After completing my first job, and hopefully sending a message to the Montague’s that the serious business people of New York are not to be bothered,  I was off to celebrate with the beautiful Mara Greenglass. How I was able to land the daughter of a rich prominent businessman at my first upper-class party? I actually have no clue, but I somehow made it to her home.

When we arrived, the first thing she did was offer me a glass of the finest red wine I had ever seen in my life. I felt very spoiled. She started to give me a tour of the home. The first two floors seemed dedicated to office space. These floors seemed to be decorated for a man and his associates, so I was very curious as to who exactly was living here. I assumed potentially her father would be living here as well. But then it dawned on me, maybe she was married? I hadn’t asked. Was I supposed to? After all, she asked me to come over, not the other way around.

The third floor was even more peculiarly decorated. A gun collection would be an understatement. The walls were covered in full arsenal in some parts. I hope they aren’t loaded, and I hope I wasn’t going to leave with a bullet in my butt.

tbc

The more time I spent with this woman, the more I came to realize she was absolutely batshit crazy. After seeing the large displays of guns and weaponry that clearly wasn’t hers, I finally just asked her if she was married. I should have known this night was going to end weirdly when she told me she was, however, her husband was a tool who was never home. I should have walked right out, although the fine wine played a part in my bad judgment call. Plus the fact that she was literally all over me, I couldn’t help myself. At this point, I was just extremely inebriated and making bad decisions all over. She brought me to her room, things started to get heated, if you know what I mean. A few hours later (yes, I said hours), we were both half asleep when I heard the front door open.

“Honey, I’m home early”, I heard from downstairs. My adrenaline immediately started pumping. I nudged Mara to get up and deal with her husband while I figured a way to get the hell out of here. She didn’t budge, so I took matters into my own hands. I went into her closet and I grabbed two scarfs, then went back and tied her hands behind her back and blindfolded her. I explained that if she was able to get me out of here unnoticed, things would go smoothly. That’s when I heard him walking up the stairs towards us.

“ Bring me a glass of water before you come upstairs, please.” Great, a few extra moments for me to think. This is the part where I got really greedy and why I truly am MrWonderful. Instead of slipping out through the balcony and climbing my way down, I headed across the hall to grab one of these guns. I wasn’t going to be the one with a bullet in my ass tonight.

tbc