|
As families nestle tightly down for the evening, as mobsters put up their weapons in the family armory for the evening, when prostitutes take a break after their first client of the evening, they all have one fucking thing in common, they are all making it a point to tune to the radio for it is a night of grand tradition from days ago, in which it's popularity took the world by storm. After a long period of silence, the ancestors to those who brought you the Infamous Daze Craze radio show have come together to bring you Crazed n' Lightly Blazed!!! A no holds bar, tell how it is talk show where not even McDermotts sexuality is safe from discussion!
With the twist of the knob, low keyed static became audible and you hear music slowly push it's way to distinction.
Theme song
Silence
Dick: Welcome to Crazed n' Lightly Blazed with your hosts RichardWad, and Vantino.
Vantino: What the fuck is up people!?
Dick: Will you calm down were just getting started.
Vantino: Calm down? Calm down? How am I suppose to calm down? It's the premier of this kick ass show and you say calm down? Well I tell you what, you might be a Dick but I swear to god if you try and ruin this for......
You hear a slap in the background
Vantino: Well what the fuck what that for?
Dick: Shut up already and let's make proper introductions?
Vantino: Fair enough then
Dick: Alright so most of you know me already but for those who don't I'm Richard most people call me Dick, my great ancestor BuddahBear helped originate Daze Craze some time ago. Since then it has always been a dream of mine to revive his concept and continue his work through my own. I'm so very excited....
Vantino: (Snore noises) Ya ya and I'm Vantino, ancestor to a pill popping freak eventually leading to my own fucking addiction.
Dick: and I see the ability to cut people off in mid sentence is also hereditary.
Vantino: Very funny.
Dick: Thank you. So, being your so excited about the show, would you like to start things off with something you've been preparing for?
Vantino: No actually, I'd like to see you in action, since you are the big shot around these streets, MR. Oh I come up with dirty jokes, I'm popular!
Dick: Where is this animosity coming from? Are you still upset about AbbieHoffman?
Vantino: Look man I didn't know she was a he! Fuck you!
You here crashing , and Vantino yelling but so loud you couldn't make out what he said. Then it went quiet
Dick: I apologize for what has just happened, when we return, we'll see how Cassiopia and SyrupWaffle does in a segment we like to call, The Hot Seat. Don't go anywhere you wont' want to miss this!
Theme song begins playing as it goes to commercial
--------------------------------------------
Have a business you would like promoted? have that special someone who just moved up into the ranks and you'd like to send a special congratulations out there too? Well look no further anything you want to say can be said during the Crazed n' Lightly Blazed talk show! Just send your information along with a $25,000 fee and anything you want heard will be said. No edits, No censorship. You may also have your announcements made without your name being involved for an total of $50,000. So what ware you waiting for? Get your word out today!!!
--------------------------------------------
Pets Overnight Advertisement:
Man: Are you bored with man's best friend?
Boy: Sorry Fido were gonna have to drown you.
Man: Why not try mans first cousin? At PetsOvernight we've got every
primate in stock from spider monkeys to gorillas. You'll love your new
best friend.
Boy: Mommy, Jim-Jim bit me.
Man: Normally with you'd have billy spank the pet with the newspaper, but with the chimps, you get the ability to treat it as you would any other problem with kids.
Mom: Well then just bite back. Ok Honey?
Man: PetsOvernight, delivering little bundles of love in box,
directly to your door.
Bananas not included
--------------------------------------------
Dick: Hello miss SyrupWaffle and miss Cassiopeia. Welcome to the Hot seat!
SyrupWaffle: Thank you!
Cassiopeia: Ohhhhh the hot seat!
Dick: This is where I'm going to ask you questions, after each question I want you to answer to the best of your ability. Are we ok with this?
Cassiopeia: Hmmmm do we need safe words?
SyrupWaffle: I shall try my hardest, though I've to warn you... I've been drinkiinnnggg!
Dick: Very good question being this involves myself, but no, no safe words will be needed
SyrupWaffle: The safe word will be "SchizophrenicAlbatrossOrgasm".
Dick: Yes that shall work. Whenever you feel the need to halt, Scream "SchizophrenicAlbatrossOrgasm!"
Cassiopeia: Ok! Go go go!
Dick: Waffles or Pancakes?
SyrupWaffle: Waffles.
Cassiopeia: Waffles
Dick: Good choice, Is this because you yourself is a waffle? And maybe just maybe Cassiopeia enjoys your sweet taste?
Silence
Dick: Ok ok maybe a bit much. Derek, a hotty or a nottie?
SyrupWaffle: Well, I would be lying if I said my answer was unbiased, it is indeed because I am waffle. I let Cassiopeia judge my sweet taste though.
Dick: Cassiopeia a response to this allegation?
Cassiopeia: I shall need to take a sample to answer to the best of my capabilities
Dick: Ok well we can save that for another episode. Don't want to steal all the good stuff for the first show. Sorry men!
Dick: So on with the next question, Derek a Hottie or a nottie?
Cassiopeia: As for Derek, I will say... Hottie unless you meant naughty?
Dick: Is he naughty?
SyrupWaffle: Well, I haven't had the pleasure to go bin dipping with the man. So it's hard to say!
Cassiopeia: Agreed
SyrupWaffle: Must actually arrange such a meeting.
Dick: Do you think he would enjoy a night with the Waffle?
SyrupWaffle: Anyone would enjoy a night with a waffle! What to wear on such an occasion though?!
Dick: Recently, I have been making an attempt to bring some life to the streets, do you think it is working?
