Dominic sits in the crew HQ, at a small table in the corner. He has his pen in hand and a sheet of paper in front of him. Dominic has already addressed the letter, it is for Destro. Dominic thinks for a bit and then writes the following:

Mr. Destro,

It has come to my attention that one of your associates, VIPCreditsGrin, has an outstanding debt to our friend kong. I am sorry to inform you that this debt is not his only; he owes me as well. I tailored a suit for Grin a couple days ago, sent it to his residence, and have received no payment. The debt is $500,000 or one credit. I would be most pleased if you could have a word about this rather unpopular habit with Mr. Grinbini.

Yours,

Dominic

Dominic, I'm interested in a suit.  Could I buy one?

It would be a pleasure, Commisar. Please send a letter to my residence with your requirements!

VIPCreditsGrin Grinbini was sat at his own Intern's desk in the basement of The Coconut Chronicle HQ. Randy had come blustering in, disturbing SeanCallanhound and causing a shout-barking match that had then ensued for 10 minutes. It wasn't clear who had got the upper hand when the dust settled, but it was clear who hadn't; Phillip Marleau. 

"Grinbini," Randy said, sweat leaking from his glistening mane, voice raspy and wrestle-spent from the slanging match with SeanCallandHound. "Look what that villainous cur, Destro posted to me this morning." 

Intern Grinbini took the letter from Randy's shaking hand, noting with disgust, the letter appears to have been sealed with a dirty, damp, cigarette butt. If Randy hadn't said it was from Destro, Grinbini would have automatically assumed it came from the car-office of Neil_Anblomi. His finger trailed along the page as he read the re-addressed letter from Dominic, ignoring the pornographic sketch of Ms Coconut Brandy Destro had added in the corner.

"Oh my god!" Grinbini exclaimed. "I thought that was a joke!"

"What do you mean?" Randy asked, dabbing himself with the discarded letter. 

"Dominic....this suit and more importantly the suit he made me. I thought it was a joke." Grinbini let out a small laugh. "I mean, just look at it," he said pointing at the blanket SeanCallanhound was chewing.

Randy gasped in shock. "Did you ask him for a suit or to paint your name on a steaming pile of dog shit?"

"That's what I thought!" Grinbini said, incredulous. "I mean, I naturally assumed this was some sort of misfiring suit humour that I, as a lowly intern and not a master tailor, was not privy to and the real creation would follow in short order. But...he's serious...really? I haven't actually seen an outfit so fucking hideous since I was unfortunate enough to cast an eye on that so-called lawyer, Mr Eugene 'kong' Fagotti, and I think he made that abomination he was wearing himself, in the dark." 

CoconutRandy shrugged his shoulders and Grinbini took another distasteful look at the "suit" and shook his head. "I'm sure there has been a mistake, sir," he said. "Maybe he's sent the real one to Destro by mistake?"

Schaudt knocks heavily on the door to the apartment over the Fagotti & Associates office. After a little while Kong opens the door and before he can voiced his displeasure about being waked in the middle of the night Schaudt hands him some correspondence from his client Destro. He carefully reads through it all and gets right to work penning a letter.

Dear sir and/or madam

I write to you on behalf of my most valued client Destro. It have recently come to my attention that you have an outstanding claim against VIPCreditsGrin who is by chance also my client, if not as valued. First of all I would like to say that any notion that Destro is in any way, shape or form responsible for any debt VIPCreditsGrin have accrued is simply laughable. I would advise you refrain from mentioning anything like that even again or I would be forced to pursue the matter to the fullest extent of the law.

With that out of the way I can happily tell you that the esteemed and generous Chicago mobster PhillipMarleau have agreed to pay my client VIPCreditsGrin what he is owed out of his own pocket. Once the debt is finally settled and my most deserved cut it taken care of VIPCreditsGrin will eventually see some of the money.

Should you need legal council in regards to collecting your owed debt from Mr VIPCreditsGrin I would be happy to offer my services. I am quite experienced in the field and have no qualms with representing both sides in the conflict. In fact I find it much easier to reach a good solution that way.

