“GAH!”  Tara turned to Oriana, “Can we please get back to the point here.  What do you mean by saying that’s why you left.  That makes zero sense at all!”

Bella smiled and nodded to Gavin, “Scars and collars.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Oriana.

Bella hesitated, looking at Gavin before she then looked to Oriana and continued, “Just that you’ve been through a lot in life.  It leaves marks.  Some you can see.  Some you can’t.  Shit changes you my dear.  And, consequently, sometimes it can make a gal… or guy… skittish about any sort of commitment.  Relationships are messy.  They are liabilities.  Huge risks.  If you’re the sort of person who spends a lot of your life weighing and measuring risks and living only for yourself, you might not ever be willing or able to see them as anything more than a burden. A collar and a leash tying you to something that’s bound to drag you down and kill you both.  Of course, that’s just one woman’s observations.”

Tara listened to her grandmother talk to Oriana and realized that everything she read was true.  Mom liked to talk, but Isabella lived for it; still, she felt torn. Part of her wanted to tackle Oriana and shout at her. The other part wanted to speak to each person sitting at the table for an hour. Or two. Or ten.

“Yes,” said Oriana, agreeing with Bella. 

Bella looked, at first surprised and then smiled.  “Oh, I like her.”

“You like her because she said you were right about something,”  Aurora said with a smirk.  “You didn’t much care for Billy cause he told you  that you were wrong.”

“I learned better,”  Billy said giving a nod to Gavin, who winked.

“Relationships are messy,” Oriana said to Bella. “ For normal people. For me…” Oriana just shook her head. “Everyone who has ever cared about me has been killed, either because of me or by me. Sister Cristiana. Lucia. My whole team…”

“Quick poll of the table,”  Tara said sarcastically. “Raise your hand if you’ve ever pulled a weapon on someone you’ve loved or have actually killed them.”

Aurora gave that a thought and raised her hand.  Bella raised her hand without hesitation. Gavin and Tara Byrne looked at each other and then back down to their cards.  Billy also looked like he was trying to stay out of this.

“That’s different,” snarled Oriana. “They had each other. I lost everyone. I lost Cat. I tried to convince myself that things would be different in New York. But it’s the same fucking story. So what’s the point. I was going to go to New York, find who killed Cat, and kill them. And then I’d find out who killed Billy and Aurora and do the same.”

Tara Mastrosimone considered for a moment that the dream-projection of Ori seemed much more forthcoming than the original. Was this her subconscious analyzing Oriana? How right was she?

“Probably accurate,” said Tara Byrne, who seemingly followed the younger Tara’s thought process from studying the girl’s face.

“She does that,” says Gavin. “Tells you what you’re thinking. But she stole it from Sherlock Holmes. Unoriginal.”

Tara Mastrosimone smiled at her Grandfather.  “It’s the second time you’ve come to me in a dream.  If this is your afterlife, you must be pretty bored chasing us kids around.”

Gavin leaned back in his chair, entirely relaxed. “You’re a lot like me. I figure I get to show up and annoy you more often.”

“So… does she make sense to you?”  She nods to Oriana. “I mean, I’m so much like you… do you get her up and abandoning me at a moment like that leaving me to pull a gun on those doctors and my friends thinking they were hurting her.”  Tara’s voice was tinged with the anger she felt at herself for having done such a thing.

“Yeah,” said Gavin softly. “I get it.” He paused. “Sometimes dying is preferable to confronting your feelings.”

Bella smiled at Gavin, a bit of pride in her doe-like eyes. Gavin glanced over at her and rolled his eyes, resting his hand on her thigh.

“Get a room you two.”  Aurora joked.  “I’ve heard enough about your antics to last me a lifetime from all your old friends and people scandalized by you at poker tournaments.”

“Says the woman who gives her panties to me at restaurants,”  Billy muttered.  Aurora jabbed him in the ribs.

“Don’t throw stones,” said Gavin. “Every time I have to hear about you scrambling Eggs I have to concuss myself to forget it.”

“And with what… 11 kids, your father has hit himself a lot.”  Bella said with a smirk.  “Though in fairness, I suppose some of those were adopted.”

“Look all this banter is fun but… Oriana and I are having a very serious problem.”  Tara protested.  “And if this is my dream shouldn’t we be talking about that?”

“Oh, sorry dear,”  Bella said turning in her chair towards Tara.  “What is it you need help with?”

Gavin sighed. “Didn’t we just solve that whole thing?” He pointed at Oriana. “She’d rather die than lose you. Boom. Easy.”

“SHE LEFT ME TO AVOID LOSING ME?!?  THAT MAKES NO SENSE!”  Tara roared.

“Stop talking about me like that!” shouted Oriana simultaneously.

Aurora reached over and touched Tara’s arm.  “Breath sweetie.  It’s okay.  Just… take a moment.”

