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| WMOB Radio is on the air! | Started by: Mr_47 on Feb 16, '08 23:09 |
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*Chime* The time is now nine 'o clock and WMOB Radio is on the air! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, gather around the radio and tune in to 1669 on your AM dial for WMOB! Stay tuned for The Adventures of Captain Mafia and The Real Deal with Bill McNeal! But first, the news. *Chime* In today's news, New York based businessman Mr_47 has purchased and reopened the studios of WMOB Mafia Radio. WMOB now falls under the banner of 47 Enterprises, makers of various novelty items. WMOB is home to quality programming for the men, women and children of organized crime. Now, a word from our sponsor. 47 Enterprises is proud to present to you our classic line of novelty products! This wonderful assortment includes the classic 47 "Hole in One Novelty Condoms," the "47 Bulletproof Vest," and "47's Bulletproof socks." You'll laugh until you cry when your friends find out that they were using a "Hole in One" condom. And there's nothing funnier than finding out you were wearing a 47 Bulletproof vest. The bulletproof socks are our most bulletproof material. They can repel a .45 calibur shot from point-blank range. However, they do instantly ignite into a blazing ball of flame. You'll love them! And now, The Adventures of Captain Mafia!! Narrator: Who is this man who wears a black trenchcoat, his face covered in bandages? Who is this man that strikes fear into the heart of cops and stool pigeons alike? It's Captain Mafia, with strength and speed far beyond that of mortal men! Yes, Captain Mafia, a man horribly scarred by the same government experiment that gave him his super-abilities! Captain Mafia, who, disguised as mild mannered janitor Tony Macaroni fights for honor, family, and the Mafia way! And now, the exciting origin of Captain Mafia, Part One! Our story begins in the quiet town of Chicago, in a secret government facility, where a group of law enforcers have gathered to meet... Elliott Ness: Gentlemen, I don't have to tell you why we're here. We're losing battles left and right to the mob. We have to put a stop to this once and for all. Matlock: I know it, I know it. This is getting to be a little ridiculous. But, what are we gonna do? Perry Mason: I suggest a plan of strategic indictments, so that we catch each of the families off guard while we incarcerate their leadership. J. Edgar Hoover: Bullshit. Lawyer bullshit. Ness here has a plan. Tell 'em, Ness. Ness: We're going to create the perfect cop. Using technology that we stole from the Germans, we can easily take anyone and make them a crime-fighting machine. We've brought in this bum we found outside to demonstrate. He's too drunk to even know where he is. I'll just open the door on the machine and push him in. *clank* *Hummmmm...* Ness: The machine will now change his molecules to make him the perfect cop! President Roosevelt: This had better work... *Crash! Boom!* Hoover: What the ?!? Ness: The machine, it's malfunctioning! Friday! Pull the plug! Joe Friday: It's too late, we have to get out of here! *BOOM!* President Roosevelt: Well, Ness, that was a fine screw-up. A billion dollars of tax-payer money down the drain. Not to mention the homeless man you just killed, and the secret service agent who didn't get out, either. Clean this up. Make it look like it was their fault. Something. Just fix it. *Helicopter blades* Narrator: Elliott Ness burns the remains of the building to the ground before leaving. Tomorrow's papers will call it "Mafia Arson". But wait! What's this? Inside the rubble, something is moving... Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to the Origin of Captain Mafia!! |
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Incendia tunes his radio to 1669 and listens to the broadcast Hey this is pretty good stuff we got here. Can't wait until the conclusion to Captain Mafia Origins. I wonder if the Bum was TheCaptian. |
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| Reply by: Incendia at Feb 16, '08 23:13 | |
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Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned for "The Real Deal with Bill McNeal." But now, a word from our sponsors. Ladies, have you ever found yourself in need of a large handgun, but found that your purse is too small to accomodate such a large piece? Try Dick Gozinya's .69 Calibur Hot Rod Collapsible Pistol! Small when you need it small and large when you want it large! Wrap your hands around the smooth grip and pull the trigger to release a load bigger than any other handgun on the market. When you need a large piece, look to Dick Gozinya, makers of fine handguns since 1869! |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 17, '08 00:10 | |
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| You do know this game is based on the 30's... Whats the deal with the collapsable Guns and shit. | |
| Reply by: Donnie_Palero at Feb 17, '08 00:55 | |
