Integra had left him in the hospital, just as he requested. Some time for him figure out what to make of her apparent lack of trust in him. He wondered if things could really be like they were, or if this was like a crack in a sidewalk that with weather and nature would widen until the section of sidewalk just fell apart.   This realization if her distrust in him only furthered his thoughts on love not being a fate he was meant for.  With all this going on it was no wonder his blood pressure had risen.  

Alucard fought with Doctor Mike for a while about why his blood pressure was raised, and that it was just a temporary thing.  "Doc it was just a fight with the woman who brought me in.  Can't I just go, I'm fine."

"Alucard, you are lucky you didn't die.  Your blood pressure rising could just as easily be a sign that the cranial swelling hasn't gone down as we hoped it would, this is your life.  If it was just the fight, it will go down on its own in time.  But in the meantime, you should stay here, just in case."

Alucard sighed, as much as he wanted to argue and get out of the hospital, he knew the doctor was right. He needed to stay put and make sure he was alright before he took off.  Yet he didn't' know where he would go, he didn't know if he actually had a place anywhere.  He had a long quiet talk with Alice about what he knew, what was troubling him.  She was quiet and understanding and didn't judge him for the harshness he took with Integra.  He did wonder if that wasn't because she was now the one wanting him.   He wasn't going to argue, he enjoyed her company when she came to visit with him during her breaks, and to check his vitals. 

During his free time, when he was alone he spent his time reading over the journal full of letters to Integra.  The memories contained in it, he strained to remember in his own mind.  He tried to remember any of it.  Being in Philly, the time he spent with Bella, anything that happened between him and Aurora.   It was all nothingness, as if someone had gone in and just pulled those memories out of his head like books off a shelf.  That didn't stop him from scouring the pages trying to make sense of his most recent past.  

He also hadn't heard back from Aurora.  He wondered if his intel was correct if she was in Las Vegas.  Did something happen to her? Or was what he had done to her so terrible, that she couldn't even forgive him enough to help him?

It was in one of these quiet moments of flipping through his journal that he heard a knock on his door.  He smiled thinking it was the nurse he had befriended since he was admitted.  "Come on in Alice, hope you have some food to share, I'm hungry!"

Aurora was dressed in her usual jeans, t-shirt, and a leather jacket.  She peaked in around the door, "I didn't bring food," She said with a smile.  "But I was hoping maybe you'd enjoy a bit of company?"

She stepped inside.  

"Hello, Alucard."  She said pushing the door closed behind her.  "How are you feeling, Twin Iris?"

Alucard looked up from the black leather journal that was in his hands, the voice was not that of his nurse Alice.  His amber eyes focusing on the darker haired woman in front of him.  He had a strange mix of feeling a strong sense of familiarity, and foreignness.   Unsure on why he would feel such a closeness to someone he only ever remembers having one conversation with. 

"Aurora..."  He spoke in nearly a whisper.  He nodded, as he added, "some company would be nice."

He set the book down on the bed beside where he was sitting. He stood to walk over to her and as he did, he realized he just had on the bottom part of the scrubs Alice had allowed him to wear instead of the silly gowns.  He grabbed the top and slid it over his head quickly.

"I'm sorry about that, I'm... I... Wasn't thinking." he said as he walked slowly over to her, his face and body still showing the beatings he had taken in Vegas. 

He debated about hugging her, but in the end gave up and just embraced her in his arms.  "I can't believe you're here.  Why did you come?  I'm glad you did, but I don't deserve you to be here..."

He released her from the hug and took a step back, "I'm not good, physically I'll get better but I need to be careful for a while.  Another bad hit to my head could quite literally be the death of me."  He let out a long sigh as he looked into her eyes, still surprised at how much like his they were.  Sadness and confusion were reflected in his eyes. "Mentally though Aurora, I'm... I'm just lost."

Aurora came up and kissed both of Alucard's cheeks.

"I came because you're family, Twin Iris."  She sat down at his bedside.

"Besides, this place is probably dull as hell.  We can, however, play a rousing game of Kill, Fuck, Marry with people in the waiting room if they'll let you go for a walk or let me push you in a wheel chair!"  She gave him a playful wink.

"So... how you doing?"

