RUSSIAN STRONGMAN CONTEST.  ONLY THE STRONG MAY ENTER.  MUST BE 100% RUSSIAN

Nikolai_Volkoff read the sign and smiled upon realizing that he was eligible to compete.  He wrote his name down on the official Soviet-issued sign-up sheet and waited his turn.

The contest took place outdoors in a nearby park.  Usually the park was reserved for baseball games and cookouts, but today it was where Russia's strongest competed for honor and glory.

The day began with a push up contest to eliminate the weak early on in the contest.  Then they moved onto boulder rolling, boulder lifting, and pulling Russian cars up hills.  In the end, only two Russians were left.  The judge spoke.

BY POWER OF THE SOVIET UNION I DECLARE THAT NIKOLAI_VOLKOFF TO FACE LAST YEARS WINNER, WILLIAM, TO SEE WHO WINNER IS.

Nikolai_Volkoff had heard of William aka "Russian Bill" before.  Heck all Russians had.  He was known for his strength.  Rumor had it he had grown up in one of Moscow's many caves.  But there was no time to think about Russian Bill right now.  He had a barrel throwing contest to compete in.

William stepped up first grinning cockily at Nikolai_Volkoff.  He threw the barrel.  The Russian audience clapped politely at the far distance he threw it.

Nikolai_Volkoff stepped up to the barrel and focused all his energy and power.  "This for Mother Russia" he thought to himself before launching the barrel into the air.  The crowd gasped.  The judge approached. 

FIRST PLACE CHAMPION IS NIKOLAI_VOLKOFF

No I have not, sorry.  Tell me.

I am mostly only interested in things that are Russian, but thank you for kind offer.

Nikolai_Volkoff, Son, you can write in Russian if you like.  I'm quite sure that you'd make yourself a good home in the Competitive Writing Community.

And, look, we are Comrades.  Brothers in arms.  And I'm a Made man, so take caution in your tone.