"It's nothing personal."  She said trying to focus on the road despite Silvio's best efforts.  "Breakfast is his, it always will be to some degree.  Mornings, I just can't..." 

She paused. 

"I don't think I will share it with anyone but him for a long time to come.  I know that must sound pretty crazy: the idea that a meal or time of day is sacred, but still I'm willing to share a bed... but, it's complicated.  Love is complicated.  And I'd have to love you to care about your feelings for another woman."

She shifted beneath his hand's ministrations, clearly enjoying it even if her 'burdens' were at the forefront of her mind.

"You're attractive, clever, Italian so that doesn't hurt, and very likely we'll never see each other again.  To me, that seems like an ideal situation for me to throw myself into.  I just need something to be simple and straight forward.  Pleasurable and uncomplicated."

She smirked.

"If you keep this up, I may have to pull the car over or we're going to wreck when I stop thinking about anything other than what your fingers are doing."

"We can stay in bed until lunch. Or you can go out for a walk and come back."

Silvio shrugged.

"Live your life as you see fit."

As he spoke, his agile fingers undid her button and slid down the zipper before they returned to their work.

"It sounds crazy, but life is crazy. Love is especially crazy. Follow your rules. As for me? Never lie. Carpe diem. Pursue beauty. And here I am, doing all three."

He could feel Aurora pushing herself against his hand and he grinned as he looked out at the road, as if his fingers had gone rogue.

"It would be refreshing if you did not fall in love with me, my fierce feline beauty. Simple. Straight forward. Pleasurable. Uncomplicated. These are words I would use to describe myself. As for the future... we'll worry about that later. For the immediate future, let us see if you can avoid pulling over in the next... seven minutes or so. We're nearly there. You seem like a woman capable of great focus. And I am a very good gambler. I bet you'll make it."

With a catlike grin, he leaned towards Aurora. As she lifted herself out of her seat, he slid her jeans down past her hips and began kissing her neck as his fingers matched the pace of the thrumming engine.

For a short while Rora had her eyes forward and her focus felt unshakable, but the wind was refreshing and her body still so tired from all she'd put it through this past week.  His touch was odd to her and yet, real.  It wasn't a fantasy or memory, but flesh and blood - warm and there.  It didn't take much for her mind to wander and the car to jerk a bit more than she was comfortable with.  

Aurora pulled over.

"Oh..." Silvio said in mock disappointment taking his hand from her.  "It's so close, though!"

She lashed out her hand, taking hold of his wrist, her eyes locked on his as a lioness stares down her prey. 

"So am I."  Her voice was a throaty whisper, almost a growl as she pulled his hand back to her body, and leaning across the seat to kiss him.

Silvio glanced up at the high ground they'd nearly reached, then shrugged. 

"Pull over- just drive far enough off the road where we won't be seen. Unless you're into that sort of thing."

He grinned wickedly as the car came to a stop and Aurora quickly put it into park. They were far enough off the main road where no one would see them, even if the largely empty road did have someone drive by. He kissed Aurora as she pulled him to her, then pulled away only for a moment to exit the car and walk around to her. They practically threw themselves at each other, and Silvio's hands slid down her hips to allow her to step out of her jeans. It was only another moment before she was naked below the waist. Silvio walked her slowly towards the car until her back rested against the cool metal, contrasting with the still warm desert air. He gave himself thirty seconds to simply kiss her, to show his own excitement, before he began to move, kissing her ears, neck, moving lower as he continued to speak.

"Lean back against the car, Aurora, and tilt your head back."

A million stars blazed above her, far more than anyone could see in a city, and the desert horizon seemed to stretch forever. Silvio knelt on both knees in front of her, and his tongue trailed a lazy, circular path from her hip towards her thighs as his hands reached up to grab her ass.

"I did promise to worship you, after all."

Then, as his tongue started playing the same song his fingers had begun earlier, her back arched and her world exploded in a pleasurable, blissfully forgetful blur. Her hands reached into his hair and, looking up, she saw the stars whenever she managed to open her eyes.