"I'm, family?"  The words confused him.  He, rubbed his temples trying to make sense of it. 

He did smile and laugh, at hearing Aurora stating that this place must be dull.  The first real laugh he'd felt since Integra left.   "I would love to take a walk.  As long as you don't mind a slow walk, I'm still in a bit of pain but some exercise would do me some good.  But what is kill, fuck marry?  I don't think I know this game." 

He looked over Aurora, something he couldn't put his finger on, was so very familiar with her.  He felt a lot more comfortable and at ease with her than what his memories of her would have implied he should be. 

"Aurora, I... I don't remember the last few months.  At all really.  My last memory of you, is that talk we had at my hotel before you went dancing with Billy.  But you feel so familiar, so comfortable.  I don't understand."  Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes, from the confusion and guilt he felt for not remembering someone he had obviously grown very close to.

He shook his head, "Sorry, where are my manners... How are you?  Are you okay?"

"Alright, I'm really better than alright now that I know you're okay and Billy is back with us.  I'm as good as I can possibly be.  Now... let's help you out of that bed.  Just balance yourself on me."  She stood beside the bed to help him up, not lifting but letting him balance on her.

"Marry, Fuck, Kill is a game we played in a bar a while ago where you look at people you don't know and decide if you could would you marry, fuck, or kill that person... without knowing a thing about them.  It's terribly rude and judgemental and hella-fun when you're drunk or with a drunk person."  She smirked at him.  "You invented the game I think."

Carefully they moved into the hallway and walked very slow.

"So do you really want to talk about why I feel so comfortable right now or maybe just enjoy that I do for a while?   I'm here to help you, Wild Card, not hurt you.  If you'd like me to talk about the past, we can do that, or we can talk about the same old stuff we usually talk about... you know, how fabulous we fucking are and how the rest of the world only wishes they were half-so-amazing and sexy."  she gave him a playful wink, glad he was still alive.

Alucard beamed a smiled as he heard his Twin Iris say how well she was doing.   He carefully used her to balance as he stood, and couldn't help but belt out a loud laugh after hearing Aurora talk about Marry, Fuck, Kill.

"That, completely, sounds like something I would make up.   It is totally awful, and I love it.  Too bad neither of us is in any shape to be drunk.  But let us head to the waiting room."

As they slowly walked, he thought about her question to him.  He wanted to know what happened, to try and fill in the gaps, to understand why he felt what he did when he was around someone his mind told him he barely knew.   He looked at her, and the smile she had on her face, and for now, just being with her was enough for him. 

"I think, I would just like to enjoy the comfort I feel in being with you right now. I do need to know soon though, about the past.  You have no idea what it's like to have such a void in your memories, for your feelings do not match what is in your head.  Or the guilt in not remembering what has made us so close.  I know I'd do anything for you, but I can't for the life of me remember what brought that on."

As they made their way to the waiting room, Alucard noticed his nurse Alice give a sideways look toward him and Aurora.  He shook his head at Alice and took a seat in an empty quiet part of the waiting room lobby. 

"So let me start by saying, you look fucking great Rora. You look good enough to... eat."  He said giving her a mischevious grin and a wink. He then gave a quick scan around the room, then said, "That guy in the corner across from us, staring at you over top of that newspaper he is pretending to read.  Kill him, fuck him, or marry him?" 

"Kill him."  She said just loud enough for the man to hear.  She watched him shift uncomfortably.  "I've never been much of a fan of men following me."  She smirked and said, "Good morning, Bob."

The paper lowered. 

"Miss Byrne."  He said respectfully.

"They still have you on my detail?  I figured after mom passed that they'd cut the shit and let you go do some real work."

He shook his head, "Afraid not Miss."

"They still pissed at you for Kansas City?"  She chuckled.

He shrugged.

"Well, I am sorry about that... for what it's worth.  Alucard, this is Agent Robert Smith.  Bob has been on a detail watching over me since I was... 18?"

"Sixteen actually.  Ever since we found poor Anthony Russo.  You ready to talk about that yet?"

Aurora stiffened.  "Go fuck yourself, Bob."

"I'm here if you change your mind, Miss Byrne.  I urge you to consider your future though... and that of your children."

