Ronnie was sat in his office, smoking and drinking again, when his male secretary walked in with a letter. Drake wouldn’t allow Ronnie to have a female secretary, after all she wouldn’t be able to work properly if she was always mesmerised by Ronnie's sexiness. Ronnie snatched the letter and opened it, the letter read; “You’re not even that sexy.”  Ronnie would often get these letters but this one infuriated him. 

Slamming his fist into his desk Ronnie shouted “GET THE FUCKING BOX! We’re going outside to let these ugly cunts know I’m sexy.” He said in a very serious tone. He stood up and walked out his office and onto the street with his secretary following him behind and placing the soapbox onto the floor, Ronnie stands atop of it and clears his throat. 

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are as good as I am sexy. 

Im here today to address a letter I received from an unknown assailant. All it literally says is I’m not even that sexy. Somedays I feel as if the general population of this thing of ours are blind.” Ronnie says before adjusting himself, a woman in the crowd faints. 

“Anyway. Today I am giving back to the community. Today I am willingly letting you and all of your friends bask in my sexiness. All these fake claims from people uglier than clarkson saying they are as sexy As me. When they aren’t even sexier than Dean. And we all know I’m sexier than dean. I’m like way sexier. Atleast twice the sexy. Minimum.

So people of the streets! Bask! Bask in my sexiness and hope that some of it rubs off on you! I can see a few of you in the crowd definitely need it to rub off on you. I’ve seen roadkill that looks more appealing than some of you here.” 

Dean hears Ronnie mouthing about how much sexier he is than I, well sir. Dean walks out into the streets.

"Everyone knows that I'm much sexier than Ronnie, and I will be especially good looking compared to him when you've been beaten and defeated in my upcoming tournament. As a matter of fact a new prize will be given to the man who knocks out Ronnie Radke! A $500,000 bonus will be given to the man who lays Ronnie on his back side!"

Dean winks at Ronnie, "Let's hear you talk when you look like roadkill!"

Ronnie glances at dean then smirks. 

“You only offer that bonus because you know it to Ben true. Although you are a very sexy Man, I’m just better. There’s no need to be angry Dean I still love you. It changes nothing I promise!”

"Oh I'm not angry my friend just need it to be know that though you aren't ugly you will never be more handsome than me. I am a gentleman you are a wel...  don't make me say it my friend I care for you too much."

“Say what Dean? That I’m the sexiest man alive! The vast majority of the people already know this! They’re just afraid to admit that someone is sexier than them. And I understand them. I do. But there must come a time when they admit it. It’s the first step in being sexy.” Ronnie scratches his chin then laughs a little 

“Maybe I should start holding classes on how to be sexy! Although not everyone can be sexy. Some are destined to look like shit. Take Bandito for example, he has more wrinkles than a crack heads One dollar bill. Sometimes I hire a prostitute to hit on him to make his day somewhat better. After all I do take care of my friends. When I’m not taking care of people’s mothers that is.”

Hearing how Ronnie mentions him, Bandito grabs his chest as if having a heart attack. The pain the words bring is almost unbearable. 
After having gathered himself, Bandito begins to speak.

I know I’m not the most handsome guy on these streets or even the best dressed, but I know one thing Ronnie! My fists are as deadly as you are sexy and if you keep speaking on my name I’ll hit you so hard you’ll change sexual preferences and actually be thankful our Beloved Drake allowed you to have a male secretary.

Ronnie looks to Bandito and laughs hysterically before going completely silent in seconds. 

“Bandito if that were true you’d have entered the fight! Or maybe you did. I don’t remember. I don’t care either because let’s face it. I’ll win. If not the fight then I’ll still be winning by being the sexiest man alive. I’m sorry I broke your heart buddy. But she was cheap. And you needed to feel the warmth of a woman. Or she might’ve been cold. She did look like she smoked crack through her butt.”

Bandito smirks

Hey don’t talk about your mother like that man, not cool. She was very gentle.

Ronnie gasps dramatically and grabs his chest almost feinting 

“How dare you spread lies about my mother! She is and always will be a virgin! You sir have a nose almost as long as my penis after that lie!”