MobGov – Knowledge Is Porridge

MobGov Survey 1 Results

Question 1 - I mostly get my news from

• The Sewer Pipe – 56%
• Coffee Shop Gossip – 0%
• I Don’t Care For News – 44%

Good news bad news for Master_Splinter and his Sewer Pipe.  Over half of respondents cite The Sewer Pipe as their main source of news but 44% of those asked don’t care for news.  Absolutely nobody got their news from coffee shop gossip which sounds slightly suspicious and probably needing a larger sample size.

Anyway, does this mean people don’t care for Master_Splinter’s sensationalist style and are looking for a more serious tome or don’t care because it takes away from the robbing, stealing and shooting? 

Maybe if Sam-Adams was interested he could sponsor a future survey.

Question 2 – Chyna is awesome because of:

• The handjob promise – 22%
• The boobrub experience – 11%
• The phenomenally buff bid – 11%
• The way she oils herself up and squeezes me – 11%
• Her porn video with X-Pac – 11%
• She’s the beacon of hope and kindness in this world.  Anyone who hurts Chyna deserves the most painful of deaths – 11%
• She absolutely isn’t – 11%
• All the above – 11%

Opinions of Chyna’s awesomeness are wide and varied extending far beyond the simple suggestions laid out in the survey.  Handjobs are definitely a vote winner so she should be offering more of these, although not to Mr/Mrs/Miss “She absolutely isn’t”.  The option of oiling and squeezing could maybe turn that particular frown upside down.  It’s not for MobGov to say but the beacon of hope etc is maybe someone looking to graduate to oiling, squeezing and maybe more. 

Chyna’s PR representatives are welcome to approach us to discover more of this in MobGov Survey 3.

Question 3 – Can you ever have too much pudding?

• Yes – 11%
• No – 89%

Great news for the various cafés, restaurants and establishments such as La Crme Anglaise.  Respondents believe that too much pudding is not possible, so keep rolling out those custardy treats and keep Dr Zahara at the custard institute busy with her research.  La Crme Anglaise now offers the calorie free Vidic range of custard so feel free to visit and sample all that it has to offer. 

Question 4 – Where should the next churro stand be built:

• New York – 11%
• Chicago – 33%
• Los Angeles – 11%
• Seattle – 33%
• Las Vegas – 11%

Following on from the pudding question, potential great news for citizens of Seattle and Chicago.  Planning permission for churro stands in both of those cities has been sought and plans drawn up.  The Churro Collective appreciate all feedback received and aim to provide a great churro experience for all customers.

Those of us at MobGov appreciate all of those who took the time away from raiding their granny's biscuit tin to take the two minutes to do the last survey. 

This week we delve into

• Right
• Whether Grin-07 is really the bad luck charm in Chicago OCs or does Zapata/Elodin/Nipper have the hex on that particular nugget.
• Alcoholic desserts
• Jail showers
• And hot off the press - anonymous hitlisting.

MobGov Survey 2 – Enter here to take part in our next anonymous survey – Sponsored by the Jail Reform Society advocating for body wash in the showers

Oh boy. It is finally time to check whether I am the community's favorite or not ! 

George Galloway is a better man than Charles_Barkley.

Kirsty - is that a request for a survey question?  I'm flattered that you would even have me in the same bracket of verbosity and pomposity.

Charles_Barkley....I'm not sure what the scope was regarding the people who responded to your survey, but from my point of view....even ignoring her hand job promises, Chyna is just awesome at everything!

Really interesting surveys, keep up the good work on this.

SeanCallan, the results show that there are some other people who agree with you.  I'm a fan of silence being complicit approval so I'm happy for you to assign the silent majority to the "Chyna is just awesome at everything" camp.

Charles_Barkley, I do not see this as bad news, merely confirmation of The Sewer Pipes position as the main source for Shit stirring currently available. The News game is never easy, and regardless of how impartial you seem to be, it is unusual for you to have 100% readership. 44% of people in this life don't care for the news, so they may simply be discarded, I could have a Page 3 lady, and Page 7 fella and free Lego twice a year when you collect 2391 vouchers and they still wouldn't care about the news. The important stat here is the other 56%. Of that 56% who have an interest in the world today, a full 100% see my publication as the pre-eminent source for that news. There simply put isn't another Snoozepaper in the 7 cities that comes close to our readership. And whilst some would argue that a mere 25 respondents is not enough to create a legitimate survey, I prefer to thank my 302 readers for their loyalty during these trying times (Based on the current number of mobsters living in the 7 cities at this time).

I want to think you for including my superb publication in your little poll, and bringing further awareness of its existence to the wider public, for as they say, no publicity is bad publicity.

Thank you for your kind words Master_Splinter, we at MobGov appreciate any and all feedback.  We endeavour to keep our finger on the mobster pulse, although as current events evolve sometimes that pulse ceases to be responsive.  As the only publication of record at this moment we wish you the best of luck with your endeavour. 

When MobGov has researched other “snoozepapers” of note we came across such tomes as the Gwarble Barble.  If that ill-informed periodical can reach at least thirteen editions then your excellently researched and delivered effort is certainly destined for runaway success.  Although I feel that had the recently departed Sam-Adams been up to the task, hurried prepared bulletins of “War in Freedonia – more as we got told more” could have kept the population slightly briefed.

MobGov feel that a symbiotic relationship with the press is beneficial to all parties, we will happily conduct paid research putting the questions that need answered out there.

May your 56% grow forever more.

When you see Right you should look the other way