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47, there must not be a big pool of radio personalities around if Bill McNeal is the best you can find for on air talent. *Turns the dial on his radio, realizing there are no other radio stations. Goes to turn off his radio and the power knob breaks off in his hand. Hears McNeal's voice coming out the speakers. Contemplates suicide.* |
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| Reply by: Henry_Jung at Feb 17, '08 09:05 | |
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Oh heaven forbid a story should be futuristic! Ok guys, no more books on space travel or any of that bollocks because we can't actually do it so Donnie here says we cant do it. Stop being such an idiot and criticising and grow up. If you're wondering why there's no respect in what I'm saying to you, that would be because I have no respect for people like you who just criticise speeches etc etc. for no goddamned reason. |
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| Reply by: Marco at Feb 17, '08 09:13 | |
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| Mr_47...the suspense is killing me! I am salivating while waiting for the next edition of Captain Mafia. By the way, how much are the bulletproof socks? I wanted to get my boss, Altitude, an early birthday present. | |
| Reply by: President_Camacho at Feb 17, '08 14:55 | |
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*spaffs* About time 47! Can i request TeQ's old favourite 'bubbahemion rapsody'? |
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| Reply by: Squire at Feb 17, '08 15:13 | |
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| Oh Squire! I still have a recording of that one somewhere... | |
| Reply by: Margaret_Dobson at Feb 17, '08 16:10 | |
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| Let it shine like a beacon of hope for woodland animals everywhere! | |
| Reply by: Squire at Feb 17, '08 16:49 | |
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*Gong* Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to WMOB Radio. Unfortunately, we've experienced a slight delay in programming due to Bill McNeal going on a bender. We apologize for this delay. Instead of tonight's regularly scheduled program, "The Real Deal With Bill McNeal," we present another episode of "The Adventures of Captain Mafia!" *Gong* Narrator: Who is this man who wears a black trenchcoat, his face covered in bandages? Who is this man that strikes fear into the heart of cops and stool pigeons alike? It's Captain Mafia, with strength and speed far beyond that of mortal men! Yes, Captain Mafia, a man horribly scarred by the same government experiment that gave him his super-abilities! Captain Mafia, who, disguised as mild mannered janitor Tony Macaroni fights for honor, family, and the Mafia way! In our last episode, the nation's top authorities torched an experiment gone awry, along with the test subject, a homeless man! But, in the rubble, something began to stir... A hand reaches out of the ashes and broken electronics. A figure emerges, holding his face. He stumbles away into the night, looking for help. As he does, a second figure crawls out from under the rubble. But for now, let's follow the first figure. He stumbles down an alleyway, until he falls beside a dumpster, unconscious. The sun rises and he awakes. He walks to a nearby shelter, but on the way, catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Homeless man: My face... what did they do to my face? He slams his hand against a brick wall, shattering the brick. Homeless man: What the hell? He looks at his hand. It is unhurt. Confused, he retreats to the alleyway. Homeless man: I'm invincible. And strong? He turns and lifts the gigantic dumpster with ease. Homeless man: I gotta get a drink. He digs through the dumpster to find a bottle of booze, which he gulps down. Homeless man: I can't feel it. I'm not getting drunk! They did this to me! I will have revenge!! He punches the dumpster, crushing it. He walks away, down the alley, to plan his next move. Meanwhile, the other figure has returned to his employer... Secret Service Agent: I have returned, Mr. President. But, I'm different, somehow... President Roosevelt: Son, I don't know how you survived, but your damn badge is branded on your forehead. You'll never be normal again. That damn mafia did this to you. But don't you worry, you'll have your chance to get even... Narrator: Now, a word from our sponsor. If you've been saving those "Hole in One" condom wrappers, send them in for your decoder ring! If you have your decoder ring already, here's today's code! 555-5555! This code will unlock a secret function for your ring. Wait... make sure the ring isn't on your finger, it turns the ring into a cigar cutter... Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion to THE ORIGIN OF CAPTAIN MAFIA!!! |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 17, '08 23:34 | |