“I’m fine, mom!”  Tara huffed.  “And it’s not simple, Grandpa.  It’s not easy at all.  How the hell do I deal with that?”

“Simple and easy are two different things,” said Tara Byrne. “Some of the hardest things to do are, in fact, very simple. Difficulty doesn’t always equal complexity.”

Tara huffed, “I know that… I get it.  I’m just saying you’ve provided zero guidance which makes sense if you’re all in my head and I don't know what to do with this because you know nothing I don’t know.”

“Raise your hand if you’re offended,” said Aurora. Everyone except Oriana raised her hand, and she was still glaring at Gavin.

“You know exactly what you need to do, Tara,” said Bella. “You just don’t want to do it. Be glad you never met my husband. He has an annoying habit of being right about things. Infuriatingly often. Oriana made her drug-induced choice to run. It’s now up to you to make the choice to forgive her. It’s not easy, but it’s simple. When you both wake up tomorrow, acknowledge that today was one of the worst days of each of your lives. And move on- but move on together.”

 “That was pretty amazing, Mom.”  Aurora acknowledged.

“Thank you.  I do have my moments.  I think if you talk enough you eventually are bound to hit on the right thing to say to anyone.”  She winked at Gavin. 

“The carpet bombing theory of diplomacy…” sighed Gavin, as he looked at his wife with a smile.

“Landed me you…”  She smirked.

“Still worth it,” said Gavin.

“Why am I even here?” asked Oriana with a sigh. “This is your whole family. People that you actually love and…” Oriana froze. 

Gavin smirked knowingly.

Tara turned to Oriana, “You’re an idiot if you don’t understand that part by now.  You’re here with my whole family because you are my family.  I love you. Don’t you get that?  How many times do I have to say it - how many oceans do I have to cross for you to understand?”

“You wouldn’t really love me if you knew me,” said Oriana, with a faltering confidence. 

“Really?  I don’t know you?  How real do you feel?  How do know what underwear you’re wearing and where your weapons are and how uncomfortable you are in that damn chair because you favor your left hip when you wear your knife like that?  How do I know that you’re thinking you want me to shut up right now - I’ve made you so real I didn’t know if you were dreaming me or if I was dreaming you so how’s that for knowing you!”

“That one was worthy of you, Bella,” muttered Tara Byrne under her breath. “In a good way, of course.”

Bella inclined her head to Tara and raised the bet.

“I’m saying,” protested Oriana. “That you must not know me well enough because you love me.” She sunk her head in her hands. “I can’t even argue with one of you, nevermind a whole table. I just…”

Tara reached over and put her hand on Ori’s cheek,  “Look at me.”  she said to Oriana.  

Ori looked up. 

“Do you know how I made it through yesterday?  How I was even ready to hear that phone that never not picked up when I called my parents house?”  She smiled at Oriana.  “You make me stronger.  Not in spite of your fucked up self… but because it's part of who you are.  Don’t like it… change, but you don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t love.  Think I’m a moron for loving you… end it.  Have the courage to look me in the eyes and say I’m just too fucked up for your tastes and wander off into the sunset, but know this … even when you walk away, I’ll still love you.  Even if I don’t want to, I can’t change what I feel any more than you can and I KNOW you can’t change how you feel about me.  And it scares you and it scares me too… and that’s okay.  God Ori, it has to be.”

Ori had covered her eyes with her hand and was turned away from Tara. Aurora leaned over and rubbed Oriana’s back. “I wouldn’t really be crying. Just for the record. This is an inaccurate projection,” said Oriana as she wiped a tear off her cheek. 

Tara looked to her great aunt.  “Assuming this is a dream, I’m gonna bet each one of you is something of me… and you’re the logic part.  How much time do you suppose I have before this shit wears off?  Not much right?  Now that I realize it, it can’t be much longer.”

Tara Byrne smiled ruefully at her legacy. “More than you think. If you were sleeping naturally, a sleep this deep wouldn’t last. You’d cycle out. But I hate to break it to you, kiddo, you pointed a gun at the Padrino di Roma’s brother today. They knocked you fucking out, to use a medical term.”

Aurora laughed, “I told you she was the absolute best, didn’t I Squirt?”  She smirked at Tara.  “She’s more like you than you realized!”

“I’m going for a walk,” said Oriana. 

“I’ll keep you company,” said Billy, who immediately stood and followed her.

“You don’t have to, really.”

“I’d like to stretch my legs, actually.”

Gavin chuckled.

As Billy walked away with Oriana, he rested a hand on Ori’s shoulder and gave the rest of the table a thumbs up, suggesting things would be okay.

Tara watched Oriana and her father walking away until she couldn’t see them anymore.  “I see your bet and,”  She heard Aurora say.  Tara turned back and realized that her mother had raised the stakes considerably.  “Raise you.”

