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| Great Russian Hero Vasily | Started by: Vasily on Feb 11, '08 09:04 |
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Papa Vasily once tell me, "Man who kill bear with fist is great Russian hero". He also tell me, "Man who scratch arsehole should not bite fingernails". Papa Vasily is wise man. He get kill by wolf when I seven years of old. Vasily learn many lessons in life from Papa and Vasily wish to bring Kamchatka way to United States of America mafia. Chechnya mafia boring. No one buy vodka because everyone make onion vodka in home. No one buy food because great leader of USSR Stalin supply food in glorious collectivisation. Vasily decide to come America. I have wife, her name Olga. She cut firewood and demand sex from Vasily more than Vasily have bullet in kalashnikov. She sometime get mad at Vasily when find Vasily secret hole with pictures of lady friends that Vasily look when he polish kalashnikov. She make good borsht. Vasily not like Olga. She make Vasily hunt to make fur hat for Olga. One day I go hunting for wolf, to make for hat, and I walking in forest and I see bear. This bear big. He stand on back legs and he want fight me. So I fight him. He punch me in chest but Vasily strong like ox so Vasily punch in neck. Bear run away but now Vasily have sore chest and Olga she want the sex but Vasily sore and have no hat. Vasily also leave Chechnya because women look like hit by frying pan. Chechen men all blind farmer and plow women like Siberian road but Vasily know truth. Comrade Yurinov give Vasily American magazine. Vasily know truth. Chechen women smell like backside of cow. Women in Kamchatka only good for chop wood and make for potato soup. Vasily have share vodka with great Russian leader Stalin, Vasily have shoot traitor with great Russia hero Vsevolod Nikolayevich Merkulov, Vasily is great man. Maybe Vasily find friend in America? |
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| Hey there Vasiltov...err...Vasitli...err whatever you're name is. We have a lot in common. You're a great Russian hero...The Captain is a great American hero. Around here, The Captain's kinda worshiped as a God over here in America. He loves the ladies and the ladies love him. You stick by The Captain, and you'll get all the women you could ever dream of. If ya don't know...know ya know. | |
| Reply by: TheCaptain at Feb 11, '08 09:12 | |
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Isabella sees a hairy man who seems like he just got off the boat talking to TheCaptain. He was wearing old rags and a big fury hat. She knew he was from some where else. She was hesitating to walk up to him and exchange a few words. But what the hell, she change her mind and introduces herself to this man. Hello, sir, my name is Isabella_Ditto. What brings you here? The man looking all confused and surprised to see a lady to come up and talk to him. All the women he ever saw were twice his size. |
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| Reply by: Isabella_Ditto at Feb 11, '08 09:15 | |
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I am afraid Sir, that in the current period of the depression and prohibition, Russians don't seem to be very welcome here. However, if you happen to have brought over a couple of cases of that famous Russian Vodka I am sure you will find a few friends to help you get started. I bid you good luck Sir, you may need it. |
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| Reply by: TeQalicious at Feb 11, '08 09:20 | |
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Comrade TeQov, Olga make vodka for all to have. Once she try poison Vasily with vodka but Vasily clever like scientist and feed vodka to neighbor wife first. Comrade Captain, your speech is confusing to Vasily. Vasily english hopeless like wolf in fist fight with Vasily. You think women like big kalashnikov? Isabella, I am in America for make money. |
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| Reply by: Vasily at Feb 11, '08 09:27 | |
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Aye, aren't we all, Vasily? Finnegan had been standing nearby and listening to the man's monologue. He smiled a bit and swung his arm around the man's shoulders, using his freehand to gesture as he stared into the distance. It's funny you should mention--or, rather, "Comrade TeQov" should mention--vodka. I imagine there's quite a market for that right now. How about you and I set up some sort of racket? It could be big and make a lot of money for our family. He stepped away and looked Vasily solidly in the eyes. Finnegan was all business. You wouldn't happen to have some associates back in Russia that could help us out, would you? |
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| Reply by: Carr_Finnegan at Feb 11, '08 09:57 | |
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| All wife of Vasily comrade in Kamchatka learn make vodka. Vasily maybe instruct glorious successful collectivisation camp for make vodka export to America. We hunt bear sometime, Comrade Carr? I teach you fight bear with fist. | |
| Reply by: Vasily at Feb 11, '08 20:08 | |
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Finnegan had to keep himself from laughing hysterically. The thought of him taking on a bear was comical indeed. While he wasn't some scrawny kid, he wasn't really bear-fighting material. Tell you what, Vasily--excuse me--Comrade Vasily. You hear word of some bears here in Philly, and I'll hunt 'em with you. |
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| Reply by: Carr_Finnegan at Feb 11, '08 20:44 | |
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SpiderPig hears the word "vodka," and his ears perk up So, good sir, you have vodka, you say? I have heard good things of the Russian vodka. I will provide you with money, women, and midget servants if you can keep me liquored up. It's good to see a new face around here who has something to offer. |
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| Reply by: SpiderPig at Feb 11, '08 21:09 | |
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You know...I've had a problem with a woman quite like you Vasily. She was really demanding and made me do things for her. She wanted me to make her some fur underwear...I thought that was a little weird so I faked my own death and moved to Canada...When I got news that she died I came back to America and made the fur underwear for myself... Sevenfold thinks to himself and realizes he shouldn't had added the last part...He then walks away itching..."God I hate this fur underwear...so itchy..." he thinks. |
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| Reply by: Sevenfold at Feb 11, '08 22:15 | |
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| Vasily, women LOOOOOVE the big kalashnikov. That's why they can't get enough of The Captain. | |
| Reply by: TheCaptain at Feb 11, '08 22:39 | |
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Comrade Carr, cousin Yuri fight bear, he only twelve, Yuri only lose one more hand than bear. Anyone fight bear, it easy. Comrade Pig who is also Spider, what is this "midget" you speak? Do you mean man with small kalashnikov? Comrade Sevenfold, maybe you speak with Comrade Captain, lady friend love his kalashnikov. He sell you good wife. |
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| Reply by: Vasily at Feb 11, '08 23:42 | |
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He sighed and shrugged. Whatever the guy wanted. Where there was alcohol, there was profit to be made, and he was running low on cash. Alright, then. Let's find us a bear. When we're done, though, can we talk more about that vodka? |
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| Reply by: Carr_Finnegan at Feb 11, '08 23:55 | |
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| In Soviet Russia, road forks you! What a country! | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 12, '08 01:19 | |
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| Where Mr_47 get this privilege information? Are you KGB? | |
| Reply by: Vasily at Feb 12, '08 08:37 | |
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