Dancing into the streets, in such an erotic manner that Women blush, men stand to attention and children flee in terror, looking resplendent with his Purple mane, Sir Ubercorn, Knight Errant, 1st Baron of Illinois, and High Proxy to the Royal Court of Fidd, takes his place at a podium bearing the High seal of the House of Fidd, before being flanked by the majestic Royal Guard.

His Royal Highness, the most noble and Exhaulted High King, Fidd, first and last of his name, Ruler in the North and king of Illinois by Divine Rite on this day, the 10th of June, in the 7th day of his reign, issues the following Proclamation.

"My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen, Knights, Pot-bellied serfs, swill-drinking peasants and paunchy rump-fed flap-dragons. Today mark's the 1 week anniversary of my coronation and rise above mere earthly men and trumpets. As I look out across Chicago from my Palisades I can observe much rejoicing and revelry as you, my lowly subjects celebrate coming under my beatific and benevolent dominion. Therefore, it is with much ease that I issue this, the first of my Proclamations, to celebrate what has undoubtedly been the highlight to your tedious filth filled existences to date. Henceforth, June 3rd shall now and forever be called Fiddmas, and shall be declared a public holiday, with much celebration ensuing. On Fiddmas, as a sign of our Majesty, you shall be entitled to draw upon 1 days salary from your HQ, regardless of where in the United Kingdom of America (Henceforth rebranded as the UKA) on the understanding that it shall, in whole, be spent upon wine, food and wenching. Together we shall go forth to vanquish the Maiden, free the Dragon and spank the Monkey."

And so ends this, the first Proclamation from King Fiddy Fidd Fidd, King of the Angles, King of the North, Peace be Upon Him. I, the Grand Proxy shall tarry for a while to answer any questions that you may have. Please form an orderly queue.