Captain BubbleBeard takes a drag off his cigar, waiting for the red light to show up. Taking a few deep breaths he smiles and relaxes. So what if this was his first radio broadcasting? So what if his mother told him his "stupid" pirate voice would never be accepted as a real disc jockey... Ding! The red light flips on, as Captain BubbleBeard pulls the microphone to his face.

"Arghhh! Good evening ladies and gents, this be the one and only Captain BubbleBeard speaking, brought ter ya by 101.1 talk radio, where we hate to burst yer bubble!" BubbleBeard chuckles at his own little joke, glancing a look down at his notes. "Hopefully yer all doing well this evening, as fer me I've had a half a bottle o' rum, and I'm feelin fine!"

"Fer our first order of business, I'd like to take this time ter welcome a special guest, the beautiful, the fiesty, the ever so sticky, Killer_Jane! I took some time earlier today to draw up some questions fer this successful lady, and she was more than obliged ter get some air time, so listen close ya scallywags, it won't be every day you get ter hear the voice of an angel!" BubbleBeard takes another sip of rum, looking up to see Killer_Janes face starting to blush. Grabbing the proper notes he begins the interview;

BB- "My sources tell me that yer hands have glue on them, that no pocket be safe when you're around. What say yee ter this?"

KJ- "It is very very true! Every pocket is mine for the taking! Muahahahaha! And mine even have glue in them, as an unfortunate soul found out earlier today. I also am a strong proponent of honing this skill. It gives everyone who doesn't want to kill people something else to work on."

"Argh, ya heard it here first folks, watch out when this lass is around, no wallet be safe, no dollar bill left untouched, and no pocket left alone! Moving on now, as most of yee already know KJ be workin fer the fine city of Saint Louis, where there be many things ter do. But what yee may not be knowin, is exactly what her favorite part about the city is."

BB- "Saint Louis is a beautiful city, one that I enjoy pillaging... err, visiting quite often!What be your favorite part about bein a leader there?

KJ- "The people. I work with some of the best people I have ever worked with, and they are what make me come back day in and day out and wake up in the morning. Sometimes I even get dressed!"

"Oho mateys, you heard that one right! She be implyin that she sometimes walks around in naught but her skin! We've heard about her preference to stealin over killin, we've heard her soft side about liking the people of her city, now it be time for something more serious."

BB- "Being one of the few woman leaders in this thing of ours, be there any tips yee'd like ter give young female mafioso who aspire the title of Crew Leader?"

KJ "Sleep your way to the top." BubbleBeard chuckles as he receives a wink from KJ, he nods for her to continue. "No, just kidding. The biggest piece of advice I have is to have some balls. Get in there with the guys and don't be afraid of them. They're more scared of you than you are of them. Just work your hardest and don't be afraid to speak up, especially if you are asked."

BB- "Very good advice ma'am, 'twas an honor ter have you on my show." BubbleBeard checks his wallet to make sure everything's still in it. Counting it up he finds he's a few thousand short. "Arghhh! Very stealthy KJ, I never even saw that one coming! Be there anything you'd like to say before I move on to my next segment?"

KJ- "Yeah, next time watch out cause I might take more than your money. You might find yourself short a pair of pants."

Killer_Jane stands up and kisses BubbleBeard on the cheek before walking out of the studio. BubbleBeard situates himself and lights another cigar, cueing the commercials to come on while he gathers his notes for the next bit of the show.

A deep voice comes across the air, giving off the vibe of someone confident. "Coming to you today from downtown Detroit, Vicks Violin cases! This is Vick speaking, promotion our newest violin case, the Smoke 'Em Away 4200. Got skills that kill with the violin? Smoke 'Em Away! Need a case with plenty of space? Smoke 'Em Away! Need a portable, larger on the inside than it looks, but still stylish way to transport... your 'violins?'"

"The Smoke 'Em Away 4200 is perfect for all your needs, covered with red velvet on the inside, and backed by a five year warranty! Interested in the Smoke 'Em Away 4200?! Of course you are! Give us a call at 341-456-7111!"

Making sure all his notes are in order, BubbleBeard switches the flip back to live and clears his breath, snubbing out his cigar and swigging another sip of rum from his flask.

"Ahoy mateys, I'm sure yee all caught on to what that man be sayin. The Smoke 'Em Away 4200 is useful fer more than just totin around yer violins! Before we move on ter our next guest, I've got a little fun fer yee all. Over the next week I be holding a little competition for all yee mobsters out there! The winner shall recieve $100,000 on top of all the winnings they gather during the week! Sound interesting?! IT IS! In the following week, from this minute ter 14:00 on Saturday the 26th, the mobster who can successfully pickpocket me the most will win! Now it's not just a scouts honor here ya scalleywags, I'll be needin proof in the form of a mail every time yee scavenge me pockets! At the end of the week I'll count up the successes and whichever one of yee succeeded the most shall win one hundred thousand dollars! If there be a tie, then both shall recieve the winnings! So get those sticky hands ready mates, and have fun while doing it!"

