Politicians! Who doesn’t hate them? They’re all a bunch of annoying pencil suckers that can make our life unnecessary difficult. That’s why it’s important to own them before starting up business that can be effected by them. Doesn’t even matter if the business is legal or not, in the blink of an eye they can make thing illegal. Our precious and delicious alcohol being the best example of the lot! So here’s 5 tips for you, how you can get them under your thumb and make them dance they way that works for you.

If you have an additional suggestion, after I’ve finished, please feel free to share you methods! We’re all in this together after all.

1. Intimidate them
Very simple. Do what you’re good at! Threaten them with violence. Abuse is always a good idea! Well that is if you can actually follow up on your threats AND they know you can. Good ways to intimidate them directly are to let them know you happily break every bone in their body if they don’t do exactly what you want. You can consider breaking a finger or two if you feel they’re not taking you seriously. Another clear warning could be slashing their tires or shooting up their home.

2. Intimidate their family
Some miserable pricks don’t give a fuck about themselves or will play the “tough” guy. They will often see sense if you inform them you know all about their family and their pets. Bring the wife a visit whilst she’s getting her nails done or take their kids out to the park for an ice cream. The kids will love it!

3. Get dirt on them
Everyone is dirty, it’s just a matter of digging up the dirt! A great start is getting a goomba to shadow them for a bit. Perhaps they have a mistress, gambling problem or they’re already in the pocket of someone else. What ever it is, you can use it to your advantage. And if it’s a pricey kind of dirt then….

4. Buy them!
Everyone loves money. Especially mobsters and politicians. Time to put the violence aside and put a coin in their pocket. The second they accept any kind of “gift” from you, they’re in your pocket! They can’t afford that news becoming public after all.

5. Get them dirty!
Hire a high end prostitute and have her seduce him. Tell her she can do what ever nasty things she feels good with, as long as it’s in front of a window where your associate will be taking pictures. The nastier, the better. I’m sure the politician doesn’t want his wife, kids or boss see those shots!

Got a suggestion yourself? I’m all ears!

Radicalism is not the answer. Besides we have a President who is not a politician.

If you want your politicians to do their job, you blow their phones off the hook. Insist they do what they campaigned on. It's that easy. If they don't, they are part of the swamp.

Hilarious, except we don't want politicians to do THEIR job. We want them to do the job we tell them to do.