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| The Mafia Tribune - Mar. 2 | Started by: Mary_Livermore on Mar 02, '08 19:40 |
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Headlines City Hall Construction Crews Incapable? Once again a representative of City Hall came to the Streets warning of disaster. A source in the City Planners office has said that Squishy and his cohorts were imbibing in alcoholic beverages while planning city expansions across the river. There were rumblings of clocks breaking, sidewalks buckling, and a strange smoke coming from Squishy's home. Is the end of the world closer than we think? Conspiracy theorists are carrying on about UFOs and strange creatures walking the Streets at night bleeding the life out of those found asleep in the alley. Is it all just a hoax or is a new future around the corner? Rumour has it Ganelon was seen sprinting from Squishy's home in search of springs, vegetable oil, large sheets of plastic, and harnesses used for attaching horses to a carriage. No reasons were given for the materials he sought, only a wry grin and a look of excitement in his eyes. Has Vendetta James finally got him to expand his knowledge and imagination? FullMetal has not been seen for days, short appearances from behind the door of his office uttering painful sonnets about his beloved Mario and the loss he is feeling now that he and Mario are growing distant from each other since they stopped taking their weekends off to run away to their favourite camping spot. New Captains Appointed This week saw rise to some new captains in this thing of ours. Opening up in Las Vegas is the up and coming star The Jack of Hearts. When he took the time to step out onto the Streets and address his adoring fans he said "Yeah, this is my kind of town and I've got some big plans for it. Look for us in the streets and the bars. This won't be business as usual as we will flaunt the law at every turn and plan to do it right in the face of the local fuzz. Feel free to join in our exploits as you see fit." Cab Tufting of Chicago announced that Ralph Pryke would be taking control of the East Side follow the announcement of his city's new "jail taxes". In a surprise move some are calling an attempt to stand up to the majority CP leaders and remind them who he is Mr. Tufting has expanded his power in Chicago. Some call him the dark horse that will save the day, others call him an idiot for standing up to those stronger and more powerful than him. Chicago Jail Taxes Implemented March 1st saw rise to taxes in Chicago. Current city leader, Cab Tufting, made a bold and unheard of announcement regarding the breaking of friends, strangers, and family out of the Chicago City Prison. "As of now, Chicago is off limits to anyone jail breaking while I, AD or my Captains are awake. Of course, those Mafioso that do fill jails, if we are online, drop us a line or catch up with us in the Partisans coffee shop and let us know you are filling it. This will allow me to keep a tally of how often you offer your services and will obviously exclude you from this ruling. So, in summary here, gone are the days of benefiting from others generosity in Chicago. There are plenty of Mafioso around that offer their services, I would suggest you use one of them and make sure to let us know if you are filling the jail in Chicago. This way, we know not to single you out when we see you thrown in." Chicago Business District Tax Begins As many have tried to in the past, some successfully some not, Cab Tufting, leader of Chicago has brought about a new tax that will cost those that frequent the business district in the Windy City. From now on if you own a Chicago business and are ranked Earner or above and not a resident of Chicago it will cost you. The fees are as follows: Earner - $25,000.00 per week. Wise Guy - $50,000.00 per week Made Man - $75,000.00 per week Capo and above - $100,000.00 per week When announcing this bold move Mr. Tufting said, "Yes, that's right, there is no charge for you until you hit earner. But I will expect the rest of you to pay your way on a weekly basis unless we have a prior arrangement, but I have spoken of this already. People I know and bloodlines my bloodline has dealt with frequently in the past, you know who you are and can consider yourselves exempt from this tax." Supervillans Loose in the Streets It seems someone forgot to get dressed on Wednesday morning. A masked bandit was spotted running through the Streets wearing only his jammies and a towel tied around his throat. Kerney, member of POC's L'Esercito Del Formaggio, came forward with his theories this stating, "A Super villain is a variant of the villain character type often found in comic books. Super villains often have colorful names.. *cough* Cheese *cough* Prince *cough* Sorry about that.." Is this masked bandit Prince of Cheese? Has his cover been blown by his own? The Catholic Church of Torres Martin Torres has proclaimed himself Pope Torres the First. He has written his own doctrines for his flock to follow. In