Beowulf walked home from his friend’s house, tossing a baseball into the air with his right and then catching it with the leather mitt on his left hand.  The sun was just approaching the horizon and the air was warm on this summer day in the Pacific Northwest.

Approaching his home, he could see that his mom had opened the doors and windows to let fresh air fill the two story house at the end of Scott Street.  And then he saw his mom carrying a ladder from the garage into the lower level of the home.  Watching her intently, he quietly followed her as she moved from the entry way and into the front room area.

Standing in the entry way, Beowulf watched him mom, with her back to him, unfold the small ladder under a light in the middle of the room that had burned out the previous day.  His mother worked very hard as a single parent to maintain their home and this was just one of many tasks that she did without complaint.

Intently, he watched his mother climb the ladder and carefully remove the burnt out bulb.  As a new bulb was screwed into the socket, the light flickered, then began to shine brightly.  With satisfaction, Beowulf’s mother climbed back down the ladder. 

Just as she set both feet on the ground, Beowulf reached over and simply turned off the light switch next to the entry way.  Instantly, his mother stopped and stared up at the light fixture.  After several seconds, she climbed back up the ladder.  As soon as she reached out and touched the newly installed light bulb, Beowulf turned the light switch back on.  Watching his mother attempt to tighten the bulb for a second time, a devilish grin crossed his face.

Satisfied once again, Beowulf’s mother climbed back down the ladder.  And once again, as both feet touched the floor, he turned off the light switch.  With this, his mother said “What the Fuck?” under her breath and stared at the dark fixture for several more seconds.  Beowulf had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing out loud from hearing his mother use such language and frustration.

With a deep sigh, Beowulf’s mother climbed back up the ladder and just as she reached for the light, he turned the light switch on once again.  His mother just stood there, arm extended and only inches from the bulb, transfixed by the light. 

Then Beowulf began to quickly turn the light on and off, causing his mother to quickly pull back her hand as if the light had somehow become possessed.  And with this, a chuckle escaped his lips, giving up his ruse.  Head whipping around in his direction, his mother glared at him before saying “In your room you little asshole!”

This was not the first, nor the last time his mother called him a “little asshole”.

Beowulf was out in the front of his house, playing catch with Blake, his next door neighbor.  The light from the day was slowly fading and he guessed it was around 8pm.  As he scooped up a grounder that Blake had thrown, Beowulf saw his mom's car pulling onto their street and, and as if related, he felt his stomach begin to growl with the thoughts of dinner.

Telling his friend "Gotta go, Mom's home!", he threw one last ball and then raced to the driveway just as his mom stopped the car.  As she stepped from the car, he could see from the look on her face that her day at work had been stressful, which was reinforced with her reserved "Hey Honey...Grab the back of groceries from the back seat, will ya".

Doing as she asked, he quickly grabbed the grocery sack and followed her into the house.  Once inside, he sat at the table and watched as he mom first put away the groceries then asked "How about some eggs and toast, I'm really tired?"  Several minutes later, she set a plate in front of him with three over-easy eggs and two pieces of toast.  Beowulf looked at her quizzically as she didn't fix any for herself.  Reading his expression, she said "I'm gonna take a bath and simply have a glass of wine" before turning and heading toward her room.

Beowulf quickly finished his dinner and set the plate in the sink.  Walking to his room, he could hear the bath water running from the bathroom they jointly shared.  Grabbing a coin, he walked over and sat down at his small desk.  Holding the quarter on it's side, he used his index finger to flick the edge, causing the coin to spin rapidly around the center of his desk.  As he played with the coin, he heard the bath water shut off.

Getting bored with the coin trick, Beowulf looked around the room and spot is wooden snake.  Having won the prize at a carnival a few weeks prior, he loved his prize, even if he was scared of real snakes.  He picked it up and loved the way the wooden pieces allowed the body to flex and the details of the painted face on the end of the wood carving.  As he sat there, he heard the splashing of water from his mother's bath.

A devilish grin crossed Beowulf's face as his mind raced.  Quietly, he crossed over to the doorway and slowly twisted the handle.  With a triumphant smile on his face, he found that the door was unlocked.  He slowly opened it a crack and gazed inside.  The bathtub/shower that he and his mother shared had a sliding mirrored glass door which was slid to one end, opposite where the faucet protruded from the wall.  This blocked his mom's view of the door.  Slowly, he opened the door, silently praying that the door hinge would not squeak, giving away his hidden location.

Slowly inching his way over to the mirror, he had to remind himself to breath.  He waited for an indication of what his mom was doing.  Then he heard the movement of water and saw his mother's feet placed up on the far end of the tub and knew that she had laid down horizontally, fully immersing her body in the hot water.  Quietly, he slid the mirrored door over so that a gap now existed near the top of the tub, near where his mother's head would be.

Moving slowly, he began to slide the snake into the crack and then into the tub area.  He stopped and waited for some type of reaction.  When nothing happened after several seconds, he slid the snake in farther.  After several more seconds, yet again, he slide the snake inside the opening and was sure that it was probably reaching down to the water by now.  He waited.  And waited.

Just as he was about to give up on this joke, all hell broke loose.  The first thing he heard was his mother's feet pounding against the wall at the end of the tub, followed by a massive amount of splashing as his mother must have just noticed the toy snake sitting by her head.  Unsure whether he lost his grip or the snake was knocked from his hand, the snake fell into the water and the splashing and pounding against the far was intensified.  

Beowulf suddenly realized that this little joke may have went too far.  As splashing continued, he quickly backed out of the room and closed the door.  He went over and laid on his bed and waited for the inevitable.  Seconds later, he door was flung open and there stood his mom, naked and covered in soapy water, panting heavily as she glared at him.  She raised her hands and they were shaking.  Then his mom said "You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE".  With one quick action, she slammed the bathroom door shut and he heard the click of the lock going into position.

Beowulf thought to himself I was upgraded to a Fucking Asshole!