Hope to hear from you soon so we can solve this matter once and for all.

Cordially yours

Eugene ‘kong’ Fagotti, attorney at law

Dominic sends the following letter to CoconutRandy:

Mr. Editor,

As much as I like your newspaper and your dedication to free press, this is going too far. Your young intern asked for a suit bearing a "downbeat reporter" with his name on it. I fulfilled the order. If I am not paid over the course of today I will be forced to engage the services of a legal professional.

Cordially yours,

Dominic

The letters were coming in faster than Randy could lick stamps. While he had delegated much of the work to his chief counsel, Coconut Randy Esq, some were worth answering himself, particularly where it concerned his young and news-hungry intern, VIPCreditsGrin. 

Dear Dominic,

I have written many letters in the past few days. My hands and wrists grow tired with cramp. Yet still, I have taken the time to write this to you. If my toil and physical hardship is not payment enough, please continue (heartlessly) reading. 

I have seen the suit crafted for young Grinbini and I must say what struck me immediately is how large it is. While normally I am a man attracted to things of irregular sizes - my ex-wife EvilClown and her shapely, upside-down-eggplant head can and do attest to that - Grinbini already takes the apperance of an orphan child and I fear the unspoken challenge of filling out his new digs will only serve as a catalyst to further requests for porridge, which the Coconut Corp canteen simply cannot indulge. 

Not only that, it is my opinion that the design of the suit represents a sunnier disposition than is appropriate for an intern pulling himself up by his bootstraps and trudging through the muddy battlefield of modern media. I had hoped to see something well-worn, droopier and - quite frankly - snoopier than the optimism I feel when I gaze upon the pattern of these elephantine pants. 

Last of all, I think you will find the Coconut Corp legal department, despite considerable resources being pulled aside to deal with another matter currently in significant dispute, is more than capable of standing its ground against any legal professional who would take on your case, especially someone like Neil_Anblomi whose 'legal department' is more like a 'glove compartment'. 

My offer is this: go back to your workshop and return with one or two alternative options, considering the feedback you have received in this letter. At such a time, I am confident that Destro - who Grinbini informs me was the original recipient of this claim - will be happy to pay you what you deserve.

Thank you,

 Coconut Randy, Editor-In-Chief, The Coconut Chronicle

Mr. Editor,

I have received your letter of the 12th. I am sorry that your intern was not satisfied with his suit, but I am afraid that he still owes me. I asked him for feedback and if there was a need for alterations. He did not give any, nor even reply. Therefore, he accepted the suit as it was delivered and owes me the fee. Please instruct him to send the money or a credit. If he is not capable of paying the sum, I am sure the Iron Bank would be happy to loan him the money, since that is their business.

Yours,

Dominic

A small toy car screeches around the corner as it flies past a particular lamppost it suddenly screeches on it’s brakes. The gears audibly crunch as it hits reverse giving no regard to the now flattened cat under its tyres. The car stops and a large head pops out of the window.

”Randy Wambi Pandy... well, well, well”

The head pops back in the window for several minutes as the car idles by the kerb sounding like a washing machine with a brick in it on full cycle
The window rolls down once more a note attached to the end of stick, the length of which defies the rules of physics, is pushed toward the lamppost which has attracted attention and the car wheel spins off.

Intrigued you go over and read it. It’s written in crayon, the text hard to decipher but still legible:

”Randy Wambi Pandy my darling, you agreed with the lawyers that our brief foray into marriage was not to be discussed. I have left you alone for several years after all. All be it I was indeed wearing a skirt on that fateful day in Sin City we both know who the taker was that evening. You may think of me as ’wife’ but it was not I walking down the aisle the next day like a pirates peg boy. Although our marriage was short lived I now have a larger stock of boy butter. If you wish me to don my Sunday best skirt again you just need to holler, love and kisses EC xxx”

Dominic you don't want to get into business with a guy like VIPCreditsGrin.  I'm still receiving letters from lawyers claiming that I owe him $50k, when as it turns out if you dig a little deeper he actually owes me $50k change for the $100k I already gave him.  But that rabbit hole runs deep, let's certainly not get back into that now.