Tara looked at her cards.  The hand wasn’t horrible but it was far from ideal.  She knew it would probably be best to fold. She’d keep most of her stack which, she wasn’t sure how the hell she got or whose money she was playing with but then again… if this was a dream, did it matter?  Why were they playing poker at all? Why not just sitting in a room together somewhere, why did they need to be doing anything at all?

“What’s it going to be Taa?”  Aurora’s voice was cocky. “You still in?”

Tara met the wager.  “Yeah. A little longer.”  She sighed, not caring that her poker face wasn’t on point.

“You know,”  Isabella began, “I don’t often think of this… and don’t you let it go to your head, Mister, but I suppose it wasn’t easy for your Grandfather to always be forgiving of me.  I often think about how hard it was for me to admit I was wrong about something, to beg his indulgence, but the truth is - especially for him - I think it had to be hard.”

Gavin smiled at Bella, not a smirk Tara noticed but an actual smile - one she wasn’t sure he knew he was making.  Bella kept looking at her cards as Gavin met the wager and it came to her.

“One day you’re going to screw up with Ori pretty badly.”  Bella kept on. “And I mean, in a very very big way. The sort of screw up that can end a good thing, because we all make mistakes and you’re going to be trusting that this person who usually walks away before things get messy… doesn’t just - fold.”

Bella considered her cards carefully.  “Where do you suppose she’s going to learn that sort of forgiveness?  That sort of love? Do you suppose Francesco showed it to her? Her parents… oh wait.  I keep forgetting. She had none. She had him. I know you know what your Grandfather asked of me all those years ago… you read it in my own handwriting.  Now, he was wrong about knowing what love was, and so is she - but the feeling was nonetheless real. The fear that you don’t know something is crippling and it can make you believe it’s true.  What does she know of love?”

Bella pushed all her chips into the pot.  “She’s looking at your life and she sees generations of people who showed you love.  Even people who have never met you left you their stories to learn from. You learned from your siblings and friends and pets and … Tara, you’re blessed with an abundance of love.  But Oriana looks to her own life and she sees none of those things.”

Tara Byrne, not flinching at her sister-in-law’s over confidence, smiled at Aurora as if reminding her she still thought of Rora as a little girl...  challenging her to come up and play with the Byrnes at the Varsity level of the game. Aurora looked at her cards again.

“And when the day comes that you do something horrible to that girl…”  Bella continued, “She will remember how you reacted on the day she failed you.  She will emulate you because she fears she has no one else to look at for how to handle that.  What will you have shown her?”

Aurora nodded to her mom and pushed all her chips in.  It came back to Tara.  Tara looked down at her hand.  It was weak.  Nothing there to bet on really.  Not in the face of such odds as the bets happening around the table.  It would be far easier to walk away now and for a brief moment, Tara thought about folding.  It would be tough to push forward at this point.  She’d never fool anyone with how raw she was, the situation was bleak.

Gavin studied Tara carefully.

Tara frowned.

Gavin took a breath, a noticeably deep breath as if steadying himself for something, “In poker,”  Every woman at the table turned expectantly to the patriarch of the family, expectantly.  “You play the game, not the hand.  You get dealt shit, that doesn’t mean the game has to be over, not even if you fold in that situation.  Sometimes you get dealt shit, but the game keeps going, and thank God it does because I can tell you… more often than not, you’re going to be dealt shit, Squirt.  That’s the facts.  You bet accordingly, in the game.  In life, in love, if you want to stay in the game there’s only one bet you can make.”

Gavin pushed his chips into the pot.

“This is a poker metaphor.  The game… is… about Ori and me?”

Isabella chuckled.  Aurora looked at Tara with pride.  

“But dad walked off,”  Tara said looking in the direction Ori and Billy went.

“Why do you think I was looking at his cards?”  She pushed Billy’s chips into the pot.

“You can’t do that,”  Tara said flatly. 

“Our table, our rules,”  Isabella said.  “Sometimes your partner needs a little more help than usual.”  

Tara looked at Ori’s folded hand laying face down on the table.  Putting her cards down she picked up the folded hand and fanned them out.  Blinking in disbelief. It was the same hand that had beat her at the tournament in New York at the Aurora.  There was no better hand possible.

“You might lose,”  Tara Byrne offered.  “But if Ori wins?”

“I win too.”  Tara said nodding.

“Bet on the game.”  Gavin agreed. “Best part about having someone else around, you might have been dealt shit today… but with luck, the got a stronger hand and you both walk away winners.”

Tara pushed all her chips in and then pushed all of Ori’s in as well.  

“She’ll thank you later, for not folding.”  Bella said sagely. “Trust me. I’ve thanked your Grandfather more than a few times.”

“I bet you have.”  Tara said nodding.

