It is early morning, yet a large crowd was already forming on the Moscow beach where the Russian Hot Dog Eating Contest was about to begin.  This same beach had just hosted the Russian Swimming Contest the day prior, a race in which Nikolai_Volkoff had won first prize.  Russian men and women stood along the shoreline and cheered the surfers as more and more people showed up.  Russian movie stars were given VIP seating, along with many members of the Russian Parliament including the main leader of Russia himself.

Nikolai_Volkoff sat between two very popular Russian Competitive Eaters, Vladimir and Miguel.  Trays upon trays of hot dogs were rolled out to the table.  The Russian whistle sounded and the three men began to eat. The crowd cheered as the men devoured the hot dogs.  The whistle blew again, signifying the end of the contest.  Vladimir had already bowed out, feeling ill, leaving just Miguel and Nikolai_Volkoff.  The judges count the hot dogs.

FIRST PLACE WINNER OF RUSSIAN COMPETITIVE EATING CONTEST IS NIKOLAI_VOLKOFF

The judge placed the first place medal around Nikolai_Volkoff's neck.

"What is your secret to success, Nikolai_Volkoff?" asked a reporter for national newspaper, The Russian News.

"I dip hot dog in ice-cold Russian water.  This make the roll not-so-swelled and easier to eat.  Take up less room in stomach

The crowd applauds for Nikolai_Volkoff.  The Russian mob had been watching him closely, and liked what they were seeing.

Nikolai_Volkoff respectfully gives CommissarZverev a deep greeting bow, as is customary in his country.

"If this is about offer to be a part of your writers community, I must kindly decline.  There have been much blood spilled because of the streets recently, and I do not want trouble.  All I wish to do is to tell stories of my home, in Russia. I mean only respect when I tell you this. Thank you for understanding."

"First, I politely decline. Now, I insist.  Answer is still no.  You may be leader of the writer community and streets, but you are not leader of me."

Nikolai_Volkoff, your leader is a great man, a man I am proud to call a friend, and that is the only reason that you are still breathing.

Good with arms you are.  Bad with respect you are also.

Maybe it is you that need lesson in respect.  You wish to do the Russian dance with me? 

Nikolai_Volkoff motions to his army of bodyguards behind him as he steps forward

I can Russian dance better than any man here.

And so can all of my Bodyguards.

CommissarZverev blows smoke from the end of his pistol, and starts to add another notch on it...