Dick, asshole, runs, hops, skips, onto podium, mic, loud talk

"Ladies and erm, gentlemen! We gather here today to celebrate the fact that I am indeed clinically insane, yet dead sexy of course. Now I bring you all the news of me going mute, to some it was a tragic day indeed, that meant no more perversion, no more vulgarity, no more corruption on virgin ears, and no more Dick for the ladies causing aggression within the male society. For others however; it was a day of joy. They were happy to see no Dick, they prefer to sit in their little huts, holding hostage nude photos, six bottles of lotion, a watermelon, a cork screw, warm apple pie, and four gerbils tied to strings."

Richard smiles patting his hip while inhaling a hit from his joint

"I know I can come out here to the streets and sometimes forget those who support me and my wicked ways. I thank you for that, it does not go unnoticed."

"Now that I have got the good shit out of my system let's show how much of a Dick I can be."

Richard puts on serious face

"Now normally I am one to get opinions and very seldom share my thoughts with the public. So I've decided that I'm coming out of the closet, and no not in an AbbieHoffman kind of way. I feel it's only fair to share my thoughts and views on current events. Now mind you, I have always been one to be truthful and fairly blunt, so before I begin I may add one little plea if I may, please don't kill me thank you."

Richard pulls yet another joint out of his pocket as to show a sign of nervousness. What could Richard be doing?

"So this is how I'm doing this. Unlike the time with Dr_Jekyll's mother, I'm actually going to take my time, and care about the work I'm putting into the job at hand. I'm going to be rude, cruel, honest, blunt, sexy, and acoustically sound, but would you want it any other way? The best way I could come up with, that allowed me to really show you how I view things, is too actually show you. Let's see what it would be like in Dick's world shall we?"

4 hour protection

What's that Dick?

Dick's Description: It's protection set to help the pussies of the world strive longer then they should.

In Dick's World: Pussies get fucked by Dick... period.

Don Alabama

Who's that Dick?

Dick's Description: A sexy hot mama that works for Captain_Stubbing

In Dick's World: Alabama works for Dick, she's works Dick real good. She'll love Dick long time.

Wack Back

What's that Dick?

Dick's Description: Some Bullshit!

In Dick's World: Wack backing wouldn't stand for Some Bullshit, no no, let me show you what the definition in Dick's world is:

Wack Back:
When a male is unable to self stimulate successfully, his female/male partner gives it a go then resulting in positive outcome.

Rogues

What's that Dick?

Dick's Description: When dickheads become pussies therefore resulting in transsexual, hormone enraged, trigger happy individuals.

In Dick's World: When married dickheads find other pussies therefore resulting in unlawful and unethical sex. Highly encouraged

"See my views aren't too bad. So let's play a game shall we? Want to see something related to how we live today transcribed to how it would be in Dick's world? Just ask!"

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Dick steps down for two hours and then returns and yes you all sat there patiently like the good people you are and awaited for him to arrive.

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"I would also like to announce, this is my grand opening of RW Inc.. What is that exactly? Well it's something along the lines of a tattoo shop. Yet open to the public, I'll stand here in city hall and offer free tattoo's. All you have to do is ask and I shall deliver."

Dick lights another joint and smiles

"I am not a very artistic artist mind you, so no I do not do anything that contains any sort of graphic, I do phrases only. Want an example? Be the first to ask for one and you shall receive, as long as you don't mind being used as an example yourself."

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Stoned as hell, Dick stops talking, turns right and walks down the street. Not for forty five minutes does he return but holding a newspaper. Everyone just stared at the man who seemed to be heavily into his readings

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"Oh my, I have forgotten about you all again, my deepest apologies. It must be this greenery I was given, the shit is amazing. Anyhow, where were we? Oh yes that's right!"

Spanish Inquisition

What's that Dick?

Dick's Description: A Mexican entree

In Dick's World: A gathering involving Dick and three Latina's.

Don Barnie

Who's that Dick?

Dick's Description: A top member to TheDean. Always loyal and looking up to his leadership.

In Dick's World: A top notch Mafioso indeed. Always on his knee's showing how grateful he really is.

"So there you have it, just a few examples of what it may be like in the world of Dick. Like I stated earlier, I can go on for days, have a question about what someone or something would be like in the world of dick? Just ask aloud and I will translate."

Richard claps and then pats himself on the back

"Now maybe you all get a taste of what it's like to live in my world.. and if not, the real question could only be, "Could you handle the Dick?" (Alabama says she can)

Always keep in mind, Dick is all about bringing out the fun to the streets. Let's not get too offended shall we?

The only offence taken by me your Dickness, was by my fault only. I quickly read your banner and in my mind I seen falsies and virgin. Yes I got my hopes up but once again I was still entertained.

P.S

I am in therapy as a result of looking forward to more Dick!