One by one each person revealed their hands until at last, as she knew it would, Ori’s hand had won.  

“She got lucky you knew what she had.”  Gavin said, nodding to himself as Tara pulled the chips towards her and Ori’s chair.  “So… have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“Bet on the game.”  She said to her Grandfather.  “My hand was shit today, but Oriana was folding on a good hand.  I can’t let her do it. I’ll do the simple thing - even if it isn’t easy.”

“Good girl.”  Aurora said.

“She is bright.”  Isabella agreed to Aurora’s earlier statement.  

“She gets it from me.”  Tara said winking at her namesake.

“Mom?”  Tara’s voice was sad, and as she turned and looked at her mom the rest of the room and the table disappeared.  Darkness surrounded them.  

Aurora opened her arms and Tara rushed into them.  “I’ll miss you, Squirt.”  She said fondly.  “But I’m always with you.  Your father and I have given you our best.  We did everything we knew how to prepare you for your own trials and tribulations.  There are going to be times you shake your head knowing we never had it so hard… that we couldn’t possibly have prepared you for what you’re facing and you just need to remember, everything you need is already inside of yourself.  And if you get that shit hand… look for help.  Look to your siblings, look to Oriana.  And if you’re alone, remember what I told you - if you can breathe, you can fight.  If it bleeds, it can die.”

She nodded to her mother’s words. “I don’t want you to go.  I’m scared.”

“Oh, sweetie, believe me I know how you feel.  When I lost my parents, I felt like I lost my whole world.  Then losing Will and Anton?  I can’t tell you… but I did keep going.  Even when I thought I lost your father, life kept going.  Yours will too.  It’ll be hard some days.  Terrible, but you are stronger than you know, speaking from experience here.  You’re a survivor like me.  You have enough in you to carry yourself and all your siblings - Ori too.”

Aurora put her hands on either side of Tara’s cheeks and pressed her lips to her forehead firmly.  

“Goodbye, Mom,”  Tara said with tears streaming down her face.

“Go get ‘em, Tiger,”  Aurora said with a smirk.  It was then that Tara knew for sure it was all in her head … her mother had never called her that, and she had never told her mother of her love of tigers, but she smiled anyway.

And then, everything went black.

***

Ori found herself was walking through a land of mists; it was impossible to see more than a few feet in front of her through the blinding whiteness. It wasn’t snow, though. Just… mist. It felt supernatural. Hopefully this was a dream, and she didn’t die in her attempt to run.

Stupid. But she felt like she had to.

Sighing, Ori checked herself. No injuries. So this wasn’t real. No gun- or any weapons at all. No ring around her neck. 

As she walked through the mists, Ori gradually realized that the mist was fading- she found herself in a forest. There was a small cabin in front of her, and she approached it cautiously. She moved toward the door and opened it, expecting to find… Tara. Brigitte. Aurora. Jo. Lucia. Sister Cristiana. Instead, she found Billy Mastrosimone making breakfast.

Billy smiled toward the door. “Well, come on in Oriana. Am I supposed to call you that, or Ori? Or Orin?” He shook his head and flipped a pancake.

“Anything but the last one, I guess,” said Ori, still standing in the doorway.

“Was a joke, relax. Are you hungry?”

“Am I dead?”

“Not that I can tell, but I am so there’s that.” He put another pancake on the plate and shrugged. “I think you just took a decent hit to the head to be honest. You’re brain is coping with the stress by having you dream some wild shit.” 

Oriana stared at him for a while, then took a step in the door and closed it behind her. She stood near the table with her arms crossed.

“I’m sorry you’re dead. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like I never even really got to know you that well. Three times, really. I’m just surprised it’s you, whether I’m dead or dreaming.”

Billy laughed. “You and me both. As for getting to know me, you know Tara, she has the best of me in her, so in a way, you do know me. Besides, it’s a lot easier to help someone else mourn if you aren’t mourning yourself. Can’t really mourn someone you didn’t know right?” He winked and gestured toward the table. “It’s only dream food, but I promise it will taste good. It’s the vanilla.”

Ori’s inclination was to remain standing, but she couldn’t deny that she felt hungry. If this was a dream, did that mean she was lying somewhere hungry?

Whatever. Fuck it. 

She sat down and started eating the pancakes.

“So, how’s Italy so far? It was always beautiful, never kind.”

“Had a good night,” said Ori, occasionally pausing to eat. “No, a great night. I’ll spare you the details, but I thought things were going good. Then… a friend died. I almost took down a truck full of soldiers by myself, but some asshole shot me in the back. After that, Tara found out you died. And Cat. And I... tried to run away.” Oriana angrily shoved a bite of pancakes in her mouth and chewed. “She’s probably pissed at me.”