BubbleBeard takes another sip from his flask and looks up as the door to the studio opens, a tall, intimidating man walking through the door with an aura of importance about him. Smiling, BubbleBeard takes out his next set of notes and gestures to the man to take a seat. "Well listeners, I hope so far you've had a good time listening ter me ramble on, right now it's time for our next interview, please welcome Kimble! I've prepared a few questions for mister Kimble, a man of not many words, and he's agreed to open up ter the audience this evening, so kick back, light up a cigar, and enjoy!"

BB: "How's it like working for one of the most powerful men in this thing of ours, GodFather Roman?"

K:  "My business relationship with Roman started long before I ever joined Chicago. For months Roman and I spoke about various topics and policies and a friendship formed over that time I served as TheDeans LHM."

BB: "Word on the street is you're starting a loan sharking enterprise, what are your limits and interest rates?"

K:  "The idea is just in it's infancy still as myself and SpuffWaffle still need to nail down the final business plans, but I will say this. The various amounts that can be taken out as a loan will depend on the rank of the person. I will not be loaning out millions to Thugs for Body Guards. Interest rates will depend on the amount loaned out and how long the loan has to be paid back. I will only make safe and secure investments."

BB: "Rumor has it that your RHM is sleeping with a goat... Can you confirm or deny this?"

K:  "False. You are confusing a goat for an alpaca named George. Alpaca are much larger animals and have a tendency to spit, where goats simply just eat and shit everything. My RHM has much better taste than to be with a goat."

BB: " As we all know, your success in this life is obvious, you've acquired many Body Guards, and obtained the much sought after title of Crew Leader, what do yee think the biggest obstacle you've had to overcome thus far would be?"

K:  "The biggest obstacle by far is recruiting solid members. These days recruiting has been very competitive with people mailing newly born members the minute they exit the womb. When someones mailbox explodes, your message tends to get lost in the maw."

BB: "Argh, thank yee for your time mister Kimble, I know I appreciate it and I can only hope that the listeners did too!"

K: "Sure thing Captain, best of luck with your show, I must be getting along now, I've some pressing matters to attend to back in Chicago."

With that Kimble stands up and exits the studio, and BubbleBeard cues the next set of commercials.

The sound of a beer can opening comes across the air, followed by that of a person taking a cool refreshing sip. "Need to get away from the life you lead for a few hours? A contrasting counterpoint of sharp texture and flowing sweetness is evident at the first sip of this historic brew, a slowly increasing hoppiness adds to the interplay of ingredients, while the texture smooths out by mid-bottle. The clear, pale-gold body is light and fizzy. Medium-bodied Pabst Blue Ribbon finishes with a dusting of malts and hops. Brewed locally in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, this is a beer that is sure to satisfy!"

BubbleBeard flicks the switch back on to live, and chuckles as he continues with his broadcast. "Take it from me mateys, Pabst Blue Ribbon won't only make yee forget about yer troubles, it tastes fantastic too! Just be on the lookout for a sly little feline dubbed 'HipsterKitty,' word on the street is she be trying to steal every bottle she can get her furry little paws on!"

"Now it be time fer me to ask some questions to the audience, in preparation fer next weeks broadcast! Have yee an interesting business idea? Maybe yee be a skilled suit maker, or yee might be selling Crack Downs ter get some practice at busting people out of jail fer cheap prices, or maybe yee just want to promote an idea yee have. 101.1 talk radio, where we hate to burst yer bubble, is looking for sponsorship, at a mere $25,000 per ad! So if yee want to get your business out there, promote an idea, or just be knowing yee be heard by hundreds of listeners, submit your request to CaptainBubbleBeard!"

BubbleBeard takes a look at the clock and realizes it's time to call the show for the week. Throwing all his notes from the evening into the trash he pulls the microphone down one more time.

"Argh! Yee've been listening ter 101.1 talk radio, where we hate to burst yer bubble! From sticky fingers to Pabst Blue Ribbon to Alpaca's named George, yee heard it first from..." BubbleBeard cues drumroll. "CAPTAIN BUBBLEBEARD!!!"

SINGER was fummeling throught the radio trying to find a good station to listen to as he drove down Cathedral way coming straight out of morning mass.

Politics...Jazz...Politics...Politics...Pirates....PIRATES???

SINGER immediately reversed stations and ran back to 101.1 talk show and started listening. He was a huge fan of talk shows and television shows and all that good stuff. So he continued to drive in the car listening the captain speak. To say SINGER loved the way bubblebeard spoke would be the truth. SINGER often imitated his voice after meeting the man several days before the radio show aired. He often gave his impression while he would be alone in his car to perfect it like he was right now.

Yarr this be a great show.

