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| The Informer, Volume 1 Issue 3 | Started by: Orwell on Feb 17, '08 19:23 |
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THE INFORMER The only periodical by the people, FOR THE PEOPLE. Contents: A Few Words from the Team The Valentines Day Massacre Re-enactment Paranoid Plebians? The Mugging Game The Other Side of the Fence Aunt Madge's Bleeding Heart From 'The Informer' Kitchen A Few Words from the Team Welcome to our first Sunday edition, readers! Our condolences go out this week to RileyFreeman, former Editor of the Tribune. It's true what they say though: when God closes a door, he opens a window; and so we welcome the new Tribune Editor Mary Livermore and which her every success for the future. Enjoy! The Informer Team Disclaimer: All interviews in The Informer are published unedited and uncut. The Valentines Day Massacre Re-enactment By: Serafina Pekkala This year saw yet another re-enactment of the fabled Valentines Day Massacre that many of our ancestors were a part of or at least heard about. Many years ago in the old world there was a day of rampant bloodshed, the motto of the day was "There can be only one." That one was a chap named Sam The American Eagle. Out of respect for this day I will share with you an old article that has been passed down to me by a dear friend, but not right now. This year's competition happened in two parts, most of which was your typical wackfest. The crowds were pleased and jovial. It may not read like a sports report but here are the results: During round one Leonardo and JohnnyTightlips tied for third place, YeahYeah took second, and killing his way to first was PaulieFerizzi. During round two JackCook slaughtered his way to third place, TheLastOfTheBanditos shot his way to second, and google took the crown that went to first place. And now to the memories... (Originally printed February 14, '03 by Mother) VALENTINES DAY MASSACRE The community is still reeling and rebuilding from what will go down in history as the bloodiest day our society has ever faced. The streets ran red with blood, people gunned each other down in a killing frenzy and even the little old ladies went armed for any foolish enough to try and steal a purse. Only one man came out the other side of the massacre virtually unscathed. SamTheAmericanEagle is now a Don in our community, the highest rank anyone has ever achieved. He was awarded this rank for surviving while all others around him fell. It is a tribute to his level-headedness that he was given this great honour, and he seems not to be taking it lightly, gathering a crew about him of people he knows he can trust from the descendants of some of the great people of our community. Everyone was killing in the streets, no one was spared in the holocaust. All previous wars, feuds and massacres paled into insignificance with the extent of this murder and mayhem. Some people turned into killing machines, while others were gunned down as they stood in confusion, trying to work out what was happening in our community. Young and old alike were killed, The_Eternal-, the first Boss in our community was one of the first casualties, all respect for rank went out the window and bosses, Capos, Gangsters and Thugs all died together, one after the other. The gunshots only died down after several hours leaving one man to survey the bodies and spent bullets littering the streets. Even the Administration suffered casualties, with tONYB being almost fatally wounded, but fortunately he survived with swift surgery. He was feared dead at one point, but was revived with swift action from a passing off-duty nurse, who got his heart restarted and plugged his wounds to limit the blood loss. He has since taken a few days away from his Administrative duties to relax and recover. Prayers are still being said throughout the 5 cities for the dead, and candles burn in profusion in the churches for all the fallen. We will never forget the fallen ones, and hope that people can perhaps come out of the massacre learning respect and civilised behaviour, but it looks as though people are still scrawling graffiti on the walls of the streets. The people have all changed, but a lot of the attitudes remain the same. There are lessons to be learned from the massacre, and we hope that people will see them and learn them. Paranoid Plebians? By Orwell The dust has settled once more after the latest mob conflict to rage through our streets, and many assume the fall of Witchy and her Meggio compares will mark the beginning of a prolonged period of peace and profitability for all. The events of the 13th of February as well as the following morning were instigated by a1Capon3 of Chicago, Altitude as well as Cab_Tufting of Philadelphia and PrinceofCheese of New York; and due to the CP connections of all these