this bold move Pope Torres has abolished vows of chastity replacing it with a new motto "What happens, happens." Replacing Lent with a feast that will last 40 days instead of the traditional fasting and penitence in preparation for Easter observed by Catholics around the world. Pope Torres has also changed the way exorcisms will be done, "Exorcism will be practiced quite differently now as well. I, or a priest, will dip our hands in holy water and slap the hell out of that demon that possesses your soul." Pope Torres has also done away with nuns on the premise that they "scare the hell out of him" alluding to his childhood experiences of being woken up in the wee hours of the morning by the sting of a ruler breaking across his buttocks. At the same time he has abolished the Ten Commandments that our parents taught us so well. They will no longer apply to the pope or members of his church. "I am allowed to cuss freely and the Ten Commandments no longer apply to me or you. Instead, their shall be one great commandment, what I say, goes. So if it looks like chicken, taste like chicken, is chicken, but I say its goose, its goose. Also I would wish to be called you Popalancy and no longer your Excellency. I am to good to be a king, in fact kings kiss my ring or what's left of them anyway. I am allowed to have multiple wives as well." He has done away with the forgotten language of Latin and has made English the official language of his church. The new Pope carried on to explain that he will not be kissing babies only those attractive women which make up our community. One of his goals is to set an example of physical excellence by being "the most buff, handsome, youngest, and stylish pope to date for those of you who say "How will other popes will remember me?" Could this be the beginning of a new way of thinking or a revival of those long forgotten from other worlds? Will we be seeing the streams of midgets from the Far East arriving and being funneled into his church like cattle to a butcher? Only time will tell and we will be watching. No More Freeloading While Cab is Around.. By Tamelo Cab Tufting has this week come to the streets to stop freeloaders once and for all. Gone are the days when you will benefit from other peoples money. No longer will you be allowed to JB in Chicago unless Cab himself or one of his captains says you can do so. Proof of purchase is now required. Following the corruption of the 6 cities police you can now tip off a guard for as little as $1 to round up all the bums sleeping in the streets and throw them in the local clink. This has brought on many mobsters busting people out of jail for fun and as proof to their bosses that they are ready to take a step up the ladder of the family. He has however thought of the little guy as well. He accepts that not every man and his dog has one dollar for the luxury of sport and has therefore excluded Civilians, Thugs, Gangster and Goombas from this ban. He also states if he or his captains are not in the local area or asleep at the time, you are free to save some poor soul from Bubba. He would not like to see anyone having a ten-minute stint with the jail resident. He has also stated for those who do not know any of the cites crooked police force that a fee can be made payable to him and he or one of his associates will get the 'crackdown' commenced. So to all you gambling addicts out there, perhaps it is time to put some money aside if you want to have some Bubba fun in Chicago Orwell - An Interview By Charles Wickens The society in this world of ours has all been wondering one thing, why did CP auth one that didn't wear the CP tattoo? I set out to find the answer to that question from the authed man himself, Orwell. I came upon him in a local coffee shop, weary from a day's effort of finishing off the final touches on his brand new establishment. Charles Wickens: First off, the big question, you were authed by a CP boss, would you consider yourself an element of CP? Orwell: Ah yes, the burning question. Orwell: Honestly? Not at all, my bloodline was authed by the Badass, Inc. Leader; and that did not make him a Badass, Inc auth by default. As it is, I've been authed into a complete separate city. That is not to say, however, that my ties with CP are cut. Orwell: The affiliation between CP and myself must exist for a stable leadership, I feel. Orwell: The leadership of the overall community that is. Charles Wickens: Of course, we've all seen what happens when those ties go thin. What kind of things are you looking at to attract people into your leadership? Orwell: In terms of becoming my members? Charles Wickens: Yes. Orwell: Generally speaking, I prefer members who will approach me and so on, rather than myself or my Right Hand having to reel them in. That being said, I've been told my conduct in the streets has played a factor for some wanting to join me, I hope this is the truth. Charles Wickens: Do you plan on keeping up your presence on the streets? Or do you believe running your family will take up more of your time? Orwell: