THE PIONEER 

Hello cats and kittens I'm honoured to be bringing ya'll the maiden edition of The Pioneer. This will be a weekly paper  filled with the news and hopefully laughs for all of you fiesty felons,  I'll tuck into the week's heated debates  (what could go wrong) . It's time to get up close and personal with the famed mafioso's filling these star spangled streets. I hope you all enjoy this read so before you shaft that schlub or bust your homie out the bad boi House take a seat and feast your eyes. 

For inquires 

Hit me up directly HERE

Now before we get into it I just want to say this genuinely is my first go at something like this. It's been a rough week for a lot of us and I just wanted something different that's a bit fun but I also want you guys to tell me what you want to see going forward and if it'll last. So with that in mind be gentle with me but critise away constructively

And to everyone who helped much much love. 

STREET BEEF

Now unless your name is jono and have been living under a rock since Liverpool last won a league title then you'll have noticed the streets have recently erupted into a dirty free for all. All manner of people from Don to civilian have strapped on their waders and took to the streets in assault or defence of their comrades. I even traded a sweary word and a zinger here and there myself. Yeah I'm bitchy like dat..

This all stemmed from the death of Douglas_MacArthur who's competition hung in the balance after his untimely death (Rip Dougie).What followed made a gangland bust up look like a 14 year old girls slumber party. Insults were traded feelings were hurt and the competition was cancelled after the main man Grin timely intervened.

What's your view on the current state of the streets who's sinning and who's winning?  Next week will be the masses response to this debacle.

Might be worth noting an ad for a street sweeper and a binman with the trash talk going on. 

Where you part of it? 

What did you make of it? 

Mail me and I'll continue this article next week. 

Just remember if you are in the streets wear knuckle dusters a face mask and BE RESPECTFUL.

Mud throwing in the streets has become an art form and it would be truly rude not to show you snippets and quotes from the best dung singers the mafia has to offer get your little black book out and take notes here's some truly wonderful insults. 

To paraphrase the wonderful Winston Churchill, “Tonight, I may be drunk, but I’ll be sober in the morning and you’ll still be a cunt.”

This historic burn was brought to you by Deadset and aimed at Anton

you reveal yourself to be the uncouth vulgarian that you are.

Anton had a bit to say about deadset himself the word wizard dropped this well worded howdoyoudo... Uncouth? Awww SNAP

I can vouch for the fact that Cromwell is a dick.

Even Nipples managed a below the belt sucker punch to dearest  Cromwell how rude

This will never stand I'm sure of it keep an eye on those obits criminals! 

This week was truly magnificent for skulduggery, malarkey and around general arseholiness sprinkled with a pinch of buffoonary. 

If you're a square and missed it all get an old pair of dungarees and wellies on and get knee deep in slanderous mayhem it won't be hard to find. 

 On that scrumptious note I have an interview with my guest of honour  Anton self proclaimed leader of the streets. 

Selena - First of all thank you for attending anton!

Anton - My pleasure

Selena - Let me firstly ask how do you the proclaimed leader of the streets view the current situation on the streets?

Anton - I think the Streets are very lively. When one looks at how busy they have been, one cannot help but be enthused. Many people hark back to a golden age of the Streets - and it is true that there have been periods of times when they have been busier, but nostalgia is endemic in this thing of ours. The truth is that the Streets ebb and flow. Conflict attracts interest. It's just a fact. Could anyone have predicted that so many high profile people got involved yesterday? Passions were inflamed. It felt "old school" and I liked that. The numbers speak for themselves. It was an excellent few days.

Selena - Do you feel this is a catalyst for more to come? For me personally seeing so many old school bloodlines taking to this streets is encouraging.

Anton - I believe that it can do. Leaders are very busy people, but they should take the time to come to the Streets. Whether it's a catalyst remains to be seen. My hunch is that, yes, the uptick will continue, though perhaps not as sharply. Grin-08, Curtis, Scousepole, Cromwell, Clarkson and others command the attentions of others.

Selena - And what would you say to any newcomers who understandably would be apprehensive to enter the streets it can be an intimidating place with you lot there.

Anton - Reach out for help. Speak to your sponsor, your CL, or me. Come to us with an idea. Understand the rules. And I would ask that CLs adopt an understanding approach to honest transgressions.

Selena -  Awesome! Okay last question Anton

Anton - OK

Selena - It's a tad more personal I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to touch on the hostility you receive, Do you think people take exception to one singular 'leader of the streets'? Has a situation like this worked before? And do you think you are the man for the job?