families, the takedown has stirred a reaction from much of La Cosa Nostra. Though the speeches succeeding a war have always been regarded as commonplace, the rhetoric from the sons and daughters seems to be spoke in a more urgent manner than we've seen in a long time. There's always been a minority that feel inexplicably wronged by the actions which occur in a war, and whilst it's still a minority, it seems to be an increasing minority, if what I've heard on the streets and indeed in the coffee shops are anything to go by. Whilst it's my job to be as impartial as possible as I can be on these pages, I can't help but notice paranoia is becoming more commonplace than ever before. In every era of La Cosa Nostra, there has been a dominant faction; it is a trait of human nature that we will never see through a communist existence, however much it is desired. As a community, we have survived the dominance of Amber, UN, Librizzi and so many more. What is so different about our current situation that will result in our thing collapsing upon itself under CP rule? And I use that term lightly, Two bosses without CP connections surely can't be brushed aside; and CP leader PrinceofCheese authing a non-CP Captain under him in New York certainly doesn't suggest the birth of an oligarchic reign to me. Perhaps I have sub consciously donned the rose tinted spectacles recently, but in the ascensions of the powerhouses in times gone by, I certainly don't remember such a widespread feeling of panic sweeping the nation. Normally, I would suggest that we as a community have shifted our beliefs and expectations somewhat; but even the comparatively recent reign of Oliver_McTavish and his Badasses didn't spawn such a degree of fear and paranoia. CP are not without fault of course, 2 wars in as many weeks have rocked the foundations of La Cosa Nostra, no matter how sound the reasoning; but I truly fail to see why CP are being pilloried to the extent that they are; every historic tale I tell and every principle I preach display an opinion contrary to that which is the focus of my ranting. Write to The Informer people, I truly yearn to get to the bottom of this situation. The Mugging Game By: Serafina Pekkala What has the world become when beating each other and stealing hard earned cash is the new fad? Would you normally walk over to a fellow family member and bop them on the head with a shoe for... Nevermind, bad analogy. Would you go up to a superior in your family and beat them up for their money? Would they welcome this? Mugging has become a game within our world when it is an attack. It is a personal attack on oneself. You are beat up. Your money is stolen. It's not something to welcome or do for shits and giggles. It's something you do to inflict pain. It's something you do to send someone to the hospital so they cannot fly during a war. Mugging isn't supposed to be a game. Mugging is supposed to be a physical beat down. Mugging is robbery. So why do so many people think it's a game? Simple. They are idiots. When I asked a random member of our community what their take on using an attack for shits and giggles this is what I was greeted with:
Does this sound like it's another crime to earn cash with? Not according to Squishy it doesn't:
Nowhere there does he say that the attacker will tickle you to until you pee yourself and hand over your money freely and with a smile. Moral of the story: If you see someone that has been forced to wear a "Do not mug me" tag, don't mug them. Don't anger them. Chances are you're going to end up dead. To some mugging is not a game. The Other Side of the Fence By ZeeDrunk This week, our top investigative reporter ZeeDrunk was able to catch up with Altitude's earner Carr_Finnegan regarding his honest appraisable of the current Rags. ZeeDrunk: First off, maybe a quick summary on your thoughts on the local papers? Carr_Finnegan: I would have to ask you to first clarify what you mean by local papers. ZeeDrunk: The Tribune, The Informer. Carr_Finnegan: I think both The Tribune and The Informer are in a transitional state. The former is undergoing staffing changes and the latter has just begun to publish issues. Because of this, I feel like both are still susceptible to influences from the general public—that is, known and rumoured associates of the criminal organisations to whom they sell their product. I felt it was the perfect opportunity to express my concerns about the media. I disagree with choosing to publish the happenings of the criminal underworld for the greater public to read. Not everything that is published ought to be published, as much of what happens should remain the exclusive knowledge of family heads and their close circles. I think the newspapers could cover the same events much more vaguely, but without seeking an absolute truth. ZeeDrunk: Do you expect anything