Aurora stopped.

"I would think after what happened with your mother..."

Aurora drew a breath and white-knuckled fist clenched tight.  

"... that you wouldn't want to roll those dice.  Maybe get out for real now.  Take a note from your kid brother for once.  He seems like a smart one."

"He is."  she said quietly.  "Tell your fellow pigs that they'll stay the hell away from him, if they know what's best for them."

"Is that a threat, Miss Byrne?"

"No, Bob... read my file.  I don't make threats. I make promises."  With that, she continued walking.  After a long while, she sighed and started talking again.

"So... here's how things went down.  I'll go into details where you like, you just have to ask but I'm going to give you a large overview of things.  The highlights and we'll see if any of it jogs your memories."

She paused at a bench outside and sat down across from Alucard.  "You were in England.  I don't know what you were doing there, just that you were when it all started.  Billy and I were in Sicily meeting his family.  I was kidnapped by my grandparents.  Billy, a short time later was replaced by Integra's guy and taken into hiding.  Short time later the guy was killed by Philly gangsters.  I got out from my grandparents place and went back to find what I thought was Billy dead.  Apparently my mother found you in England and asked you to come look for me.  Dad met you in Sicily, you both found me at Billy's wake where you swore to me that you'd stay with me and protect me and the baby I'm carrying."

"You went back to the states, my dad and I went to spend time time mourning, and while in the states you mourned for Integra and ... I gather, your child.  You never told me that detail though..."  she said look at him sideways.  "When I got back, we started spending a lot of time together.  We mourned Tegs and Billy and one night in a bar, we kissed.  I wasn't ready for it, but I wanted it.   You didn't force yourself on me so you must not think that it's just... I didn't know how to begin living again at that point.  And while the attraction between us was undeniable and we were both so damn lonely and unhappy... it wasn't the right time."

She shook her head.

"You let me cut your hair that night, we both agreed making changes in our lives might help us move forward.  We wanted to let go of Tegs and Billy on some level but I think neither of us thought it would ever be possible.  The pain at that point was too fresh.  I think, for me, the pregnancy was a constant reminder and it was even harder on some level because I couldn't pretend like I wasn't constantly reminded of him not being here.  I literally couldn't put it down."

She shrugged.

"Mom waged a war against her own people.  I sometimes wonder if it was because of Billy, Tegs, Rebecca, and Giovanni... but I'll never know now.  We survived and lost a lot more of the folks we had come to care about.  For a very short while, mom ran all of Philly... but her own people turned on her.  Ironic I suppose.  I and Will were home celebrating her birthday with her when they came for her.  We got out, you ... you were there when she died and you hid her body during the war so no one could defile it.  I'm eternally in your debt for that."

She reached a hand and took his and squeezed it.

"You reunited with me in Detroit two days later.  I was still in the clothes I was wearing when she died when we went to a hotel room for me to stitch up your wounds.  We... were intimate."  She admitted, "I wanted to be honest with you and tell you that I knew you hadn't let Tegs go yet and that it was okay because Billy wasn't gone from my head either.  I thought that if I told you it was okay that you wouldn't feel guilt... that I wouldn't feel the guilt of being with you; but instead I drove you off.  We... didn't make love that night.  In fact, you slept on Billy's couch and I in his bed when you caught up with me again at his place a few hours later."

"Next day we went to Philly with Billy's guys Oscar and Charlie who it turns out my mother had saved during the war.  We went to my mother, you helped me prepare her for burial and then... we buried her in secret.  We went back to Hollowood and found some things I wanted to keep, spent the night holding each other... just holding each other, and woke the next day to be jumped by some gang members who were looking to make a name for themselves.  Luckily Don Video and Beko were in town looking to raid mom's shit too.  They saved our asses and we went with them back to Vegas where... we signed up under them."

She drew a breath and exhaled.

"I dated a little... but in the end, the last time I saw you, we made plans to go on a real date of our own.  We talked about a possible future together.  We had become close but neither of us knew what the future might really hold.  Neither of us could guess that Tegs and Billy were alive either.  Crazy, happy, shit that.  And apparently, after our talk, you went off and got fucked up and put in this hospital.  And here we are now."

