I am pleased to announce that The Grin Gang have been given authority to operate within the streets of Chicago by Don West, beloved leader of Tranquility, who had the decency to make a certain Grin-07 Made, then Wise Guy, then his RHM, then his LHM, then his RHM when he realised his mistake, and finally a boss in his own right. Quite the saga, I'm sure you'll agree.

As much as I enjoy talking about my glorious past, that is not my only intention in coming out here today. I have decided to talk a little about what we can expect from the future and in particular, the type of thing you would like to see from the bosses of the country. This will not address the motivations for the recent wars as I understand others who are more qualified will be covering that in the not too distant future. Instead, this will be a focus on things Grin-centric and Chicago specifically.  

I think the easiest place to start is purging. I've seen a fair few snide little comments being made about how "it is all going to go to shit" and other doom-mongering about this topic in particular, so allow me to set the record straight on what will occur in Chicago. Killing of individuals purely because of their lineage will not be happening. What I will be doing is putting my members through their paces and giving them the opportunity to prove themselves to me. We will run a meritocracy in the hope that everyone else is abiding by the same parameters as I am. Failure to impress me during their tenure in my crew will result in their removal from it. This seems like a straight forward enough transaction to me, they work and prove themselves, they get rewarded, if they do not work or prove themselves, they will not be rewarded. 

The second issue I would like to address is a cause close to my own VIP Credit riddled heart. The Chicago Business District will come under scrutiny over the coming days and, assuming nobody mean riddles me full of holes, we will be monitoring activity levels within this sector. If your contributions seem to be genuine, you will be actively encouraged to continue by way of rewards and/or custom from within my organisation. If however your contributions seem to be deceitful or particularly shoddy attempts to muscle in on my VIP Credit racket, you will be warned to desist making them in Chicago. If you continue to do so, your business will be burned down and your leader will be notified that you are no longer welcome to visit. All "private" clubs need authority from me to operate. I will provide full details in the coming days and these will be available for viewing alongside our city rules. 

It also goes without saying that my own crew's output in this regard will also be monitored and curbed wherever infractions arise. I want to promote only worthwhile contributions and worthy causes, like The Al-Capone Foundation, which is handing out credits to the needy over in Grinwood Forest. 

Those are the three immediate things I wished to address today; I'm here, I'm not purgey and I don't like your spam. Thoughts and suggestions for things you would like to see happen over the coming days and weeks (as long as none of them involve my demise) are welcomed and encouraged.

Tops looks at the newly appointed crewleader and wonders how Grin-07 never realized the demotion from Right to Left Hand Man could possibly have been caused by the fact that he kept mispronouncing the name of Don West's crew.

For a change, Tops listened to what was being said and in the end, he even grinned.

I really approve to the idea of a quality standard in the Business District, as much as I'd like to see that in the Streets as well. I am happy that it will be enforced and can't wait to see Charles_Barkley visit the Chicago Business District!

Tops smiled

Oh.. One more thing, Grin-07..

..Congratulations on getting your city!

Street Beef listened intently to the Mayor Of Creditham talk proudly of his ascension to the lofty heights he had reached.  He could detect a certain wistful tone for the carefree days of wise guydom.  He also spotted Tops, one of the attendees of the Round Mound's three point contest in Seattle - a must for all casual attendees of the fair West coast city.  Everyone would be granted a warm welcome by Evelina.

Well done Grin-07.  You certainly deserve taking your oratorical skills to a more frequently visited city than Sleepy in Seattle.  Given the runaway success of my three point contest, I might open a court at the Chicago Bullring.

A hunched form in a beautiful kimono, shuffled through the crowd. Cutting a frustrated figure, it snapped and elbowed it's way through the press. What was (possibly) once a beautiful young lady, stood now, little more than an embittered wince. No amount of make-up could mask this horror. The furious blue-faced smoker batted away the last of the bystanders and turned to face the small gathering. Spreading gold kimono covered arms, the squint-eyed fury tried to block all view of Grin-07. Looking down at the crowd, the cigarette was drawn from the withered maw, barely concealed with a hideous lipstick. A much deeper voice than expected came rasping from vicious lips.

"You no risten to Mr Grin! He lie! He terrible reader. He keep us in dark and provide inadequate medical facirrity!

The bemused faces of the crowd only serve to pour fuel on the fire.

"You all need to fucking risten to me! He a bad man. Don't berieve him. He lie! He a bassrad!"

A few murmurs and dismissive looks flitted around the audience. Nipper grew weary and stepped away from Grin-07. Elbowing back through the group, various snappy comments could be heard along with the complaints of bystanders caught with a gold silk elbow as the dangerous little fury passed by.

"You all asshole. I try to help, try to warn. You no risten. You all dick heads. You probabry die in fire or somefing stupid rat stupid people do..."

And with that, the thick blue make-up and impossible anger, was gone.

