A few nights ago, at a party, a friend of a friend mentioned a new club that had opened in town. It was one of those hidden clubs that you learn about from word of mouth only. It was located, so he said, at the end of a dark alley on 12^th Street. Down some dingy stairs, through a dirty curtain and past a surly bouncer.

“But once you’re in” the man had licked his lips. “Oh man, once you’re in. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced.”

“How do you get in?” you asked sitting straighter in your chair. Erecter you might say. And you might have been surprised to find that that was a real word. But it’s in the dictionary and everything so shut the fuck up.

“Well, there’s a password isn’t there.” he had said. “They change it each week, I think. But I know that this week it’s ‘dumb pussy’.”

“’dumb pussy’?” you repeat unbelievingly. “That’s a stupid password.”

“Look. What do you care about what they use as the password? Just fucking say it and have an amazing time.” He had said, admonishingly.

He went on to describe the inside of the club. Velvet curtains. Golden chandeliers. A series of ornate wooden doors (let’s bring them back), each more ornate and wooden than the last. A roaring fire (obviously at a safe distance from the incredible amount of ornate wooden doors). The most incredible drinks from all around the world served by beautiful topless barmaids.

You just had to go.

The first chance you got, you set off to find the bar.

As you stand at the bar of Atrocities you become all too aware that this is not the right place.

A toothless hag behind the bar sidles up to you and introduces herself.

“’alright there chappo, the names Danielle Warde and I’m the Madame at this establishment. Allow me to talk you through what we offer.”

Something about the way her scarf was tied around her neck, like a noose, makes you think better of interrupting her.

The Grim Fandango - $2

Full penetration with a scythe followed by a game of chess. The loser gets re-penetrated with the scythe.

A French Steamer - $4

Full penetration with a croissant followed by a game of les loups-garous de Thiercelieux. The loser must eat the croissant.

The Gypsies Kiss - $10

Water sports. (But not what you’re thinking)

Unless you were thinking water polo? The loser must eat the horse.

Greg’s Benedict - $11

Our thickest girl will batter you nether regions raw, delicately cover it with a poached egg, and then sensually dribble a hot creamy hollandaise sauce on it.

Jacob’s Sorrow - $15 - Speciality

Invite all of your friends to participate and have a fun old time, then, at the point of climax, one of your friends knocks you out of the way to competition.

“What’ll we do you for?” the hideous old crone crows at you.

The doors close and lock behind you.

“Oh right, er, I guess I’ll have…” you just about muster.

After a busy day walking the streets Latom felt some down time was well deserved. She had been hustling her way through the hours of the day playing Monte. Now it was time to sit down in a comfortable chair, all by herself and with a drink in her hand. All alone with only her thougths as company. Good thing she had heard these two chumps talking about a very exclusive club, where you even needed a password in order to get in. 

Unfortunately she hadn't heard its exact location so Latom was left to wandering the 12th street hoping to find the right alleyway. Spending a few hours (Knowing it was well worth it considering the short conversation she overheard) Latom finally found an alley way with those dingy looking stairs and curtains in it. She was excited. Finally something suiting. Something exclusive enough for her taste.

Approaching the bouncer she gave the password "- Dumb pussy", ignore the bouncer confused look and walked inside. Through some ornate wooden doors and into a nice enough looking room. As she walked across the room she couldn't take her eyes of the most beautiful looking chandeliers. Arriving at the bar Latom sat down waiting to get served.

Spending a few minutes looking at the fireplace and the absolutely astonishing wooden doors Latom could hear someone approach her from behind. She couldn't believe her eyes as she turned around. She had heard tales of wonder, not of monstrous beings, the short amount of time she had spent overhearing them talk about this particular club. About how this was the place to be. But as she turned around she couldn't believe how anyone would hire someone like this to be in charge of the bar. A toothless hag was standing in front of Latom and was scaring the absolute hell out of her.

"- Hear's our menu dear. Let me know what you want." The hag said while impatiently standing there, tapping her fingers against the counter, waiting for Latoms answer.

Latom just stood there, eyeing both the menu and the hag at the same time, not knowing what was scarier. Overwhelmed she finally managed to get out a few words.

"- Uhm... Well... Yeah..." Panic starting to set in as she froze to the spot.

"- Oh right, er, I guess I’ll have a drink! Just a drink. A Good drink... I mean get me a drink right fucking now!." Latom said sighing with relief as the toothless hag wandered off to prepare her drink.

