Billy nodded. He felt his own scars as if each was a brand still flaming as heatedly as they did when they were given to him. He felt the stitches that would one day become scars. He felt parts of his body that had not yet been affected by time and violence as if by some force of divine intervention he knew what parts of him would be touched by the devil before he was gone. He felt all of this and he nodded.

"I get it, but I can't help it. The world made me born in a shitty place. It made Rora born in the best one I could imagine. Somehow we still found each other. We should never have crossed paths. In the old country, with the way that life works there, we never would have. For all the planning you do, have you now lost your faith?"

Billy sighed the sigh of a man much older than he was. A man who had seen life turned on it's axis, and then ripped away, and then turned again until it was unrecognizable.

"I hope she doesn't follow me, and I hope she lives happily here. But I'm still a nobody kid from Brooklyn. Who the hell am I to tell the Dragon's daughter what to do? Maybe she will listen to you, but she won't listen to me. I just know that one day, when this is all behind us, she's going to have to pull her own gun on someone. I promise, I'll take another bullet for her, but I won't tell her what to do. That isn't what life is about. She gets to do whatever she wants, and nobody gets to stop her. She's too much her mother for anyone to try."

Billy tried to smile then, but all he could manage was a twitch of the lips.

"Read the note mom. Bye."

He bowed his head then, ready to move on the door unless she had something else to finish.

"One nobody kid from Brooklyn to another..."  She turned and picked up the box, closed it.  "Today's Godfather was no one yesterday.  We all have a story and those of us who live the longest do so on the backs and blood of others."

She sighed.

"If you've made your decision... then that's it.  I'm not my father... I won't put a slug in you and bury you out back to ensure my will is done."  

She forced a smile.  She was trying to be funny, but her dark humor wasn't something she expected Billy to get right now.

"You say that she's got too much of her mother in her for anyone to stop her... well, that's exactly what I'm afraid of.  No one could stop Marie either... and they did try.  I'm begging you Billy... please think about where that got Marie.  Love didn't save her.  It didn't save Will Bowden.  It didn't save Jack Mezzo or Wednesday or Artie or Eve or Elias..."  She shook her head, now, of all moments the names came back to her.

"You're the only one who can say no and stop this... you're the only one." 

She offered the box to Billy. 

"You have my blessing to see her tonight... if you stay.  Just think about what I've said?  I'll read the note.  You don't have to talk to me again.  No dinner.  No artwork.  Just... take the guns, stay in the guest house, and think.  Talk with her if you like... but don't go until you've given yourself one night in this place she grew up to think about what your decision will mean for her and you both."

She lifted her chin slightly, "If you still disagree with me come the morning light then I won't say another word on the matter.  I can't give you my blessing... but, I won't work against you."

She glanced down, "Just don't leave my home like this - speaking as someone who has lost too many people to count... you should never walk away from people you care about this angry and hurt."

She looked up, "Will you stay?"

Billy heaved his shoulders but could not keep them up. Every word she said, every word of it was true. Except for one small bit. He wasn't the only one.

"You're gonna send me to bed without dinner?"

He looked up at her and slowly nodded.

"I'll stay, but only if we can revisit this as much as it takes. I can't leave here with a haphazard path into the future. That's the worst outcome for everyone involved."

He looked out into the hallway then. He knew she was out there in the house somewhere.

"I won't leave here until we talk about it and we all make some kind of real decision. I care what it is. You care what it is. Rora cares and Gavin cares, and Will? Will just wants to know what to rub in Rora's face, that's she's dating a dumb enforcer turned mob boss, or that she couldn't even keep a dumb enforcer around."

He took the box from Bella then and tucked it under one arm.

"So what do you think? Do we talk until this is solved? Or have you decided that you've given up already? Besides I'm getting hungry is dinner in store, or do I need to send one of my guys for pizza?"

Bella furrowed her brow and kept her annoyance in check.  

"As much as it takes."  She said softly.  "But if you order pizza in this household... I'll revisit that slug and backyard idea."

She smirked as a very funny thought occurred to her.  "And you should watch what you say about dumb enforcers turned mob bosses... women in this family have a habit of marrying them." 

It was out of her mouth before she'd realized what she was saying.  She winced.  She shouldn't give him hope.

"I'm going to see about dinner - I'll send for you when it's done.  You have the run of the house and grounds.  Our people know you... you don't have to worry about anything.  If you need something... just ask."

Billy pointed to the desk.

"Read it. Also, I would like to inform Aurora personally of my presence and that I'm staying for the foreseeable future. Is there anyone besides Will that can get her to come out?"