Anton - Hmm let me think .People have taken exception to my bloodline for generations now. I refuse to complain. For some time now, my bloodline has been protected and powerful. That incenses some bloodlines. Whereas once they could shoot with no consequences, now they cannot. Whatever spin they put on it, that is the truth. I believe that I lead the streets by setting the tone, contributing, financing and funding initiatives. My record speaks for itself. I am tabloid fodder, and I understand that, but I have a broadsheet understanding of the Streets and an academic journal level ability to assess the inhabitants of this thing of ours. 

Selena - I don't think anyone could ever disagree how much you put in when it comes to the streets anton friend or foe, thank you so much for your time today.

I would like to touch on a point Anton made here. I would hazard a guess that so so many people have points of view and ideas that they would like to share but are not confident enough to voice in the streets. IF that person is you go to your CL for help your city head or your sponsor,  WE WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. The street needs new blood and old to thrive. 

​​​

5 man crew what's your view

Now say what you want about Grin of Chicago 8th of his name but part of his legacy that'll be remembered will be the addition of 5 man crews. Genius? Madness? What's your view on this? 

I personally tip my hat to Grin for this yeah sure it's been hit and miss with some but the clear picture is if you work at it you can thrive. Just knock on the door of FatherMacklePenny or Anton who have grasped their chance and ran with it! Kudos gents. Surely the success of these men encourage more people to have a go?

But on the flip side however there were a couple of 5 man crew leaders who unfortunately didn't have the same good fortune my good friend Vanya and Boozer were gunned down. The reasons vary so I'm not going to stand here and guess. What I do know is the streets lost out on Vanya and Dean's passing as the highly anticipated fighting tournament was left leaderless and in disarray. SADFACE moment for sure, I personally was looking forward to beating the breaks off my fellow bishes. 

Now my personal opinion is this is just incredible for anyone on the fringes looking to step up! Will it always end well? Fuck no some of you are straight crazy. I bet most  would struggle to run in a straight line never mind a crew,  But what the powers at be are doing is giving you the chance dim-witted or otherwise. Feeling hard done by fancy going bold? 

When life hands you melons... Make melonade march into your cls office and tell them big bird is flying the next you're heading for the big time babbyyy. 

Just remember people anyone can get a 5 man hq but not everyone is able to navigate the waters successfully. 

On a personal note Seattle would love to see if anyone fancies stepping up to the task and joining us we have a wealth of experience and a dodgy bloke named jono you can pet him but DON'T FEED HIM. scousepole fancy tempting him over to your hq with a steak bake and shiny things? 

Now wasn't that a weird tangent to go on. 

Back to that 5 man thingy this is welcome in all cities and we sure would love to see this utilized more. The fee will even be waived if you fancy doing business on the later hours between 2200 hours still 07a00 sounds like a sweet deal to me! If this gets your motor running then by all means inquire with your crew leader, DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES BOI. 

COMPETITION CORNER

This aptly named section will bring you the week's juicy comps contests and tournaments. I would like to be in constant contact with the regular brain boxes who arrange these so I can promote them for an overall good experience for us all. Also winners will be getting a mention and maybe even an interview and a big pat on the back! 

With that fresh in your devious minds LSD has started a tasty looking writing competition with unbelievable prizes 

The deadline is the 19th of August and I'll drop you guys the deets. 

​

1st Place - 25 Credits, 1 Quad CA, 1 Super VIP, 3 Normal VIP, 5 Hangover Cure Perks, 3 Durden Mappings, and 500k CASH

2nd Place - 15 Credits, 1 CA, 1 Super VIP, 2 Normal VIP, 3 Hangover Cure Perks, Pickpocket Perk, 2 Durden Mappings, and 300k CASH

3rd Place - 10 Credits, 1 Super VIP, 1 Normal VIP, 2 Hangover Cure Perks, 1 Durden Mapping, and 200k CASH.

Everyone who enters the Competition will also receive a reward!

(All prizes and participation rewards will be given out at the conclusion of the competition. Payouts can be claimed by next of kin with verifying information)​​​​​​

If that doesn't tickle your fancy then you need to have a serious word with yourself,  throw that writers block to one side and catch the competition  craze lameo. Contact lsd for further questions

Poker Tournament
10 Players

Sunday, Aug 17th 3:00:00 MR Time

Buy-In 500k + 100k Starting Chips

Blinds 2.5k - 5k

NO Re-Buys

1ST 2,375,000 + Table Chips

2ND 1,650,500

3RD 700,500

Please Message CarloGambino For Information/Sign Up

Now this should get some tongues wagging amongst you cray cray gamblers every Sunday its poker baby! Quit losing on dice for one damn day and get on down to the poker table with Carlogambino and the rest of the lads for a friendly game and get those chips in! 

