As a child you see this world different from most. Love was never taught, but a feeling deep in your heart that came at random intervals. You didn't understand this feeling, but knew that person or place would bring warmth to your being. Not seeing them for only short moments would make you question your choices. Was those words really needed or only brought up due to anger. We all live a life of what ifs, but what if that was not true. What if we all lived a life of choices that was predetermined. A life where we knew the outcome at the present time, but fell short before it happened to only question our self with "What if?". You get this feeling that cuts at your soul to where you can barely breathe. Where you feel as if no one is near you to listen to your words or hear your cries. You are left alone dying inside only to wonder where it all went wrong. The memories you shared, the laughter that electrocuted your heartbeat, the smiles that took your breath away. They call it butterflies when you fall in love, but what would be the terms when you fall out of it? Most people learned hatred from a heartbreak, but is that what hatred really is? When you wish harmful situations for someone who once brightened your day. Someone you prayed every night would come home but never did. What if they never left and was next to you the whole time. Well at least that's how it would seem even knowing they were far away. The funny thing with distance though is how is it really measured? The love of your life can be in the next room, but feel as if they are a million miles away. We never really understand our choices until its too late and our decisions are left with someone else figuring out what to do. Someone else to pick up the pieces of where you left off. Someone else asking themselves what if?

Suicidal Whispers: Episode 1 - Part 1 of 3.

"Her Story"

It all started over a decade ago when i saw him waiting outside to be picked up from school. He didn't speak to many people and kept to himself and maybe that is what kept my glued to him. A lot of kids would pick on him, but i guess that was the fun thing to do. All i could ever do was watch from a far wanting to walk over every time when he was being bullied. Elementary school was coming to an end and i still haven't introduced myself to him. Maybe next year will be the year where we have our first conversation. The summer took years to come to a closure, but it was finally the first day of school. I wore a light blue dress with my hair in a ponytail that my mother did for me. I was so excited for my first day of class, but the happiness to see him again was so powerful. Sounds of the school bus pulling up to my house could be heard as i hugged my mother goodbye. My heart felt as if it was skipping beats each step i took. Finding a seat while hearing the stories of what everyone did over the summer kept me quite entertain. The only thing is my mind was elsewhere and that was fine with me. After a short drive the bus was pulling into the parking lot at the school as all the kids begin getting off and walking to class. I started looking for him in the hallways, but still didn't see him around. All i could think of was maybe he switched schools or worse, something happened to him over the summer. Time was running out and i didn't want to be late for class so i headed that way. Upon entering the room i saw a lot of my friends were in the same class so that made me quite happy. I took a seat towards the back as i took out a piece of paper to write notes. I guess ill have to wait another day to get a chance at saying hello. Well at least that is what i was thinking as everything started to feel numb to me now. The teacher begin to speak as everyone focused on her. Not me, i was in another world. About 30 minutes into class a knock could be heard coming from the door as a student walked in. I wanted to feel so happy, but it looked as if he had a rough summer and i felt terrible. I wanted to reach out to him everyday after, but he was so quiet. The kids stop bullying him and to me it felt as if he was all alone. Sixth grade ended and once again summer felt like a lifetime. This year i decided to wear another dress, but it was dull yellow. My hair was straight down and i placed a small daffodil color flower in my hair. It wasn't much, but my mother said i was beautiful as i walked and got on the bus. This year would be the year and nothing was stopping me. As i got to school and started walking to class i felt a tap on my shoulders from behind. As i turned around and looked it was him. He actually noticed me and wanted to talk. I didn't realized that my shoelaces were untied, but he did. Standing with unspoken words i couldn't think of anything to say. I think he knew i was nervous because he started to speak.

My name is Dillon and you are?

My name, my name is.... What is my name she thought to herself.

My name is Ame.. Amelia.

My body begin to weaken and it felt as if the world was lifted off of my shoulders. It felt as if i could fly away and it was a feeling that made me feel as if nothing else in this world mattered at this present time. Just gazing into his eyes all i could do was smile.

Amelia, that's such a beautiful name.