Alucard sat quietly and listened to everything Aurora told him about their most recent past.  As she spoke, he saw some of his memories come back only he saw them like he would see images in a foggy mirror.  He rested his forehead into the palm of his hand as he attempted to make sense of everything.  He let his hand give hers a long squeeze.

"I'm sorry I never told you about Tegs being pregnant.  I can only guess I did it so you wouldn't feel even worse about things, I was being a fool.  Some over-the-top sense of nobility in trying to not cause you more pain, so I dealt with it myself.  I have to assume that's why you think you drove me away when we got intimate in Detroit.  I am so sorry that my idiocy hurt you."

He paused for a moment, his amber eyes looking into the eyes of the woman across from him.  It was the first thing he noticed about her, that her eyes were the same as his, it is what prompted him to call her his twin iris.  He took a deep breath, his mind still thinking.  He did have questions, like why would Bella reach out him? Why was he there when her mom died?   The journal held some answers. 

He sighed

"I do have questions.  Like how did Bella find me? Why would she find a rival city's RHM to come to find you?  Why was I even with your mom when she passed away? I think the one that confuses me the most is why, if you'd been dating, would you come to me to discuss a future together?  Yet, as I sit here... I wonder, does any of it really matter?  The why's, the hows, the what-fors. What matters, really, is we were both in an unbelievably dark place, and we helped each other through it.  I mean, sure I feel terrible for not remembering why we are so close.  But, if you aren't hurt by it, and know that there nothing I wouldn't do for you, is there really any harm for me not remembering any of it?"

He smiled at Aurora, letting his fingers trail down her cheek.

"Billy is a very lucky guy to have a woman like you at his side.  Thank you for coming to see me. I probably should have said that sooner"

Alucard laughed when he realized his oversight in manners.

Aurora shrugged, "I only have guesses as to how mom found you or why... most of them involve the unknowns about why she turned on Louis Mezzo."

Speaking the words out loud felt wrong.  She still didn't understand everything that had happened in those final days when the whole world went mad - but she often felt the weight of it was on her shoulders.

"I don't ... I don't think she wanted to war with Detroit.  I think that's where it began.  She ... must have thought that Mezzo had taken in another adviser, someone he kept nearer to himself than he kept her maybe?  When he hit the city she tried to do what she could without becoming a traitor to mitigate the fallout."

She shook her head.

"I'm thinking she knew Integra was pregnant and killing Billy was never going to sit well with her because of me... maybe that's why.  Why she used you... why she killed him."  She lowered her voice, "Because of me.  Maybe it all happened just as she promised me it would... and she couldn't live with being right."

Her eyes clouded with unshed tears. 

"We'll never know now."

She looked at Alucard, "Tegs is pretty lucky too."  She forced a smile, but her heart still ached for the loss of her mother.

He averted his eyes from hers, his heart hurt seeing the sadness written in them. 

"I'm sorry Rora, I didn't intend this to make you sad."

He heavily sighed and stared hard down to his feet.

"And yeah, Tegs is lucky... lucky she's free of me.  We aren't... well, we didn't bounce back like you and Billy did.  I mean, I'll still be there for her and my child.  Just the romantic side, I think we just burned short and fast.  I don't see us, being an us.   I mean, it's alright though.  We both know I'm not really a guy meant for love.  Maybe I'll get a cat or something."

He half-heartedly chuckled at his own joke, while rubbing at the back of his neck.  His heart broke for the friend sitting across from him, he didn't know what else to say, or do but just tell her he was sorry.  So he knelt before her, wrapping his arms around her, hugging her close to him.

"I'm sorry Rora, for everything."

Aurora pulled back and put his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her.  She shook her head, her brow furrowed.

"No."  she said darkly.  "Wild Ca-"  she sighed.  

"Alucard.  You told me that you talked to God, you offered him ANYTHING to get her back.  Anything.  I did the same.  I'm not saying this is easy, that they thought they needed to protect us rather than seeing us as partners, but this is a small price to pay.  I would commit genocide, the worst crimes, I would have given my own life to get him back -"

She shook her head again.

