Just when you thought that Goldust couldn't get anymore weird, he upped his ante. Gone was the Gold jumpsuit, and in its place, gold Native American clothing. He Wore a headband with a single tail feather in it, and had a large Gold, Orange and Brown Blanket draped around his shoulders, he has reinvented himself, not as Tatanka, but as Big Chief Aurelian Mote, leader of the Lakota Tribe.

Fellow kinsmen, Hau! I am heap Big Chief Aurelian Mote. I have opened a store selling First Nation Arts and Crafts and Snake Oil in Chicago, my Home City, in order to help rebuild my tribe, and perhaps open a Casino on our sacred lands. In order to promote my business, I have decided to come into the streets and help you commune with the Otherworld, to help you identify and contact your Spirit Totem.

By getting off your tits on our secret blend of herbs and spices, smoked through sucking my ceremonial pipe, and meditation, I will open your mind to the Otherworld and allow your Totem to commune directly with you. who will be first to travel between the worlds and see what the Otherworld has in store for them?

Aurelian Mote has a handful of pamphlets that explain the meditation techniques used, for those who are interested and waits expectantly for his first taker.

Having wondered for the past week what Goldust would do with all the equipment he recently bought, Elodin stumbled on the new leader of the Lakota tribe.

Hey Goldust, I hope you do not use real fur in your new clothes? I mean, I don't really give a damn about buffalo's and the likes, but, you know, raccoons are clearly closer to my interests, if you know what I mean.

That being said, I am pretty sure you can count on Zapata to try to smoke your goods by "sucking my ceremonial pipe". Right, Zapata ? Suck it!

Big Chief Aurelian Mote looks around him and see's a small Trash Panda standing in front off him, he wasn't sure if its odour was its natural musk or if VoxNeruda had been using it in lieu of toilet paper. Thankfully he was sufficiently off his face that he didn't mind too much, although the smell was doing its best to drag him out of his self induced trance and German Suplex him in the middle of the street.

I regret to inform you Elodin that the man you knew as Goldust is no more, only Big Chief Aurelian Mote remains. Whilst I appreciate your summons to Zapata in challenging him to wrap both hands around my Ceremonial Pipe and suck deep and hard on the essence within, perhaps you would be inclined to go on a vision Quest yourself to the Otherworld and discover your own Totem, I assure you that it can be a moving and existential experience.

Big Chief Aurelian Mote, how's it going? Excellent. Now, I'm here because there have been some complaints about your conduct. Granted, they aren't quite to the level of those arriving at my desk concerning CommissarKuku, but they are substantial enough to warrant my presence here. I'm glad you're promoting your business, unfortunately it seems that nobody is actually paying you to smoke on your pipe, are they? No. This has had a knock-on effect that I, your esteemed Boss and former Sheriff of Creditham, two-time keyholder for Credit Castle, am no longer able to look the other way about your other activities as you're earning dick all. So, you need to stop following VoxNeruda to the glory hole, no more paying him to fight people and absolutely up the amount you're taking from Elodin's pockets.

And before you say anymore, I already know my totem is a credit, so I won't be paying you either. Please, get off the reservation and back to doing what you do best; being a sexually ambiguous weirdo. 

I don't want to hear it, Mote. 

No.

I'm not going to get involved with your mind games. I only came here because I need you back making your collections and leaving this...shit...to the other mystic men. 

I'm serious.

No, really, enough.

Jesus Christ, fine. If I answer your questions will you at least take the $15,000 from the Elodin Charity and give it to me? God, ok. Fine. Here.

Aurelian Mote gets Grin-07 to sit cross legged, grab hold of his pipe and suck deeply on it. He smiles in satisfaction as he see's a slightly stupid grin creep over his bosses face and his mouth go slack, with a small amount of drool leaking from the left hand side, it almost reminded him of that Painting of SpacePole that Grin has in his office. Aurelian Mote rises and dances around his boss, chanting in the Lakota tongue and sprinkling leaves and herbs over him. 