"- Uhm... Well... Yeah..." Panic was starting to set in on the woman as she froze to the spot.

"- Oh right, er, I guess I’ll have a drink! Just a drink. A Good drink... I mean get me a drink right fucking now!" The woman had said, visibly sighing with relief as the toothless hag wandered off to prepare her drink.

BonJonBovi sat in the establishment his ill-gotten gains had purchased for him. This *bar* meant a huge amount to him. He had named it after his mother, AtrocityJonBovi. She had been an amazing woman who had lived an incredible life. Surviving to childbearing age had been an achievement of utterly epic proportions. Nothing had ever gone quite right for AJB. Even her birth had been declared a war crime, punished by 25 years in a maximum-security prison.

By the time young Atrocity had taken her first unstable steps into the real world she had been 33 (Her sentence had been increased for shanking a horse that had supposedly said she looked fat. She had received 5 years for the shanking and an extra 3 because she did, in fact, look fat). Atrocity had tried to find work almost immediately but her inability to read/write/speak/feed herself/ wear clothes/ create real meaningful relationships with other humans/stop shanking horses, had left her borderline unemployable. But that was when she had met her saviour, Big Fat Earthy Simon. He had been an enormous barrel-chested gentleman with a large gold chain and a sweet purple suit. Actually, saviour wasn’t quite the word was it? Not saviour, no. Pimp. Yeah that was right, he’d been her pimp…

BonJonBovi sat there for a second and thought about this.

But then he stopped and instead addressed Latom.

“Not thinking of partaking in a Gypsies Kiss tonight Latom? Gerald is in I believe. He’s pretty good on a horse…”

After the toothless hag had left to prepare Latoms drink Latom turned around to try and get a real feel for the place. What the actual fuck was going on. This was not at all the place she imagine as she had overheard the conversation between those sketchy looking fellas. Gold and glamour was what she had been looking forward to. Not rusty nails sticking out of the walls, wallpaper hanging, crooked nonfunctional chandeliers, broken glass all over the floor etc. A shiver came down the spine as she was thinking how the backrooms, where the real action was happening apparently, would look.

Taking in the surroundings she turned around almost dropping out of the bar stool as the old toothless hag had reappeared a little too close for comfort. Latom sat up straight trying to give out a sturdy confident expression.

"- Your drink dear" The hag said.

Looking at the glass Latom wasn't sure if the glass was safe to touch with all the cracks and dust covering it. Drinking was out of the question surely. But then again. She had been living in the streets before taking up a life of crime, before she actually made something of herself. The shit that had gone down wasn't exactly something to be proud of. So she decided to have a sip.

"- Surprisingly good" She muttered to herself.

“- Not thinking of partaking in a Gypsies Kiss tonight Latom? Gerald is in I believe. He’s pretty good on a horse…” Someone said from within the establishment. Hopefully. Latom spun around trying to find where it came from, finding this mysterious looking fella lurking in a corner. Trying to size the man up Latom went closer. The man looked harmless.

"- Would you know from experience, Mr...?" Latom said taking another sip of her drink.

It took some time to find the squalid little doorway that was the entrance to Atrocities. Nipper gave an impatient rap on the door and when the door swung open the furious blue face almost took the bouncer back on his heels. He regained his composure and asked for the password in a dry tone. Black lined eyes narrowed as if about to spit fire.

"I have washing for estabrishment. Get out of way. You 'dumb fucking pussy'."

Not waiting for anything further, the little gold robe shoved past and walked into the establishment. The breath was nearly stolen from the thick blue throat. This place was disgusting. It would have been much more appealing if it had been abandoned years ago. Instead it had a humidity in the air and everything looked as if you'd stick to it. The smell was such that it had a taste. Every particle in the atmosphere felt like if you stood still it would grow spores on you. Nipper nearly wretched. Watering eyes scanned the gloom for some semblance of order. There was none. There was a desk though, and behind it something that looked as if it had crawled out from under a bridge in a children's story. Nipper walked over and dropped the big bag of clean linens on the desk.

"You Danierre Warde?" 

The troll looked up with a toothless grin and nodded.

"Then this your washing. Crean bedding and other fings. I make some repair, you owe me some extra for noxious gas coming off disgusting items. I suffer for this job."

Danielle pulled open a drawer and took out an ample bundle of cash, peeling off more than enough to cover the costs and a healthy tip. Nipper's opinion of the ogre suddenly improved a great deal. Manly hands counted the bills and a smile crept across the blue face as greedy hands pocketed the money.