The butterflies started going through her body and if you looked close enough you could tell Dillon felt the same way. Almost if they were meant for each other at such a young age. From that day nothing could keep them apart and that's what she always wanted. Middle school was coming to an end and high school was almost over. She dressed up in a red dress with sparkles that fitted down each side of her dress. Her hair was wrapped in a bun, but you could tell she took her time dressing up. You could hear the sound of a doorbell ring echoing through the house. Her mother opened up the door as Amelia came walking down the stairs. Dillon was standing by the door waiting for her. Dressed in a black suit with a matching red shirt to go with her dress all he could do was stare at her in how beautiful she was. Placing a red carnation on her right wrist they take a photo together before going out the door to prom. As they arrived everything was quiet when the two of them entered the building. Everyone just stood and looked at them as they made it to the dance floor. Looking into his eyes she pictured this her whole life. She really never thought any of it would come true, but that guy she never knew of his name was standing in front if her. This guy was holding her close as they danced the night away. This guy she came to fall hard for didn't let go of her when the music stop, but would whisper softly in her ear. A smile could be seen going across her face as they turned to kiss each other. This guy she started to love was name Dillon. The prom was coming to a closure and everyone was slowly walking out, but we stayed on the floor holding each other. We stayed slowly turning in circles not wanting this night to end. The lights became dimmer and the floor was completely emptied. We knew it was time to go, but i wasn't ready to go home and i believe he didn't want that either. 

Lets go somewhere else Dillon. I'm not ready for the night to end right now.

Dillon looks Amelia in her eyes and takes her hand as they both walk out of prom to the car. The parking lot was empty besides a couple cars left behind from a few friends that decided to ride together somewhere else. The night was young and and she wanted to make the best of it. Not knowing what tomorrow would hold she wanted to cherish every moment with him. Dillon started driving as she just sits in the passenger seat gazing out the window. Not knowing where he is driving her to she just waits patiently. Looking at the stars and thinking of a future she would have with him she feels the car started to slow down. As she look at her surroundings she notices a lake is near by with a full grown willow tree right beside of it. The two of them walk towards the lake as he takes his jacket off and places it over her shoulders. You could feel the goosebumps on her arms as there was a soft chill this evening. As they laid down beside the tree Dillon placed his back up against the side of it to let her lay on him. As they just looked at the water the discussed their plans in the coming months with school being over. Amelia wanted to further her education. However she wanted to do so locally so she could stay close to her family. Dillon just smiled at her and said he wanted to stay close to home as well. Knowing that they two would remain in town for awhile a lot of relief was lifted off the two of them. Amelia turned her head back and started leaning towards Dillon lips. As the begin to kiss you could see the breath coming off of their lips into the air. Dillon slowly lifts Amelia dress up slowly while still kissing her. She gets nervous and tells him to slow down, but he continues. She gives in and starts to unbuckle his pants as the two of them start breathing heavy. He slowly unzips her zipper on the back of her dress as he pulls it down pass her shoulders. You could see her body gasping as he turns her over and begins to kiss on her neck. Slowly going down pass her neck to her cleavage he places his lips softly around them. As she pulls his pants down they fade together until the sun could be see rising over the lake not realizing how much time has passed Dillon rushes her home. Not discussing anything on the ride to her house it made her feel kind of numb. Made her feel as if this might of been a mistake. Dillon could sense something was wrong so he took her hand as he drove to comfort her. That brought a little bit of light back into her heart and she was ease from it. Pulling up to the house he dims the lights as the car comes to a complete stop. She reaches over to kiss him before she gets out of the car as they make plans to see each other soon. As she walks to the house she steps quietly to not alarm anyone of her being out so late. Luckily she was able to make it into her room without being noticed. Going into her room she laid in her bed thinking of the night she just had. Such an unbelievable outcome that started when she first saw him waiting to be picked up from school. The days went by and they couldn't be separated from each other. Every chance they had they were spending time as one and visiting the willow tree every so often. A few weeks went by and Amelia started to feel feel sick to her stomach. A lot of times it would occur when she was waking up in the mornings. She didn't know what what was going on so she spoke with her mother about the details. Her mother decided to take her to the hospital knowing what this was likely, but wanted a bit of closure. Sure enough, Amelia became pregnant that night when nothing else mattered. She became distant from her family because she was embarrassed, but was also forced to keep away from Dillon. A few months went by and you could see that her stomach was growing. Her mother left for a few days and Dillon must of known because a couple hours after her mother left he showed up at her house. Sounds of knocking could be heard at the door as Amelia slowly gets up to answer it. As the door opens you could see the tiredness in her eyes, but you can also notice her stomach most of all. As Dillon looks at her he just smiles as he walks in.

Suicidal Whispers: Episode 1 - Part 2 of 3.

"His Story Part 1."

A single gunshot could be heard echoing through the halls as a large thump hit the ground. Being suspicious Dillon quietly walked out of his room and to the steps. You could see the nervous look come across his face as he looked down over the railing. The tears started to flood his eyes and anger became a trembling motion where his whole body started to go in shock. With no words to express his silent screams became a constant vibration through his whole being. As he stared down looking at the body with a puddle of blood slowly forming around he didn't know what to do. Running to his room as he locks the door behind him he goes beneath his bed. All these emotions he was feeling all at once made him pass out. A few moments later the sounds of footsteps could be heard going up the staircase. As the doorknob to his room started to turn it was quickly jammed. A constant turn to open the door led to a throbbing banging on the door. 