Aŋpétu wašté yuhá yo, Taŋyáŋ ománi. Tóhaŋni waŋžíla iyápi iyóhi šni. Iyéčhiŋkiŋyaŋka čha kiŋyáŋ mitȟáwa kiŋ hoká ožúla! Wayáčhi yačhíŋ he? Otȟáŋkaye kiŋ tuktél úŋ he? Ȟ’ahíya wóglaka yo, Akhé eyá yo!

Aŋpétu wašté yuhá yo, Taŋyáŋ ománi. Tóhaŋni waŋžíla iyápi iyóhi šni. Iyéčhiŋkiŋyaŋka čha kiŋyáŋ mitȟáwa kiŋ hoká ožúla! Wayáčhi yačhíŋ he? Otȟáŋkaye kiŋ tuktél úŋ he? Ȟ’ahíya wóglaka yo, Akhé eyá yo!

His Chant finished, Grin topples over, unconscious. Mote sits beside him and places his hands on the temples of his Leader, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, and mumbles something in English... "My Mind to your Mind, My thoughts to your Thoughts." At this Grin's eyes snap open and he gazes into the eyes of Aurelian Mote. 

"What did you see my brother?" enquires Mote.

"I was in the desert, it was sand and rock as far as the eye could see. The sun was hot and unforgiving. I could feel its heat burning my skin and the hot grains of sand between my webbed toes. In the distance I thought I could see the haze of water, so I stumbled towards it. After many hours, I fell to my knees, exhausted, unable to continue, I felt like I was going to die. All I could think of was, 'What has this fucker Goldust done to me?' And then I saw it, a snake, yellow and black, travelling towards me across the sand. I thought it was going to bite me, but it simply wrapped its coils around my arm, and then I awoke." responded Grin.

That is it, you have found your spirit totem, the Snake. The Snake is powerfully connected to life force and primal energy, that is why you dreamt of the end of your own existence. That is why the snake came to you at that time. In many cultures the Snake is revered as a powerful totem, representing the source of life. When the snake spirit animal appears in your life, it likely means that healing opportunities, change, important transitions, and increased energy are manifesting. The Snake will provide guidance about life changes and transitions, whether they are happening at the physical, emotional or spiritual level. So go now Grin, go forth and remember whenever you are faced with a difficult decision, to listen to your snake. Oh, and when you get back to the HQ you will find that 15k on your bed, the spirits have spoken!

Big Chief, I'm just here to follow up on the boss' request. Have you resumed your collections? Some of your earners tell me you've been going off the deep-end lately. They tell me you've been forcing them on your wacky vision quests. Have you sent Elodin on one yet? I'm convinced he is really some kind of self-aggrandizing chinchilla. You know, I am a little bit curious myself. My mother always called me a worm but I'm not sure it was a term of affection or if she had any spiritual powers. What do I need to do? Just suck on this peace pipe over here? Let me see..

Worried that Zapata wouldn't be able to handle his pipe, Aurelain Mote had made him a nice tea, using the exact same herbs, and sweetened it with honey. The effect was that you ended up with something that smelled vaguely narcotic, but tasted like a Homeless shelter urinal, sweetened with Honey. Given that Elodin and VoxNeruda had been doing the bulk of the cooking lately, it probably wasn't the worst thing Zapata had tasted lately, and that was without mentioning all the things he had to do as Grin-07's Hand. Mote was just about to tell him that a few sips would probably suffice, when he noticed that Zapata had necked the whole thing...better work fast in that case... Aurelian Mote rises and dances around Grin's Underboss, chanting in the Lakota tongue and sprinkling leaves and herbs over him.

Aŋpétu wašté yuhá yo, Taŋyáŋ ománi. Tóhaŋni waŋžíla iyápi iyóhi šni. Iyéčhiŋkiŋyaŋka čha kiŋyáŋ mitȟáwa kiŋ hoká ožúla! Wayáčhi yačhíŋ he? Otȟáŋkaye kiŋ tuktél úŋ he? Ȟ’ahíya wóglaka yo, Akhé eyá yo!

Aŋpétu wašté yuhá yo, Taŋyáŋ ománi. Tóhaŋni waŋžíla iyápi iyóhi šni. Iyéčhiŋkiŋyaŋka čha kiŋyáŋ mitȟáwa kiŋ hoká ožúla! Wayáčhi yačhíŋ he? Otȟáŋkaye kiŋ tuktél úŋ he? Ȟ’ahíya wóglaka yo, Akhé eyá yo!