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*Clang* And now, another exciting episode of The Adventures of Captain Mafia! Narrator: Who is this man who wears a black trenchcoat, his face covered in bandages? Who is this man that strikes fear into the heart of cops and stool pigeons alike? It's Captain Mafia, with strength and speed far beyond that of mortal men! Yes, Captain Mafia, a man horribly scarred by the same government experiment that gave him his super-abilities! Captain Mafia, who, disguised as mild mannered janitor Tony Macaroni fights for honor, family, and the Mafia way! Narrator: When we last left our hero, he had been badly scarred and was looking for answers. He eventually collapses in the doorway of Mikey Macaroni, son of the current Don of Chicago. Mikey: What the hell? Someone has hurt this man! This chiseled, muscular man! Frankie, Tommy, get over here and bring him in. This guy needs some help. Narrator: Mikey bandages the bum's burned face. He sends his men to go buy the man some clothes. Eventually, the bum wakes up... Bum: Where am I? Mikey: You, sir, are in the home of Mikey Macaroni, son of Don Antonio Macaroni, Don of Chicago. Also, the most fabulous son of a Don in the western hemisphere, if I do say so myself. Bum: What am I doing here? Mikey: Well, when I saw such a spectacular specimen such as yourself, injured in my doorway, I just had to take you in to help you recover. Bum: I'm straight. Mikey: It figures, all the good ones are. Oh well. Regardless, I bandaged your face, god knows you needed it, and I got you some clothes. I thought you might want to lay low while being oh so fashionable, so I chose this lovely black ensemble, with a black trench coat and hat. Incidentally, who did this to you? Bum: I remember seeing a cop... and the president... Mikey: Bastards, all of them. They're always on my daddy's case, trying to put him in jail. *Ring... ring...* Mikey: That's my phone. I'll be right back, you get dressed. Or not, you know, whatever. Narrator: As our hero gets dressed, Mikey gets a disturbing call and returns shaking. Mikey: My father is dead. That makes me the Don. Me. Mikey the Fairy. The cops killed him, in cold blood. Shot him in the street. Planted a gun on him. Bastards! Narrator: The bum slams his fist on a nightstand, in frustration. The nightstand shatters with the force of the blow. Mikey: Shit! That was early craftsman, wait a second, you're so strong... you can help me! We can both get even with the cops! Bum: They made me invincible. I'm strong, fast, and I can't get drunk anymore. I hate them so much... Mikey: You just need a name... ok, here it goes. You're the first person who hasn't made fun of me, so you're my new brother. I'll name you after my dad. Tony Macaroni. That's you. But, you need another name to fight the cops... what about DarkMan? Bum: Um, try again. Mikey: Captain Mafia? Bum: I like it. Captain Mafia. I'm going to need some guns, Mikey. Lots of guns. Narrator: Thus begins Captain Mafia's fight against the evil forces of the law! Brought to you by Saint 47's First United Church of Inebriation, in New Orleans. Get drunk, as the Lord intended. Tune in next time, as we rejoin Captain Mafia and the other survivor of the explosion that gave him his powers... |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 18, '08 16:05 | |
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| Hello, again, ladies and gangsters. It's me, your old buddy 47 here to tell you about radio advertising. The radio is the up and coming thing. It's the wave of the future, folks. Hear me now and believe me later, radio is going to be huge. It will crush newspaper in the future. So now is your chance to advertise your business here, on WMOB. And the best part? It's free. That's right, here at 47 Enterprises, we have no business skills whatsoever, so we just give air time away. Radio advertising is therefore cheaper and thereby more cost effective than newspaper. Radio advertising, here on WMOB. | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 19, '08 13:01 | |
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*Morse code machine noise* We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for breaking news. The quiet of the streets was shattered today as what can only be described as a massacre wiped out several high ranking mafioso. Among the dead are TheCaptain, known for his style of speaking in the third person, and his captain, NWA_GANGSTA. Let's go to our reporter on the scene, Bill_McNeal. Bill? *Bullet noise* Bill: Damn! That one was close. It's a fucking war zone down here, 47! Why did you send me here? Bastard! Just describe what you're seeing for our listeners. Bill: I can't see shit! We can't figure out where the shooting is coming from, or who's doing it. All we know is that TheCaptain, NWA_GANGSTA, Ultimate, and several others are confirmed dead. People are still dying here, but we still don't know who's shooting. Shit, 47! I'm getting the hell out of here. You don't pay me enough to be here. Cheapass. Thanks for that report, Bill. Stay tuned to WMOB for the latest news on the deaths of several high ranking mafioso. |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Feb 20, '08 16:50 | |
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