Open this damn door you little shit. Open this DAMN DOOR NOW....

Words from his father could be heard as he tried to get into Dillon bedroom.

Just wait...........Just wait until i get this door open... Your ass is going to pay for this. 

Sounds of his father mumbling could be heard as the footsteps faded away from his bedroom. Dillon is still passed out under the bed without a clue of what was going on. Sounds of footsteps quickly coming towards the bedroom could be heard as his father slams into the door. BANG as you hear the door crack. He takes a step back and charges again. BANG as the door broke off the hinges. As he enters the room you could hear the closest door open with empty hangers being pushed to the side. Turning to the bed he walks over to it and bends down. Placing both his hands underneath the bed railing he lifts the bed up on its side as it tilts against the wall. See Dillon just laying on the floor he grabs both of his legs as he pulls him out the room. With the movement of his body Dillon slowly begin to take up. Coming to a focus you can hear him starting to scream. Trying to attach himself to anything close by was a repeated failed attempt. Sounds of his body being dragged down the stairs could be heard. Reaching the bottom of the stairs Dillon grabs a hold of his mother, but a dead corpse wouldn't be any kind of help in this situation. Holding on as tight as possible his father turns to him as he pulls his hand back. With a quick and heavy force you could feel the breath come out of Dillon. Passing out again his father opens up a basement door as he throws him inside. Sounds of multiple locks could be heard as the father walks away. As the father walks away he goes to the kitchen table. Grabbing a piece of paper and pen of the counter he sits down and begins to write.

Its not the wrongs we commit, but likely the regrets we live with. I have neither one of these and don't plan on expressing shit to you. Ever since you were born you were the reason for everything that went wrong. Your mother, that stupid bitch she was attitude came the day we brought you home from the hospital. If you don't learn anything in life you can bet your ass its only.....

Sounds of sirens could be heard in the distance coming closer to the house.

Fucking cops i swear.

Continuing to write he finishes up before heading to the front door. Grabbing a shotgun propped up by the door he heads outside to the porch. Seeing the flashing lights pulling up to the house he starts walking towards them. A officer can be seen getting out of the car demanding him to stop and place the gun down. With no intent to stop he keeps walking towards them. As he goes to lift the shotgun up you could hear multiple gunshots as the father falls down to the ground. Gasping for air he slowly bleeds out as the officers do a search on the rest of the premises. Upon entering the home they see a woman laying in a puddle of blood next to a staircase. One of the officers notices small bloody hand prints that looked to drag away from the body down the whole. Following the blood the officers reach a door with locks on it. A few moments later you could hear them prying the door open as the begin to walk down the stairs to the basement.

10-52... I repeat 10-52.

One of the officers ran down to the bottom of the basement to check on Dillon. His breathing was very faint, but he was still alive. A few moments later sounds of an ambulance could be heard in the distance getting closer to the house. The officer stayed close to Dillon until the medics arrived. Once on scene they were directed to the basement where Dillon was. Upon reaching him he was placed on a stretcher and a oxygen mask was placed over his face. Fading into the distance the sirens whispered away.

Suicidal Whispers: Episode 1 - Part 2 of 3.

"His Story Part 2."

After the death of both parents Dillon grew up in a foster home for a short couple of months. He had been through so much at such a young age that he rarely would speak. Hard in trusting people he often was seen sitting in the distance away from the other kids. Being picked on for his weirdness by his peers he became a loner through their eyes. After being adopted it took some time to adjust, but he felt as if his life was getting back on track. It felt as if he was becoming normal again and that's all he ever wanted. He knew he had a mother and father, but he decided to build new memories to cherish close. Not that long after being adopted he was starting school. He was nervous to the core, but was ready for a journey he needed to take. Being young he didn't understand much about how life worked, but his story was far from over. First day of school came and it was terrible. His peers knew who Dillon was and would make jokes about his crazy dad that killed his mother. Some would even speak onto why was he even alive. No one seem to like him and it killed him inside. He didn't understand what he had ever done to any of these kids or why they could be so mean. It all started as words, but eventually became physical and all he could do was scream for help. There were times where he would reach out for help, but no one would intervene. One day he was in front of the school waiting to be picked up by his adopted parents when he noticed a girl in the corner of his eyes that he remembered seeing before. He tried to figure out where, but didn't spend that much time thinking about it. His ride finally showed up as he opened the backdoor to get in. Looking out the window he took a glimpse at the girl standing in the distance. The night came to an end and the next day was no better. Dillon was brutally attacked while going to the restroom by a few of his peers. Being able to barely move he got himself up and went to class. Over the next few months nothing changed and no matter how many times he screamed for helped or spoke to the teachers nothing was ever done about the bullying. School finally came to an end as he stood in front waiting for his adopted parents to pick him up. Sounds of a car horn could be heard as he started walking to the car. He could sense something was wrong when he opened the door, but kept quiet. As they drove off and went home you could feel emotions flowing through the air. Almost as if no one wanted to start the conversation.