Billy shrugged. “I don’t think so. If she’s anything like me, she’s not. If she is acting like her mother though.” He paused and then nodded toward Oriana. “You can take her.” He smiled and continued. “If she really is feeling the way I would though, she’s not angry. She’s hurt. She wants to cry because she feels like she did something wrong to drive you away. That’s how I felt when I found out about my future wife’s little forays into what was her only way of coping with the hurt when I was gone for a bit. I felt sad and hurt, like I let her down more than anything.”

“I envy you,” said Oriana as a bitter shadow crossed her face. “You had everything. Whatever hurt you’re talking about, you still had everything you want. And now it gets to be over for you. And I envy that, too.” She sighed. “A little, at least. I don’t know to do-” Ori shook her head and returned to eating.

Billy nodded. “I get that. Everyone has that at some point or another. Everyone.” He emphasized the last word. “Of course, you do too, you just have to reach out and grab hold of it. Well, or let it take hold of you.” He picked up a pancake and slathered butter onto it before folding it in half. “You have a lot of pain and history and baggage Oriana. Too much for you to carry on your own if you ask me. I mean, you didn’t ask me, but there it is anyway.”

“Throwing emotional baggage at Tara doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. She’d be better off if she had someone different- someone less fucked up.” Ori dropped her gaze to her pancakes, then looked up at Billy. “Now she doesn’t even have you or Aurora. She needs me now.”

“First off.” He held up a finger. “My Taa is the only one who gets to choose whether or not she wants to have baggage thrown at her and from who. If you don’t think she’s good enough to throw baggage at, that’s one thing, but cut the ‘I’m not good enough’ bullshit right now. You almost killed Aurora once. You saved at least three of my family members on more than one occasion. You have a bright smile when you want to, and for fuck’s sake Oriana you have my heart.” He held up four fingers then, stopping her from speaking. “There’s four little girls that prove that last point. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself if you want to abandon any of the colors.”

“Two girls. The other two died.”

Billy sighed. “Well then, you’re going to have to love those two as if there were four left. Or do you not care now that they’re gone?”

“I’m... trying not to care.”

“Well that’s just dumb. What are you going to do when it catches up to you? Break down crying at the bottom of a staircase?” He smiled.

“Better than crying now.” She paused. “I’m not good at emotional shit. Maybe that’s why you’re here. You’re probably the most emotional person I know, in some ways.” Ori thought about correcting herself to ‘knew’, but decided against it.

“I am in your head at least. Don’t forget, I’m not really actually here. It’s all in your head kid. So you’re giving yourself advice.” He took a bit of a pancake, as Ori dropped her head in her hands.  “Best part about that is, you are proving to yourself that you can deal with emotions. Just gotta get knocked out first.”

“Great advice,” she sighed. “Well then what the fuck is the point of this, subconscious? What’s the point of me going through a life where most people just use me- and the rare few who actually care about me all get killed because of me. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I can barely take care of myself. And I don’t mean killing people- I mean emotional shit. How am I supposed to take care of Tara?”

Billy shrugged. “Find out what she needs. Or anticipate what she needs and just be nice to her. I mean really, Ori, your whole premise here is wrong.” He coughed and sat up a bit straighter. “I was supposed to be the man of the house. Take care of my mom, take care of myself, take care of my sisters, take care of my wife, take care of my kids. Big strong Billy.” He shook his head gently with a smile. “I didn’t do any of that. Because they were all capable of taking care of themselves, and I think we both know Tara is fully capable of taking care of herself too. So that’s not your job. Your job is to be there when she wants to reach out. Just like she is going to be there for you. Neither one of you are ever going to want for money, after all, I left you some businesses of your own, you’re family, you’ll be fine. What she needs is someone to love her when she fucks up, and to point out that she fucked up. And you can either choose to do that, or not. That’s up to you. Tara though? I think she’s gonna pick you if she had a choice.”

Ori dropped her face to her hands, exhausted, and sighed. She was quiet for a long time. “Can I have more pancakes?”

“Of course you can. Do you want me to make fresh ones? I have blueberries and chocolate chips. I could also make bacon if you’d prefer.”

“Did it hurt?” asked Ori, after a pause. “When you died? When I got shot, I just sort of… fell asleep. That’s what it’s like I guess, right?”

“It’s not fun, that’s for fuckin’ sure.” He sighed as he got up. “Lot of pain when you get shot or stabbed. When you die, it fades pretty quick. So all of the pain? Well that you already know. I’m just glad it was familiar and it wasn’t a heart attack or something you know? That would have sucked.”

Ori nodded slowly. “I don’t think I’ll need to worry about that.” Then she sighed and kept eating her pancakes. Watching her eat, Billy just smiled.

***

Tara woke up and blinked at the sunlight streaming through the window. She tried to raise her hand to block out the light, but she couldn’t; her hand’s progress was arrested halfway to her face as she heard the metal clink of handcuffs. 