Billy had settled. He was no longer playing the game. That was over for now. They would come back to it later. Now he could just be Billy again for a while.

"After that I'll just kinda sit around and wait I guess. If you're got a deck of cards laying around the house I can entertain myself."

If not, he would very likely find a quiet corner and take a real look inside the box.

Bella nodded and taking the note walked out her office door to her daughter's room and knocked.  There was, of course, no reply.  "Billy would like to speak with you.  You're welcome to spend time with him so long as he remains here.  The more time you waste moping and trying to piss me off the less time you have with him with my and your father's consent.  It's your call how..."

Billy could hear footfalls coming towards the door in a rush and the door opening.  

Aurora was standing there in a tan dress, her hair up and make-up done as if she'd been planning on going out somewhere.  Bella sighed, a bit annoyed but stepped out of the way and headed down the stairs, opening the letter as she went.

"How long are you staying?"  Aurora asked.

Billy shook his head.

"Not long, your mother and I have not been able to come to any sort of agreement, and once she's done with reading that note she is not going to want to talk to me again any time soon."

He glanced toward the stairs to make sure that the aforementioned woman was not charging back up, hurt all over again, brandishing anything. Letter if he was lucky, just about anything else if he was not.

"Everyone needs time to cool down on the subject, but I'm going to come here to visit you as often as weekly. You're going back to Vassar right? No reason to throw that away on anyone's account. You're too smart to throw that away, you should finish."

He knew he was being frantic, but he was keenly aware of their time in the calm before the storm.

"So. Can you deal with that? With seeing each other once a week until we all figure this out? And stay safe? That's the most important part. You gotta stay safe. I only have so many places people can put bullets before I stop being able to take em."

He smiled at her then and reached out to squeeze her hand while waiting for her answer.

Aurora nodded.

"I'm going back... but I have to make some decisions before I go.  Mom is pushing the issue of me being in or out hard.  She's demanding I stop working as a hired gun.  Says if I want my head in the Cosa Nostra then I need to be with the family so they can teach and protect me.  If I want to go legit... I have to separate from my family.  I have to stop being around mobsters and that includes everyone I care about."

She sighed.

"My Dad went to Kansas City and left a whole mess of dead guys over what happened... he's not going to be able to travel outside Philly for a while, at least until the heat dies down.  Fucking Mulvaney family made one hell of a mess of things for all of us."

She squeezed his hand.  

"I'm sorry, Billy.  This is all my fault.  Salvatore being dead, my dad being wanted, you being shot and..."  She dropped her voice.  "... Kenzi too.  I can't apologize enough to you for what happened."

Billy was taken completely aback. There was no explanation for this. He knew every detail surrounding his sister's death. Every minutiae. Any thought of what Bella was about to do to him involving a hot poker went out the window. All he could think about was how, in what possible way Rora was responsible.

"In what possible way are you responsible? You weren't even there! You had nothing to do with it."

He shook his head again. He didn't want to talk about Kenzi. He had already talked about Kenzi enough.

"We don't have time to talk about this right now. Like I said, your mom..."

He ended the sentence there and let the rest hang. She knew Bella. She knew that any minute she was going to start back up the stairs and as far as Billy knew, that was the only way up or down.

"Come to think of it, is there another way to get downstairs?"

Aurora walked down the hallway to a closed door, leading Billy by the hand.  Opening the door revealed what could only be the master bedroom.  Billy stopped dead in his tracks. 

Aurora looked up to him. 

"You wanted another way out, right?  The double doors lead to a Juliet balcony and fire escape down to the back patio.  Or you can take your chances that my mom isn't waiting downstairs with an axe... though I think maybe you are overestimating her anger.  I didn't hear her yell even once."

Patio... Gavin... Fuck. No way out. He looked back toward the stairs.

"So, since this is the last time I'm going to see you..."

Billy leaned down and kissed Aurora. It was as passionate as he was going to be in the split seconds that their lips touched. It made him happy just being near her and bringing up that familiar scent.

"Alright, enough of that. Now, if you think it's actually safe, how do you feel about accompanying me downstairs?"

He held out his arm for her to take.

"I've got to tell you one other thing though. Your mom told me about the relationship between our father's by blood. Don't want you to get blindsided if it comes up again. We have a lot to talk about."

He started, slowly toward the stairs.

Aurora blushed at the kiss and allowed Billy to lead her towards the stairwell.  For a moment she seemed disoriented by the kiss or the topic change but whatever it was she stopped in the hallway.  

"This is my home too."  she said firmly.  "And my mother said we could talk... so... just, take a breath.  In the last two minutes you've covered so much I can't keep pace.  Let's back up a bit."