Since the suit is now just laying around in your shop, would you consider auctioning it off?  Why not make good lemonade out of bad lemonade as the saying goes? Sell it "as is" to the highest bidder.  I bet you make a pretty penny off of it.

When I look at this suit, I see a piece of art that has touched people.  To me, the best art is kind of art that engages people.  Makes them feel something.  Makes them react.  Now, in this case, that engagement has come in the form of mockery, the feelings are those of disgust, and the reaction is all-around bad.  But it doesn't matter.  It's out there in the world, and it has eyes on it.  And people are buzzing about it.  That's what makes a piece of art valuable.

I'd like to help rig up an auction with you if you'd be interested in making some money.  What's my fee you ask?  For you, a fellow Detroitian?  Nothing.

Mr. Destro,

Thank you for your kind offer. However, the suit is monogrammed, and therefore worthless to anyone but the original orderer. I apolgise for any inconvinience I have caused you.

Yours truly,

Dominic

Worthless says you.  I for one would bid on it.  I know of at least one other collector that would bid as well.  As is, monogrammed and all.

Mr. Destro,

If you think it a prudent course of action, I will gladly accept your help. Please send a letter to my residence concerning the matter.

Yours,

Dominic

There are a few factual inaccuracies that need to be cleared up here before we go any further.

Firstly, the villain known as Destro, is made of lies. This is why he is a Made Man. He cannot be trusted. He still claims to be owed funds by me, a lowly unpaid intern, when he himself has not paid me the outstanding $50,000 he dastardly generously agreed to pay me from his winnings. Then, he's been engaged in some sort of legal humbly-who-har with other imposters claiming to be representing me. None of this is true.

Talk of imposters brings me to you, Dominic, the man pretending to be a tailor. I engaged you to produce me a suit that was, and I quote: "I need something which identifies me as a man of substance but also allows me to effortlessly blend into the crowd. It needs to be loud but quiet. Eye-catching but concealing." Clearly, this remit has not been met, it hasn't even been coyly approached. If this was a courtship, my request would be putting you firmly in the friend zone. If this was dinner, you would be PhillipMarleau and my request would be museli; untouched and getting colder. 

Now, in addition to demonstrating yourself to be a phony seamstress, you've been besmirching my adequate name across the Streets, like I was a two-bit regular villain a la Destro. I owe you nothing. Our apprentice sports reporter MariaReynolds paid you for the suit on my behalf. Against my better judgement I permitted this transaction to, in her words, "stop that piece of lying filth bothering you any more". Therefore, the suit, in all of it's shoddiness, belongs to me via my agent, MariaReynolds. I suggest you stop claiming anything to the contrary.

And, finally, to you again, Destro. I may auction the suit off, but I suspect the price to you, some $50,000, will prove too rich. You have struggled to pay similar amounts after all, lest we forget. 

Mr. Grin,

I have received no payment from your "sports reporter." Talk about factual inaccuracies.

Dominic

Mr. Grin,

I forgot to mention that you have no right to auction off the suit. It is unpaid for and is therefore still my property. Auctioning it off would be a further crime on your part.

Dominic

Dominic, whilst I do not deny being a criminal, all you are demonstrating by this pointless back and forth is that in addition to being a sorry excuse for a tailor, you're also a liar. MariaReynolds paid you to "get that wretch away from [you]" (her words) and I do not think she would lie about something like this. She certainly wouldn't have sent it to Dominick rather than Dominic. I mean, why would she? Next you'll be demanding 17000x the fee because the suit was 17000x larger than desired. Outrageous.

And, Dominic, if I desire to hold an auction of my property, as purchased via MariaReynolds, who was acting as my agent in this matter, then there is nothing you can do to stop me. You should take some comfort from the fact that I do not expect to make any money from the auction because, frankly, this suit is a worthless monstrosity that I wouldn't let me dog sleep in. Or even your dog for that matter, and I hate your fucking dog. 

Mr. Grin,

I received no payment. I suggest you call your lawyer and have him positioned in the courtroom.

Dominic