I never thought of my mother as a liar for sharing that experience with me and so no... it never occurred to me, not even for a moment, that I was lying to Rory.  Not because I'm a fool but because I don't think it's wrong to tell a little girl that on one night a year most of the human race shares in a tradition centered on the best qualities of mankind.  That we all laugh a little easier, love a little more freely, and give when normally we're selfish assholes - and all in an effort to uphold a symbol we've mutually agreed upon:  Santa."

Her shoulders sank as she watched the snow storm raging on outside.

"But... if this is how you really feel then I'll talk to her tomorrow.  I'll have Neil pick up some cocoa and I'll sit her down and break it to her as gently as I can.  I don't know how... but ... I will.  I'm the one who's pushed the Santa thing, it's only right I'm the one to tell her." 

She swallowed the large painful lump in her throat.