Where is there an issue or a complaint? I asked you questions. You are more then welcome to respond here, especially since I did not make a complaint or have an issue. I'm more than welcome to voice whatever I'd like to voice here, as these are some public areas you're parading your paper at.

 

I can see where the confusion has arisen.

I am only temporarily acting as The FPNC 4.0 Customer Services Department. In future that role will be fulfilled by The Intern/The Dom. 

I have produced this handy chart to help people to better understand how to interact with a conglomerate of our size.

Please also note, beloved readers, that your feedback is very important to us and we would be grateful if you could place a review either here or to us directly if you would prefer to remain anonymous.

You can use this form should you so desire.

Thank you, Grin-06. My thanks to the Comms department for coming through with that thoroughly explanatory flowchart. I hope that visual guide will be of some help to you, Nectar, and I hope you understand that it can be some time before minor issues and/or complaints find their way to the ivory tower of the editor's offices. I assure you, should you choose to enter the grievance filing process (once again, found here), our best people will do everything they can to assist you with your concerns. 

Vim was kicking back after playing another successful gig one of the many groupies bought him in a cup of tea and the local news paper Vim wasnt much of a reader of the news but the local rags nearly always had a list of the best clubs to hang out at and whats hot.

Vim read through the paper his brow wrinkled as there was no mention of the hottest clubs not even a back page mention of Vims band and how great they where Bad News was tearing up the Mafia Top 100 Charts there iconic single Hey Hey Bad News Was soaring up the charts.

Vim crumbled the paper into a ball and tossed it towards the nearest bin.

"What Utter utter Tabloid garbage" He exclaimed

Kat was sitting behind Vim_Fuego in the club, always keeping an eye on him.  It was not always a pleasant job, but someone had to do it.  Just the other day he was storming through the HQ ranting about his lost OJ.  The poor new kid was terrified, and now that she thought about it, haven't seen him since that day.

She ducks as a crumpled paper flies towards her head. 

Hey, I was going to read that.

She picks it up and browses through the local news.  There was no mention of Vim's band, but overall a good read.  She could see it coming, his next request would be for her to somehow get him a full page in the paper.  She shook her head and picked up her drink.

West was sat in his office in the OVO headquarters enjoying his morning coffee, reading the papers, and occasionally pausing to take in the panoramic views of the South Side which his office afforded him. His brow furrowed at some of the news, crew jumpers, gory scenes on the streets of Seattle, but generally he was enjoying the paper and before long he had nearly read it cover to cover. 

Then he reached a line on the final page which caught his eye.

 ...reporting from the most decrepit, hopeless, povertized corners of the mafia world, and that's just the South Side of Chicago! 

His eye twitched slightly and he began to mutter under his breath, reading the line over and over again.

the most decrepit, hopeless, povertized corners of the mafia world, and that's just the South Side of Chicago! 

"What is the matter with these people!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the desk. His whole body was tense with anger. He began to physically shake with rage.

the most decrepit, hopeless, povertized corners of the mafia world, and that's just the South Side of Chicago! 

"Those bastards, who do they think they are!" he yelled again. His face was turning red now, the secretary that had just poked her head around the door quickly scurried off. 

the most decrepit, hopeless, povertized corners of the mafia world, and that's just the South Side of Chicago! 

West screamed after the fleeing secretary "Get me Grin-06 and Al_Capone on the line, now!"

the most decrepit, hopeless, povertized corners of the mafia world, and that's just the South Side of Chicago! 

His phone rang and he picked up the receiver. Someone on the other end got halfway through hello before West's voiced boomed down the line

"Povertized isn't a fucking word!"

He slammed the receiver down and gazed out of his window, across the decrepit, hopeless hellhole that was the South Side of Chicago.

HIRING: INTERN

Are you an aspiring journalist? Do you have an unquenchable thirst for the truth? Come work for the FPNC 4.0! Apply for one of our prestigious Intern Dom positions, where you can expect to learn the ins and outs of what it takes to write, curate and publish a leading mafia newspaper in the cut-throat world of La Cosa Newspaperostra! 

