THE KUKU WAY ONE GANGSTER PROFITS FROM HATE

op-ed by Isadora Esposito

After the recent slaughter of nearly every gangster from sea to shining sea and the rise of the so-called container crews who now rush around trying to gather up every homeless mobster on our under burdened shores, one is not shocked to find the return of Kuku.

You might remember the self-titled Commissar from his most recent run here on our shores when he and many prominent figures of the financial institution known as 'The Iron Bank' were punished for a notorious casino embezzlement scandal.  City Hall cracked down so hard that many of them ended up in shallow graves and some were in so much trouble their descendants were not allowed back on these shores for a set amount of time.

And, like a bad case of crabs picked up from the cheap hookers on 8-mile, you can bet one gangster is much harder to get rid of than that.  Of course, I'm talking about Kuku.  Unlike some gangsters known for their exploits with guns, or massive gambling habits, Kuku is best known for sitting around lounges shooting off at the mouth while hiding behind real gangsters with real guns. 

And while it's true he's had money in the past, information from those in the know suggest that every bit of cash he had during his infamous Iron Bank run was actually provided by the New York City gang "Kings County United" and namely it's leader Billy Mastrosimone.  In fact, at one point during the Iron Bank's run, they were so worried about being able to have the funds to stay in business, that they interrupted Mr. Mastrosimone on a family vacation at the glamourous 2019 MR Meet sending Mobsters from other cities to beg him to gamble all night so they did not default on their many clients. 

Most days Kuku can be found bragging himself up on street corners claiming his publications on the streets are the height of quality and devoid of any desperate need for attention or 'credit' from City Hall.  One of the ways he 'proves' this is by pointing out how many readers his publications have.  In truth, our crack team of investigative reporters has discovered that the 'views' any publication in the streets receives can be easily inflated by picking up the publication and putting it down repeatedly.  The system employed by City Hall doesn't seem to count viewers as original and so the author of any piece could inflate their own reader numbers exponentially with very little effort.  Thus proving that one's views do NOT equate to quality or appreciation by the general public.

When he's not inflating his own massive ego about the quality of his publications and input to society, Kuku enjoys spending time belittling the fun of others for profit.  That's right folks, for profit.  Our crack team of investigators have also uncovered that while Kuku has often come out against the 'Credits for Words' racket run by City Hall - he's actually taking full advantage of the system he claims to hate!  That's right folks, every controversial soapbox rant Kuku goes on is also just a cheap grab for credits.  No better or worse than the stories shared by gangsters about their exploits, lives, and even fantastical creatures like werewolves from sea to shining sea.  Kuku is using public jealousy and outrage at creative people getting rewarded for creativity, to fund his own coffers.  He's not interested in the integrity of our streets... he's interested in his own gains.  And if he WAS interested in the integrity of the streets he would join me in shedding his status as a streets VIP and letting his words stand on their own.

Of course, he won't.  He won't take off his VIP label and he won't stop bitching because he's an egomaniac who can't be stopped even with bullets.  He is the VD on the sore and over-used ass of our streets.  If he really wanted to make this place better he'd stop being such a prick, attacking his fellow mobsters.

... UNLESS you consider the idea that maybe Kuku and those like him aren't the REAL problem?  Maybe the REAL problem is that we (the people of these shores) WANT to see that drama?  We WANT to see people be cruel to one another.  We WANT and NEED that excitement in our otherwise boring lives and the opportunity to laugh and poke fun at each other brings some color to our otherwise lack-luster lives and we can't STAND seeing people be entertained by their own creativity.  It irritates the hell out of us that there are some folks out there who can profit just by living their lives in the streets and sharing their stories, when we ourselves can't think of one damn original word to write that doesn't involve insulting someone.

Could that be it?

No.  Surely not, dear readers.  More likely the problem is the 'quality' of things in the streets.  If only things were like the good ol' days when gangsters had something worth sharing.

Until next time readers.  

I apologize for that, I am a broken man ever since Kuku plucked my story off of the streets and tapped me to be the leaders of them. I've been spending day and night since that fateful moment wondering if I'll be able to live up to the standings that have been bestowed upon me by my peers, and sometimes that causes me to try speaking before I have anything to say-- which I think that Kuku can sympathize with as he suffers from the same ailment albeit with more words put forth.

I feel that anyone should be free to work for the God's favor and even those who complain should be allowed to receive their just desserts. After all, Kuku just dealt with a rather large hit on his own persons and I am sure he needs something to help offset those losses, which is a real shame given how he could not afford even ten million dollars to me when he decided to anoint me as savior of the streets so I can only assume he is really hurting now in the money department.

Hopefully he's able to recoup his losses and start on this writing competition I've heard so many rave reviews about.

EXTRA!  EXTRA!  

Sometimes it pays to speak truth to power.  Sometimes power listens. 

This is city hall's log from the jail just posted moments ago confirming the words of this timely piece of news.

https://imgur.com/gallery/ljWLJs7

CommissarKuku, how do you feel about the jailing of KukuKuku? Have they gone after the wrong man? 

RETRACTION:  While someone with a very similar name has landed in the clink, CommissarKuku remains a free man.  We extend our deepest apologizes for this error.