CommissarVerevz comes to the street, hoping to catch the attention of passersby. He pulls out a small note from within his jacket pocket and begins to read in a loud voice, relaying the content to all who are within earshot.

Ahem.

Dear all,

I am pleased to report that prior to his descent into rage and madness, the former editor of The Star-Examiner, Dominic, agreed a sale of his profitable futuristic newspaper to me, CommissarVerevz (not to be confused with the disrespectful imposter, CommissarZverev). 

In honour of that late, great pioneer, The Star-Examiner will continue to be the most factually accurate and on the ball broadsheet (naturally) around. Our intention is to make sure you hear about all of the goings on within the country, particularly the criminal underworld, as quickly as possible, but only from fully verified sources. There will be no hatchet pieces or wild accusations printed within our pages, we leave that to lesser beasts. And, if, by a happy coincidence in pursuit of these noble intentions, we happen to take the already limited readership of the now understaffed Coconut Chronicle and put CoconutRandy out of business, all the better.

Anyone who would be interested in producing articles for us and having their say is more than welcome to contact me. You would begin as a Starlet, although we do have a fast-track scheme available where writers can become full Astronomers (that is what we call our full time reporters) in short order.

As a sideline to our newspaper work, I have commissioned a section of our offices be converted into a tailors quarters, complete with a loom and tannery; again as a homage to Dominic. If you are interested in having a suit created by one of our skilled craftsmen, please contact me and I will gladly take your order.

Please keep your eyes peeled for our forthcoming issue and if you would like to be interviewed to give an honest opinion on pressing matters affecting all of us (either with your name attached or anonymously), please let me know.

Thank you for your time and your anticipated support is greatly appreciated. 

CommissarVerevz (Owner of The Star-Examiner)

CommissarVerevz tucks the statement back within his jacket and gives a nod to those who have paid attention to his announcement, hoping they will become avid readers in future days and weeks. 

New Dominic, as someone with two dead interns, one dead rival editor, dozens of brain-dead readers, and over 51 days of newspaper publishing experience, let me assure you that mafia media is not a business for the light-hearted. Your lack of extra-sensory skills, such as Dominic's soothsaying to the year 2019, only further casts in doubt your ability to live up to the reputation of the strong brand you have inherited. In addition, you and I have instantly become irreconcilable enemies, as was the case with your predecessor, Old Dominic. I wish you no luck in your endeavours and may God strike you down like the servants of Job. 

However, if you would like to forward all issues & complaints received (and you will receive many) to the basement office staffed by the decaying corpse of my former intern VIPCreditsGrin, please feel free. 

I have no intention of getting "into the weeds" with you gentleman. I've seen your "cock and bull" back and forth played out in the streets before and I am not a fan of it.

CoconutRandy, I will let my paper speak for itself, through text and the quality of our work. People have a hankering for fresh news, accurately reported, not....whatever it is you do.

CommissarZverev, if you are serious and plan to be respectful, I will happily interview you for the forthcoming issue of The Star-Examiner. 

What I do is run one of the largest media conglomerates in mafia media history. The beautiful thing about running a corporation is that workers are transformed into mere cogs in the system, unable to think for themselves or to take responsibility for their own actions. It was a perfect environment for my dead interns, Montague and VIPCreditsGrin. As you are beginning your journey into the management of your own much smaller business, I'm sure our Chief Financial Officer Ayn Randy would be happy to offer you some insight into the idolatry and heroicism that comes with being a captain of industry such as myself, and that you may one day hope to be.