The chant once again finished, Zapata's face goes blank and he face plants into the ground. Ouch thinks Mote, perhaps he should have had him sit first. He gathers Zapata up and rolls him into a more comfortable position, hopefully he wouldn't end up with a face like some slack jawed yokel. He places his hands on Zapata's face and repeats the English part of his chant. Zapata isn't as quick to come round and appears groggy, although whether that is from the tea or the impact with the pavement would be anyone's guess, and up to a court of law to prove.

"Jesus Christ man, what the fuck did you do to me, I feel like I've been hit by a truck?

"Yes, I'm sorry, but the ritual can have a powerful effect on the weak of mind. Tell me what you saw bro... Zapata."

"I was walking in a beautiful garden, it was filled with flowers, and grass, and animals of all kinds. As I approached each, it would turn and scurry into the undergrowth. Finally, when I thought all hope was lost this large, multicoloured... erm Eagle, yes and eagle landed upon my head and I immediately awoke, feeling like shit."

"A large multicoloured Eagle you say? Are you sure? It sounds to me that your spirit animal is the Butterfly..."

"No! It wasn't a butterfly, it was definitely an Eagle... a Butterfly. Ha! As if..."

"Regardless, I believe your animal guide is the Butterfly. Stop! Its The Butterfly, OK? Good! The Butterfly is one of the most emblematic totem animals symbolising personal transformation. When the butterfly presents as your totem, you must pay close attention to the areas in your life or personality that are in need of profound change or transformation. Perhaps, this animal totem guides you to be sensitive to your personal cycles of expansion and growth, as well as the beauty of life's continuous unfolding. The most important message carried by the spirit of the Butterfly is about the ability to go through important changes with grace and lightness. So there you have it Zapata, the spirits have spoken, you need to be more open to the changes in your life..."

It could be that Zapata was a closet cross dresser, but he didn't give off that vibe, Aurelain Mote had a keen sense for people who were Transvestites ordinarily.

A butterfly, nature's quick-change magic shows; beauty, elegance, grace. And it turns out my mother wasn't completely wrong; wormy, to some extent. I was once a larval slime, refusing to do the dishes or get my life in order, but through a lengthy period of near-comatose inactivity I have grown into the Right-Hand Man of a large crime family. I simply cannot deny how true of a story that is. Thank you, Big Chief. 

Kuku imbibes the tribal, herbal confection, and enjoys its effects.  More used to powders and pills that send the brain into hyper-activity, but counterbalanced with the "downer" effect of alcohol, what he is currently experiencing is different.  Deeper.  His thoughts seem to be getting replaced by each new thoughts - a systemic immolation of thought.  He hears someone say "Kuku, what would your spirit animal be?"  Kuku starts to think, aware that he has lost a thought, and that with each new thought, he would lose another.  Nevertheless, he begins to speak...

"What spirit animal would I be?  Well, I was first of all going to say a dolphin; they're bright, sociable, and can be trained by place explosives.  But I'm a pacifist, and also a mammal, and if I was a dolphin, I wouldn't be able to visit social clubs in and around the cities in this society.  And an elephant is simply too big; I would need a much bigger car, for a start, and even though I have a driver, it's still unlikely that I'd be able to get parked outside my HQ.  So, I think I would be a Western Gorilla.  I'm big, and strong, and hairy.  I'm quite a frightening presence, but also like bananas.  I also have a high fibre diet and have been known to work with tools.  Crucially, the Western Gorilla, has been noted for indulging in homosexual activities.  Something that I would like to have the option of doing.  I did a long stretch in prison, and whilst I managed to resist the temptation of the "prison punks"  that was largely because my late father was the wealthiest mobster in the history of the mafia, so he was able to pay lady guards to visit me and facilitate release.  If I get sent to jail for a longer stretch, I'd like to be a "Great Ape" so that I could be "gay for the stay" but through choice.  Being a large aggressive gorilla would be a double whammy: the predatory homosexuals would be too frightened of me, and I'd also project sufficient menace to be able to manipulate a man into being by "bitch."