"You would have done the same for her and the baby.  ANYTHING.  You meant it.  I know you did.  You can't remember the pain - THANK GOD, but I do... and you didn't hide it that well, friend.  You might have kept her pregnancy a secret from me but you sure as hell didn't hide how much you loved her.  That doesn't just go away.  You can't let her go."

Her amber eyes implored him.  "Let her have a chance to make it up to you - make her make it up to you.  I'm not saying don't be angry or hurt, but please, there is no way in the hell this doesn't destroy you now.  Losing her all over again?  Christ if you could let her go so easily, if you can replace her in your life with a fucking cat, well - maybe I didn't know you at all, Alucard."

She brought her face nearer to his, her voice was nearly a whisper.

"Do not make the biggest mistake of her life, into the worst one of yours.  You love her.  She's the mother of your child and you've gotten something that no man could ever realistically ask God for - a second chance.  She's back from the dead Alucard.  Even if she wasn't really dead... you mourned her as if she were, and she could be gone in a blink again- this time for real.  PLEASE take it from someone who has lost TOO MANY people this past two months.  Don't waste a fucking second or I swear you'll spend the rest of your life hating yourself for it."

Alucard his hand and placed it over top of one of hers, letting the tips of his fingers wrap around between her hands and his cheek.

"Rora, you make it sound like I'm going to remove her from my life completely.  Trust me, there is no way I could do that.  She's my best friend, my moral compass, my north star, my guiding light. Mother of my child, a being I am going to love more than life itself.  It is ONLY the romantic side of what Tegs and I were that I don't see fixing itself.  Hell, we'd only been together in that respect about as long as you and Billy had."

He gave her a half smile.

"Tell me, Rora, do you think I'm going to walk out of your life completely now that whatever future together that you and I discussed is off the table, and never going to happen?" 

He closed his eyes and took a breath.

"I just can't see Tegs and I as a couple anymore, I have a hard time still seeing her as the woman I wanted to marry.  Yeah, I'm sure it's easy for you to forgive Billy, all he really did was be himself... just be an idiot who went along with Integra's dumb plan.   But Tegs and I, damn Rora.  I've been protecting her since she was eight, I've been there nearly every day of her life... comforting her through the nightmares, defending her from those that would bring her harm, listening to her hopes and dreams and working to make those things come true for her.  I have risked my life for her, walked into what I knew would be my death just to save her from the pain I went through as a boy.  She knew about my double.  I trusted her to know what to do, how to act, not to do anything to risk either of our lives... hell it was more than just trust, I knew in the very marrow of my bones.   I told her so she would never have to know the pain, of having to believe I was dead.  Then she took what I had done, and hid everything from me.  That trust shattered and thrown away."

He tried to look away, he wanted to hide the pain and tears that were coming to his eyes.

"I... I need to figure out if this is something that can be patched, or if it's like a crack in the sidewalk that over time just gets bigger until it destroys the slab.   How does someone fully trust after something like this, how will I ever be able to not wonder if there is something she's hiding from me?  How long until that doubt, whether there's truth to it or not, how long until it just ruins us?" 

Aurora kissed Alucard's forehead, leaving her lips there for a long while, shaking her head, giving him a sympathetic and caring smile as she spoke - "If you turn her out today, then the answer is... now.  The question is, would you give up days, weeks, months, maybe years of happiness because there is a chance your heart might harden towards her?"

She sighed.

"In my experience, loving someone through a thing, only makes the love you have for them stronger.  Your heart isn't a sidewalk... it's far more complex than that and believe it or not, you have a lot more say in what it does than you think.  YOU taught me that and I will thank God daily for that fact because if you hadn't walked out of that hotel room, I would have destroyed the happiness of half a dozen people."

She let his face go.

"Take time.  Think.  You can always burn bridges later... but if you act from a place of pain, in the moment, you might find that the damage you do is far worse than what you think she's done.  Give yourself time to be angry and when the pain isn't so keen... then make choices.  Tell her you need time.  If she loves you, as I know she does, she'll get it."

She smirked, "What is it you Brits like to say?" She patted his cheek gently.  "Stiff upper lip, Man, the worst is over.  She and the baby are alive.  You'll figure the rest out.  I don't know how... and you don't need to know how yet.  Just ... have faith, my Wild-Card, something tells me you've both overcome far worse things than this before."

