A Fat People News Chronicle 4.0 Special Report

Archive: Issue 1 - Issue 2

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From The Front Lines
By: Al_Capone

In the journalism industry, there are few roles more prestigious than that of a war correspondent. These brave men take to the front lines to give us a first-person look at the violence and carnage taking place far away from the comforts of our homes. Embedded with soldiers night and day, they risk their lives to tell the story of battle in all of its dreadful glory, of courage and fear, of the quiet and the carnage. In the latest fighting between Seattle, Las Vegas and Philadelphia, one such man stepped up to that mantle, an Ernie Pyle emerging out of the gunsmoke of another conflict in the American Mafia. Bullets and bloodshed could not stop him. The news would be published at any cost. His name is RichardWad.

The streets were running red with blood. Philadelphia crewleader TurboCharged and his upper strucutre had been gunned down just an hour before. The likes of FrankCastle, SlickRic, Reagan and MissNikki - all bosses with Philadelphia's Medellin crew - were killed as recently as within 20 minutes of Wad's daring report. His own Consigliere, FrankPastorelli, had fallen to an enemy bullet. But in war, death is a common sight. A reporter must keep his head. His mission is too great, too important. To report the news is a duty; to be a beacon of clarity in times of confusion and doubt. Wad was a lighthouse guiding the ship of truth through the eye of a storm. No casualty could stop this story from reaching the people who needed it most; a frightened, curious public, eager for something, anything, to occupy their minds. 

Leaving his Philadelphia bunker at roughly 5:26 AM, RichardWad ducked and rolled through enemy gunfire and into the streets, desperate to find cover. Back pressed against a bullet-ridden phone booth, he delivered a piece of journalism that seared through the cacophony of war like the cry of a banshee. The world all but stood still. In a hit piece to rival the many fatalities actively happening around him, Wad delivered his gospel truth: Chicago CL Drake had a "rare form of the Clap that is found only in rare cases of unprotected sex". Philadelphia Capo Jasmine was murdered 3 minutes later. 

God bless you, RichardWad. Thank you for your service. 

The body of my father, Grin-06, was not even cold before fearless RichardWad was delivering his underfire missive. It was so prompt, I actually didn't know Pop was dead at that time; I still thought he was out doing what he loved, shutting down prospective writers. 

I'd like to thank RichardWad for his balls-to-the-wall journalism in the face of danger. That kind of reporting has been greatly missed around here.

The body of my father, Grin-06, was not even cold before fearless RichardWad was delivering his underfire missive. It was so prompt, I actually didn't know Pop was dead at that time, still thought he was out doing what he  down loved, shutting down prospective writers. 

I'd like to thank RichardWad for his balls-to-the-wall journalism in the face of danger. That kind of reporting has been greatly missed around here.

 

The body of my father, Grin-06, was not even cold before fearless RichardWad was delivering his underfire missive. It was so prompt, I actually didn't know Pop was dead at that time; I still thought he was out doing what he loved, shutting down prospective writers. 

I'd like to thank RichardWad for his balls-to-the-wall journalism in the face of danger. That kind of reporting has been greatly missed around here.

Great. Grin's son has a stutter. Stupid, ugly Grin-07, moulding you into a capable FPNC 4.0 reporter is going to be my greatest challenge. I'm going to make you so proud, Grin-06. I hope you're looking down at me and your stupid, ugly son from heaven. 

Mr_J knew very well this news because he lives in this hotspot area where this killings happen it shook me to the core when i really encounter a real deal shootout around in the city when in fact im just a 1 week old in this town but man this world gives me a light to certain viewpoint that there is still braveman who will really go to that scene and publish a news that describe inside happenings not a fabricated ones

Great frontline-news, really fucked up this war this time, wonder what idiot that started this one, really amazingly done from some.