His father was a wealthy man during the time of his life, in fact, he was considered one of the most powerful men in all of America for at least two years in a row in the early 1900s. Which is why Figment was able to afford such a life of luxury for a time and is what set him off to a path of illegal enlightenment when all of the cash dried up and people stopped hanging around with him as much as before; before all of this happened, however, the young dapper maverick himself was left with an entire warehouse filled with cabinets of every shape and size, his father inherited them from one of his clients, Big Joe the Warehouse King, who had died a few years before Figment was even born. 

"So how many are there, exactly? Forty hundred? What?! Thousand? How am I going to sell that many fucking cabinets?"

After a short argument with his money wizard, Pieter, it was decided that Figment would open up the largest cabinet store on this side of the Mississippi in Detroit itself. It would be a good place to launder money, at the very least, as these were expensive pieces of fine wooden craftsmanship, and the building he had bought for the occasion was large enough to host a wide variety of illegal funds in the back rooms-- which is where he decided to put a few slot machines.

Doing some renovations?! Need new cabinets?

Big Ole Cabinets has got you covered!

Wooden cabinets!

Metal cabinets!

Oak! Maple! Hiiiiickory! These are types of trees!

We cut them down and turn them into, yeah! You guessed it! CABINETS!

WOW!!!

Come on over and buy yourself a new pair of big ole cabinets TODAY!

Found in the heart of Bricktown. Just off of I-75! Drive straight towards the giant neon lights, they can be seen from OUTER SPACE!!!

The man he paid handsomely to shout this on every Detroit city street could be found holding a giant Big Ole Cabinets sign and helped to drive in as much traffic as possible. Once you made it to the shop itself, one of the first things you would notice is the smiling face of Figment behind the counter always waiting to sell you a brand spanking new cabinet-- because while he was in the mafia-- his one true love had always been trying to sell things to people, he was a real natural. 

Uttering the phrase Could you spare a dime? was how you were given the directions to the slot machines which had a very fair payout ratio, or if you had enough clout you would know exactly where to find it, tucked behind a lovely display of neon green cabinets that no one would dare want to buy was a door that leads directly into the hidden room.

 "All types of slots are back here, so enjoy yourself and why not buy a brand spanking new line of cabinets with your winnings? All cabinets are 30% off to people who win the slots jackpot!"

Finally it was time for the Grand Opening and surely many people would burst through those doors any second now!

It was the end of days...

Nothing would save us...

Everything was slashed...

"Down to 90% off! Come on over to Big Ole Cabinets and get your cabinets for such wild prices you'd think I was suffering from a brain aneurysm! Wow! These bad boys are jumping off the shelves! Hahahahahahaha. Seriously, not a single fucking cabinet has been sold so please for the love of everything holy just come get one. I'll even install it for free. Please."

His throat cracked on the final plea. Who would have known that selling cabinets wouldn't be the type of investment that people in the mafia would be interested in? Which would explain why no one had come around. Even the slots weren't getting much playing time, as only his grandmother would come over and run a few using his money which as you'd expect was quite unprofitable. 

Making his way outside into the cold once more, he began shouting at the top of his lungs the same promotion he had been doing on the hour each and every hour; all that he could hope was that finally someone would hear and come check out the area. His cold breath danced around with every exhale as he stood there completely defeated, but that's when something clicked inside of his head and a metaphorical bulb appeared above him in full powerful display.

"A sign!" 

Using all of his newfound knowledge on art that he had gained from his short stint at the institute, Figment worked hard for hours on what would be the saving grace of his business. Glue, tape, rope, and even some glitter were all utilized in the making of his newest performance piece that would double as a sign to bring in the customers; it was almost too genius to work... but work it shall, it had to. He had placed almost 80% of his Winery cash on this place and he refused to let it die without a fight. Finally, after what felt like an entire weekend, it was finished and ready to display to the world. 

Come See Cabinets Also Slosts!!!

"Ahh, perfection.", placing the sign just outside of the giant warehouse he knew that within moments it would bring in many new customers, and so Figment went back inside and waited for the large influx. He would be ready, he was born for this...

Imelda is aimlessly wandering around staring blankly at cabinets when she is approached by Figment . "OH NO!" She thought to herself. "If he tries to sell me something I will bop his nose" Imelda liked to browse alone but since she had known Figment a long time, she knew she would have to endure his awfully embarrassing sales pitch. 

Seeing a potential client caused Figment's eyes to light up for a moment as he grabbed his handy nearby saw and zoomed over to one of the cabinets nearby-- it only took but a second for him to cut off a piece of the wood with such precision and grace you'd believe he had been a woodcutter his entire life and with that, he brought it over to Imelda and placed it directly into her hands. 

"Now look at this wonderful grain, it's the top of its glass in cabinetry! Who wouldn't want such a thing? Well, you can't have that one because I've cut it all up, but the others like it, I mean."

With a flashy smile, he waited to see if he had made his very first sale.

Imelda snarled at Figment then glances at the cabinets around them. Knowing she didn't really need one and how was she going to get it from Detroit to LA was another mystery.  