For me, both hold a huge weight. Street presence is essential in this thing of ours, but not if achieving it results in me neglecting my family. I truly believe, and this is something I plan to act on rather than talk about, that inter-family relations are of paramount importance. Orwell: A great man once told me a leader worth his salt knows the Christian names of all his associates, and I plan to live by such a standard as a Leader. Charles Wickens: So you'll be running a family, not a crew? Orwell: That's correct. Charles Wickens: Do you know how they decided to raise you to power, and if so, would you care to elaborate on it? Charles Wickens: I mean, there are no lack of intelligent individuals at their disposal. Orwell: Again, I've been told my street presence, something I've worked on a great deal, has played a major part; and again, I hope this is the truth. Of course, I'm not completely naive, I do realise other factors play a part. Charles Wickens: What sort of force are you putting upon your family members? I know we've had leaders in the past who've let their own run free, to no avail. Orwell: I expect my members to act with common sense and take logical actions, the lack of step-by-step rules in what to do in every situation my HQ is testament to do this. Charles Wickens: Intelligence is a factor for admission, then? Orwell: The people working for me are criminals, mobsters, they do not need to be mollycoddled and told exactly what to do at every juncture; it is patronising and unnecessary. Orwell: I like to think so, yes. Charles Wickens: What are your thoughts on the supposed monopoly CP has on this thing of ours? Orwell: I think monopoly is a broad and subjective term. Charles Wickens: overwhelming control, then. Orwell: If there is such a monopoly in effect, it looks as though CP are trying to self sabotage; with the auth of 2 non CP leaders in Vegas, and the three non CP captaincies which have been granted. Charles Wickens: But as you said yourself being a non-CP auth, are the ties not still there? Orwell: I would agree, to an extent, that CP have overwhelming control, though my previous comments can be stated as fact, it is also fact that the CP leaders have most strength in their hands. Orwell: And yes, the ties are there, but similarly, my bloodline has ties with United Nations, the Old Kingdom of Amber...there has to be a line somewhere. Charles Wickens: And finally, is there anything you'd like to say to the staff of the Tribune or its readers? Orwell: To the staff: I hope the outstanding work continues expect my own belated contribution this week Orwell: To the readers: Keep your eyes to the skies. Charles Wickens: Death always comes from above. A Coffee and a Bullet.. By Tamelo This week has seen an old argument rear it's ugly head. Where do the coffee shops stop and the streets begin? Altitude shot Orwell in the head over a dispute about a family member and his mumblings in the shops. Orwell is rumoured to have told Altitude that he would not HQ a member of his over something said in the more relaxed coffee shops. Altitude obviously did not agree with this course of action and Orwell paid in blood for his mistake. Now, people seem to let their hair day more in the coffee shops, almost have a different persona, but following these events can it continue? There have been various comments from various people about this matter. I myself stated that I felt that the blur between these places is not a good thing and proper codes of conduct should be put in place to stop this ever happening again. It seems for the time being the leaders of our world are happy to let this blur continue. Whether this is right or wrong only time will tell.. From the Tribune Kitchen Chicago-style Stuffed Pizza Ingredients: 2 teaspoons white sugar 1-cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C) 1-teaspoon active dry yeast 3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, divided 1/2-cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C) 1/2 cup yellow cornmeal 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 pound spicy Italian sausage - browned, drained and crumbled 9 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/3 cup diced pepperoni 1/4 cup chopped onion 1/8 cup chopped green bell pepper 1 teaspoon dried oregano 3 cloves garlic, sliced 1/2-cup tomato sauce Directions: 1) To Make Dough: In a small bowl, dissolve sugar in 1 cup warm water in a separate small bowl combine the yeast, 1/2 cup flour, and 1/2 cup warm water. Mix together and let rest in bowl for about 20 minutes, until foamy. 2) Meanwhile, in medium bowl mix together remaining 2 1/2 cups flour with cornmeal and salt remove half of this mixture from bowl and stir 1-cup sugar water into bowl. When well mixed, return second half of flour/cornmeal mixture to bowl and mix all together then stir in yeast mixture. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 12 minutes. Place dough in a lightly oiled bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let rise until doubled in volume. 3) Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C). To Make Stuffing: In a large bowl combine the sausage, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, pepperoni, onion, bell pepper, oregano and garlic. Mix well. 4) Press half of the dough in the bottom and up the sides of a lightly greased deep-dish pan. Bake crust in preheated oven for 4 minutes, then add the stuffing mixture to the bottom crust and cover with top crust seal edges together with fingers, and trim excess. Slit top crust to allow steam to vent during baking top with tomato sauce. 5) Bake on lower rack at 450 degrees F (230 degrees C) for 45 minutes, or until crust is golden brown. Remove from oven and allow cooling for 5 minutes, then cut and serve. DRINK OF THE WEEK: Bloody Brew 1 1/2 oz. Vodka 4 oz. Beer 4 oz. Tomato Juice Dash Tabasco Salt and Pepper Pickle, Green Bean, or Celery Spear and Lemon Wedge to Garnish Aunt Madge's Bleeding Heart Dear Aunt Madge, My problem is that most of things in nature have got their natural color. We can't change them. Why it can't happen that we could change a flower's color as we wished? Signed, Dull and Colorless Dear Bland and Boring, Ever hear of paint? Sincerely, Aunt Madge ~~**~~ Dear Aunt Madge, My mom told me that I was grounded for 6 months after I set some stuff on fire in my backyard. What should I do? Signed, Lil' Pyro Dear Pyro, Make sure your parents are sound asleep by dosing them at dinner, and then torch the house. Life is too short to be spent shackled to others' whims. Sincerely, Aunt Madge ~~**~~ Dearest Aunt Madge, What do I do if my boyfriend dumps me? -Annie Friedlander Dear Annie, Simple. Kill him. Sincerely, Aunt Madge Tribune Fundraising The Tribune is a community newspaper that is supported by the community. In order for us to pay our reporters we need your help. We would love to be able to reward them for their efforts financially unfortunately we cannot do so at this time. Currently our budget sits at $100,000.00. No money from City Hall will be used to support our venture. Please help feed the reporters and keep the newspaper alive. We would also like to start holding contests for those in the community to benefit from, unfortunately as you can see our bank account doesn't exactly support that. So please, dig deep into your pockets and help us bring back something that our community was so proud of at one point. Make all donations payable to Mary Livermore. Classified Section Submissions can be made to Mary in the form of a classified add and are open to all members of the community. All ads are free and will be run in one issue only unless written notification is given. Ads will only be run for a maximum of two weeks before a new ad is required to replace it. All classifieds have a max word count of 150 to conserve space. Each ad will cost $10.00 per word and all payments can be made to Mary Livermore. The following areas are open for advertisement: BUSINESS ADS - Advertise your growing business here. Have a bar or restaurant? Want to create new business opportunities? Start here! PERSONAL ADS - Seeking the Mafioso of your dreams? Want to meet up with Mr Killer Good Looks? Need a nice Moll for those social occasions? Advertise here for free and watch your dreams become reality. CREW ADS - Are you recruiting? Is your crew closed for new recruits? Want to tell people what kind of gangster you are really looking for? Place your advert in the Tribune and let the whole Thug community know what you want, need or desire from your future crew members. OBITUARIES - Have you lost someone near and dear to your heart? Do you want to express your sorrow and wishes to their families? Does their funeral not pay them the respect they deserve? Here is your chance, place an obituary in the Tribune and share your feelings freely. |
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That was a bit sensationalist ey? It felt like News of the World. Me and Cab are long time lovers FTR. -Jackofhearts- is not a captain either, he is a full leader auth. Other than that, a decent piece of literature. |
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| Reply by: PrinceofCheese at Mar 02, '08 19:54 | |
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| Tabliods are far more intresting than broadsheets, but you have to accept most of it is not accurate or based on fact. | |
| Reply by: Vodoo at Mar 03, '08 15:31 | |
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| POC you know everything i think you should give the writer alot of tips what to write about ;) | |
| Reply by: LilWayne at Mar 03, '08 19:01 | |
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| Great read. Thank you very much again for the time and Effort. | |
| Reply by: BobMarley at Mar 03, '08 19:20 | |
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A fine read indeed I hope to see the news grace our streets more. Keep up the good work. |
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| Reply by: BrokenMan at Mar 04, '08 02:06 | |
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