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| Mafia Fairy Tales: The Three Little Goombas | Started by: Mr_47 on Feb 05, '08 21:31 |
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Gather 'round children and your old grandpa 47 will tell you a good, old fashioned, Mafia Fairy Tale. Shut up! I'm telling a story here, you little bastards. Once upon a time, there were three little goombas. They were actually triplets and they lived in their mother's basement, even though they were in their mid-thirties, the lazy bastards. One day, she threw their lazy asses out. "Youse boys gotta get outta my house! I'm tired of youse sittin' down here on your asses moochin' off your poor 'ol ma. As if I didn't spend a week pushing youse three fat asses outta me. If your fadder, God rest his soul, could see youse, he'd roll over in his grave! Now get outta here and get a job, dammit!" "Aw, ma," one goomba said, "do we gotta?" She grabbed his ear and led him out of their house, along with his two brothers. "And don't come back, ya friggin' mooches!" As they walked away, she added, "And don't forget your ma loves you, ya lazy sons of bitches!" As they walked down the street, they met a kid who was taking a car to town to sell. They got him to stop his car, beat him senseless, and stole the car. Down the road, they met an old man. The old man traded them a gun and six magic bullets for the car. So, they shot him, took the car, the gun, and the bullets, and drove to town. In town, they came upon three banks. The first bank was made of straw. Shut the hell up, it's a fairy tale. The damn place was made of straw. Lousy kids. Anyway, the bank was made of straw, damn it, and the first goomba decided to rob it. It was made of straw and there weren't any guards, so he walked in, shot a teller, and took all the money. He got back in the car and his brothers congratulated him on his robbing prowess. The second goomba, bolstered by his brother's success, took the gun and went into the next bank, which was made of sticks. Not a word, you little brats. The bank was made of sticks and there was one guard and one teller. The goomba shot them both and took all the money. He got back into the car with his brothers and they celebrated his success. The third goomba took the gun and looked out the window of the car. The third bank was made of bricks, surrounded with barbed wire, and protected by thirty heavily armed guards. He checked the gun, which, at this point, had two magic bullets in it. He stepped out of the car, shot both his brothers, took their money, and went to the brick bank to open an account. The end. What's that? You want a moral to the story? Ah, what the hell. The moral to the story is... Watch your friggin' back! Wait, no. The moral is "steal smarter, not harder." No, the moral is "blood is thicker than water, but messier than money." I don't know what the hell it means. Stop asking questions. Now get lost. Friggin' brats. |
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Seated on the ground in front of the aging man as he tells his tale, the whole while watching his arms flop around like a tortoise on its back as he gets excited and frustrated with the other onlookers. She listens intently as he weaves a tale of morality and is left satisfied. As she stands up from her seated position she slips the old man roll of cash. Here sir, get yourself some new clothes or a warmer jacket. Noticing an empty thermos she tucks a few more bills into his hand. Get yourself a hot meal too. She smiles and wanders down the street people watching. |
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| Reply by: Serafina_Pekkala at Feb 05, '08 23:06 | |
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Isabella being a small child at this time in 19@#, she sits in the back of the group, and sucks her thumb. Quiet and shy she says nothing throughout grandpa 47 story. She knows if she speaks up, she will be getting a beating. After his story was told, she gets up and wobbles towards grandpa 47. She tugs on his pants and mumbles. I need to go to the bathroom. |
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| Reply by: Isabella_Ditto at Feb 06, '08 08:34 | |
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| Hell, kid, we all need to the bathroom. Here's some advice, remember it. In life, you can either learn to find a crapper, or you can just crap your pants, like that kid Mr_MFer. Don't be a MFer, find the bathroom. | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 06, '08 10:58 | |
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| That's going in my profile, thanks Mr_47 for the words of wisdom. | |
| Reply by: Mr_Obvious at Feb 06, '08 19:49 | |
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I love when my name is mentioned fondly in the streets. *Writes down Mr_47 and Mr_Obvious on his to kill list, realizes their names have been there for years* Wait, this isn't my to kill list, it's my "to do" list. |
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| Reply by: Mr_MFer at Feb 06, '08 20:30 | |
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| I'm not a big fan of being on various people's "To Do List". I'm just glad I invested in this 47 Enterprises, novelty chastity belt. *shows off belt that looks similar to a colander* | |
| Reply by: Mr_Obvious at Feb 06, '08 20:56 | |
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| Man, that's an antique. Actually, those things were made out of old army helmets. Regardless, I don't like being on MF_er's "to do" list. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm locking the doors tonight. | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 07, '08 00:19 | |
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