Whats wrong mom......... dad?

His mother turned around as she took his hand. Seeing a few tears fall down the side of her face he couldn't help himself, but to keep asking. Not knowing or being responded to they finally made it home. While driving down the dirt road a police car could be seen parked outside of the house.

Whats going on? Please tell me whats going on. What did i do. What did..........

The car came to a stop as his mother looked to him in a attempt to explain the present situation. Her voice became deepen as she held Dillon a tad bit stronger. 

We love you son, but this is out of our hands. We will do everything possible to get you back, but it will take time. We just want you to know that....

Before she could finished talking the officer came to the door to get Dillon. He held on to his mother and a glimpse went across his mind of the night where he held on to his biological mother. He started to scream, but the officer strength overpowered Dillon as he was placed inside the back of the patrol car. As the two of them drove off you could see his adopted parents just standing watching him leave. This was not the summer break anyone had wished for, but this was far from what Dillon wanted to happen. Still not knowing what was going on he just looked out the window in tears wondering where he was going. A few miles later the car started to slow down and made a turn down a dirt road. Realizing the car was coming up to a house he started to look around his surroundings, but everything seem new to him. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing here. The car finally came to a complete stop to what looked like to be an abandon house. The porch light was on as a man stood on the porch. The officer went and spoke to the man for a few minutes as Dillon stayed in the car. A few moments later the officer came to let Dillon out of the car as this man stood beside him.

I'm your Uncle Benny, your moms brother. You probably don't remember me as you were so young. Your'e going to be living with me now ok?

As Benny took his hand the two of them walked inside of the house. Sounds of the car could be heard pulling away as the officer left. When they got into the house he walked Dillon to his room to get some rest. Once he was tucked in Benny walked out and closed the door. A few days went by and Dillon stayed in his room thinking about his adopted parents. Thinking about why he was taken from them. All he could think about was why everything seem to always go bad, but most importantly why he kept having to start over. These few days turn into a few weeks where Dillon stayed in the room Eventually he came out and walked around the house. Everything was new to him and he was so confused. Benny heard the movement in the house and came looking for him. Once he found him the two of them had a conversation about the changes that took place and how things would be moving forward. A lot of it Dillon didn't agree with, but Benny understood why he would feel that way. A couple nights after their conversation Dillon goes to his room to fall asleep. As Benny tucks him in he closes the door behind him as he locks its from the outside. Dillon became scared and frighten, but being so exhausted he passed out not long after. A couple hours later you could hear Benny screaming down the hall as he slowly started walking towards Dillon room. Unlocking the door you could see Dillon sleeping peacefully. Benny unzips his pants as he just stands in the doorway looking at Dillon. With a back and forth motion he just stands with a psychotic mind. This goes on for a few nights until eventually he makes it to the bed side and places his hand on the side of Dillon as he massages him. One of these nights Dillon sensed what was going on, but was so scared that he just remained still. This continued through all of summer and eventually was demanded for Dillon to participate. Physical abuse occurred when Dillon would deny Benny his pleasure. Rather it would be Benny being forceful or locking him in his room the nights would never change. Eventually summer was over and middle school was starting. He didn't want to go, but was forced to. Dillon went to the car as he waited for Benny in the house. When Benny entered the car he unzipped his pants as he grabbed a hold of Dillon hand.

You massage me boy and i better not here shit from you about it.

Desperately not wanting to he tried to pull away. This upset Benny as he got out the car and pulled Dillon from the back. Dragging him back to the house he throws him on the floor. Pulling his pants off he holds Dillon down as he penetrates his body. Dillon unable to move he felt helpless as he was being assaulted. Tired of crying he just laid on the floor praying for this to be over.

Next time you will listen to me. Now get your ass in the god damn car.