Tara look around and saw Oriana on the bed next to hers; Ori was face down on her knees and elbows with a hairpin in her mouth trying and failing to reach one of the handcuffs; she froze when she saw that Tara was awake, like a dog who’d been caught disobeying. With a sigh, Ori sank down on her stomach, spit out the hairpin, and stretched her legs back. She rested her head sideway on the pillow to look at Tara. 

“Hey.” Ori waited for Tara’s reaction before saying more.

Tara blinked and stared into the gray eyes before her for a moment before saying, “Hey.”  Then she drew a deep breath and stretched slightly, trying to get a better look at the situation they were in.

“... what’d you do?”

“Oh, you know, I might have threatened to kill the brother of the Padrino di Roma by putting a gun in his face and telling him there was no way in fuck you attacked them and didn’t make them bleed or that you’d then try to leave me after I’d just learned my family was murdered.  I called him dirty, a liar, and accused him of trying to kill you with some sort of drug...”

“I was going to go kill whoever killed Cat. Then I was going to go kill whoever killed Aurora and Billy.”

“Yeah… I figured that out, after Ren put himself between me and the Godfather’s brother.”  She sighed. “So… I gave them my gun and let them drug me too. They think I’m crazy. Maybe I am.”  She laid back and looked at the ceiling.

Oriana, thinking about Cat, found herself subconsciously straining against her cuffs. She forced herself to relax.

“I’ll get you out of the cuffs.  I think we can make it France. From there we can get transport back to the states and you can do what you need to do.”

“I don’t advise that,” said Renato, walking into the room. He paused for a moment, seeing both women handcuffed to their beds. “I had a dream about this once, I think.” He smiled wearily.

 Tara sighed.  “Ren… I’m sorry.  I really am.  You gotta know, I wasn’t thinking right.  Ori just wants to get back and I won’t stop her.  What’s it going to take for you to let us out of these things?”

“The hands? A five to ten-minute conversation with me. The feet? At least one more day, until the surgeons depart.”

Tara nodded and then asked, in a somber tone,  “How pissed is the Godfather at me?”  

“The Godfather doesn’t know anything. I think. If he did you’d probably be…” Ren frowned. “... dead, I guess. He’d never have done it a week ago, but… things are different now.”

Tara swallowed the lump in her throat, “And his brother is just not going to say anything out of the kindness of his heart?  I put a gun in his face… I wouldn’t blame him if he did.”

“I turned on the charm. Told a story about you that would melt any heart. He understands the context now. And he’s not a bad man. He’s a doctor because he’s a good man. Didn’t want to enter the family business.

“I feel like a total shit for having done that to him.”  She said rolling her eyes into her head.  “I wish I could make it right.”

“You are, at least, a partial shit. But not totally. I should also mention that, despite my persuasiveness, Jo… might have been more persuasive.”

Tara closed her eyes and a tear leaked from the corner.  She tried to curl her knees up to her chest and failed due to the cuffs, then shook her head.

Ren spoke softly. “You have many valid reasons to weep, Tara. But don’t weep for Jo. She… has taken to calling him her Volpe d’Argento.”

Tara sniffled and tried to make herself stop crying, her face looking more angry than sad.  “Well, I guess I’m glad she likes him…”  she said between clenched teeth.

“Talking about me?” asked Jo, walking into the room with a half-smile. She was wearing a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes as she studied Tara carefully.

Tara couldn’t look at her friend,  “Jo… I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do anything for me.  Especially something like that.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Ren was telling us what you did to appease the good surgeon.  I would never have asked that of you, but thank you. I’ve got enough people who want us dead without adding to the list right now and I know I fucked up in a big way.”

“Tara,” started Jo, who forced herself to speak calmly. “You can apologize for losing it a bit back there. But I understand. I just want you to be okay. Ren and I have told you we’re your friends. And screwing a rich Italian doctor who looks like Clark Gable? This isn’t exactly the biggest sacrifice I’ve had to make for you.”

A hint of a smile touched the corners of her lips and she shook her head, “Still… thank you.”  Tara fell silent then.

“About your parents…” said Ren. “I heard you talking about revenge. I have to advise against it, because-”

“No.”  She said flatly, her emotions barely contained.  “Ren, there won’t be any revenge. Not from my hand at least, and none of my siblings, if I have a single word to say about it… and I think I do.  I just want to go home and make sure they’re safe. Then… start my life again. My parents knew what the price of their choices was - they paid it gladly.  I will one day too. I won’t avenge them… I honor them.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that. It’d be suicide.” Ori glared, and Ren focused his attention on her.

“Who did it?” asked Ori.

Ren paused. “Everyone.”

“What do you mean, everyone?” asked Ori.