She let her hands fall away from Alucard, her eyes speaking mountains about the affection she has for him.

Alucard stared deeply into Aurora's eyes.  His brain swimming over everything he was thinking and feeling at the moment. 

"You really are an amazing woman.   You know, if you don't mind me stroking your ego a bit, if things were different I'd be trying to stoke more than just your ego."  He winked, then laughed, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

After pausing for a moment, "...or am I?"

He then gave her a warm smile, "Seriously though Rora, what the hell did I do to deserve a friend like you?"

He didn't speak for a moment, as he thought more about what his friend had said.

"Time is all I have asked from Integra.  Time to figure things out in my own head.  I'm just vocally venting my fears.  Do you really think, as in truly believe it can work out with me and Tegs?  Sure, I can see you saying that she came back from the dead, that's reason enough to believe. But what if it's just more of fate spitting in my face?  I mean it's a double whammy then... I'd have lost you and her.  It fits more into my life's narrative than any kind of happily ever after.   I mean, we both know I'm not exactly a good guy.  It's not like I really deserve better."

Alucard half chuckled at the dark truth about himself. 

"How is it I can be so damn confident about everything in life but love and my own damn future?"

By her facial expressions, Alucard's 'joke' clearly made Aurora uncomfortable, though she didn't say anything regarding it.  

When she spoke her voice was quiet but lost soft but it had lost some of its tender tone, "In my experience, monsters and men are given chances for love in equal measure but only men have the ability to accept it and that's how you know the difference.  The monsters in my life who were incapable of being men - they chased off or literally killed their love ... those who were capable of monstrous things but had some measure of men still within, well, they could see the blessing they were being given and they were smart enough to grab hold of it and not let it go."

She tilted her head to the side,  "Maybe forgiving Tegs and cherishing her in spite of what she's done is more about who you are than who she is?" Aurora stood up from the bench.

"I should take you back to your room.  Billy is waiting to take me to eat - that man is always hungry.  I hope you'll come see me again soon though.  I know you don't remember any of our adventures... but we are friends, and I'm sure we'll make more memories together, in time."

Aurora's uncomfortable expression didn't go unnoticed by Alucard.  Which he instinctively gave an apologetic look in response. 

God damn it Alucard, you're going to be a father.  It's time to start acting like man, not like some.... acquired taste. 

He smiled at how fitting his own thought was so fitting with what  Aurora had said of men and monsters. 

What were the chances? 

"You're right Aurora.  It's time to exorcise the demon, cage the monster,  and put the 'acquired taste' part of me in the past.  It's about damn time I embrace the man." He gave positive sounding huff, "I know he's in there somewhere.  This life is about more than just me now."

He stood from the ground and stood beside his friend.  He looked into her eyes giving her a warm smile, the warmth and fondness he felt towards her was evident in his expression. 

"Thank you, Aurora. For everything.  I don't think you'll ever truly realize what you stopping by and talking, has meant and will mean to me. Trust me, even though I don't remember our adventures in any sort of clarity or detail.  I do know we are friends.  There's no other reason for you to be here, no reason for you say things you have, or looked at me the way you do.  The affection you carry shows like a fire in your eyes, and trust me I feel it too."

He looked at the ground and watched as he fidgeted with his feet.

"The, visits may be a little more difficult. I'm, uh, going with Don Video to Seattle. Tegs and I discussed it before I needed some time to think. This is the second time I've been to Las Vegas and it's nearly killed me. The first time had me in a coma for a week. Someone here wants me dead, or maybe it's just the city itself. I don't know, but apparently, Seattle is supposed to be safe for now.  And Tegs and I figured me being around once in a while, is better than me never being around because I'm dead.  I may see if she wants to come with me though."

He shook his head as he realized how much he'd been rambling.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry Aurora.  Go on, head to Billy.  I will be alright on my own, slow and steady, as they say. Please, give Mr. Mastrosimone my regards.  When I'm finally, fully settled in Seattle, I'll make sure to invite you both to visit.  Once again, thank you. "

He leaned down and gave a gentle and quick kiss to Aurora's cheek.

"Safe travels my Twin Iris."