will change by your recommendations? Carr_Finnegan: I'd like to think so, but I doubt one no-name associate out of Philly will have much of an effect on anything. Still, I didn't expect anything to change—I merely wanted to express an opinion of mine. I would like to think that I've persuaded others (however few in number) to a similar mindset, as I believe there is a lot of truth to what I'm saying. Will I be upset if nothing comes of it? Absolutely not. ZeeDrunk: Do you believe there are any glaring issues in either of the major papers? Carr_Finnegan: With regards to what I've been saying or in general? ZeeDrunk: Whatever you haven't covered. Carr_Finnegan: To be clear, I'm not looking to point out the flaws of either publication. I don't have a preference between the two and from the speeches I've listened to, there has already been plenty said on the inadequacies of one or the other. My own personal gripe, though, is that reporters insist on getting to the bottom of any given scenario. I feel like much of what goes on in the criminal underworld ought to be kept private and left up to speculation. I like rumours and whispers and wonderings. I wouldn't want just anyone to be able to pick up the paper and know about every shot fired by my boss. Some information isn't meant to be spread like a disease. ZeeDrunk: Get to the bottom of any given scenario, isn't that what reporters do? Carr_Finnegan: Reporters work with what facts they have in order to present the news to their audience. I don't think certain facts should be made available. Even more, it seems odd to me that reporters are so comfortable amongst gangsters and criminals. If The Informer is a newspaper written by criminals, for criminals, then that's one thing, but a civilian reporter to poke his nose in the affairs of the Mafia is something else altogether. Even for criminal reporters, they ought to remain respectful and be careful of overstepping their boundaries when approaching family heads. ZeeDrunk: Ah, yes, but if such reporters like myself were to overstep their bounds with the family leaders, wouldn't the family leaders just not respond if they felt they were being attacked in any way? Carr_Finnegan: They have every right to do so, yes. I'd also think they have every right to respond in another form—that is, by means of a bullet. At the same time, people have expectations for the leaders of this world to speak openly about any given subject. I don't agree with this belief, but I get the impression that it's a deeply-rooted conviction. ZeeDrunk: There are not many other things going on in this world, if not the details of all of the families, what will they write? Carr_Finnegan: I honestly don't care about the livelihood of reporters—no offence meant, sir. If I knew how to best go about publishing a newspaper, I'd already be doing so. Newspapers ought to be able to find stories out of everyday occurances, though. I thought it would be interesting to have the two newspapers of this world—The Tribune and The Informer—each present the news from a different perspective. The Tribune could present the news on a much broader sense, while The Informer got the inside scoop to be circulated solely in the underworld. This would perhaps accomodate the more critical of the criminal world while allowing those insistant upon having a newspaper happy. ZeeDrunk: I see almost naught of an article on the families in the Tribune, and the Informer is as you said, have you read the latest copies of both of these? Carr_Finnegan: Yes, I have. ZeeDrunk: And would you admit that these latest papers are as you figure yourself they should be, by your previous example? Carr_Finnegan: In the sense that The Tribune did not go as in-depth as The Informer did, sure, but I still think a lot more could be done with both publication. Also, I don't think using the final issue of The Tribune for this example does much for your argument. Neither of us know how the new Tribune will be run. However, and I apologise for using the same example, it seems odd to me that both publications would interview a crew leader so casually. ZeeDrunk: How can you argue about the future... anyways, one last thing, anything you want to say to the Informer or its readers? Carr_Finnegan: Despite being exceedingly particular about the state of the newspapers, I have thoroughly enjoyed the past two installments of The Informer. I look forward to reading the next edition and hope you all will continue to publish them. Aunt Madge's Bleeding Heart By: Aunt Madge Dear Aunt Madge, I was polishing my rifle last night when it accidentally went off and ruined my best cleaning rag. What should I do? Frustrated in Philadelphia. Dear Frustrated, Wow, did you make sure you didn't use too much gun oil? Too much lubrication can cause your hand to slip thus causing your rag to touch the sensitive