The Chicago Tribune 

For all the stories far behind the headlines!

Seattle

As we have seen, the city of Seattle was scene of dozens of gangland slayings.  Sources close to the action have said alleged that reputed Las Vegas mob boss "Wayne" was behind it.  Our sources have told us that he was unhappy with the recent elevation of "Wilson" to a leadership position.  

Chicago

Sources close to the action have revealed that four mobsters were given blessing by their respective bosses to set up operations in Chicago.  So far, things have been fairly quiet.  Unknown assailants gunned down Louis_T, an outspoken, but talented, and sometimes controversial man, who had set up a high profile venture with a number of well known faces.

Junk_in_the_Trunk

Mystery surrounds the death of Detroit gunman and gangster Junk_in_the_Trunk.  We are investigating his death, but have thus far come up against a wall of silence.  Anyone with information about this slaying should contact us.

DuckU

A gangland slaying that went almost unnoticed was NOTICED by the Chicago Tribune (we get the low profile stories).  DuckU SHOT at a member of a rival outfit, missed, and paid the ultimate penalty.  His son is welcomed to contact us.  We pay for full stories.

Ainsley_Hariott

Like DuckU, a resident of LA, and also like DuckU, as dead as a doornail! Who killed him and why?  Contact us!

iocaste-

Did this wellknown and well regarded man fall victim to the stealthy assassins that have plagued us of late?  We can but speculate...  Contact us if you have information!

Next issue!

We have an interview with reputed Las Vegas mob boss, Wayne!

An obituary for Louis_T!

An introduction to our new deputy editor!

A follow-up on all of the semi-stories we announced!

Stay tuned!!!

The Chicago Tribune 

For all the stories far behind the headlines!

AnthonyTanzini

One of our readers, AnthonyTanzini, wrote to us saying:

“Fake news, I was there in the streets when Wayne came to give the reasons for the fall of Seattle. It wasn’t Wayne who was disenchanted with Wilson but the council as a whole who run things within this thing of ours!  “Just what we needed, some renegade bullshit news today meet people talking when the truth is right in front of them."

Whilst the reaction to this first edition has been overwhelmingly positive, we take ALL complaints seriously.  We have given AnthonyTanzini our entire revenue to date to make him happy.  We trust he will now be a contented, happy and positive reader.

Your accountant makes note that $60,000 has been wired to AnthonyTanzini from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

Business Model

The Chicago Tribune will, unfortunately, be reliant on your money for our revenue stream.  As you will have just read, one reader's complaint has depleted us of funds, so we need more.  Please consider this when you read our newspaper.

Thanks.

Whilst the reaction to this first edition has been overwhelmingly positive, we take ALL complaints seriously.  We have given AnthonyTanzini our entire revenue to date to make him happy.  We trust he will now be a contented, happy and positive reader.

MrLouisT, so your intentions are to buy your readers? Someone makes a complaint, you give them money? Well it looks like you are going to be in the red for funds for a very long time. 

Baba_Yaga shakes his head at the apparent business model.

Baba_Yaga, thanks for your input.  Yours  was close to a complaint, so we used a complex formula to work out how much to give you.

We will have to work extra hard to create a popular newspaper next time in order to recoup what we have just given out.

Your accountant makes note that $39,584 has been wired to Baba_Yaga from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

How is this considered a newspaper when the content given to us is less than a page long? You expect people to pay for the newspaper when this is the quality we receive? Also you should not put your father's name in the newspaper, just makes everyone know how egotistical you really are. 

Hopefully the next issue is a lot more thought out then this one.

Nazar walks away, leaving the newspaper on the park bench. 

Baba_Yaga scoffed at the sight of a pay off from MrLouisT

Sorry sir, but I will not be bought, won't matter if you give me 1 million, 10 million, 100 million. I will never be a "Contented, happy and positive reader" that you expect me to be. 

Regarding to what Nazar stated, I do like to read my newspaper with a coffee and doughnut at the local cafe and not finish the newspaper before the order is even ready. So I suggest if you have the guts to make a new edition, make it longer. 

Nazar, great to have you on board, and to receive your feedback.  We shall take it into account.

Your accountant makes note that $49,758 has been wired to Nazar from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

Where's the sports section?

I commend you for your effort Louis, but this is kinda shit mate.

The only part of your paper that is correct is the first part: "For all the stories far behind the headlines!" They're all literally far behind the general public's knowledge. 

Everything you wrote is either factually incorrect or based on assumptions. 

First of all, I wasn't behind the Seattle attack. It was a group decision made by the heads of four cities, I was merely the mouthpiece to bring this to the world. There was also much more to the speech than the single reason you provided (which wasn't even true).

I guess your bit about Chicago is mostly right, although I think you need to tone down the self absorbed grandeur.

Junk in the trunk's death was actually quite public, he broke the rules of death dice and was sacrificed to the almighty cheese lord.

Ducku wasn't low profile. He didn't miss, he shot and killed a Las Vegas member, and then I shot him in the face.

Ainsley was also rather high profile, he died in a duel with world famous gunslinger premeir. 

Iocaste- was obviously indeed killed by the same stealth gunners who killed your father.

This seems like it was put together hastily and without much background research, if any. I very much hope your next issue will be better, especially if my name will be associated with it in the interview. 

Tips his hat to wayne

Much appreciated sir

although i like the idea of this.. i would have to say wayne did a "paper" better than you. trick is to have done research not to come with titles and ask your readers to fill in the blank..