PhilipMarleauJr bashfully approaches Al_Capone and tips his sharp new fedora hat to him.

"Greetings Mr. Capone.  Marleau's the name, writing is my game.  I'd like to toss my name in the hat as a potential intern for your fine publication.... literally!"

PhilipMarleauJr gives Al_Capone a friendly wink as he places his fedora hat upside-down on the ground, scribbles his name (PhilipMarleauJr) onto a piece or paper, and tosses it into the fedora.  PhilipMarleauJr flashes a smile in Al_Capone's direction as he lumbers back over to his hat, removes the piece of paper from it, and places it back on his head.

"Pardon my antics, I just wanted to demonstrate my sense of humor to you and your staff.  Clearly I like to have a good time much like you and Mr. Grin-06, and think I'd be a perfect fit.  So what do you say?  Interested?"

Look, @PhilipMarleau Jr, I'm a traditional gangster. I like to tip my fedora down and turn up my coat collar just like anybody else. And sure, I'll smoke a cigarette when the exposition requires it. So, naturally, I'd love to take a young upstart like you under my wing and show you the ropes. But there's something funny about you. Not funny funny. I mean a strange kind of funny. Who are your people? Were they circus folk? I don't think I've ever heard of a Philip Marleau Sr. 

Wellllll let's not get into all that.  That's an embarrassing story to say the least.  Besides, I'd much rather be judged by my own merits rather than that of my ancestors.  Maybe you should go around the corner and check out the MissNiki story titled "The Sins of his Father" to freshen up on the subject of fathers and such.

PhilipMarleauJr smiles wryly at Al_Capone.

See?  See how in-touch I am with what's going on around these streets?  I was able to whip up that reference faster than you could say Rebels of the Sacred Heart.  Is that not what a paper should be looking for in an intern? That's just a small taste of the type of street and mafia knowledge I bring to the table.  Besides, there's just something about the name Marleau that incites a feeling of excitement in a reader.  The ability to captivate people with very fun, interesting, humorous quips.... it's just in my blood I suppose.  

In fact, in certain circles I am referred to as the least bland Marleau in all the land.  Not that I am bland of course heh, I think they just used that word to describe the Marleaus because it rhymes with "land".  It's certainly not a reflection of my writing.  I'd like an opportunity to prove that to you.

My motto as it pertains to writing is "write as if nobody is reading, especially if they aren't anyway".  It's my mantra.

Our aim is to cover all three points on the trifecta of thickness, Gary, but until we hire an intern who stands out like a cello at the ukelele factory, I'm afraid one remains unspoken for. 

PhilipMarleauJr, as I said, I'm a traditional mafia guy. My suits come with pin stripes on them. I make offers people can't refuse. Hell, if my backstory needs a little more fleshing out, I'll throw a reproachful Italian wife in there too. So, as I've explained, it is fully in the description of who I am as a 'character', if you will, to want to take you on as our intern. But something still isn't sitting right with me. Maybe it's the way you're referred to? The least bland Marleau in all the land? 

You must come from gypsy stock. That sounds like something clipped from an old family folk song. A poem maybe? Was there a most bland Marleau in the land? That's probably not important. 

Do you have a CV we can look at? 

Dorothy skips trough the streets singing showtunes to herself as she comes upon a paper lying in the streets. After a quick read through she tips her fedora towards the office of The Fat People News Chronicle and starts speaking aloud to noone in particular.

Great read Al_Capone and Grin-06! While obviously not as good as The Star-Examiner by the late PizzaTheHutt this is a quality paper. Im looking forward to following this paper in the future.

Ohh and Nectar, just a friendly tip friend. I would advise you to keep your thoughts of kissing your cousin to yourself. While Im of course not a prude myself, not everyone is down with such affection between family members. "Love is free" is my motto and you should live your life as you pleased, but I would not go around sharing it to the world where I you. I hope you dont take this the wrong way friend :)