trigger and cause it to eject the projectile prematurely. I suggest you cut down on the oil, get a new rag, and use a slower motion as to not accidentally pull the trigger. If that doesn't work, don't stroke your pistol while it is loaded! With Love, Aunt Madge ~~**~~ Dear Aunt Madge, How do I tell if it is love I am feeling for this girl I have never met face to face. Am I lusting or what? Thanks, Tired of the Palm Sisters Dear Wankmaster, How do you know this girl you have never met? Was she your pen pal when you were in jail being Bubba's bitch? Love is something that is nurtured and grows with time. Love is something that you feel towards your right hand when your left is just not up to it. I think what you are feeling is curiosity, like you did that first time in the showers with Bubba and Jimbo after being put away for murder. Take your time, make sure you've studied "educational" movies so you don't disappoint her the first time. Virginity is not something you want to throw away when the first female that meets you doesn't point and laugh. Good luck! With Love, Aunt Madge From The Informer Kitchen By: Serafina Pekkala Ingredients 4 boneless chicken breast halves 1/2 teaspoon chili powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper 3 tablespoons olive oil 3 tablespoons butter 4 tablespoons oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes 1/2 cup chicken broth 1 cup heavy cream 2 tablespoons capers 1/2 cup canned artichokes, sliced 1 pound angel hair pasta 10 ounces fresh spinach, chopped Instructions: Pound the chicken breasts between sheets of wax paper until about 1/4-inch thick using the butt of your gun or the bottle of Canadian rye you keep in your desk drawer. Sprinkle the chicken with the chili powder, salt, and pepper. In a large skillet, heat the oil with the butter over medium heat. Add the chicken, and cook for about 8 minutes, turning once, until the center is cooked. Remove the chicken from the skillet, and keep it in a warm oven. Slice the sun-dried tomatoes into very thin pieces. Use a sharp fillet knife for this not the knife you used to slit Uncle Vinny's throat. Pour the broth into the skillet, and add the sun-dried tomatoes. Cook for about 3 minutes, until the liquid is slightly reduced and resembling coagulated blood in the Streets after a war. Start heating the water to cook the pasta at this time. Add the cream to the broth mixture, and cook for 3 to 4 minutes, until thickened. Add the capers and artichokes. Cook until heated through. Cook the pasta according to package instructions while the sauce is heating. Drain. Place a serving of pasta on each plate. Top the with about 1/3 cup of the chopped spinach. Slice the chicken into strips, and place it on the spinach. Ladle the sauce over all, and serve immediately. |
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Marco folds up his paper and smiles. Another good release from The Informer! The Tribune has been set high standards to meet by this paper. I can hardly wait to see Miss Livermore's first release as editor of the Tribune. |
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| Reply by: Marco at Feb 18, '08 07:38 | |
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Good work fellas, I enjoyed reminiscing about the original VDay. Thanks. |
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| Reply by: Turk at Feb 18, '08 07:59 | |
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| A recycled article for V-Day? I enjoyed the paper, but that's just a little troubling. | |
| Reply by: Omar at Feb 18, '08 12:23 | |
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Why troubling Omar? Full credit was given to the original author, and what's a trip down memory lane once in a blue moon? |
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| Reply by: Orwell at Feb 18, '08 13:47 | |
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Rolls up the paper and throws it into the recycling.. Great read, a little bit of anecdotal satire always goes down well after a hard day in the office. Props guys. I am looking forward to the next installment with baited breath. |
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| Reply by: Cab_Tufting at Feb 18, '08 14:00 | |
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The community always goes down memory lane.. :) I would just like to see a fresh approach on the V-Day slaughter. |
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| Reply by: Omar at Feb 18, '08 14:02 | |
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| Kick ass issue, you guys rock! haha | |
| Reply by: Riley__ at Feb 18, '08 14:16 | |
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| this keeps going better and better, nice issue. | |
| Reply by: The_Scandinavian at Feb 18, '08 15:33 | |
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