A car pulls up.  A drink CommissarZverev steps out, fires his pistol repeatedly in the air, standings on a podium and shouts loudly...

I'm CommissarZverev: Ask Me Anything!!!

That's a wonderful question, Destro_Whelan, and one that I consider to be quite difficult.

I suppose the leadership position that I find myself is in part due to popularity.  So many people come to the Streets to hear me speak, and to interact with me, that one can't help but conclude that I am a leader of sorts.

A distant relative was once nominated Street Orator of the Year.  And, well, it's clearly in the genes.

I speak to my detractors often, and I simply state and re-state that I take serious risks to speak as frankly as I do on these Streets.  And I take it very seriously.  I've had hits placed on me; I've been threatened; I've had my bodyguards murdered.  I take it all very seriously.

And, well, the accusation that I abuse these Streets is absurd.  The Streets were abused through NEGLECT before I came along.

People should thank me.

Commissar, is there any truth to the rumour that you are in fact the father of Destro_Whelan?

Commissar, exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Commissar, is the meaning of Life, the universe and everything really 42?

Commissar, is it true that on the full moon, tiggy strips naked and runs through the HQ singing sea shanties?

Commissar, what is the true relationship between you and the evil twin brother of CoconutRandy, CoconutLarry? Is their any truth to the rumour that you help fund his cookie addiction?

Ragnarok, if I were Godfather Chairman of this thing of ours, I would do the following:

End city takedowns, and instead agree new forms of warfare.  Leave as many people alive as possible  and seek to have them work for the victors.

I'd make the Streets fully safe.  Anything goes except for threats.  At least for Mades towards lower ranks.

I'd make funeral disrespect a capital offence.

I'd made it a requirement for CLs of every Made and above to explain their deaths in the Streets.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing you are the impostor Commissar?

A further question.

Why do you tell such blatant lies? 

For example, you recently claimed that I was the impostor, when it is actually obvious that you are in fact the impostor Commissar. 

I'll happily answer that for the Good Commissar. After all, I tried to make amends to him, I apologised publicly to him, but that wasn't enough, so perhaps if I answer his question it will allow him redress. Why does he tell such blatant lies? Simply put because his whole life requires it. He lies to us, to them, to himself, he even lies about the lies... Proof should proof be needed. 

 I have been taken to task on a number of occasions for transgressions, and I have paid, in rank and in treasure, for those transgressions.  And I don't complain.

Yet every time he has been taken to task for his behaviour, he has complained, and then someone more powerful than he, who scares him has a word in his ear, and he quickly issues a retraction and apologises. In fact in this very statement, in his very next statement, he complained about it all. About being mugged, about being slapped down for shooting Associates, about for being 'forced' to apologise to those he has transgressed against.

I have known the indignities of a beating from a lesser ranked person.  I have had to apologise for things that I didn't feel were particularly wrong.  I've had sit-downs go against me, and had to pay for the privilege of being insulted and threatened.

And this isn't the end of it. In fact many of his lies are so tied up in lies and riddles and enigmas and yet more lies, it can often be hard to even work out what is the truth of the matter.

I bear no ill will.

Yet this is the man who will duel anyone at the drop of a hat, who relishes in his victories, even celebrates them. A man who has decided to ignore every little thing I say, just because I call him out whenever I see him deliberately obfuscate the situation in order to pull the wool over the eyes of the initiated.  However, it wasn't always this way, I once saw a glimmer of redemption in his eyes, and i tried to help him. I tried to offer him advice on how to proceed, on how to rectify issues and barriers that were thrown up in his face. I showed him how my bloodline had dealt successfully with similar issues, and he threw it all back in my face, complained that Cityhall, the powers that be and the very Gods passed a heaver judgement on him than they did me, and therefore i knew not of what I spoke. It was then that I noticed behind that glimmer, the devious squint. The squint of a man who was only out to further his own ends, a man who would stop at nothing and sacrifice everyone around him to attain his goals. Look, look and see the many, many graves that this man has left in his wake, friends cast to the wind, Destro, Kong, Shannon-Whelan, NotoriousBIG, even that guy who ate the muesli, all of them dead and gone, like tears in the rain. He has even denied the existence of his own son, Destro_Whelan, leaving the poor boy to run around like a headless chicken on a search that will only lead him to the wrong conclusion.

I wanted to transform these Streets from a place of quiet into a place of noise.  A busy set of Streets, alive with voices, not all of which would be pleasant.

Yet again, he ignores me, I may not be the loudest voice, I may not be the most eloquent of speakers, its not like I am the Rockfather after all,  but I have a voice, I have an opinion, prick me and do I not bleed? But The Commissar would rather ignore me, perhaps afraid that he can't debate the issues with me, perhaps he's afraid that he can't hold up his actions to the candle of truth without them casting a long and dark shadow. Or perhaps he's simply afraid of turning up unarmed to a battle of wits. I honestly don't know, but how can he claim to want to make the streets a louder, more boisterous place, if he simply ignores one of the most outspoken men on the streets? 

I'm CommissarZverev: Ask Me Anything!!!

Well I asked, and I asked. God knows I asked! but again my words fell on deaf ears. I may as well have asked Tyler Durden could I join his crew, I'd have gotten more of a response. 

Along this journey of mine, I have gathered critics.  Some very vocal.  Others, deathly mute.

I would say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that in all probability, I fall into the first group. I had until recently perhaps, been a little too hard on the Commissar, or so I thought. But whilst researching a case for another client I came across information that suggested that perhaps CommissarZverev was not the bastion of evil, the axis of subterfuge, the pillar of denigration that I and others had first thought of him. Like Shaka, when the walls fell, I was Timba, his flag unfurled, His eyes open! Yes my eyes were finally open... or so I thought. I went to the streets, for that is the place in which I made my accusations, that is the place in which I spoke out against this poor, oft maligned soul, and I offered my sincere and humble apologies. For Christ's sake, I even offered him an olive branch, well a jar of olives, but the act of contrition was clear. But he still ignored me. 

I respect them each and every one.  And I welcome what they have to say.

Except for me Comrade Commissar, except for me. I am your foil, your nemesis, the Devil of our streets that stalks your every move, who watches everything you do, even when you are taking a shit... actually no, especially when you are taking a shit!

So @CommissarVervez, you ask the question, why does he tell such blatant lies? Its simple, he doesn't know anything else, for just like the Scorpion that stung the frog causing them both to drown, its in his nature. The defence rests your Honour.

Prove it, CommissarVerevz?

The truth is, I shot and killed your father, an event i scarcely recall, and you were named after me to try and fit in to a society that you are simply not cut out for.

I'm going to be getting my driver to pick me up in the next hour or so, so if you'd like to ask me anything, now is the time to do so!

Well, then, I'll soon by getting into this here car.  I just need to thank the kind folks who asked me questions: Destro_Whelan, Ragnarok, Neil_Anblomi, and CommissarVerevz

CommissarZverev, so you are clearly ignoring Neil_Anblomi? Proving his point exactly? 

Kuku the troll.