The Day Today

by Kirsty

It is with pleasure that I announce the launch of another newspaper.  This one will be completely independent, and will feature news, opinion, analysis and features.

The story behind this launch goes back some time.  SamAdams has apparently made almost $1.25M from the last three newspapers he has published.  That's gross, that's not including his outgoings.  So there are obvious bucks to be made.  In contrast, my series of interviews barely broke the the $400k mark.  So my aim is to be a bit like SamAdams, but obviously better.  

Time will tell if I manage that or not.  But I am pleased to announce that we have an excellent issue ahead of us.

To increase revenues, we plan to actually hand back 100% of the revenue that we receive.  As long as the money reaches us non-anonymously, we will send it back to you.  Anything that's left over, we will probably give it to a a few lucky readers anyway.

At this stage, we simply want to increase our circulation, so we will be running a series of promotions.  Watch this space!

A Trio of Retiring Goombas - What's the Story?

by Kirsty

What do DarkPhoenix, FatherKinley and Luther all have in common?  Well, not only did they all retire with 24 hours of each other, they were all Goombas and, strangest of all, they were the only people to retire in that period of time.

Not since the "retirement of the fantasists" has a series of retirements caused to such interest.

We contacted FatherJack for comment about FatherKinley's retirement.  When asked if he had anything to say, he said:

"nope."  

Interestingly, despite FatherJack's lack of comment, FatherKinley's funeral was the only one that was attended by anyone.

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR MORE ON THIS STORY

Mystery Surrounds Lawyer's Description of Gangland Slaying: Who is Grim?

by Kirsty

Matt_Murdock, a lawyer, based in Detroit, gave a speech in which he talked about a man he codenamed "Grim."  Grim, wrote Murock

" ...  ran an outfit out of the Midwest. Pulling strings and calling shots from an ivory tower constructed by his own hand. His fingers snaked their way into each and every little pie. Gun running, drug trafficking, hell, even murder. He even controlled the flow of information with a newspaper, personally cherry picking what was written and what was conveniently left out. That was where his true power was held. If the people are fed those facts over and over again, eventually they believe it, they don’t really have any choice in the matter. He was smart enough to pick the right officers and high ranking officials to dole out payments too and other then those he quietly destroyed, every one was happy with the arrangement."

Despite an exhaustive investigation, The Day Today has not been able to uncover exactly who "Grim" might be.  The only owner of a newspaper is SamAdams (a rival publication).  No other newspaper owner exists in this world at this moment, except for me, and at the time of writing, this newspaper hasn't been announced.  Newspaperman Adams is in Detroit, along with Murdock, and we are quite sure that he isn't talking about his own boss.

So who could "Grim" be?  And, if he was so bad, how would be manage to keep everyone happy with the arrangement?

I reached out to Murdock, but he rebuffed the offer of an interview, doing as far as to threaten this reporter.

Our investigation will continue.

Circulation Increasing Promotion - Quotes and Money!!!

by Kirsty

And to finish up, I had one of my reporters offer a large cash prize to the first person to send me a telegram with a quote for use in my newspaper.  This is what I received:

To: Kirsty
From: Edw*rdTe*ch
Sent: Apr 24,
Subject:

a quote for use in my new newspaper

Our reporter was unsure if the sender of this telegram was being serious or not, but we thought it best to conceal their identity.  We didn't send the money to them for this, we instead asked someone one of our reporters had recently beaten up to name an associate, with a view to giving that associate a large sum of cash.  The beaten up man didn't respond, so we instead asked the writer of the above telegram to do the same thing.  He gave the name of a made member of this thing, so we didn't give that person any money either.

Instead we gave almost one million dollars to Matt_Murdock.  Salut, Matt, look forward to the interview.

Your accountant makes note that $980,000 has been wired to Matt_Murdock from your account. The note "For the use of your name and story" was included.

SO that's it for today, but The Day Today will be back, maybe not every day.  Please tip generously, and remember, I will give you all of the money back and also give extra money to other people.

CORRECTION: Matt_Murdock did NOT threaten out reporter.  We apologise to Mr Murdock, and will pay him compensation.

Your accountant has made payment of $980,000 to Kirsty. The note "I want no part of whatever it is you’re doing" was included.

I’ve told you no multiple times now. At this point this amounts to little more than harassment. I don’t have a price because I don’t need or want your money. Like I stated before, I want no part of whatever it is you’re doing.