"If you can get that bold tacky looking thing to LA, I'll have it." 

Was she out of her mind or was she being sympathetic...who knows. Either way she was ending up with a fixed up cabinet whether she liked it or not. 

Upon realizing that he had finally sold one of his cabinets there was a short internal celebration, but he could not let the buyer see him in such a vulnerable state so without as much as a smile he waltzed over to the nice dark brown collection of oaky goodness and slapped a bright red SOLD sticker onto it. 

"That will be $3900, this is high-quality stuff, you see? I foraged for this wood in the great forests of Madagascar and as such, there is an expected mark up."

Slapping the piece to show off its sturdiness he whistles and two men rush onto the scene from deep within the building. Both of them look to be rather muscular but small to the point where the muscles almost look off-putting and fake, the oils don't seem to help as they really accentuate their rippling bodies. Figment doesn't say a single word, but rather points to the sticker and with that both of the men nod and slowly lift the entire cabinet above their heads and carry it outside to a small truck bed.

"From Detroit to Los Angeles is quite the ride...", trying to do the math in his head he comes to the realization that with hiring a plane to fly this out he will end up losing money on his first every sale. With a frown, the young maverick and entrepreneur keeps his head up and holds a blender up to Imelda.

"For only $2000 extra, this five-in-one do-it-all automatic brand new state-of-the-art blender is yours! Make malts, make shakes, make malted shakes! The world is your oyster with this machine!"

Trying to salvage what was quickly becoming a failure of a business, Figment put on his finest smile and waited for a response.

While he waited for Imelda to answer his proposition for the blender-matic there was a pressing matter that cropped up and needed attending that one of his finest workers rushed to his attention. Whispering into Figment's ear for what seemed to be a full minute, his eyes did this wonky movement that kind of looked like he was about to pass out and the brows above them shuffled and kerfuffled to such a level that one might assume a stroke of some sort had befallen him; however once the man stepped away and stopped whispering, Figment was able to regain his composure fully and smile as if nothing had just happened. 

Turning away from Imelda for just a second and then looking back at her with the blender still in hand a grim look befell his face as he set down the machine in front of her. Sticking out a finger as if to signify that she wait one minute he rushed after the worker who had just left shortly before and screaming could be heard through every facet of the establishment in what was most assuredly Figment's beautiful voice, particularly his falsetto.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE CABINETS ARE MISSING!? THIS STORE IS ALL ABOUT CABINETS? GO FUCKING FIND THEM! NO. NO. HOW CAN FORTY THOUSAND CABINETS GO MISSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING?" 

While the argument raged on Imelda stood there without a single care in the world. She ignored the blender and his wonderful sales pitch and continued looking forward without any movement whatsoever, it was almost uncanny in a frightening way. Yet the employee of the month six months consecutive would not allow this or the missing cabinets to get to him; affixing the most stoic look onto his face that he could muster he walked back over to the woman with the worker's nametag grasped tightly in his fist and a smattering of blood on his brand new suit.

"Sorry about that, Miss. So... about that blender? Please. You've gotta buy it. I'm going crazy over here."

It smacked a bit of desperation and wasn't the best pitch he'd ever given to a customer but it was all that he could manage at the moment with everything going on. Apparently, Big Joe the Warehouse King had a son, Little Joseph, who had come in with a vengeance and cleared out the entire store of its stock.

There was nothing left. 

Closed - Big Ole Cabinets

The store had been closed and deemed a failure and only one cabinet had ever technically been sold at all. Yet there was still hope for the entrepreneur, one last effort! He had plenty of slot machines and the ability and influence to get himself a license for gambling, perhaps he didn't need to go the illegal route with this one at all? Or at least not fully. 

Could this be his big chance to get into the limelight and open a casino? Probably not, but for now, this was the only bit of hope that he had going for him. 

COMING SOON... Maybe???

Presented with a rather shameful looking blender, Imelda giggled. This guy was really trying and who was she to burst his bubble. She takes the blender and looks a little closer and then looks at Figment "Well, it looks legit. I'll take it." She places it next to her cabinet in the delivery room. 

Upon walking back into the store room with Figment, they notice all of the cabinets gone. They both look around puzzled. They look at each other then at the people in the room.  Just then they hear doors slam  closed and screeching. It's clear they had been stolen and someone in the room was the culprit. 

Imelda whips out her pistol and points it as the two suspects. Looking at their name tags, she starts shouting.. "SUSAN, KAREN.. WHICH OF YOU STOLE THE CABINETS OR MAYBE IT WAS BOTH." 

Imelda walks over and places the pistol on the tip of their nose in turn. "Own up now and no one gets hurt" Neither would say a word so Imelda lost her cool and pulled the trigger.  BANG! 

The bullet had exploded Susan's face into pieces, blood splattered all over her, Karen, Figment and the floor. "Karen, get the cleaning equipment and get to work." Imelda shouted frantically. Karen rushed off to a random cupboard situated under the stairs. Figment was stunned so Imelda slapped his face. "Come on, we got a dead body to get rid of." 