Ah, you gotta love Dick!  Well, you don't have to love...I mean, I don't love di...Nevermind.  Dick definitely sees the world in a more interesting light.  Probably because he only has one eye, but that's another story. 

And I especially like Dick's spanish inquisition. 

And has everybody met Dick's best friend.  I think his name is Lou_Bricant.  Dick doesn't go anywhere without him.  They are like...well, you can figure that out.

SINGERROURKE smiles feeling like this could be completely idiotic he wanted to know anyway.

Mr. Richard what do you think about me?

SINGERROURKE waiting anxiously was biting his fingernails spitting on the five year old standing next to him.

"Andrew, I wasn't aware that anyone knew about good ol' Lou! Yeah he pretty much hangs with me everywhere I go, just in case I get into one of those tight positions."

Richard smiles and then glances over at SINGER

"So you want to know who you'd be in Dick's world do you? Are you sure you want that? Well here it is!"

SINGERROURKE

Who is he Dick?

Dick's Description: A consig who works for Rags, singing him songs of the good days.

In Dick's World: SINGER not only works for Rags(who by the way is a pimp from another galaxy bringing me alien hookers from time to time) but he also works for me part time singing melodies as I bathe in caramel and whip cream because yeah bitch, I'm that tasty. Not only can SINGER melody his way into a woman's heart, but he can also make the women hit the high notes in the sack.

I thought I kindly told you to not discuss my side buisness. You're such a Dick.

Dr_Jekyll looks over at RichardWad and shakes head smiling

You actually had me laughing this time. Good job bro.

The doctor pulls out his smokes and lites up

SINGERROURKE laughs uncontrollably. It was one of the hardest laughs he had in a long time. This past week has been good. He looks over seeing the young kids head covered with fingernails.

Sorry kid. I uh...Here go buy a coke.

SINGERROURKE then compliments Richard and walks on feeling like hot stuff.

Listens for a while, then gets visibly annoyed.

You didn't talk about me, Dick!  You're such a dick, Dick.  How could you forget me?

Storms off

Smiles

"Don't think I haven't thought about you Mr. Pickles... As a matter of fact let's show the public exactly who you are in my world."

Mr_Pickles

Who's that Dick?

Dick's Description: An odd shaped character working for -premeister.

In Dick's World: Mr. Pickles remains a part of the Spanish Inquisition. As a matter of fact one of the Latina's favor the pickle.

Nods approvingly

Favored by just one?  A Pickle can add just the right touch to any experience.

Smiles

"Yes Mr. Pickles, you are absolutely correct. I know many ladies and or men, that crave the Pickle. Sometimes with just the right substitute, you can make any day one to enjoy!"

Paddy stopped in the streets to listen to Richard speak. Interested in the idea he waited for the Dick to get done with the others before he stepped forward.

I'd love to hear your description of me Dick.

Paddy pulls out a cigarette and lights it as he waits for Dick's response.

Richard smiles at Paddy

"Why of course. You my friend are someone extremely special in my world. Please let me show you..."

Paddy_The_Wacker

Who's that Dick? A boss within Llywelyn_ap_Myrddin's family.

Dick's Description: One who is loyal and extremely trust worthy within the family. The one person you can count on to do a job thoroughly and to the best of his ability.

In Dick's World: From time to time, Dick needs a break from all the hard work. When Dick get's horny, Dick needs to be relieved. In the Mafia world, Paddy is extremely motivated, and in Dick's world, where being good at wacking is key, he is just that and some. When times are rough and relieving my frustrations are an issue, Paddy is the one to call.

Phoebe gazes at RichardWad with intense interest. She listens intently and when all has been said she walks off with a giggle. Shaking her head she starts singing a song to herself. "Smelly cats.. smelly cats.."

Smiles at Pheobe

"Love the song, next time were at central perk together you have to hook a mobster up!!!"

Lights a joint singing.... "Smelly cat, smelly cat, oh where art thou smelly cat!!!"

Phoebe turns around upon the mention of song.

Maybe we can have a duet?

Picks up a guitar

"Oh smelly fucking cat!
Where art thou smelly cat!
I remember the first time you laid eyes on me,
I just knew it had to be,
Even though your cursed with smelly feet,
You take my breathe away when we cuddle,
And at night I may need a nose clip to snuggle,
but your fur is so soft and squishy,
even though it smells like rotten fishy.
In the mornings you start my day off right,
Even though I had to listen to you fart all night.
With the smell lingering through the evening air,
I awake to the horrid scent now in my hair,
Even through all that I must tell the truth,
Because one things for sure, I'm in love with you!
OHHH SMELLLYYY CATTTT OHHHHH SMEELLLLLYY CATTTT!"

Wanders down the alley repeating the chorus over and over until an old lady drops a flower pot on his head from a fire escape

Phoebe frowns as she listens to Dick's song. Knowing it wasnt the right one she started singing the original as she walked around.

Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
It may not be a bed of roses.
And you're no friend to those with noses.