She tried to remember everything she wanted to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the war that night you mentioned not knowing how your dad died.  I wasn't sure he did die in the war so... I just figured I'd find out and then tell you."  she sighed.

"As for ... Kenzi.  I don't need you to protect me from this... I'm not a child.  It's not the first time I've fucked up and someone has died because of it." She cast her eyes down.  "You tried to tell me how urgent it was to kill the target.  I shouldn't have let my father drag me off before getting the job done.  If I had killed him, she might be alive now."

She looked up to Billy's eyes, "It was Paulie, wasn't it?  That's how Kenzi died... right?  I don't buy that it was some sort of accident with a truck like mom says.  I've been a wreck over all of it... Salvatore and your Hand.  I... I am so very sorry."

Billy whipped around and growled at her, probably too aggressively, but for once he didn't care.

"Kenzi had nothing to do with you."

He sighed a deep heavy sigh and began down the stairs.

"Paulie, was an associate of mine. He stole a car from a Judge. I roughed him up. I did not kill him. At the time I did not think he was going to be a problem. As a thank you, he turned my operation in to the feds. The warehouse was raided. That's why I came to your guy in the first place. The Feds were crawling all over me and mine and we couldn't do anything. You know the rest. Party, bang bang, oh no! Billy goes home and well..."

He stopped for a moment when he reached the last stair at the bottom and glanced around. No sign of Bella. Maybe she hadn't read the note after all.

"Point is, if I had taken care of business on day 1, it wouldn't have happened."

He had begun to talk to himself. He was no longer explaining to anyone else, it was as if he were the only person in the hallway, staring into a mirror, alone and naked before himself. Naked because he knew everything. Alone, because only he knew.

"It all comes down to me not being able to do what I needed to because I thought I should just scare the guy and not kill him. Well, now whose scared? Huh Billy? Now whose scared and alone cause Kenzi is d... dead."

The last word was wrenched from him and he fell to his knees then. He felt like someone was sitting on his chest. He dropped the box and it's contents tumbled across the floor. He tried to stand up, but all he could do was gasp for air between sobs. It hurt. It just hurt so bad and no amount of Integra, or alcohol, or violence helped.

How did she do it? Marie, Will, Jack, Wednesday, Artie, Eve, Elias, Sal.

He didn't want to start his own list, but he didn't have a choice. Just as he had no choice about whether or not to cry again.

Aurora watched silently as Billy went to the floor.  Her eyes were wide in shock.  She'd only ever seen a man breaking down in this way once before - Salvatore.  Salvatore when he told her what he'd done to her mother.  The guilt he'd carried was too much for him.  He'd needed her forgiveness, even though he said he didn't want it, he needed it and she could never give it.  Now he was gone, he was gone and...

And on the floor now, she could see his guns.  The two coal black guns that Salvatore wore everywhere, every day, they were always with him... how and why did Billy have them?

She wanted to ask, wanted to help, but what to say?  What to do?  She was floundering and Billy was drifting far out into the sea of his sorrow in the instant that she saw William's head peak out.  He mouthed something.  She couldn't read his lips.  She gave him a confused look and Will mimed an action... a hug?  Of course!  Yes.  She didn't have to say anything.  He just needed her to be there for him.

Aurora dropped down beside Billy and carefully she reached out with a hand to touch his shoulder.  She glanced to William, unsure if she should commit to actually closing on the large man on the floor.  Will gave her a reassuring nod and gesture.  Aurora scooched closer to Billy and her arms came up and around him.

"You're not alone."  She whispered into his hair, watching William slip back into the vent, closing it behind him just before Neil came into the hallway to check on the noise.  

"I'm here.  I'm not going anywhere.  I promise."

It was all Billy could do. He reached back and dragged Aurora into his arms. She was the only way he was going to survive. The only way he was going to breathe. She was the only way he was going to be allowed to feel joy again.

He knew it. There was no reason for it. And there was no recourse against the coming storm. He held her in his arms then for longer than he thought there was time in the day. In truth, it was likely just a few short moments, but when climbing out of an abyss of grief, self-doubt, pity, guilt, and wracking sorrow, time slowed until eternity seemed a blink of an eye. He had floated in that depth of the subconscious for so long that he had forgotten where he was, he knew only one thing. He had to say the words. They were the only way to convince her...

"I can't do it Bella. She's my only joy left. I can't let her go."