“I mean everyone,” repeated Ren. “You know it happens sometimes…”

Even Ori looked cowed. 

Tara closed her eyes and tried not to think too hard on her parents and how they might have died.  A tear leaked from her closed eyes again.  Her chest shuddered in a silent sob.  

“We made… plans.  My parents.  I.  We knew this could happen.”  she said sniffling.  “It’s okay.  It’ll be okay.  I just… have a lot of work to do now.  It’s up to me to take care of them and protect what my parents left behind.  I need to get home as soon as it’s safe to do so.  So, that’s the only plan I have.  Get home.  Make sure my parents will is executed and then… find whatever boss will have me and get back in the saddle.  Build a life with whatever I can pull together.  That’s it.  As simple as that… it won’t be easy.  But it’s simple.”

Ren nodded. “You should know there’s word about the Feds digging into your father’s businesses. I have no doubt that there’s money left for you, but it probably won’t be as much as you expect. New York state, apparently, passed some criminal reform law… thank God it’s not nationwide. But it let the the Feds dig around a lot more.”

“Ren…”  Tara’s voice still sounded tired - at least emotionally so.  “I’m trying to keep as positive an outlook as I can have in this moment.  I love you, but if you keep throwing all this good news at me, I can’t promise to keep this sunny demeanor.”

“With all due respect, Tara, I’m trying to hit you with every negative thing I can think of while you’re still cuffed,” he sighed. Jo glared at him.

“Fine.  Get it over with.”  she relented.  “Brigitte dead too, I suppose?” 

“No idea. And I don’t have more bad news. Just trying to be honest with you about what’s going on.”

She nodded.  “I appreciate it.”  she chuckled wryly.  “Honest is a gift you give… and knowledge is…”  She choked off her words to stop from crying audibly.

“... power.” finished Ori.

“Can we please take the handcuffs off our friends now?” asked Jo. Ren nodded, and they each uncuffed one of the “prisoners”.

“Oh,” said Ren to Ori. “They looked at you again while you were knocked out. The doctors said that if you open up those stitches again, they’re not doing it a third time. For the next seven to ten days, you’re basically going to be on the spectrum of shitty to sore. Some days might be worse than others. For the next few weeks, you should take it easy.”

Ori glared.

“She won’t.”  Tara said firmly and she looked to Oriana.  “I’ll get you back to New York, you don’t need to run.”  she looked to Ren. “She doesn’t need to run. She’s going as soon as we can manage it.”

“It’s fine,” said Ori, resigned. “I don’t need to go back. At least not soon. I should stay here. It’s too late to help-” she paused “-anyone there.”

“Whatever you want.”  Tara said softly. She looked to Ren and Jo,  “Can we have a few minutes alone please? And… a kerchief or tissue please?” 

“Of course,” said Ren. He bowed his head to Tara. Jo smiled, handed Tara a kerchief, then followed him out and closed the door. Ori flexed her hands.

Tara dabbed her eyes and tried to clean herself up a bit and then she turned to Oriana.  “I’m sorry about Catalina,” she said, attempting to comfort Ori.

“Thanks. She was- is- really important. I’m sorry about Billy and Aurora.”

“I know you were close with her and that doesn’t happen with just anyone.  Losing her … I just know.” she nodded. “Thank you for thinking about my parents too.  I know you didn’t know them as well as I would have liked for you to - but it means a lot that you wanted to avenge them as well as Catalina.  They would have … well, my dad would have read a lot into that. Probably would have forced you into another odd hug.” she chuckled.

“When I was on the run, when I was hurt… the only other time in my life I’ve been hurt this bad, actually… I just bounced west, staying a day or two here or there. I ran for months. Cat was the one who got me to stop. She was my only friend for a while. My best friend, really.” She looked at Tara. “You’re something m- else. Just to clarify.”

“I know.”  she said softly.  “If I didn’t I wouldn’t have put a gun on that doctor and I wouldn’t have found the strength to put the gun down.  Both things, oddly, I did because I do know you. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you at Bacchus’ House of Pleasure. I should have taken your advice instead of thinking I knew what you needed.  I was thinking … well, if the worst happened to him and to my family in New York and Catalina… like it did… that I was doing you a kindness giving you a chance to say goodbye to at least one person who mattered to you.  I just… I fucked up so bad, Ori, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ll heal. And Bacchus… he was distracted. You could tell. It wasn’t like the night before. I think we were a comfort to him.”

Tara was silent for a moment before she said, “Thank you for saying that.”  she wasn’t sure if Ori really meant it, but it was still nice of her to try.  She exhaled a ragged breath. “I got to get all this out before I go back. I got a million things to do.  And I need to make sure everyone is okay before I even think about my own shit. I can’t be like this back there.  They’ll need me to have my crap in a line. Gavin is a big softy, the kids are young. I’ll need to be strong one now with mom and dad gone.  Luckily the plan wasn’t ever for me to be with them full-time if we went full code-zero … so I won’t have to be every day… just… sometimes.”

