Salvatore 'VIPCreditsGrin' Grinbini was very rich. Before switching to a life of crime, he had come from an affluent family and they had hired him private tutors for all aspects of his life. They didn't want him to be a loser-nerd though, so they also paid for people to teach him how to play various sports to an exceptionally high level. Frighteningly high in fact. So high, that people couldn't even watch him play in case it gave them nightmares. And their unborn children nightmare. And their dogs. Needless to say, he could probably, almost certainly have gone pro if it hadn't been for the misguided advice of his then coach JaVale_McGee to just 'go for one more jumper' one night at the end of their customary practice. He nailed the shot, obviously, but he landed at slightly the wrong angle and one of his majestic ankles cracked. Broken. Ligament damage. Slight hobble for life. His career was finished; life prognosis - undetermined.

Despite losing his opportunity to play pro 'ball, JaVale_McGee was now indebted to him for ruining his life and became his indentured servant. This contract still remained legally binding despite Mr Grinbini's switch to a life of organised crime. As a result, Grinbini had determined that today, he was going to put JaVale to use to make him even more money, which he obviously didn't need. Still, it would be quite fun to have EVEN MORE money, particularly if it meant taking it out of the hands of others.

With sponsorship by the mighty Viktor sewn up and his fabulous basketball court constructed over the playground where the children used to play, VIPCreditsGrin Grinbini was ready to put on his first event. He strode out to the streets with all the swagger, and a slight hobble, of a man entirely comfortable with and entirely undeserving of being 'kind of a big deal around here'.

"Hello everyone, I am VIPCreditsGrin and you can call me VIPCreditsGrin for short. I would like to announce the grand opening of my Grinbini Basketball Court in Philly. You're all welcome to come and play there any time you like, free of charge. MariaReynolds will actually give you $20,000 per game that you play, so be sure to collect your payment upon completion."

Grinbini pointed to the lurking figure of JaVale_McGee, skulking approximately 10 inches above his head.

"But to spice things up my employee here, JaVale, is going to be taking on all comers in a game of 1 v 1 'ball. He is here to prove that he's the best baller in the country, especially better than that loser LeBron_James who is probably more likely to eat a basketball than dunk it, and fortunately for you, he isn't picky. He'll whip all of you as well. To add further spice to this already veritable chili con carne of a promotion, I'll be paying any man who beats JaVale the princely sum (to you paupers) of 50 credits."

JaVale gave a confident nod of his ugly head as the challenge was announced. He was wearing a sandwich board entitled 'THE RULES'. Reading it would probably make it clear how this should all work.

"Any takers?" Mr Grinbini said, all shit-eating grin and bedroom eyes.  

Two challengers have presented themselves at the Altar of McGee and both have been found disappointingly wanting. They were accordingly sacrificed. NotoriousBIG fancied himself as a baller and was quickly shown the error of his ways. He was saddled with a devastating 15-0 JaVale thumping. I didn't see what happened after he left the court, but I can only imagine it was to go somewhere safe and warm where he could escape the heckling and rebuild his doubtlessly shattered confidence.

ZebrishBlack fancied itself, but probably not in the same way as Don BIG. Kudos to them for scoring the first ever buck on lanky JaVale, which will earn him my ire and likely a kick to the shins from my hobbled foot. Still, he did run out a 13-2 Viktor, which isn't too embarrassing. 

JaVale_McGee, did you make sure MariaReynolds was courtside to record these victories?