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Stepping out of the bakery, Richard is seen wearing an apron and glasses. Yes not to out of the ordinary but for someone who at times appear in a leopard leotard, it's kinda odd.
"This is what I have to share with you all. I know it's not normal for this to happen but I have began thinking to myself a bit. When I was a young mobster, I always wondered what it would be like at the top of things. You know, having your own family, representing a fine Godfather/Mother, having a bit of respect when you walk down the street, and hated or loved people still kissing your ass regardless. You know, the good shit."
Richard takes a hit off his famous blunt
"I always had this perception that once big time, life was golden. Cash flowed, women offering sexual acts involving exotic wildlife, dwarfs feeding you grapes while the handicapped waved paddles to keep me cool knowing god damned well big forest leafs work way better, and much more pleasing on the eye. Anyways, I'm getting caught to deep into thought. I think anyone who has ever totted a gun, slapped some dick for extortion money (no not pleasure), or even tossed their younger sister on the corner for some extra funds has often thought about it. So why not share a bit myself?"
Dick Smiles
"You know it's not easy being cheesy... Or a CL for that matter. You know the thought of those sexual acts with the handicapped and the primate waving big leafs to cool you down while vikings feed you grape stories are just that right? Stories. Whatsername actually feeds me grapes from time to time, but that's the extent of it."
Deep breathe, exhale, pass gas quietly and continue speaking as if the podium squeaked a bit
"Another perception I remember having is that if I ever did become big, if I was ever given responsibility, life would be SO MUCH EASIER! No more hard work! Instead I'd task everyone to do everything for me while I sit back sipping martini's and masturbate while bird watching. Something about Robins that just tickle my inside. Yet another myth. In fact, it's twice the work, twice the responsibility, and twice as demanding. You don't just hop into some magic pumpkin while some fairy gives you a hand job doing 5 mph down a dirt road while pixies fly from the trees. No, you build from the ground up. Just like you did when you first arrived to these shores. Not only that, but your every move is watched and criticized. For example....."
Dick takes another hit off his blunt
"Well I can't think of one. I apologize but it's been 12 hours since my last joint. I'm wrecked."
Smiling Dick continues
"It takes a lot of patience to do what we do. I must admit though, I never realized it would be so stressful. Even after reading my ancestors journals from their experiences. Mind you when I say stressful, I don't mean it as a, "I swear if I get one more blinky, if I hear one more complaint from the family of sexual harassment, I'm blowing my brains out" sorta stress. I mean stress as in wanting to be that person Mafioso's look up too. Doing things the right way, attempting to better the community, making sure I please the Godmother in every way possible, even if it means dressing in a tutu and pole dancing in her lobby. Whatever the deal is, I want to be the best at what I do. Well let me rephrase that, I want to DO the best in everything I do."
"You know pressure is a mutherfucker around these parts. Each and every Mafioso experiences some sort of pressure from time to time. It only get's worse, but what makes a good leader is one that thrives under pressure rather then fold. For example, I was with this very large women the other night. She demanded to be in control, so I gave in. She climbed up on top and within 5 mins of deciding what the future holds in store for maybe the next 15 mins or so... (Just kidding ladies I'm an all nighter!!) I was under 250-350 lbs of pressure. Did I fold? Hell no. I mean my back bent a little bit from the waist up, but I found a solution. Instead of the bed we moved to the floor. Granted a bit more uncomfortable, but sometimes you have to sacrifice to get to the greater goal. I may have lost the luxury of comfort, but I saved my back from going out."
Dick smiles and stomps out the roach to his blunt
"So you see, if something goes wrong, or has the potential to go wrong, you must act fast and find a solution before you end up broke. It doesn't take no average joe off the street to run a family, but any average joe CAN run a family when properly trained and taught. A friend told me that once, yet I still don't see how that makes any fucking sense."
Deep breathe again
"Now I know your all probably listening to me and thinking, 'Well there goes that crazy Dick again, spitting his spunk all over the street.' I'm fine with that. I'm not doing it for those of you who have no sense of..... Never mind not worth my time. I'm doing it because when I was growing up in the world, I wish I had some things to prepare me here and there. Now I know this isn't much for you to go off on. However, hopefully it may shed some light on some myths out there about becoming a crew leader and it being cake walk from there. If that was the case, anyone could make it and last. When really the hard cold truth is, if your unprepared for the roles you throw yourself in, then don't be surprised to wake up with a ball in your mouth and a Twinkie up your ass with a note pinned to your shirt reading, "Kiss Kiss". No that has not happened to me just for reference. The dwarf grape thing yeah, but never no Twinkie... That's just nasty."
Dick lights another blunt while shuddering
"I just ruined the delightful snack forever with that image. My goal in this speech is to simply share the life of a leader for those curious as to what REALLY goes on behind the curtain. Of course, there is so much more I can go on about, but I wouldn't want to take the fun out of all you future leaders out there now would I?"
Dick chuckles and hit's his blunt again
"Well I hope yall enjoyed my ranting and raving. I shall now head back to my bakery where there is a fine peice of ass, I mean strudel, waiting to be creamed on.. I mean iced over." |
