"That unless you're a hot shot or high roller you won't be worth much to them - the truth of it is you're use extends as far as a target for the enemy to void their protection. 'Give your life for the family' that's what that means - though it's fair to add you're just as much value as you give in the first place".

"That you won't get much of their attention until your either a threat or have done something stupid *raises hand*. I'm shooting in the 100's now Mr J. - there's a number of your own i could take a fatal shot at. Nobody has cared to ask me to fill out any weapon report though - guess I am just not a big enough threat to yourself and the back room chat buddies to warrant that kind of attention yet? I guess that puts shmucks like me and the rest of us in the firing line in more ways than one."

"What it is they can actually offer you - not just that they have been 'around for a long time' and that's why we should join them. My response to that was 'racism has been around for a long time too but its not exactly a hot topic' - for some reason this comment got me banned from joining - at first."

"What they're going to teach you - just that they will 'take you under my wing and school you properly' to phrase it exactly - and then never talk to me again. Maybe if I fall asleep and wake up just to check my bank balance i'll be just like you - huh? You know one thing is true - 'a million a day keeps the boss away'" "Fucking miles away it seems - you would think an investment that pays a million a day would be of value - or is it just because i don't want to join your back room chats??"

"That they don't like a challenge -  both in their members behavior and on the streets. You can prove me wrong on that last one if you want - Mr. J."

*Johnny breathes - likely his last*

"Or is that just my experience?" 

I have to say that you are not entirely wrong. However, it does depend on the crew leader. Some are more involved with all of their members and not just a select few. Others are less so.

When you start out in this world, you really should take the time to consider all the various families. Not every single one of them runs the exact same way.

Well.. The reality is if a war breaks out the enemy is going to target leaders first. Most of the time your leadership is dead within seconds if they are on the defensive side and everything goes as the attacker plans. That being said, the concept that you are nothing more than cannon fodder to relieve an enemy's protection status is a misconception. As a matter of fact, unless the attacker had "scorched Earth" or otherwise an indiscriminate approach to war, you at the rank of wise guy probably would have been spared. Did you try to see if you could transfer out?

I highly doubt you were never asked to do any kind of shot report.. That's all I am saying on that. 

So your CL recruits you after you mouth off slightly and somehow he doesn't care about you? I know if it were me.. You would have never set foot in my HQ after being disrespectful. Your family offers you protection first and foremost. They keep you from getting shot in your first 48 hours. After that they may provide opportunity, promotions, and most importantly a family bond. 

The catch to all of that though is that you have to meet your leaders half way. Opportunity won't come unless you chase it, promotions won't happen unless you earn them, and a family bond won't happen unless you participate. 

What I am hearing here though is that you seem to have a lot to say about what your CL didn't do.. But I didn't hear anything you were actually doing to change or address your issues prior to coming out here and then being shot. Did you contact your CL? If you didn't hear back from him how about the RH? The LH? In other words... Did you actually try? 

The real shit your CL doesn't tell you is that they are absolutely nothing without their members. After all, what is a leader without a membership? Someone with a big armored building basically.

I really want to echo what Kti- just said. I want to follow this up and speak incase someone reads your original message and feels like its all hopeless if they are in a situation that feels similar to your own. So really the following message is for anyone who feels a leader is not engaging them and what they should do. I want to make sure my own members here this as well as I am merely a human and no perfect leader. 

What I am hearing here though is that you seem to have a lot to say about what your CL didn't do.. But I didn't hear anything you were actually doing to change or address your issues prior to coming out here and then being shot. Did you contact your CL? If you didn't hear back from him how about the RH? The LH? In other words... Did you actually try? -@Kti-

This is so key. I want to break this down so anyone who struggles with their leadership can look to handle a situation to the best of their ability. How do you change or address your issues? Your life is always in your hands. If you feel there are issues that you are dealing with there are ways to go about them. To sit back and allow things to happen to you, you become a reactive being. This forces you to never create your own momentum but instead always going off of someone else's words or in this case what seems to be lack thereof. 

Conversation is always a two way street. What you might not see is there are more members in his or her crew. Not saying you are worth less by any means but simply stating the idea that each person deserves time. I know for myself i love reaching out to my members and asking about their life. So many different lifestyles that are going on and stories i can hear. 

The idea here is as KTI put it. You have to try. There has to be some level of action taken on your end. I once had a friend who i had not seen in a long time and i said to him, You never reached out man! He replied back with a quickness of Zeus lightening bolt, its a two way street. That struck me and left me with such guilt. We can not just sit back and let relationships we want to work be left up to one person. 

There is another thing i wish to add on. This past weekend i wasn't around my family as much as i normally am. Did they get upset or call me out? Nope. They knew where i was and what i was doing. This is why i believe communication is so vital to a family life. 

So going forward what should we do to enhance our life within a family? I am convicted that not every leader leads the same way. You may feel different Johnny and thats okay. Until you realize that leadership is performed differently will you be able to take notice. Go in with a mindset that you are working with your leader and not for them. Look to be more of a leader within your own right, if you don't feel you are being lead properly literally bring that up to your leader. They may not even know how they can improve and that is the best thing you can do for them, constructive criticism. Be proactive in your life. 

With that Video laid a rose on the casket of the now dead man.