As they drive to school Dillon just sits in the back an emotional wreck. Not long after leaving the house they arrive at the school and Dillon jumps out of the car knowing he is late. He finally made it to his class as you could hear him knocking to be let in. Going in he noticed everyone was looking at him in disgust, but it was something that he was use to. It would be a feeling he would rather have compared to the reality of when he goes home. The only empty desk was towards the back. As he walked by he noticed the kids were already writing down notes. He saw this girl that he seen many other times close to his desk. As he walked passed her desk he glanced over at her paper.

Amelia....

Such a beautiful name he thought to himself. He didn't speak to her, but from that day forward he started to obsessed over her. He started to wonder how someone with such a beautiful name could be so distanced. School came to an end and summer vacation remained the same. He started fighting his own demons that were brought over him from his uncle Benny. He was anxious to be old enough to leave forever. Summer was over and it was the night before first day back to school. The next morning as he was pulling up to school he saw Amelia from a far. As he got out the car he started to walk towards her direction. When he got closer he tapped her on the shoulders to get her attention. He could tell that she was nervous as he introduced himself to her. The two of them became inseparable from this day forward. Dillon learned to deal with the nightmares at home, but they would vanish when he was with Amelia. He always wondered what lead him to her, but secretly he knew all along. So much time had passed between the two of them and prom night was soon approaching. He was excited to spend the whole night with her and was already making plans on what was going to happen. The night before prom he was getting all his clothes out when Benny came in the room. Staring at him laughing out loud he smacked him down to the ground.

And where the fuck do you think your'e going? If you don't put that shit up your'e going to get your ass handed to you. 

Benny walks out of the room leaving Dillon on the ground in tears. Dillon started thinking to runaway, but knew he would only get so far. Knew that he couldn't leave Amelia behind or worse get caught trying to escape. Not knowing what would happen he stayed up all night and ponder what to do. Early in the morning before the sun started to rise Dillon quietly went into the kitchen in search for a knife. Finding one he went back upstairs and placed it under his pillow. Debating on what would happen next he just laid in the bed. Sounds of footsteps could be heard as Benny started walking closer to the room. As he opened the door he just stood in the doorway with his pants already off.

Don't act like your'e new to this boy. Take your damn pants off and turn over.

Dillon turns over as he places his hands under his pillow grabbing the knife with a firm grip. As Benny started to walk closer to the bed Dillon is still holding tight to the knife. With all of his energy Dillon turns over and starts to stab Benny multiple times as soon as he goes to climb on top of him. Covered in blood he doesn't know what to do as he pushes Benny off of him. He goes to change his clothes trying to figure out how to get rid of the body. Going outside he goes to a shed looking for a shovel. It took him a couple hours to dig a hold big enough, but eventually it was finished and Benny was dumped inside of it. Now that his uncle was buried he goes back into the house to clean up. With guilt starting to come over him as he finishes cleaning up he realizes its only a couple more hours before prom. The time has come as he starts to get dress for a night to remember. As he headed out he picked up the keys to Benny car and went out the front door. On his way to pick up Amelia he felt a relief come across him as he was free at last.  After a short drive he was outside of her house as he waited for a moment. As he opened the car door he walked up to the house and sounds of a doorbell could be heard. Her mother opened the door as Dillon walked in waiting at the front. Watching Amelia come down the stairs he just stood in shocked to how beautiful she was. The time came when they left and was off to prom. They made it to school and for a moment they both felt like nothing could pull them apart. Holding each other close they danced the night away until everyone started leaving. Amelia didn't want to leave and Dillon was fine with that. As they drove away from prom he took her to a place where they could spend the rest of the night together. As the two of them got out the car they both walked towards a willow tree. Discussing the future plans in life Dillon had no idea what he wanted in life so he would just agree with her. He tried to blocked out life itself and just enjoy his time with her. As they laid on the ground Amelia turned to kiss him as the two of them begin to make out. Hearts were pounding and clothes were slowly pulled off. After a few hours the two of them noticed the sun coming up and they rushed to leave. No words were exchanged on the ride home, but Dillon felt a happiness he never felt before. Reaching over to grab Amelia hand for the rest of the ride the two of them just smiled. Pulling up to her house he dimmed the car lights as she gets out of the car. Over the next few weeks they spent nearly everyday together. Dillon never thought that would end until one day Amelia mother showed up to his house. After a conversation between the both of them Dillon became filled with anger and emotional thoughts. He started driving by her house constantly and looking from a far. Hoping one day he would see her again, but it didn't look like that would happen anytime soon. A few months later he drove by and noticed her mother leaving. As he approached the house he was a tad nervous, but he was in dying need to see her again. He walks up to the door and begins to knock. A couple minutes went by, but Amelia finally answered the door. As Amelia opened the door he realized that she was pregnant. He started to smile as a bunch of memories as a child flashed before him while walking in.