It was a horrible impersonation but a great show. SINGER was enthralled with how great the interviews were. He was glad to have listened in and was urgenetly awaiting the next one to come out. SINGER was planning to call up Captain BubbleBeard to tell him how impressed he was with the show. It definitely made the time that he drove down the street much better.

As Angel relaxes with a Jack and coke, and ponders her busy schedule for the next week, she absentmindedly flips through the radio stations. As she passes 101.1, she hears a familiar voice and pauses to listen. Since she has been very busy, and has not been able to stay in touch with old family friends as much, it took her a moment to place the voice. She gasps as she realizes who it is, then says to herself.

This must be a joke!!! What has that man gotten himself into now?!!

She turns the radio up, and listens. She winces slightly at the horrid "pirate speak", but continues to listen. She sees that her old friend actually put some time and thought into the broadcast, and ended up doing really well. At the end of the show, she makes a mental note to set up a time to have lunch or drinks with the Captain, as well as a note to tune in to the next show.

Florrie had the radio tuned in to 101.1, waiting for 6.30pm. She had listened all week in the HQ to CaptainBubbleBeard bang on about fame and radio waves and saying, 'Yar gotta listen ter ma show'. She didn't mind though. Something about CaptainBubbleBeard's voice reminded her of home and the eccentricity of the English culture she left behind by coming here.

This better be worth it. Florrie said aloud as she fixed her hair and makeup. As she listened to the show, she found herself giggling. She was just loading her gun when the segment about pickpocketing came up. Florrie pointed her gun at the mirror and thought, she could only hope to be as slick as KJ, but she was willing to give it a shot. Smiling, Florrie continued to listen as she got ready for her business meeting. As the show finished, she vowed to tune in again, as she switched the radio off and headed out the door.

HipsterKitty didn't usually listen to the radio--it had become a slave to mainstream culture. Unfortunately, her vintage record player had finally clanked to a stop last night, in the middle of a superbly deck party in which everyone stood in one place to listen to music. After the record player broke, most of her guests groaned angrily before being placated with assertions that fixie players were totally deck, and this was just part of the baggage that went with it. So now, desiring some background noise while reading a friend's manuscript, she flicked on the dusty radio to the first station that picked up a signal--101.1. As she settled in with some gourmet coffee and the messily bound manuscript, however, she found her attention drawn to the pirate's voice. At the mention of her own name, HK jumped and immediately scowled. Now she would have to forego her PBR. It had a commercial. Way too mainstream now. She couldn't deny, however, that the show had been extremely interesting. Burying her nose once more in the manuscript's pages, she made a mental note to keep an ear out for it.

Throwing himself down on to a ricketty old stool in his lounge after a closer than desirable encounter with The Fuzz, Spuff closed his eyes and caught his breath. He'd always been the sort of guy that preferred a background din to total silence, so he flicked on the wireless to let some form of vitual companionship flow into the room. What greeted his ears was the semi-incomprehesible babble of a familiar voice. Was that... BubbleBeard? You know what, it was! A slight smile cracking his face at the endeavours of the mildly sozzled captain over the airwaves, he kicked his shoes off to rub his feet. It really had been too close an encounter this time. He was getting sloppy in his dotage.

As his mind wandered, his thoughts were rudely interrupted my the addition of a new voice emanating from the speaker. It was his boss, Kimble. That fucker. He'd meant to be healping Spuff on the job earlier, but had claimed to have other matters to attend to. So this was his "other matter" was it? He'd have to have a word when he saw him next. And what's more, he'd only gone and mentioned George! That was meant to be a secret known only to himself and the alpaca farmer out in the country. How on earth...? Yes, well, he would have to have some very strong words indeed.

There were a couple of nights a week where Katie found herself alone in her penthouse suite at The Morrison with nothing but the radio on. Tonight was no different, as she sat in one of the plush lounge chairs over looking the sites and sounds of beautiful Chicago listening to a replay of Captain BubbleBeard's show. Unfortunately she had missed the live show, but it had drawn such a buzz the station was airing it again.

Katie giggled at the first conversation between the Captain and Miss Killer Jane. She enjoyed the advice the St. Louis Mob Boss gave female listeners, nodding her head in agreement. After a few commercials the show continued with an interview with Kimble. Katie felt her city pride kick in. She was glad BubbleBeard cleared up the goat scandal for them all. Katie had been more then a little curious about the rumors.

She found herself immediately eager for the next show after this one had ended. She crossed the spacious room to grab her stationary to write The Captain a message showing her enjoyment and support for the show.

Captain BubbleBeard,

I enjoyed your show very much and cannot wait for your next airing. I've included a bottle of rum with this message. I hope it fits your tastes and delays the famous question of "Why's the rum gone?".

Thank you for the wonderful and insightful entertainment.

XOXO KM

P.S. Don't be surprised if you feel my hands in your pants.