“You should fly back with Jo. Don’t feel like you’ve got to sit on a boat with me for two weeks. You’ll lose your mind.” Ori winced. “And I’m not feeling well enough to distract you.”

“Thank you.  I’ll think about it.   I just…” her thoughts trailed off.

“Wait. We…” Ori paused. “I’m supposed to take you somewhere. Aurora’s orders. She paid me.”

Tara sighed and turned her head towards Ori.  “What are you talking about?”

“Your mom told me that if she and Billy died I was supposed to take you somewhere. Iceland. There’s a cabin. But… I think she’d understand that you wanted to look after the others. Fly back to the States, make sure things are okay with everyone. But before you start building your new life, fly back to Reykjavik. We should get there at the same time.”

“I don’t know what she thought I’d need in Iceland.  All that’s there is a stupid cabin in the middle of the damn woods.  There’s so much to be done and I .. I don’t know.”

“Well you should listen to her. And I was paid for the job, so it’s happening. I can’t force you, though… yet.” Ori muttered the last word. “We don’t have to stay long. We just have to go. I’ve already been paid.”

Tara sighed.  “Whatever my mom did is bound to be sappy and a huge time sink.  You’re gonna find it corny and ... I don’t know if I can bare you rolling your eyes at mom right now.  So… you know, it’s not like she’s going to come back from beyond the grave if you just want to forget about it.”

“... if I’m going to be holed up healing somewhere, it might as well be there.”

“You mean, if I let you take me on my mom’s winter wonderland tour of Iceland… you’ll actually let yourself heal up like the doctors want?”  She arched an eyebrow.

“I’m not an idiot, Tara. I hate feeling like this. I feel like… someone else. Not me. But I’m not going to push it now that I’m thinking clearly. I just want to feel normal.”

“Normal?”  Tara turned her head to look at Oriana, a part of her wondering if she or Ori even knew the meaning of the word.  “You mean, like yourself again?  Cause, I don’t know I can handle a ‘normal’ woman.  I rather like the one I have.”

“By normal I mean… dangerous. Myself.”

She nodded and a small smile began to grow on her lips.  “Good.  I guess we can meet up in Iceland then.  I should get back to them as fast as I can, though I hate leaving you, I do trust that you’ll meet me there.  And if you don’t… well, I think you know by now I’d hunt you down and you don’t want to see how pissed off I’d be if I have do that a second a time.”  She smirked and then let the smirk fade.  “Of course, a girl could get the wrong message if you keep doing it.  I love you.”

Ori snapped her eyes closed. Tara was used to hearing silence and, thankfully, she kept talking.

 “I know you got some shit you deal with… I know losing Cat hurt.  You weren’t in your right mind, but please understand that when you run off like that -”

“I understand. You don’t have to say anything. I’m… sorry.”

Tara nodded.  “Apology accepted.  I just need to say this one thing.  I never want to make you feel like I’m … trapping you.  I feel like there’s this fine line I have to walk, where I’m aware that clinging too tight to you might be read as trying to possess you in a negative way.  I don’t… want to be like that, but I also don’t ever want you to think I don’t care enough to fight for you. Even if it’s just fighting the demons your war with every day.  I’m in this with you… not against you.”

“Don’t walk any lines. Just… be yourself. Stop worrying how I’ll react to things.”

“In that case,”  She drew a breath.  “Love is a choice, Oriana Montini.”

“... but don’t take it too hard if the reaction you get isn’t what you want. I have to be myself, too. Whoever that is.” 

“I understand.  I’m a big girl. I chose to love you and I know that comes with some pitfalls and hazards.  I’m ready for that, whether you think so or not. But here’s the thing… I don’t deserve to be hurt again and again.  If we face something … we do it together. That’s what we’re both signing up for. That’s the point of … this. Taking the risk of being hurt means always having someone at your back when the chips are down and you got dealt a shit hand by life.  I’m your partner. Your teammate. Your family. You don’t get to just… walk out anymore and not expect that that you’ve left something pretty ugly behind you. If you walk away again, make sure you mean it. I don’t know how many times I got in me to keep guessing if you really mean that you don’t want me around.”

Ori was quiet for a long time. “If I walk away, then I’ll come back. If I ever want to walk away for good, I’ll tell you before I do it. But this talk about having your back… I jumped on that truck for you, you know. They were going to shoot you. I’ve been a good teammate, Tara.”

Tara looked away from Ori.  “I know you got shot because of me.  It made you walking away all the worse… I hate that I let you get hurt, Ori.  I’m supposed to protect you and my bad call caused you to nearly die. I’ve thought about almost nothing else.”

“I don’t need anyone to protect me...”