Not completely sure what had just happened as he was outside placing the Closed banner up, Figment arrived back into the building with blood getting all over his brand new snap-in tiles. In an attempt to salvage the paneling he quickly grabbed up the body and walked it outside onto the cold pavement-- winter was in full swing and he could feel it in his bones, or maybe that was the fact that he was staring into the eyes of a still warm dead body.

"Why'd you do that? I already know who took my damned cabinets. What is it with you criminal types and always shooting? It's so hard to be an entrepreneur these days."

Mumbling a bit more to himself, he gives Imelda a cold stare and thinks on what to do next. 

"I have an alligator farm in Los Angeles. I guess I'll have to go find a butcher to deal with the parts and then you can stow away the pieces on your luggage. You started this. You have to end it. Go feed my little dinos."

Handing her a slip of paper with all of the information on it, Figment's eyes glazed over a bit at the entire pickle he had found himself now in. Sighing, the cold air made his breath visible with filled him with amusement for a few moments as he began to inhale and exhale loudly in front of the dead body and Imelda. 

"Oh, sorry. Get to work!"

There it stood, the Cabinet store that no longer housed any sort of Cabinets. It felt like only yesterday when he had heard stories of his family's massive fortune in buying and selling used cabinetry which apparently had been massively overstated. Taking a few deep breathes he delved into the newly abandoned gigantic warehouse; blood splatter still lined the floors of the establishment and outside of a few oversized signs which read things like "DEEL" and "GET CABINET NOW! 80% OFF!" There wasn't much in the ways of anything else, but Sisyphus knew that somewhere inside of here lay a fortune of vast wealth.

When he was a boy he heard stories of a small slip of paper that held the rights to every one of Figment's old businesses and those had amassed quite a bit of money since his passing. The winery was now used as a farm that would bring in tens of thousands to whoever held ownership of the property and his Alligator Farm and Petting Zoo now sold Alligator meat at discount prices to all of the folks in the great(ish) State of California. 

"Hmm what is this...", Sisyphus thought aloud as he usually did when he was alone and attempted to make his ascension into the back of the business by climbing on what looked to be an odd pipe. When his feet planted on it in a certain way and the snapping sound was heard, he knew that he had made a mistake.

Hssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Before he could even think about what the sound way, flames began to lick at his feet. Jumping at least ten feet into the air, he rushed out of the building as quickly as he came. The fire now spreading throughout the entire establishment and sending it all into a fury of bright red which albeit pretty, was probably not a good thing.

Sadly, the riches would not be his for the taking and Big Ole Cabinets was officially Closed for Business.

In the fire there was a rebirth of sorts, a small body wriggled itself from underneath the now charred business. The only cabinet left stood in front of him as if a beacon to come forth and Orko felt as if he had to obey, which is why while fighting all of his natural instincts he continued towards the looming wooden creation. On it was written an epitaph of sorts, but he couldn't make out the words; all that could be understood from the scriggling lines were a couple of names which he understood to be ancestors. 

"What must be done..."

"I don't know..."

"Where must I go?"

"Who

must

go?"

The gibberish in his head would only give him very short reprives, but never long enough for him to get a real grasp on what was going on. Yet that did not stop him from continuing forward and stepping into the cabinet, its mouth opened wide for him as if ready to receive his graces, and while this wasn't the most practical thing that the man could do at this moment, it was what felt right. He and the cabinet morphing as one globular creature, his arms spewing from the sides of the perfect oak wood and his little robed head poking from up top. Gigantic now, Orko could see everything inside of his mind.

It was terrifying. It was beautiful. All at once every feeling he had ever felt in this life was screaming out at once in what could only be described as an orgasmic experience. 

"What's that thing doing to that cabinet?"

"I don't know, but we're just here to assess damages. Not deal with whatever this is."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Just let him sleep it off. It'll be fine. Not our job, the police will handle it."

Orko's eyes opened from the loud conversation two men had just had only inches away from him. He was dirty and laying in a mostly destroyed box of wood. Perhaps he didn't open his mind's eye after all, but what was he doing here? Where was he from? He couldn't remember a single thing outside of his name. This would require some investigation, but first, he'd need to stop off and get something to eat and drink; it had been a few days at least since he last put anything outside of drugs into his system and that couldn't be good for anything, even whatever he was.

Hopping away from the remnants of the old cabinet he had been calling a bed for the past few hours, Orko was ready to begin his day and perhaps even become a bit of a junior detective in the process. He would need to figure out exactly who he was and what he was here for, which all things considered wouldn't be the simplest of tasks.

The major question he had to ask himself was, where to first?

Imelda stands outside the shop that sold her the old cabinets now in her house back in LA. She looks down to the floor, closes her eyes and falls into deep thought of remembrance.  She had a really funny memory until it all turned sour. She shook her body and her head at the death of an innocent person before her very eyes that day. Now the owner was dead and...well it's all very sad. 

As she is paying her respects she is approached by two men who wave paper in front of her face and start asking her questions.  Imelda didn't want any part in answering any questions, she was just there to pay her respects. She backs away swiftly and bumps right into Orko who caught her as she almost tripped to the floor.