His voice cracked from the scratch in his throat. Had he been sobbing the whole time? How long was it since he last spoke? He let his eyes flutter open, and was staring down the barrel of a gun. A black m1911. He took a deep breath and slowly, surely, he brought Aurora up from the floor with him. He picked up the two pistols, and set them into the box again before placing it onto a side table in the hallway. He turned to Aurora then.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was holding everything in. I never really let myself feel it for real. I just drank and slept and then came here to be with you. I never once stopped to grieve. Not properly. I promised myself a long time ago that I was done with the bullshit and the playing around. And before? Before I was trying to be a smart Don and talk to your mom. I can't do it. It's not about beating her or winning. I just have to be honest. I don't want to live without you, and I'm sick and tired of the bullshit around all of this. I understand why your mom is afraid of all that might come to pass, but if we live our lives afraid of what might come, we are never going to enjoy what is. I need to find her and talk to her now. Besides, I'm starving and she was supposed to find out about supper."

He smiled then. He knew things were either going to work out, or that he was going to leave this house a better man for everything that happened. 

She squeaked as Billy pulled her into his arms and once again she found herself cocooned in his embrace.  His cry wasn't pretty.  It was messy,  Disgusting at times.  She could feel the sobs wracking his massive form all around her.  The sounds coming from him were as bad as any that had come out of some of the men that she'd ever killed before.  If she hadn't known better, she might have feared that he was actually dying.

Rora nuzzled his chest and allowed him to have his quiet so that he could let it all out, uninterrupted, unjudged.  Silent, she thought of herself as carrying him, tucked up and under his chest.  He was a massive weight all around her, but she told herself that she would not bend or break beneath it.  And while they sat this way on the cold tiles, she contemplated all that he'd said ... as well as the guns.

Why had her mother given the guns to Billy?  What did it mean?  Had he meant something by his talk of their fathers... was he telling her that Salvatore hadn't just killed Marie, but his father as well?  Had her mother given to him the guns that he actually used that night?  Had these guns killed her mother?  She looked down at the black guns, for the first time REALLY looking at them and she felt something regarding Marie's murder.  She wouldn't call it pain or hate but it was... something.  Something to be considered again later, when she didn't have Billy leaning upon her so much.

Then he spoke to her mother, who wasn't there, and she concluded he must be hysterical.  He wasn't thinking clearly.  And yet, what he said bore such weight as to crush her just as his body felt that it might.  His embrace was tight, so tight that at times she barely could snag a gasped breath of hot air from her own mouth against his clothing.  When he let her go she took such a deep breath she sounded as if she was coming up from the sea of his salty tears half-drowned.

She watched him putting the guns away and setting them aside.  He seemed lighter now.  Happier.  Almost at ease... which was ironic because now she felt terrible!  Billy was a big strong man and this life was breaking him.  Sal had seen people die for decades - he should have been numb to it and he wasn't.  Her mother and father both had vices to cope and clung to each other the very way that Billy had clung to her... but what if one of them died?  What would become of the Wolf without the Dragon or the Dragon without her Wolf?

Aurora had never given any of these things any thought before, she'd just plowed forward more concerned with being the best at what she did rather than what she would do in the aftermath of all her work.  Well... this was it.  This was the aftermath:  washing dead bodies in the basement and grown men broken on the floor of her foyer claiming that she was the only good thing left in their world and the immense burden that represented.

She supposed he must be feeling as she did about Anthony.  She wanted to tell him she knew what he was going through and that the pain dulled with time, but now probably wasn't the best time to talk about ex-boyfriends, namely ones she'd nearly been intimate with.  And besides, he was pulling himself together now and she knew her track record with saying stupid things.  Though his plan for dealing with her mother certainly hadn't gotten any better and if dinner wasn't going to end in utter disaster she decided it was up to her to save them both.  

Just before they entered the dining room, she stopped Billy and said, "I'm going to tell my Mother I've made up my mind.  I want in.  I'm going to go to Louis Mezzo tonight about joining Race Street, official-like... as an associate.  Nothing big for now, I'm still going to school and I'm sure he'll support that because my degree will help us."

She kept going, "Most importantly I'm going to let her know that I'll agree to her terms only if I do not work directly beneath her.  When she agrees to that... I'll ask Louis to let me work directly for him.  I'll tell him why.  I'll tell him about us.  I'll be upfront about the situation and that I'm asking him for his blessing.  In exchange, I'll cut whatever deal is necessary.  He's the one person my mother and father can't cross.  And if he refuses... I have at least one other authority I can appeal to but I think, if only to keep me safe, he'll take me on."

She tried to read Billy's reaction, "What do you think?"

Billy scrunched up his face in thought. Louis was powerful, he was the Godfather that Bella answered to, in the world they ran in, he could give her orders that she could not cross.

And yet...