SyrupWaffle: I think your dick moves are definitely bringing activity, sir.
Cassiopeia: I have been seeing more activity, so I'm going to have say affirmative
Dick: Do you think the sexuality is a bit much, or would you say in a female perspective that Dick is just fine the way Dick is?
Cassiopeia: Well, being that I love Dick, I would say that I wouldn't change a thing about Dick
SyrupWaffle: Well, I can only speak for myself... but I love Dick. Anyone that knows me know I don't back away for some sexuality. Naturally, it has to be the right Dick.
Dick: Well thank you ladies, Dick loves you too, as a matter of fact, Dick loves you so much Dick will let pet him.
SyrupWaffle: My pleasure entirely, nothing beats a happy dick.
Dick: Well sometimes a happy dick just needs to be beaten, or even, sometimes beating a Dick makes Dick Happy. Either way, you inspire me.
Giggles are heard from the ladies
Dick: Sex, drugs or Davy?
Cassiopeia: All of the above
SyrupWaffle: Sex.
Cassiopeia: I am greedy
SyrupWaffle: I hope for you, you can handle it all! That's a lot to take on ones plate.
Dick: What do you think Cassiopeia can you handle it?
Cassiopeia: There isn't much I cant
Dick begins breathing heavier then normal
SyrupWaffle: I've to say I believe Cassiopeia, she's one tough lady!
Dick: Well then, on to the next. Eat all your dinner, or skip to dessert?
SyrupWaffle: This would depend on what the desert is.
Dick: Dick?
SyrupWaffle: If it involves whipped cream I'd totally go for dessert.
Cassiopeia: It would also depend on my appetite
Dick: A waffle covered in Whip cream?
Cassiopeia: Dessert for sure out of either of those options!
SyrupWaffle: I know Cassiopeia would eat me any day !
Dick: Sounds like my kind of morning.
Giggles are heard again
Dick: Ok onto serious business, in your opinion, how do you view the world today? Is there anything you would like to see changed or maybe have a bit more focus appointed to it?
SyrupWaffle: Hmm, I'm actually quite pleased with how the world is today. My family is great and it's awesome to work for Marcus. Who takes good care of me I might add. I don't think there's actually anything I'd love to see to change right now, it's a pleasure doing business all around the States.
Dick: Well put miss Waffle. Cassiopeia?
Cassiopeia: I am really happy with things at the moment. There is a lot of working together to solve problems, instead of just automatically jumping on the defense. I have enjoyed helping in the rebuilding of St Louis, I'm so proud to be working for Joey_Cesari. As far as change, more street presence would be great, but that is what you have been working towards and I find it fabulous that you care so much. You can never have too much Dick in my opinion
Dick: Well very loyal to your families I see. That is great, ok so one more question, what would it take for a man like me to have two girls like yourselves, well you know, with a waffle maybe toss in some eggs a hint of Cassiopeia, we do maybe a breakfast retreat one morning?
SyrupWaffle: You want us both at the same time?
Cassiopeia: That is a lot to handle Dick
SyrupWaffle: Aren't you taking on a bit too much on your Dick here? I MEAN PLATE! Oops..
Dick: Well, I suppose I would never know until it happened... I'll bring the dressings.
SyrupWaffle: Whipped cream, whipped cream, strawberries
Cassiopeia: Whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate sauce are always ideal waffle topping by the way
Dick: It's a done deal ladies, I'll have to put that on my list. Well I thank you two for your time, your both amazing a beautiful women and I wish the best for you both. I know it didn't take long but I understand you have business to attend too, just hopefully one day that business may involve me. Hubba Hubba
SyrupWaffle: Ha! It was a great pleasure Dick ! And well, being here with the wonderful and hot Cassiopeia makes it even better!
Dick: And I have pictures to prove it. Oh wait I shouldn't have said that.
Cassiopeia: The pleasure was definitely all mine here
SyrupWaffle: Those pictures are worth some money Dick, be careful with them!
Cassiopeia: And I must say, I consider it an honor to have been Dicked
Dick: Thank you very much ladies!
Fades to commercial
--------------------------------------------
A long time ago my husband asked me to lose weight. So I tried and nothing worked!
Until I found HydroxySlut. HydroxySlut gives you the non guilty feeling of cheating on your man,
and the abilities to hump like a jack rabbit. I lost 30 pounds in one week!
It burns those unwanted calories quicker than you can say Java Cartel!
The slut sold separately.
--------------------------------------------
Dick: Welcome back to the show, and let's welcome back Vantino!
Vantino: Fuck you.
Dick: Dude, really?
Vantino: No just kidding, feel much better now.
Dick: Oh why's that?
Vantino: I went out front to smoke a cig, in the process this punk kid kicked a can at my feet. So I whooped his little ass, now I no longer have my aggression and I got this tasty candy bar he dropped after I uppercutted him.
Dick: Glad it helped, really. Alrighty, well how do you think the first show went? I know it wasn't much, but do you think the people will be for it?
Vantino: Well I guess there's only one way to find out, let's close this bitch down and wait for the ratings! In the meantime, I need to find that bottle I left here during rehearsals.
Dick: Maybe you don't need those?
Vantino: Would you like to see me rape an innocent chimp I got from Algeria?
Dick: Well until next time! This is your favorite Dick saying, if it ain't hard, it just ain't worth it.
Vantino: Well do you want to?
Dick: I ignored that question for a reason.
Theme song begins to play, then with the turn of the knob, silence fell once again |