"You rook rike ogre but you kind and generous person. I rike you. Fankyou for being kind."

Nipper turned to leave but Danielle's booming deep voice called her back.

"Won't you stay and enjoy the house a little? The boss asked that you be helped to relax in any way we could."

Nothing could explain what happened next. Or what made the incredibly uptight ball of hate, suddenly make such a wild decision. The radical departure from character and history was only matched by the absolute abandon with which the events of the decision were enacted. There was drinking, dancing and debauchery beyond definition. Round after punishing round, pushing and pounding round. Juices and joy, fornication and fountains of intoxicating fluids. Caligula would have blushed. The night never ended and there was no tomorrow.

Eventually, enough time passed that Nipper woke and dressed. The folded arms and stoic blue face walked down the stairs and gave a polite but formal nod to Danielle before heading out the door as if nothing had happened. Not long after, one of the more durable hookers came stumbling down the stairs. The happiest cripple Danielle had seen in quite some time. And boy had she seen a thing or two. The bedraggled hooker slumped on the desk with a drunken grin and horrific breath and stated.

"That thing... Full of surprises... A force of nature!"

.

"Would you know from experience, Mr...?" Latom said taking a sip of the drink Danielle had made for her. God knows what it was. We certainly didn’t have any alcohol in the bar. Well that’s not strictly true. There was alcohol. Definitely alcohol. But perhaps not in the state one would choose to drink it in. It was more like an industrial cleaner. But I guess if you mixed it with enough fruit it would probably taste OK.

Probably.

BonJonBovi knew when he was being sized up. And this was definitely one of those times. He stood as straight as he possibly could to allow her to take in his entire impressive height.

“I absolutely would know from experience!” BonJonBovi exclaimed. “It is a point of pride to me that I always test out the employees before they come on staff.” BonJonBovi thought about what he’d just said. “Although that sort of behaviour has led to many complaints from said staff.”

Latom was still staring at him.

“It’s honestly not as bad as it sounds. And Gregory does a great job at making you forget your troubles!”

She didn’t look convinced, so BonJonBovi went for the hard sell.

“Come on, if you don’t like it, I’ll treat you and your closest 7 friends to a Jacob’s Sorrow…” BonJonBovi said hopefully. “What do you say…?”

VoxNeruda shuffles through the curtain, his bloodshot eyes darting around the seedy club.  He approaches BonJonBovi carrying a bucket.

Is there any work for me that I can do in exchange for some cash for a bite to eat?  I have my own bucket as you can see, so you wouldn't even need to trouble yourself by rummaging one up for me.  So that's covered.  If you have a mop though I could mop up around the place.  I have experience with mopping as well as being used as a receptacle or hand puppet if the job calls for it and if the money is right.  Could probably wash your dishes as well, if you have any of those around the place.

Not noticing any dishes around, VoxNeruda fears he may have left BonJonBovi unimpressed by his resume, as one of his very few areas of expertise would appear to be irrelevant here.

As she was standing there waiting for an answer. Which by the way was taking a surprisingly long time. Latom couldn't help but noticing the man trying to, yeah, to do something. His body was doing these weird looking movements, almost like he had a very itchy sweater on. No that was not it. Like he was trying to stretch somehow, perhaps he was cramping up? No, that was not it either. The movements were way too weird for that. Was he prairiedogging it and wanted to save the undies? Perhaps. But unlikely. After a final quick bow followed by a massive stiffening of his body he was looking very proud and way taller than before.

The man was talking but Latom couldn't focus on anything. What had just happened? The man had been twitching like crazy without saying anything at all. Had it been some kind of seizure? He had looked a little off at the time. But it was like no seizure she had never seen before. And living on the streets she had seen a few in her life time. Perhaps he had just gotten the chills somehow. The place had a fair few holes in it. But that felt like an unlikely explanation. Perhaps it all had just been his way of showing his authority by standing up in order to show his impressive height. Latom would never know as she was too uncomfortable to ask what had just happened.

“- What do you say…?” The man finished breaking Latoms train of thought. Having no clue what the man had been saying she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"- Well, yes of course!" Immediately regretting her answer she downed the rest of the drink. Nervously waiting for what was about to happen.

What had she said yes to? What was going to happen next? Was she going to have to move out on the streets again? Was she a dead woman walking?