As some of you may know, famous media enterpreneur CoconutRandy was murdered last week by his estranged brother CoconutLarry. The twins - separated at birth - followed disparate paths to fame, fortune and success, with Larry's ultimately leading him back to Randy, whose place in society he usurped in an act of brutal fratricide. It was a legacy that Randy worked hard to achieve and one unfairly taken away, and it is for that reason I - Coconut Primo Carnera, heavyweight boxing champion of the world - challenged Larry to a title fight to avenge my dead friend.

Despite struggling with depth perception on account of his rotten eye, Larry accepted the challenge and faced me in the ring last night in a bout broadcast to thousands of radios around the nation. His maniacal barking and street-dog resilience were a worthy challenge but it did not take long for my impressive physical stature and brute strength to overwhelm him. With a minute remaining in the 2nd round, I swung an uppercut that lopped his head clean off his shoulders. As the referee held my blood-soaked arm up in victory, I could not help but smile, knowing that I had exacted retribution on Randy's killer. 

By the rule of holmgang, I have been declared the owner of all possessions, properties and financial interests belonging to CoconutLarry, namely Coconut Corp and The Coconut Chronicle, which I will be turning into a boxing weekly to cover my various victories and title bouts. 

If you have any questions or sponsorship opportunities to offer, please call the Coconut Corp offices and ask for Coconut Primo Carnera, heavyweight boxing champion of the world.

RIP CoconutRandy and CoconutLarry. 

Thank you. 
 

long live the coconut corp

Thank you for your support, Michael-Corleone. As the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, I do not wish to participate in the day to day running of a conglomerate the size of Coconut Corp and will be interviewing candidates for the CEO role at the soonest possible opportunity, after I have finished beating bags of sand with my hairy fists.