Honesty was a strength to Aurora's mind.  Honesty despite hardship, that was a true testament to character.  So it was that she while watching Silvio move downward, found herself feeling vulnerable, nervous, and wanting to tell him that she'd only ever had one lover.  That despite her false bravado, she really wasn't so experienced.  She'd only ever really known one set of hands, lips... tongue.  And as Silvio worked she found it jarring that it wasn't Billy's hands or lips she felt but this stranger's.  She was losing herself to the feelings but not reality, despite what she wanted.

Where Billy had been nervous and sweet, learning with her, Silvio was masterful and confident.  He lacked Billy's size and strength but he was none the less powerful in his own way and it surprised and scared her in equal measure.  For a time she considered asking this stranger she'd recklessly run off with, to stop, telling him that this was a huge mistake, that what she thought she'd wanted wasn't at all what she dreamed it would be. 

There was no fantasy to crawl into, no way to make herself imagine Billy was still here, but she didn't speak.  Instead Aurora, who wasn't accustomed to letting any man tell her what to do, arched her back as her lover instructed and looked up to the twinkling lights in the heavens.  At first, pondering God and his 'grand plan' and then slowly the cacophony of coherent thoughts, the steady stream of painful memories and guilt, gave way to something more much more base.  Aurora Byrne, daughter of Gavin and Isabella, sister of Kat and Will, lover of Billy Mastrosimone, a survivor of Race Street Company - ceased to be for the span of seconds.  It wasn't long, in the measure her life the barest blink of her eyes really, but it was long enough.

It wasn't fireworks and birds singing, none of the garbage of books, it was raw and visceral.  It was sweat, tension, gasps for air and pleading noises - and at that instant where it all disappeared, it was sweet oblivion.  The world was gone for a blink and so was the pain.  There was nothing lost and no one to miss - for a moment she wasn't even a person but a bundle of bright white light - so bright it had it's own sound and smell and taste.  

But it did not last.

The world came crashing back with gnashing teeth and reality tore at the heart reforming beneath her breasts as the scream she'd let out died in the night air.  White knuckles eased off their death grip upon his hair, her muscles unlocking as the reality of what she'd done - of what she felt, settled upon her.  Whether the intensity of the lingering feelings or the rage with God himself that she had not shared such intensity with Billy in life, Aurora could not say.  But, her whole body trembled as a white-hot tear escaped her eye.  She looked down on the man she did not know with such feelings as should never have been tied to some passing fancy and found herself passing judgment on herself with a self-righteousness that rose to a level worthy of Gavin Bryne himself.

"I'm sorry."  She muttered.

Silvio, like many religious people, lost himself in his worship of that which is holy. When she gave a final shudder and her scream faded away, he saw her gaze downward and he stopped, slowly rising to his feet. He wasn't surprised by the tear; more than a few women had cried when he saw to their needs. Er, in a good way. It was, rather, the expression on her face that gave him pause.

As Silvio stood, he loosened his tie, wiping his face with it before tossing it inside the car. He removed his jacket and swept it around her shoulders. It fell low enough on her to cover her, still naked below the waist. 

With a small effort, he quelled his own lust- at least for the moment. Patience was not usually one of his virtues, but there was something about this young woman that pulled him in. Silvio smiled at her, sadly but reassuringly, as he leaned his back against the car next to her and stretched both arms out along its top so that one rested behind her. He glanced at her for a moment, then back up at the brilliant desert canopy of stars.

"Why?"

She wiped her tear away, the heat coming off her body in waves.  "Would you believe me if I said it was for how hard I pulled your hair?"  In spite of herself, the corner of her lip twitched in the hint of a smile that didn't quite come to life.

She shook her head.

"It's complicated.  It's all very complicated and I thought this would be simple but it's not.  This isn't like just... make a decision to order a glass of wine with dinner.  Something pleasurable I enjoy and never think about again."

She looked down at the dirt beneath her feet.