Congratulations Grin, it is fabulous to see your meteoric rise once more. Of course this would never have happened without me to watch your back, look out for you and help stroke... your ego. As everyone knows, behind every great man, is an even greater, enigmatic, flamboyant, sexually ambiguous man in a gold jumpsuit who is overly touchy feely and a tad gropey. Luckily for you, in abandoning Farage and his right wing neo facist party and joining you, we can be together forever, nothing will stand in our way.

Jackmalloy sifts through the happenings of the last day, and notices that Grin-07 has indeed gotten his own crew.  There could definitely be worse people.

He's too lazy to come out of the basement, or even get his ass off of the couch, but he raises his beer in the air and takes a drink in honour of the new head of Chicago. 

Jezza listens to what his boss has to say and shakes his head, for he had just spent the last few days fitting a purge alarm to his flashy new Ford V8 custom..

"Well that was a waste of time sounded good too" Jezzza paused for thought "Ah well may have to check out this VIP credit racket, flashy cars are not cheap you know" as he slowly walks away Jezza turns to speak once more "Don't suppose anyone wants to buy a new purge alarm do they?"

With no response to this gracious offer Jezza puts his head down and walks off, wondering what the hell he was going to do with the now useless alarm.

Heston was out searching for new ingredients he needed some inspiration for a new fish dish and was visiting the streets. He heard a man talking and lots of commotion so he stopped and listened. He heard the name Grin being mentioned a few times so listened a little harder.

After the commotion and the noise had died down Heston approached Grin "Congratulations on acceding to higher ranks and getting your own fortifications "

Heston shook the mans hands and walked away thinking maybe he should go and visit the markets in Chicago maybe he could pick up some early summer truffles or spring chickens at least 

It is really odd that everyone has taken to using the shorthand of the full crew name, which is The Grin And Zapata Gang as opposed to just The Grin Gang, and frankly, I find it a little disrespectful. But The Grin And Zapata Gang is very forgiving to innocuous mistakes. While I am sure many of you prefer to use the shorthand for convenience while obviously very aware of my relative importance to Grin-07 (which is roughly equal, if not slightly weighted towards myself, as the smarter, cleverer and less stupid of the pairing), sometimes it is better to not leave these things unsaid. I know that most of you are probably asking yourselves, if we are going to shorten it, why not The Zapata Gang? And I won't tell you you're wrong. I'm not the thought police. But sometimes things - even things that are wrong - are hard to slow when they've picked up momentum. 

But anyway, The Grin Gang, there it is. It is certainly better than The Grin And Zapata And Elodin Gang, which would not only sound ridiculous, but also brazenly misrepresent Elodin's lowly status in the crew.

Elodin looked at Zapata during his monologue, wondering when it will finally be over. He was a bit surprised to hear his name at the end though.

Ridiculous you say ? You know what ? I agree. That name is way too long, and doesn't sound very nice. But shorten it a bit, like The Grin And Elodin Gang, and boom ! You have something that sounds way nicer.

On the other hand, Zapata has a weird rhythm to it. You cannot mix that name with the ones like Grin and Elodin. Maybe with other names, like dead Randy or rotting Larry ?  

Anyway, I could even take it a step further. Make it shorter ! While why could take the beginning of Grin and the end of Elodin to make something as silly as the Grinlodin gang, why not actually do the contrary ? The Elodin gang ! There. You have it. Perfection. You can thank me later.

I can't argue with the majority of your logic, it makes an alarming amount of sense. But there is a certain, undeniable aesthetic here; Zapata. Three syllables. All staccato. Every other letter kept at arms length by an 'A' like a school dance for unpopular religious children. Elodin is awkward. The O sound is riddled with sin. Regardless, if you were to somehow qualify for a name in the title, you are clearly ending up the EloGrin Gang, an unsavoury portmanteau with all the aesthetic beauty of a peanut shell. Distressingly unchic.

TheElephantinTheRoom sits peeling a bag of carrots in the shadows, quietly and unnoticed as usual, as he listens to the various speeches currently on offer. Lifting his trunk he blows off a cacophony of sound heralding his appearance at the gathering….

Mr Grin, I’ve been asked by West to clear out your locker and deliver the contents to your new home. You’ll be pleased to hear that I was eventually able to clean the inside of said locker sufficiently enough so as to enable me to hang my official dogging robe and regalia. I’m hoping that was all dried mayonnaise in there.

Congratulations Sir on your appointment in Chicago, I know that with Zapata by your side, you will eventually find a local barber able to make sense of what on earth is going on above your eyes. It can’t be easy maintaining such an active lifestyle when you’re as bald as a coot.

Any ways………….congratulations dear friend. Our weekly life classes will never be same again over here.

A box is slowly lowered to the ground, tipping slightly and revealing several back issues of “Lederhosen Weekly”, “Rustler” and a mauve cravat.