"I think that's a last resort sort of plan. I don't disagree with the idea of you being in, and going to Mezzo. I think that's your best bet if that's your path. Make no mistake I want it to be your path, but that's very selfish of me. It has to be what you want more than anything. But working directly under Mezzo if you can negotiate it? Even better. I think that your mother and, because of her position, Godfather Mezzo as well, will still have a big problem with you dating outside of the city. This is going to be the hardest thing that we have to do together for a long long time, but I think I might have a solution."

Billy took Aurora's face in his hands, cupping it gently as he leaned down and whispered to her and only her.

"We must stand together on this. We put our foot down, and only about us seeing each other, not about anything else. Let them dictate terms, bodyguards, locations, frequency, all of it. We make it known in no uncertain terms that we will see each other, and that the only way to stop us is for them to have to put one or both of us in the ground. If we can get them to concede that, that's all we need. After that we use our time, we normalize it. I come by every week and after a while it will no longer be a to do. It will slowly turn from, prepare the house and guards Don Mastrosimone is coming to pay visit, into, hey Aurora, when is Billy coming by again I want to show him something."

He then let her go again.

"For the details I will try to keep my mouth shut and let you do the negotiating. I've always been second rate in that department unless I'm negotiating with my fists. I do think that's the best way to go about you getting involved in this life though, you're right about that. Do it through Mezzo since if you go through your mom she's just gonna keep you in a bubble. Bubbles burst though, and when they do there's nothing left behind."

For the first time, thoughts of Kenzi did not send him spiraling into despair. This one thought, this was a lesson learned that his sister taught him and he would learn from it and make life better.

"There might be another option."  she said quietly.  "It's crazy... so crazy I hadn't considered it before."

She began to smirk.

"Let me ask you this... how comfortable are you talking with my father?  Do you think he likes you much?"

Billy shrugged.

"I don't know if anyone except your mother knows how Gavin feels, but I know that he liked my cigars and we can both sit in silence for a long time, which is real nice. We talked before I met with your mom. Why?"

Billy furrowed his brow, he was very much confused. Gavin seemed to be alright with everything that was going on, the person they had to convince was Bella. There was no need to put Gavin in the middle, he didn't want to be, that's why he was going to a poker game.

"I should have thought of this before..."  She said with a hint of excitement.  "When my mom was younger, dating guys, her father - a former mafia enforcer - used to expect men to come to him the way it was handled in the old country.  You know, guy has to come to the dad, ask permission to court his daughter formally?"

"Well, being that he used to be an enforcer, his answer usually was to kick the shit out of them and tell them to buzz off.  My dad, however, is one of the only guys Salvatore didn't beat senseless.  Mom always figured it was because Dad was an enforcer too.  He and Sal both loved women, cards, and even used the same type of gun m1911s.  Salvatore eventually allowed my mom to leave behind her crew and move to Philly to marry my dad ... it cost my father that huge diamond ring my mom is sporting and $100,000,000 to Salvatore's coffers."

She shook her head, "I tell you all that to explain... my mom, she has a thing for honoring old world traditions.  She's also got a real issue with feeling... I don't know, like sometimes she doesn't do the mom and wife thing right.  So she really gets into things like making big family dinners and observing old traditions.  I think she thinks it makes her wife game more authentic."

She chuckled, "You came in here like a Mafia Don trying to talk to a Mafia Don because that's the game she wanted you playing... the game you can't win.  I know you don't want to play games... you want to be straight but that won't work with her.  Not while she's holding all the cards... but my dad... he's as straight as they come.  He wouldn't tell you to ask him, he wouldn't ever suggest to a guy to talk to him as head of the family, but he is.  Believe me, my father really is.  If he says something, mom listens.  They almost never fight.  I'm not making this up.  You gotta believe me.  You can even ask Will, he'd tell you the same thing."

She smiled, "You need to go in there with your idea and talk to him... man to man.  Be as reasonable and respectful as you've been in telling me your plans.  Don't make any threats - he won't take well to those and he's every bit as violent as Salvatore... just without the hair-trigger temper the Luciano family is known for." 

She hoped that he didn't read into that too deeply.  She'd only ever blown her top a handful of times... she was sure she wasn't as bad as her mom and Salvatore!

"I'm not saying ignore my mom... just... observe tradition.  What's that old saying... honor your brother's wife but respect his rule.  That's what you need to do I think.  Dad would never push his way in but if he was asked his opinion... if he was asked for permission, he's not going to defer to mom and mom would never contradict him.  My Dad, he'd be the world's biggest hypocrite if he didn't give his blessing.  Will wouldn't be here now if he hadn't gotten the exact same thing we want back in the day.  What do you think?"