"Recently I have been under a lot of criticism regarding my public speeches that maybe the vulgarity or sexual content may be offensive to some women. If not more then most, I myself have the up most respect for women, and they tend to have a bit of respect for Dick if you know what I mean, hubba hubba. I just wanted to come publicly, since it's what I'm good at, and ask the ladies themselves, is it true?"

Richard looks around preparing for a hand bag to be thrown his direction

"Ok so no hand bag. That's a positive sign!"

Smiles

"In all honesty, I have never intended to offend anyone and if I did, whoops. Maybe the Mafia isn't meant for your virgin ears."

A hand reaches out from under the podium and slaps his leg. Seeing it, confused faces appeared on some of the individuals in the crowd.

"Sorry please pretend you didn't see that. Now I want to start off by apologizing the only way I know how, one hundred percent Dick style."

Anxiety

"I apologize to all the people male or female I have offended by publicly making obscene remarks. It is unfair to them that they lack a sense of humor, and lack the knowledge of what exactly a hand job may be, and no it does not mean "To throw a punch."."

Shakes Head

"I apologize that I have been gifted with a mushroom shaped head. It must be horrible to see something resembling a penis reminding you of just how much of a sex life you really don't have. I am so so sorry."

Tension

"I apologize for being so god damned sexy. I know it's not fair to you, my hardened butt-ox, my scrumptious thick lips, my doo doo brown hair, my big dark ocean blue eyes, and my muscular ripped thighs put you at a total disadvantage and for that I am sorry."

Richard light's a joint

"So you see, I really don't mean to offend anyone. It's hard being Dick sometimes I tell ya. Not because of my beautiful mushroom shaped dome, but because I am just a really nice person and for some reason really nice people get the blunt end of the stick."

Richard stares over into the crowd and spots someone he recognizes

"See Barnie over there? He hasn't gotten laid since the time at the park when he thought AbbieHoffman was a chick. Yet he continues to promote me with inspiration. So maybe it's not offending everyone."

"Too those I may have offended, here is my public apology."

Dick finishes with the individual hiding under the podium. Richard then hops off the stage and steps back into the alley. Happy and relieved.

I, BlueWaffle can honestly say that I love Dick and just cant get enough :)

"Well thank you Blue. Oh and for the record, Dick enjoys him some waffles from time to time, if you know what I mean."

Richard winks and goes back to perfecting his new dance the funky chicken.

Well, as I have expressed many times and even admitted to him personally, I do love a bit of dick. His apparences in the streets though frequent are at least entertaining. And who doesn't like a dick that can entertain you? So to all those complaining about the amount of times you see Dick around our streets, why not show him up by giving us something else to get wet, erm, I mean excited over?

Just as Alabama turns to leave she hears BlueWaffle comment

Thank fcuk im not the only one.

Anita chuckles at the topic of conversation at this corner and decides to stop and throw in her two cents...

If there's any woman out there who doesn't love as much dick as she can get, she is a lesbian and should move to Paris.

I, myself, love Dick.  And the more mushroom shaped his head is, the more I love it. 

"I have expressed many times and even admitted to him personally," ............. "why not show him up by giving us something else to get wet, erm, I mean excited over?"

"Yes I can verify she has expressed MANY times personally just how thankful she really is, and she really did mean what she said before correcting herself."

Richard thrusts his hips jokingly and lights a joint

Bella takes a look around. 

Dick is only fun if I get to play with him. Unfortunately I have not had the chance so I really can't comment on whether I like him or not.

She frowns and runs off in search of Dick. 

Just be carefull, Bella. The more you play with him, the messier things can get.

I will use the neccessary protection. Thank you for the advice, Alabama.

Richard takes charge of the situation, runs into his place, don's a cape and black mask and darts toward Bella screaming:

"TAA DAHHH!!! Have no fear Dick is here!!"

Startled by the well toned cape wearing Richard, Bella dropped her jaw in shock

"I hear your in search of some Dick. Well look no further!"

Takes Bella's hand

"I think I have just the right thing for you. Alabama can vouch, just follow me."

As they departed down the alley, the crowd of people left on the streets became baffled and confused.

Well Well Well Mr. Dick. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.

Bella smiles at the Dick curious how such a thing could have hands looking like that.

I can't wait to see all the tricks you can do.

She winks.

I'm a man. But I can always use me some good dick.