"I buried him almost two months ago.  I've never held onto pain like this before.  I usually just, say goodbye and that's it.  The feeling goes away in a few days and life is normal again - but the ghosts they're lingering this time.  His in particular.  I know he wants me to be happy, but it's not about him really.  It's about me.  It's about who I am."

She looked then to Silvio.

"The way you feel about Giulia... it's the same with my Billy."  She smiled when she said his name and her eyes for a moment sparkled in the dim evening light. 

"He hung the moon and stars, he was the air, and since he passed away I've scarcely had a moment of breathing and life.  Then, after my mother and everyone else... Christ, have mercy on me, but nothing has been the same.  The people I normally lean on they're either dead or shattered by our losses.  I can't ... I can't be a burden to them."

She looked up at the stars, trying not to get teary eyed again. 

"I thought this would be a good distraction... that it would help me forget for a while.  A stranger.  No ties.  No emotions involved but it's not about what I feel or don't feel for you... it was always about me and the holes inside my heart.  I mean... what you did just now, that was... I've never..."

She struggled to find the words.  

"Billy was the first." 

She paused. 

"My only."

She closed her eyes.

"And what you did for me it was... perfect."  The word was spoken with sincerity and regret.  "I wish I had felt that with him.  Maybe it would have been like that in time.  I mean, what you made me feel, that's how I felt all the time with him.  Just that... good.  He made me think about this world and myself in a whole new way.  He took all my dreams and spun them on their ears and I found myself daring to believe the world could be different than it is - but I was wrong."

"This world is full of moments."  She looked to Silvio.  "It's a hot cup of coffee when your sore and tired, a kind smile from a stranger, or a scream in the night at a roadside park - but what Billy made me think could be, it doesn't happen.  At least not normally.  Not for people like he and I."

She sighed realizing only then why she had believed Billy and why she thought this insanity might actually result in her pain disappearing and why her father had warned her that it wouldn't.

"I guess I'm sorry I believed in a fairytale.  I'm sorry that I used you like this only to find it's not going to fix me.  It's not going to make anything better ..."  She reached a hand out and touched his side with her fingertips, "Even if it was wonderful, the idea that running off with a handsome stranger for a night of passion - that it would somehow magically make my pain end, it's nothing more than a story."

She'd been primed to chase such dreams since she was a little girl.  It was her favorite story and like all children, at some point, she wanted to believe it - but the realities of Gavin and Bella's tale were much messier than boy seduces a grieving girl and all her problems go away and then they start a family and live happily ever after.  And only now was she able to understand what her dad was unable to spell out so plainly.  For, even if he had said those words she would have come back with the accusation that 'it happened for you - how can you say it won't happen for me?'

He could say it because he'd lived an impossibly charmed life and miracles like his and Bella's story didn't happen twice in a lifetime.  Not in any reasonable or realistic world.  Their love was 1 in 1,000,000.  And cruel as that was to admit, Gavin had been right to warn her.  Sadly she'd not been smart enough to listen and so here she was... nearly naked in a roadside park with a stranger, still smelling of sex and slightly aroused despite her lingering guilt and shame at her own failure to find peace.

"I'm also sorry that you must have a terrible crick in your neck after all that... it was quite the effort."  She tried to joke.  She tried to bring some levity to it all, even if her heart was only barely in it.

"Would you believe me if I said it was for how hard I pulled your hair?" 

He shook his head, matching her own gesture. 

"Some things are simple. I've heard love is the simplest thing in the world when things are going well... it can also be more complicated than anything, no?"

"I think you are respectful of the dead. Your love. If you could so quickly move on from him, then is what you had really very special? You hold onto the pain because you think it is all you have of him, but some people... they leave their imprint on your life... un segno indelebile... from the way you speak of him, I think you have much more than pain. But still, we are forced to live with it for a while. Then we force it to live with us. Someday, your pain will pass- but the ghost will remain in your memories. This is healing."

His brow furrowed.