Kuku looks around, shocked at what he's just said.  Well, I am what I am... 

Big Chief Aurelain Mote just stares at CommissarKuku, a look of abject horror on his face. Drugs, in moderation, could be a good thing, but some people just couldn't cope with even the simplest of mind altering substances... still, the tribal herb would not bring out that which was not within in the first place.

Commissar, as much as I commend you for your desire to link with your spirit animal, I think you may need to leave the interpretation to the experts.  Whilst there is indeed a Gorilla animal Totem, it does not mean what you think it does... thankfully. Family-oriented, intelligence, strength, environmental protector, keeps peace through aggression are all aspects of the Gorilla Totem. Now, if you would like to try again and join me in the meditation, I'm sure we can divine your true animal totem? And then if you want to go and explore your new found urges afterwards, I'm sure Nipper would be only too happy to indulge you. 

Goldust - well, let me ask you?  How would you define falling in love?  It's been said that you know it's happening when all of the poetry and song lyrics make sense.  And I think that's apt.

And when I look at you, I think two things: fuck the pain away and I'm treading water; I need to sleep a while; My lamb and martyr, you look so precious; Won't you come a bit closer?

Aurelain Mote was taken aback, so much so that he never even noticed Kuku using his old name, a definite break of kayfabe in anyone's language. Whilst openly pansexual and perfectly comfortable with his sexuality, there had never been that kind of attraction between them. Possibly for the first time in his life, Aurelain Mote was at a loss as what to say. 

I... well... ummm... firstly let me say this Commissar, I am honoured that you would come out to me, and equally honoured that you would choose me as your first, but the truth of the matter is that I have never thought of you that way, and right now you need someone who will treat you right, nurture your feelings and help you become the man you are destined to be, not someone who would fuck you and then leave you. The right person is out there for you, and I'm sure, they would be only to pleased to give you your happy ending.

I think yo have the wrong end of the stick my dear Commissar, there isn't a homophobic bone in my body, and have you seen how I dress? There is certainly no masculinity there. My rejection of you is based solely on the fact that I don't find you attractive, in any way shape or form, you don't even have a wonderful personality like Sao does. So at the risk of offending you, please find someone more on your level to be your 'catcher', perhaps Robert Paulson would be more open to your advances. Now if you don't mind, I'm a tad busy at the moment.

Aurelain Mote sighs in exasperation... homophobic indeed, that's like accusing Yaacob Meir of antisemitism.

Goldust - rub a DUB DUB

VoxNeruda drags an old tire over to Goldust, a sweaty look of desperation on his face.  

Hey Chief c'mon man let me hit that pipe.  I'll trade you for this tire.  It's a good tire, no holes in it or anything.  Just sure would like some of that oskeeweewah you guys are passing around to help take my mind off some things like my entire existence.

VoxNeruda, the sacred Ceremonial pipe is not just a way to get stoned, it has a long and proud tradition amongst my adopted people. However, if you wish to take part in the proper ceremony, and seek your animal totem, gods know you could do with some guidance, then I will be happy to guide you through your vision quest.

Well then let me scrape the residue out of the pipe when you guys are done so I can smoke that at least.  Come on man let me get just a little bit of that.  You're giving all these other guys some.  I'll even get you one of those animal totems if that's what you want.  I don't have it with me though, I'll have to run home and get it later but I'll get it to you.

If all you are looking for Vox is a high, then I suggest you see Nipper, he runs an opium den, something that not everyone is aware off, he no doubt could fix you up with a bowl that would smack you round the face like giant limp penis. Tell him to put it on Zapata's account and I will square him up later. I don't think roadkill is quite the kind of spirit totem people are looking for.

However, take some of this herbal tea with you, just to get you over the hump, wouldnt want you failing to make it to Nipper's once the DTs kick in.

VoxNeruda graciously accepts the tea from Goldust and looks forward to smoking it later back at the shed he had been staying in.

Appreciation, Mr. Goldust.  I hope you all enjoy your spiritual experience here today.  Before I go though, you think I could get 10k to play the harty?  I can double it if I win.