Rogue-a-thon

 Okay let me set the scene! Your gun is cocked and loaded you're baring down on that sonmahbitch rogue or his dastardly side piece roguette your rhythm is on point the feeling is good this is the time to. Wait. what someone steps in and blocks your shot MOTHERFU...

Before you know it your scrambling around looking to see what quick fingered douche done you wrong! 

Sound familiar? Thought so. 

Now unknown to me the winners will not be posted so let me give you a list of trigger happy buzz kills that ruined my day

(abuse directly or indirectly sent to these people is not only fine by me it's most definitely encouraged) 

LouisVuitton  (we were supposed to be friends) 

KingLouis  (two Louis in one day, not had that since ibiza 2016)

massimo ( aka the flash NOT IMPRESSED) 

Defender (will need defended if I get my hands on them) 

Suffice to say the tears were blinding me writing this with one solitary rogue kill I'm crawling into my bed to eat my weight in ice cream with my cat

[Footnote]

I just want to say here how much fun I had with this. I know it's far from perfect it was all done on my mobile (can you imagine the pain) and I've been so ill I've barely slept in 2 days.

I'm completely new at this so if you guys want this to continue it will get better and I'd love a partner to help and the whole community to give me ammo to hopefully just give everyone a laugh or at the very least something to read. 

Thanks everyone who's been so supportive 

Much love as always

Louis' are killing it....I like the sound of this Ibiza place

Well done, Selena!

Well written and concise. I look forward to the next edition.

Cats.... Cats and... and Kittens? Bah, that is down right racist. I should HQ Enid just because you made me so cross. Canines of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your collars!

Hate... me? How is that even possible? Everyone likes Duggee Hugs. Well I'll tell you this for nothing young lady, you won't be getting your Newspaper Editors badge now, I'll tell you that for nothing!

I'm fully house trained I'll have you know

Very well written and informative. It's nice to see a fledgling newspaper hit the Streets again! I hope you keep it up. Thank you for your hard work and time taken in publishing this.

You’ve done yourself proud there Selena. For a new paper this was an excellent read. I think with the possible addition of a salacious undercover reporter, to increase the factual inaccuracies, and a few more editions, this could be a truly great production. 

Great effort Selena. Very concise and to the point.

I personally liked the streets being active this week regardless if it was mainly a bitchy argument about a contest. You can criticize Anton all you like, he is theatre. 

Tad was walking down the street when he passed a young man selling newspapers. It had been some time since he read a good newspaper, in general it was difficult to find much that was too good on the streets. Although there was a recent influx of some interesting work...

"Here kid, I'll buy one." He said as he handed the kid a twenty, "Keep the change as a tip kid. Don't stop hustling till you get to the top."

He smirked as he walked off and began to read the newspaper on his way to the office...

"This is pretty good..." He muttered to himself while on the elevator up to his floor.

As he made his way into the office, he greeted his secretary and pushed the door open into his office. There was plenty of time for him to finish reading the newspaper he picked up on the way. It was quite a good piece of work for the first issue and he hoped to see more in the near future.

He called his secretary in, "I'm going to be writing a letter for the creator of this newspaper. When I'm done I'll put in in an envelope, but I'll need you to get it in the mail for me. Besides that it is business as usual." 

She smiled and nodded at the request before returning to the waiting room...

To whom it may concern,

The Pioneer is a fine piece of work and something that I believe these streets has been in need of. I hope to see more work from this newspaper in the near future. I always need something to read in my free time when I'm between books. This easily filled that void for me. Informative, entertaining, and a good length to it. Along with this brief letter I'll be sending along a donation that will hopefully assist in producing the paper and motivating you to continue on with your great work. My ancestors have worked on a newspaper or two through the years and I'm glad to see somebody else putting out something of true substance.

Appreciatively, 

TadKnackered

He took the letter, folded it, and placed it within the confines of the envelope. Before sealing it he went over to his safe and took out a bit of cash to add to the envelope. It wasn't an amount that would make the eyes go wide, but he hoped it would still be appreciated. With that he went out into the waiting room and placed the sealed envelope on the reception desk....

"There it is. Please make sure that gets put in the mail as soon as you can. I'll even happily extend your lunch break a full half hour if that is the best time to drop it off." He said as he turned to make his way back into his office. 

Tony gets a copy of the news paper.

Excellent read! Can't wait for the next one.

Sprinting through the streets trying to evade the latest person who took his wondering hands the wrong way. Out the corner of his eyes he spots Selena and a pile of newspapers. He stops and grabs one to read down an alley while keeping an eye on the streets. 

He bellows from the alley.

Selena great read, keep up the good work and I look forward to the next one.

Very nice paper. I look forward to seeing how it progresses.