Ladies and Gentlemen I stand before you to tell you a tale of my early morning walk around the city of St. Louis. By the time I am finished you will have a whole new outlook on our friends the Durdens.

This tale begins shortly after I woke up this morning, after reading my newspaper at breakfast I decide to go for a stroll down the street outside my office. After walking for only half a block I noticed a dark figure duck down the alley between two buildings. I proceeded to follow at a distance as I was not too sure what I was about to encounter. About half way down the alley I saw the figure step into a lighted area so I stopped and tried to focus on his face. After a couple seconds I realized who I was looking at. None other than TylerDurden himself. Quickly I started to back away so as not to be noticed, too quickly however. I kicked a bottle that was laying on the ground of the alley and made quite the noise. Looking up quickly I saw that Tyler had in fact heard the noise and got spooked himself. In his haste to make a quick get a way something slipped out of his jacket and he did not notice it. After a couple minutes, when I was sure the coast was clear, I walked over to where the object had fallen and noticed that it was a notebook. I picked it up and read  the cover which was written "tYlR DuRDn" in crayon and below that was "SeKritz of dA DuRDnz". Of course I was interested in what was inside so I quickly took off and headed back to my office to read what I had found.

I studied the notebook for the next few hours and I have to say I am quite shocked at what I have revealed. I now come to you to tell you a few of the things that you will be shocked to here. 

Things you didnt know about:

TylerDurden

Sleeps with a mickeymouse nightlight, eats playdough cannolis everyday for breakfast, slept with a cabbage patch doll in his bed till he was 26, has weekend getaways with a midget and a donkey(Dont want to know what goes on there), is afraid of cars so he rides around Delaware on a unicycle. But the biggest shock of all about Tyler was reading that he was raised by gorillas in the jungles of the Congo.

MarlaSinger

Eats her apple core when shes done with her apple, once put a slinky on an escalator to see which one would win, was arrested for stealing giraffe from the Delaware zoo, sneaks in to CharlieCrokers bedroom when hes sleeping and throws popcorn at him and last but not least, was once a man.

RobertPaulson

Uses a breast pump every day to make cream for Tylers coffee, hasnt had a bowel movement in 14 years. Once ate 4 whole turkey at the Durden thanksgiving dinner, likes to dress up as a donkey on the weekends and spends the time with Tyler?(Disturbing). Lost his left testicle in a boating accident while the boat was in dry dock and he still lives with his mom.

Durden Family Members

Are drugged out hippies sent from the future to spread peace and love, that doesnt seem right but thats what it says.

Well folks I hate to say it but Im a little afraid of the mentality of our friends the durdens now. Perhaps they will try to get us all to join their cult for a little kool aid refreshment one day, hopefully this sheds a bit of light for you all so you wont fall for their tricks. If you see a Durden shoot first, thats all I can say. 

Mrs-Doubtfire listened to Expendable about the Durdens and begins to laugh

"Wow, some very interesting facts there my dear. No wonder they aren't welcome in our world. They are all a big bunch of wierdo's. Nevertheless, you made me chuckle and not many people can do that for an old lady who has seen pretty much everything in her lifetime."

Mrs-Doubtfire begins to laugh again and walks away smiling as those new facts have made her day

It's quite sickening to hear how Tyler gets his coffee! :/

I had a feeling they were all hippies though, I feel like I "belong" when they are around. They're very welcome in my world! :D

Melis listens to all the revealing information.

Excuse me if I may. Does anyone know what time CharlieCroker goes to bed? I think I would like to watch Marla throw popcorn at him while he's sleeping. It sounds like some good entertainment if you ask me.