"But, you hurt the living as well. By denying them yourself, by withdrawing... ah, I do not speak of myself sexually here, to be clear... I mean the emotions, yes? You say you can't be a burden for them, but you hurt them now by denying your pain. Your friends and family who are ready to share your suffering with you... you must do so. Otherwise, you extend the distance. You may think you do them a kindness, but it is selfishness. If they are good friends, good family, they already suffer with you and your distance hurts them even more. Go to them. They will be with you; it is all they can do, but it is often enough."

Silvio paused, exhaling slightly. For a moment, as she continued to speak, he thought she was about to confess that he was her first. It had happened before, and it was often a hard conversation. This was... different. Unexpected. 

"If you are grieving, no man will heal you. A pleasant distraction yes, perhaps, but your battle cannot be won with a few moments of pleasure. We bury the dead in the ground and it takes a day; it takes much longer to bury them within our heart.

"He sounds like quite the man. I am sorry about your fairy tale, Aurora. But there is one thing you must never apologize for... and that is for using me. It is a privilege to be used by you, I enjoy being used by you, and I am per- nearly perfectly satisfied to be used by you in such a way."

He rested his arm on Aurora's shoulder. 

"Thinking about the future can be exhausting, Aurora Byrne. Sometimes I wonder if Giulia and I will ever be reunited... but this seems impossible. She is not dead, but she might as well be. And if I step foot in Venezia again, I'd most likely be dead before nightfall. I miss her sometimes, and I think of her often... but part of me has also let her go. And, perhaps, I let go of the fairytale as well. I only knew her for a day... and yet, I want to believe in the dream. But what happens to those whose dreams die before they do? We endure, and we seek what solace we can from a cruel world, hoping it will be enough."

Silvio sighed.

"What I would very much like to do is drive you to the top of that mountain and make love to you until the sky turns grey. In between our passionate embraces, I would like to continue to speak to you, because I find you to be a remarkable woman. We cannot forget the ones we love, but we can still steal a few moments of joy, no? And if that is too strong a word, then pleasure? And before the sun rises, we will drive into the city and you can leave me before breakfast. Or if you would prefer to simply talk, I would be happy to do so. You will just have to excuse me for a few private moments behind that bush."

He smirked.

"Dopo aver visto un culo come il tuo, devo o esplodere sessualmente o bruciare spontaneamente. Use me however you'd like, Signorina Bruciare."

Aurora listened to Silvio's words and her mind wandered, not to the sexual delights the man was sure to provide but instead back to a small cabin on a snow-covered mountainside and the man who would have isolated himself there.  Isolated himself.  Not grieved with mom and William... despite the fact that she and he both knew that they would have needed him.  His absence would have compounded their pain.  Aurora knew that and it was why she was shocked and angry that her father would have kept himself from them if she had died... and yet, what had she done?

Silvio's words, his invitation to use him were tempting, more than the man knew.  Her body had recovered already, she was ready to do it all over again and yet, her mind had already gotten in the car and begun to drive.

She wet her lips.  "I hate to leave you unsatisfied... but there are two men sitting in Montreal who need me just a little more than you tonight."  She said picking up her pants.  "And I'm afraid I've already waited too long.  I need to make that right."

She pulled up her slacks and refastened the button before giving Silvio his jacket back and replacing it with her father's again.  "A rain check?  When I come back to Vegas... you and me, a second date, maybe with fewer tears & more enthusiasm on my part next time?"

She put a hand on his cheek and kissed his lips gently.

"Thank you."

Silvio received the gentle kiss from Aurora and every part of him wanted her... but he saw the change in her. What? He had said something to make her leave- and not in a bad way. As he sat back in the car, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Ah well, perhaps he had helped somehow. 

"I will take that rain check, Signorina Bruciare, even if this godforsaken city never gets any rain."

Aurora seemed lost in her thoughts on the drive back; occasionally, she and Silvio would have a thoughtful exchange, but then she'd be right back in her own head.

In what seemed like a moment, Silvio was standing in front of his hotel as the car pulled away behind him. He looked down at the sand on his knees and sighed, shaking his head.

"What the fuck just happened?"

Shrugging, he went to go find a cup of coffee.